Levels of abstractiveness
baap | 29 August 2004, 5:34pm
I grow closer to them
They recede farther from me
With intention do i do this
A cruel motive for a sort of peace
Every time they laugh due to me
A smirk hidden charged as a fee
Everytime they share a secret
A wicked smile across is kept
Trust i have to lost to the one i trusted
Love i have lost to the one i loved
Alliance i have lost with the one i fought with
I traverse the horizon between protection and filth
Rhyme in this verse is not true
For if it rhymes, you have the wrong clue
Trust no more, love no one, fight alone
The moon, the light which is less, the Sun.
Singing of elevated prescience, sets limits
A roof on top to dam the highs
A floor below to uplift the lows
In this room of equilibrium are the seeds i sow.
A tribute to the light in a closed ending in a facial expression of exclamation!
PS: I thank the constant inundation of the story of a symbologist, Donnie Darko,the movie,and a budding rock star....(with long hair and some NBA description of his genitals), which helped me in conjuring this piece of abstract verse.
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Current Mood: Dumb
Current Music: none
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Old People & Long walks
baap | 25 August 2004, 11:16am
The Walk of Life:I share many fancies with old men, really old MEN. Im talking about senior citizens...here. I specify old MEN here, because all the old MEN ive known closely are/were (the shift between tenses comes with old age....excuse me...old chaps!). Old Women in my family atleast come from that generation where they got married off at the age of 13 and now shuttle between continents. Point is i don't share my fancies with them. I feel the need to specify the word "fancies" here, i can already sense the bloody smirk on those ppl out there, fr heaven's sake I AM one of them!
All the old men in my family Love Long Walks, i mean they walk/walked like crazy, deliberated on the paradox here. They are too old to run, but they walk distances unimaginable to the younger peppier ones. I love long walks, i can too walk unfathomable distances, if needed. I can walk and talk or not talk for hours and hours, talk about anything dealing with "why men love boobs" to "the range of the Trident Sub which is capabale of carrying 24 ICBMS and has enough weaponry to blow up the whole world forty times over!". Old Men like doing that. I love my past ----> Old men literally live in their past..."Before my retirement.....". I like such talk.
I realise though i am too young to think about shit like this....fr heavens sake...i like eyeglasses with a "large field of vision"?????? WTF! im supposed to be wearing those thick framed black "retro" (bullshit) frames..or even BETTER CONTACTS MAN! Theyr Cool...! BULLSHIT...i say! (woah old man dialogue right there...who would specify the "...i say"...OLD MEN!!!). Anyway..the fact is like walking, especially when the weather conditions are right, a slight chill is also acceptable...but NO HEAT!
I have walked with a lot of people, but very few of them were actually satisfactory...the others..were well just walks. These "satisfactory" walks ive had with people, i tend to remember be it exactly 1 year back or 10 years back! Firstly, i analyse whether the walk is satisfactory, if it is, i press record! There was this one time, when i walked up the steps to a hill in vizag with my grandpa...we saw a Submarine, talked about our family's lineage (BTW one of my ancestors was a Naxalite too...Awesome!!!) and stuff like that.
Off late though i havent had such walks, and i long for one, the weather too seems promising.Old men man, they rock!!! I respect anyone who was living during the invasion of Normandy, and knew about it then! Or the rarer few who could recollect their tales on the information media about when the Titanic Sunk. (A little over the edge, nah its till 2004, 11 years more to go to lose all HOPE :p...again sorry old ppl, no way to offend you in any sort..just too good to resist!)
ALthough i love walks, its ironic, i have FLAT feet, fuck! And they say flat feeted people can walk long distances, well this is a tribute (WINKS..to the old people) to all those flat feeted people : Keep On Walking.
PS: Hey thats the catch line of Johnnie Walker....again ANCIENT stuff there too...WOO-HOO...!
Current Mood: Itching For One
Current Music: Steppenwolf - Born to be wild
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A transcedence of Hopes...
baap | 24 August 2004, 9:26am
HIGH HOPES by Pink Floyd, probably the only song till date that has sent shivers down my spine. I entered my room, my sister was listening to it. She said she liked the song, i had never heard it before except for seeing its video for about 30 seconds. It was a cursory perception, generally i associate visual images of my own with songs...all songs i hear and i listen to.
But when i heard this song for the firs time in whole, especially from the 23rd second onwards, for some reason i was experiencing extreme FEAR of some kind. A fear i couldn't explain, i was inundated by one visualisation from the 23rd second till the 47th; I was walking in a dark place, a room of sorts with a lot of corners. As a child i was scared of the corners in my house, especially in the dark. I always used to expect, due to my wild imagination which was filled with images of ghosts n all, something horrific.
I was re-living that moment, over and over again for those 14 seconds. I was feeling extremely Chlaustrophobic, although all the doors and windows were open and the Sun was pouring in. This cornered room was a medieval one, something like a dungeon of sorts. I JUST COULDNT EXPLAIN THIS FEELING of fear, then came :
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
I was impervious to anything around me, I wasn
Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Pink Floyd - High Hopes
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Bored ppl do the darnest things....
baap | 23 August 2004, 12:45am
I was sooo friggin BORED...that I REPLIED BACK TO ME!!!! Jeez...Gotta get a friggin LIFE!
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Current Mood: Amazed
Current Music: Hatebreed - I will be heard
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The hierarchy of life.
baap | 22 August 2004, 1:46am
The hierarchy of life
Life as we know it resulted as a series of anomalies that took place with the least possible probability. Just about 4 and a half billion years ago, something happened that till this date (i.e after 4.5 billion years), we humans assuming ourselves to be the species "gifted" with intelligence, still don't understand. I have trouble when i see Scientists, biologists etc. proudly saying that Humans are the most intelligent creatures. Apart from the things that are said from the million repeats of the documentaries on Discovery Channel or Nat. Geo, that we have done this we have done that, there is GOD, there isnt GOD...blah blah blah. I have come to the conclusion that Human Intelligence was as anomalous to the natural evolution of the planet as LIFE was. So it is logical to assume that we should take our present intelligence for granted in a similar way we take LIFE for granted.
Today I saw a Piglet KILLED in front of my eyes, the little thing was scurrying about on the open highway driven only by an innocent instinct to explore. The same instinct Christopher Columbus used to find frikkin America or s'thing like that! No, it wasn't crushed under the wheels of some careless bastard driving his new vehicle and admiring how his/her car/bike was revving. But this pig-let came off the road and hid under a bandi walla, a guy selling egg-bondas! The guy got so furious seeing a piglet under his bundi, that he kicked the piglet, which resulted in a slow and painful death.
I see alot of gross shit on TV and on the Internet, and probably some of the things ive seen dont come nearly as close to that sight of a piglet being kicked by some "human" just because his god damn religion taught him to be intolerable to certain species of animals, based on some mythical story that in all probability DID NOT HAPPEN at all, but was a frikkin circus-shit-ass publicity stint to promote the religion and make it more conducive for propogation. Anyway, i justify my seeing this gross shit on the Net by saying that itll give me mental toughness to face up to real world scenarios, so that if something remotely horrific happened related to my life, i could react in a more sentient manner.
But i did not, ive taken myself beyond that point, of rendering myself mentally tough. I took the concept of LIFE for granted for that moment of time, a crime unimaginable to commit by a LIVING being! This all might sound vague, but the fact of the matter is, IT WAS VAGUE. I saw this piglet dying right in front of my eyes, and I froze. I wasn't shocked, but for a second, i admit: "I CARED A DAMN"! I literally could visualize that cartoon type scenario where u have an angel on side and the devil on the other taking forms of yourslef in a white garb and a naked red-skinned goat like human, respectively, and i was this Insignificant entity that stood and did NOTHING! That creature riggled away again under the bandi, and the guy who kicked it, was probably going through the same series of thoughts i was going through only on a more, either miniscule or exagerrated magnitude based on the fact that he was involved in its death.
What if, i thought :
What if that goddammed piglet possessed enough fucking intelligence to get the hell outta there, and go and soak in some gutter
What if, this guy was protecting his business by assuming that we, as his customers were being disturbed by the presence of that creature, and hence in attempt to shoo it away killed it
What if I HAD DONE SOMETHING, this was a godammn piglet, out of the gutters, which was very much capable of indirectly inducing diseases to me by me protecting it.
Until now i have no answer to the above questions, and i dont think ill ever have them. For some reason, this incident which according to the REAL norms of Human society, should be considered inadmissable, is bothering the hell outta me. It's creeping me out. I had 3 other people with me, could i have taken their help? Would they back off? If these questions were answered in that instant of time, i guess I would have gained something short of a Nirvana or something. But i didn't, i did not do anything, instead i weighed my options and came out with a series of abuses to the bandi wallah. Would that have helped in any way at all? I don't think so. The only compensation i feel is just to the demise of that piglet is that RIGHT NOW at this particular moment of time, that godforsaken bandiwalla is lamenting the same way i am right now.
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: None
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Family Man.....ME?
baap | 21 August 2004, 8:18am
A nice evening at home with the family is something i will always love...today especially there was this weird sense of absolute normancy in the house! I tried to break it by acting all crappy and all...but i had no reason to act crappy. The day was genuinely good today! It seemed ideally NORMAL. I am the last word in being NORMAL! If there was an award for NORMAL people i would get it! But i wouldnt want it because then i would be normal no more, apparently there is an award in some small town in britain for being Normal, Jeez the things Bored Brits can come up with!!!
Anyway...so yeah it was a perfectly Normal Day as far as maintaining the Family ties are concerned, i entered home...after college slept for about an hour went out with a friend fr a cuppa chai, and then when i came back home...i see my mom, dad and sis all sitting in the drawing room TALKING! I was like WHOA! What happened..?Who Died?? Which FD do we have to break now? Something had to happen, for them to conglomerate in the same room and FRIGGIN TALK man!
Talking hasn't been the high point in my family, i mean we don't believe in "Spending quality time with each other" and all that...(could have used the word bullcrap/bullshit....but i refrain from doing so...cz i realise that NOW alot of families actually do it!), with a father whose on the SEA 6 months in a year and 3 on land, all those 90-100 days are subconsiously realised as Quality Time...we know it but we dont say it....because once its said...somehow sounds like this "Hogan Family bullshit" where everything is soo Hunky-Dory n all!...YUCK i hate that in families..."Oh...you need to spend more FAMILY time, Lets Talk"...Doesnt work with me...although i do understand the necessity of it being thought of...but saying it explicitly...just fizzles all the genuine togertherness in it.
But today was a very rare DAY...apart from the balanced talk i had with my father about Doppler Radar systems his ships use, and my mom's gossip about the next-door neighbour's sister-in-law's niece's daughter's friend's cousin's next-door-neighbour's flopped marriage, me my mom n dad sat down to have a drink. MAN it was GOOD! I had 2 pegs of Antiquity Genuine Whiskey, and "did cheers" with me dad! My mom was cribbing about how the taste of bacardi sucks!!! Although later on, she filled her glass up 3 times over! She's high now btw, and my sister very "not-knowingly" and respectfully sipping on Thums Up...AH! it was a decent, noble, elegant, Family Night at Home..with the weather just right outside.
Sounds too good doesn't it, yeah it was....anyway Reality checks into Family Motel and screws it all up. The situation becomes humble -to- cut-throat in 5.6 seconds! Mom makes high-funda dialogue to dad ---> "Why do you always shun away from confrontation" kathey, and Dad turns a blind eye...and retaliates by maroing the crappiest chauvinistic dialogue ever ---> "If you respect me, you would listen to me" kathey. So basically:
Mom **Flips,.... stomps away to the bedroom , lights a fag**
Dad **Cares a Damn, sipping on his Antiquity Rare Whiskey with a plate full of "Allu Dumpallu and Gatti Pappu in front of him** ;
Sis **Confused on her being a teenager, and expecting a divorce, still sipping on Thums Up, tried to take a quicky of the Bacardi, I intercepted..MUAHHAHA**
Me **Saw it coming right from when i entered the house and saw the family sitting together, But Yee-haw i gotta DRINK! AWESOME**
PS: Lite on the divorce part, Teens man...theyre one confused buncha people!
Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: bill withers - loverly day
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Seeing a Man Cry...
baap | 16 August 2004, 11:51pm
I treasure those talks on a particulary cold night with a friend. The talks which last for hours and hours over fags and fags (excuse the use of nicotine...to all those already disgusted non-smokers....but a fag is an integral part of such conversations....although we all know it screws us up....i request these nicotine deprived people to leave it apart for now). Anyway, these conversations are sometimes so amazing that I try to keep souveniers or memorabilia just so that i can remember my...OUR.... thought processes at that particular instant of time! I already have a "Pledge Fag" which i have kept for about 4 days now..unscathed. Conversations like these usually range on subjects like Current Affairs, the Mysteries of Science, Religion, SEX!!!!, Human Psyche...etc. Those are all ok, but there are these rare times when the conversation becomes personal to either person.
Just about 30 minutes back, such a rare conversation occured which made a man cry. I refrain from revealing details of the conversation or who this man is, but crying while having an intense conversation is a testament to the trust you have for the other person, and most of these tear-jerker convos usually deal with the "other" person's life which you cannot relate to in anyway possible. But the one convo i just had struck all 6 chords in me...(assuming that i have full musical personality n all...Wateva!), this one made me also cry man...and i dont generally moisten up when someone else is crying...i take on the role of ConsolerMan!!!! (Its a tear, its a heavy voice...NO! its CONSOLER MAN!)...armed with dialogues such as "Its Ok man...Shit Happens"....but this time ConsolerMan faced the friggin Kryptonian of all potential tear jerking Convos.
Here we have two guys sitting in the middle of a Cafe (Cayf)...with my specks moist and his eyes wet.!!! Bloody Stupid scenario...DAMN! JEEZ....Anyway seeing a man cry brings out chivalry of the purest kind. Woman have the unexplaianble source of superhuman abilities while saving their offspring from danger...well MEN have this! And this form of expression isnt of any lower form. A man crying to another man is probably the ultimate bond of trust ever...which no friggin aquaintance" may ever achieve even if they pull off some cliff-hanger type stunt to save ur life or wateva (thats the priority i give to trust....Cliffhanger points!...it works like this..Trust according to me is measured based on when that same trust maybe used in the following situation(hopefully hypothetical!): If a person choses to save you life over someone else important to him/her....that person gets maximum cliffhanger points....VAGUE u say? Well i tried my best to explain it...!)
And a message to those people who get all awkward and embarassed" when they are faced by such situations.....ZERO Cliffhanger points to you!!!!!!!..NA NA NAA NAA NA NA
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Current Mood: Preachy
Current Music: Tears for Fears - Head over heels
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Through the Foliage....
baap | 4 August 2004, 10:52pm
Have you ever felt free like the tree
Standing alone, tall and in glee.
Have you ever felt merry unlike me
Standing alone not so tall waiting to flee.
The thoughts I think go through my head,
The words I speak through someone else.
Have you ever felt stabbed in the back,
It tickles it stings, you hit the sack.
My words are the leaves under a public spell
My thoughts the tree that can never be felled
Everyword that I say is asked for again
Everythought that I think is not thought again
For if I think these thoughts no more than twice
My words stay solid, it spells my demise.
Have you ever felt free like the tree
Greener lusher; No bluer than me.
by Zeba Applegate (+ 3,4 5,6 )
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Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Tenacious D - Tribute
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MUSHOMANIA!
baap | 2 August 2004, 11:34pm
These images have sent chills down my spine one too many times! The tortured subject here is called ".Dickhead".The following are the gruesome details of these pictures....Jeez! I have obtained these pictures after going through the ordeal of listening to what was happening and I had to document this event.
1.The subject is on the phone talking to his girlfriend
2.Notice that the phone conversation has caused extreme Muscle Relaxness upon the Subject. The legs are stretched out in a very weird manner and the hand is incapable of holding the communication device in a more practical manner.
3.Due to the Subjects position on the Bean-bag and extreme Muscle Relaxitivity, even the facial muscles seem to be affected. Notice the eerie smile.
4.Subject seems to be suffering from some form of Extreme hunger which drives him to the extent of consuming NON-EDIBLE and Toxic Metallic Objects.
5.The Facial Muscles are in a critical state. Any further subjection to this form of communication, may render the victim Speachless for an unknown period of time.
After these Photogrpahs were taken, the victim subjected himself to more of this communication, thereby considerably reducing his rational thinking abilities. Examples of these can be cited in an excerpt of the discussion below. The 2 participants are the Subject (Dickhead) and his GirlFriend (GF):
Dickhead: Ok i gotta go, my friend seems to be getting spasms listening to all this. ***Note: Victim is trying very hard to withdraw himself from the situation
GF: Ok, then Bye.
Dickhead: Bye
GF : Bye
Dickhead : Bye
GF : Bye
Dickhead... Bye ***At this point the subject's vocal chords seem to be affected thereby sounding like a Moan hence signifying the Pain.
The event lasted approximately 17 minutes, which have caused the following damages on the Subject.
a.The subject is left in a dazed condition.
b.Financial resources seem to have dwindled...by maintaing the communication channel open for such a period of time.
c.Subject has developed strong sexual urges at the end of the event.
After witnessing this horrific event, i have formally named a disease called "Mushomania" which is a hightened form of Schizophrenia due to over-exposure to Mushyness.
From various other studies conducted, it is apparent that the disease seems to affect predominantly the Male Species where the damage though temporary may lead to serious lack of reasoning ability which the SUBJECT is currently going through.
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Current Mood: Amazed
Current Music: Tangerine Dream - Theme of Tv serial
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