http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?blogId=84 random thoughts on living / existing when u make love to me, its like u reach in and grab my soul, my fears, my desires and dreams. i know sex baby. this is too much more and some times i cant bear it.                                                   saying this she left to find herself, i have my own journeys ahead. something about this song that reminds me a lot of her.                                              In aankhon ki masti ke, In aankhon ki masti ke mastaane hazaaron hain Mastaane hazaaron hain In aankhon se vaabasta In aankhon se vaabasta afsaane hazaaron hain Afsaane hazaaron hain In aankhon ki masti ke Ek tum hi nahin tanha, Ek tum hi nahin tanha ulfat mein meri rusva Ulfat mein meri rusva Is shaher mein tum jaise Is shaher mein tum jaise deewaane hazaaron hain Deewaane hazaaron hain In aankhon ki masti ke mastaane hazaaron hain what is it about russian roulette that has fascinated me from my early teens i wonder. you have only two options, you either die or you laugh at death. one things for sure, theres an intensely orgasmic satisfaction in playing hide and seek with death.        http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=931&blogId=84 Sat, 18 Sep 2004 15:48:19 +0000 I am really pissed off, most people think I have lost it, I know have streaks of madness in me but they know apeshit about my streaks, what they are referring to is something else altogether, everybody I speak to (except for him, ofcourse we work together and he has a certificate to prove he's lost it) thinks that I am taking too much risk, some even want me never to meet them because the cops must be on my heels already and after eliminating me in an encounter will go after them because they were associated with a terrorist who was trying to understand and present the predicament of a community. I am told by reliable sources it won't be very difficult to prove that I was actually involved with terrorist organizations intent on bombing poor civilians. Snoopy people cannot be tolerated and am curious as hell, comes naturally, allright I do get carried away and might learn more than I need to, but to be threatened with elimination? For instance I recently discovered that we have an active cell in RAW which specializes in counter terrorism of a unique kind, after communal riots and large scale mayhem, the survivors are obviously smarting for revenge, what better time to identify the potential terrorists? The cell then swings into action, fanning out as recruiting agents for the various terrorist organizations looking for potential recruits, any one who's eager to avenge his sister's rape or mothers killing or is even sympathetic to the cause of revenge is identified and filed. Next time a chief minister is in trouble or an important promotion is round the corner a successful encounter will clinch the deal for you, the list of sympathizers is a ready reference just for such times. Do I know too much already? Hmm probably not but I must watch my ears and remember to shut them before I find out too much. Well I was sharing this bit with an upstanding member of our society, an industrialist, a family friend and until a while ago someone I looked up to, he promptly shut his ears and told me not so subtly that if responsible people like him stand by me they risk harassment after my elimination. In other words my elimination is a foregone conclusion and I am making life difficult for other upstanding members of our society, I must think of a way to ensure that others don't get into trouble on my account he said sagely. He even added that others might not even want to meet me in their offices. Which world am I living in? Mr. Moore you are goddamned lucky u are an american, u can take bush's ass and mint millions, poor tejpal didn't know what hit him when he broke the defence scandal, poor guy, he went to sleep dreaming of glory...i am told hes survived and thats reassuring for the moment. yea right, I am not too practical, infact I am downright naive, but hell I don't know how else to live. http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=659&blogId=84 Sun, 01 Aug 2004 12:33:52 +0000 wait just a moment in time freeze the movie in your mind put aside the whispers filter out the doubt look into my eyes ignore the muted shout don't you wish to melt away? into the golden sun? don't you want to whisk away, and have a little fun? aren't you sick of pain and fear inside your life all I know inside of me I want you as my wife I'm tired of the race I'm ill with blank disgrace I want the world to leave us be I want the world to set us free take my hand and smile you can let those tears fall I'll make it worth your while and always give it all through good and bad I'll love you through thick and thin I'll stay from the blinking of the sun to the fading of the day and in the night I'll hold you until the sun appears I'll take away your sorrows, and cast away your fears so let our love combine and let our spirits soar just take my hand within yours and I'll love you evermore http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=647&blogId=84 Sat, 31 Jul 2004 06:26:38 +0000 She walks alone at night. Trying to figure out why it's so hard to fight, Why she has always tried to suppress the thoughts in her head, the ones that wish she was dead. It seems that all was cold and dark along that path to her heart. It seems that no one could see through the mask, could see the hidden struggle and everything goes back to the start The beginning when all fell apart the time when all broke down, and the tears could not be heard, but the pain lingered on, gasping for air as it sucked all joy from her heart. She could not even whisper her longing to be held, her longing to forget, her longing to be heard and loved. She could not even face her own body, her own face as she woke. She was alone She was alone because no one would ever know what made her cry, and die and turn to ashes inside. Because the silence was her only hope, her mask of joy. To understand - She lost herself that day. She lost all trust. It was too much for her small heart to take, too much for her small mind to forget. Can it ever go away? wont it? depends on us aint it, it will take us down as much as we allow it to. The more we hide the more it envelops and overwhelms. Damn, the fear of letting go. http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=644&blogId=84 Fri, 30 Jul 2004 17:07:23 +0000 When you are old and grey and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep; How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face; And bending down beside the glowing bars, Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled And paced upon the mountains overhead And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.                                             Yeats he already said it better than i could and this mood thing is irritating, goddamn, i might not want to tell what my mood at the moment is. http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=622&blogId=84 Wed, 28 Jul 2004 11:44:13 +0000 Time to retreat into silences http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=236&blogId=84 Wed, 26 May 2004 08:08:33 +0000 afternoon, fading ennui thoughts of impending eve a moment of inSpiration, lets chat As if there were company. your words, sleepy saLiva, run down smooth and effortless cupped hands of mine maneuver dripping droplets alreAdy dreaming of nosTalgia. dare i interrupt the flow. oh no! don't ask as If you expect an answer. dancing eyes and drugged fOre lip my words are false. i said doN't ask. oh, you insist! well, this is the way it is. i hAng on to every word of yours twisting, turning, memorizing and wheN you insist, i repeat them inverted, subverted, meaninGless groans, and hearing your own wordS thrown back aT you, you yelp in ecstasy. soul mates! you cry; soul mates! in salvation anxiety, dead donne did defeat death eliott left his head on the platter and sade made friends with the mermaids and they left us to dribble letters and to derive games out of words this is no comparison, you are heavenly if it comes to that. yes i mean. sanity and spotting moon and fading afternoon. i see the impending eve. your words now embedded, composed to music. now our conversation becomes animated. my memory fails now and then. and your words thrown back at you take you by surprise no more mere groans. some of them i mean. a hint of fear! let me console. fading ennui. impending eve. warm hug and meaningless words of sanity. lets talk then, you and I. you first. I'll hang on to your words. I am a good conversationist. as if there were company. afternoon, fading ennui http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=226&blogId=84 Tue, 25 May 2004 09:12:30 +0000 sitting on a cross road precariously hanging for my dear life, what to be is the question that stares at me. I could be a modern artist, living on the wall looking at life lived by others, feeling with them, feeling for them yet remaining untouched by the emotions, dont misunderstand me but i can cry for humanity, only. as for me i am the artist, immune from lifes cares. i will emerge from my crevice every once in a while to see your cheerful face, i do need it you know, but dont hold my hand for too long, for then i will notice your open mouth as you eat and the warts on your ass, they can be ugly from a perspective, was i cruel, oh i dont mean to be, see i told you i am fucked up and best when in my den puking out profound observations. Isn't creating art the artists holy duty? Or should i be the son, the farmer, the father, the lover, giving up the global perspective for the human touch? yes i will have warts too, make loud noices when i eat with a open mouth, make corny passes as you walk with a lazy gait. a character with frailities but a living breathing figure and a bundle of emotions. to be or to be? http://blogs.fullhyderabad.com/showblog.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=212&blogId=84 Mon, 24 May 2004 09:42:31 +0000