HMPH....kya boley
baap | 31 January 2005, 4:40am
Another Sunday Night, another exam on Monday.....another day yearning for those elusive "weekend trysts"...Anyway, apart from the un-necessary Weekend Mush...i just played the role, of the character seen in most blockbuster Action Flicks. The role of the "insignificant bystander", who changes the course of the movie....u know the guy who lends his phone/car/bike/life to those Keanu Raves/MelGibson/Bruce Willis/Arny....the insignificant guy who helps in the 11th hour, without whom the hero cannot save the world/get the girl/stop the aliens...etc.etc. Hmmm...weird explanation, but i just had to give a name to the role i played just 5 minutes back.
The story :
Guy near chai bandi...desperately searching for his lost phone, asks "chai amma"..in broken telugu. "mera phone ekkada undi"..
Chai Amma: "Naak emi telusu babu, ikkada enthi mandaru ostharu"
Guy: Arey maki kirkiri..phone kidhar gaya baap
Baap (Overhearing guy's anguish filled vituperations at everything around him including the dogs that are parked by the chai bandi cum chineeez rest-aur-rent waiting for that accidentally dropped, masala covered which would probably end its life within 30 days, chicken piece)
Guy: Arey chai amma....ekkada undi mera phone...nuvvu choosavaa....
Chai Amma : Arey babu, na pani chooskuntunanu...mee phonu chuduledhu....
Guy: Teri maki kirkiri
Baap: *minding own business..sighing on seeing the moon..hoping for that elusive weekend tryst
Guy:Bhai...aapkey paas mobile phone hai
Baap: Haun ji, hai tho mere paas
Guy: Mera phone ghoom gaya...blah blah blah yada yada yada
Baap: Call karkey dekhlengey
*Baap calls
*someone picks up
*Baap lowers tone...makes voice more intimidating
Baap: Arey babu...jis phone par aap baath kar rahey ho...wo aapka phone nahi hain...mein tereku pakadoonga...lekin agar tum bathoagey..tum kidhar ho...humara aur aapka time washte nahi hoga (thinks to himself *HMPH KYA BOLEY MAMA!)
*Guy: HMPH KYA BOLEY MAMA
Phone stealer: Arey kaunsa number chahiye rey....
Baap: Abhey...abhi abhi bola na rey...mere paas...phone number hain...tere paas kya hai...sirf phone hai...jaldi bol warna...dekh (*HMPH.....arey kya boley mama)
Guy: Arey wah wah..
Phone Stealer : Acha dusrey waaley ko diyo phone
*Baap gives phone
*Guy takes phone
Guy: Arey boss...mera phone dedo "dost"
Phone-Stealer:Ye lijiye aapka phone...
*Phone-stealer who happens to be guy's friend...arrives from behind and gives phone...
Guy: Bulley ke baal..maki choot..!
Phone-Stealer: Arey howley...fried rice khaney ke badh phone ko bhool gaya tu...
*Guy & Phone Stealer...full talking off as if they dint see each other for bees saal types
Baap (maintaining low intimidating voice): AHEM!
Guy:: Arey sorry boss...actually mera shop hai yousuf guda mein...aur mere dost...aisey nikley...aur mein phone ke liye dhoond raha tha...aur aap mil gaye....
Baap : Koyi baat nahin....phone mil gaya nah....chalo phir mein chaltoo...
Guy: Arey aisey kaisey chalte aap....kuch to lena eech padega...chalo Mere shop mein...50% discount....aap key paas tho mera phone number hai na (hahahaha)
Baap...(short)..hehe
Guy: mera Naam hafeez hai...aap kabich aaeeyey...aapka chehra..tho abh kabhi bhi nahin bhoolunga....
Baap (*HMPH KYA BOLEY MAMA)
After that baap...went back into the night, back home, back to normal life...filled with monday exam tension and sighs of elusive weekend trysts......his work was done...that of being the "insignificant bystander".
/\ \/
Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Bee Gees - How deep is your ....
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Ode On Indolence
baap | 28 January 2005, 11:38pm
One morn before me were three figures seen,< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
With bowed necks, and joined hands, side-faced;
And one behind the other stepp'd serene,
In placid sandals, and in white robes graced;
They pass'd, like figures on a marble urn,
When shifted round to see the other side;
They came again; as when the urn once more
Is shifted round, the first seen shades return;
And they were strange to me, as may betide
With vases, to one deep in Phidian lore.
How is it, Shadows! that I knew ye not?
How came ye muffled in so hush a mask?
Was it a silent deep-disguised plot
To steal away, and leave without a task
My idle days? Ripe was the drowsy hour;
The blissful cloud of summer-indolence
Benumb'd my eyes; my pulse grew less and less;
Pain had no sting, and pleasure's wreath no flower:
O, why did ye not melt, and leave my sense
Unhaunted quite of all but - nothingness?
A third time pass'd they by, and passing, turn'd
Each one the face a moment whiles to me;
Then faded, and to follow them I burn'd
And ach'd for wings because I knew the three;
The first was a fair Maid, and Love her name;
The second was Ambition, pale of Cheek,
And ever watchful with fatigued eye;
The last, whom I love more, the more of blame
Is heap'd upon her, maiden most unmeek, -
I knew to be my demon Poesy.
They faded, and, forsooth! I wanted wings:
O folly! What is love! and where is it?
And for that poor Ambition! it springs
From a man's little heart's short fever-fit;
For Poesy! - no, - she has not a joy, -
At least for me, - so sweet as drowsy noons,
And evenings steep'd in honied indolence;
O, for an age so shelter'd from annoy,
That I may never know how change the moons,
Or hear the voice of busy common-sense!
And once more came they by; - alas! wherefore?
My sleep had been embroider'd with dim dreams;
My soul had been a lawn besprinkled o'er
With flowers, and stirring shades, and baffled beams:
The morn was clouded, but no shower fell,
Tho' in her lids hung the sweet tears of May;
The open casement press'd a new-leav'd vine,
Let in the budding warmth and throstle's lay;
O Shadows! 'twas a time to bid farewell!
Upon your skirts had fallen no tears of mine.
So, ye three Ghosts, adieu! Ye cannot raise
My head cool-bedded in the flowery grass;
For I would not be dieted with praise,
A pet-lamb in a sentimental farce!
Fade softly from my eyes, and be once more
In masque-like figures on the dreamy urn;
Farewell! I yet have visions for the night,
And for the day faint visions there is store;
Vanish, ye Phantoms! from my idle spright,
Into the clouds, and never more return!
This was the poem "An Ode on Indolence" by John Keats. Amazing poem to begin with. I studied a couple of Keats' poems in School, and although when they were "taught" to me, they seemed boring, but surprisingly when i studied it for my exam they became extremely interesting to the point that it used to take me a complete day to fully
grasp what was being said.
Recently though, on a more deliberate quest to learn, I chose Keats because i had discovered that he died of Manic Depression due to lack of appreciation, failed love and a host of other factors apart from the fact that the guy was also a pretty whiney character. Anyways Ode on Indolence deals with how Keats sees an apparition of 3 maidens
while he is being...well..."indolent".
Why poetry baap of all things...bolkey someone asked (actually noone did, i just did)...The answer lies in the fact that one of my earlier poems has touched a certain "darker" friend of mine..that he wants to make it a sequel to "the one" by metallica...:p . Seriously though, i always have been unusually interested in Poetry...unusual
because...sometimes i think its a bunch of crap...sometimes i think it is "Poetic Genius is....all that is needed to triumph over the destructive, impersonal forces of the modern world" (Courtesy- A commentary on "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Elliot). I am not doing it in the name of academic flamboyancy also, which is again
unusual because generally all of this kinda stuff was read with that motive.
This was the first poem i actually, voluntarily chose to read...and I loved it! The language is kinda Archaic, people dont speak like this anymore..but it lends to it a very antique charm (:p). I first read the poem as it was written, decipher the basic jist of it..read it again to decipher it line by line..because Keats Poetry is like that..every line
is like a whole new poem! (Reference to "Ode to a Grecian Urn..wherein last line maroes "Beauty is Truth, and Truth Beauty..." which was apparently the most debatable line in Keats poems amongst those who studied his poesy"). Anyway, after reading it again and becoming more clearer about the images, sounds, tastes, textures basically the whole media content the poem has to offer. This is very important (for me) while reading a poem, otherwise i get nowhere with it (Reference to Tintern Abbey, where W W asks his sister to come with him and experience nature....possibly the most intense force of imagination involving real senses over there!)
I move on to read a formal commentary on the poem, to fine tune my analysis of it...because some of the language used gets by you.
The poem then....
The first verse describes how Keats, on one morning (i avoid describing the morning....that shall come later)....is disturbed to see three apparitions in front of him. The visions are of three people walking, as if on an "urn"...he can see only a profile of all three figures..and describes how they come recursively, one-by-one, as if he were seeing them while rotating an urn. He also describes the figures to be complaisant. This verse apparently takes reference from the other "Great Odes"....especially "Ode to a Grecian Urn" and also Greek Mythology wherein Phidias is responsible for making the Elgin Marbles....still have to find out about that.
The second verse shows, how Keats was disturbed by the fact that these shadows "creeped upon him" unawares. He asks the visions directly..why they have disturbed him from the ripeness of that lazy summer day...and accuses them of plotting silently to commit a silent task of "nothingness".....The verse also deals with his poetic description of his Indolence...and how his pulse is weakened by a mood of sobriety..etc etc. These are all superficial aspects of the poem, which are pretty good..but if the reader realises the underlying essence...its then u get a feeling of satisfaction...thats atleast what i felt...
The thrid verse is the beginning to the interesting part....Keats sees the apparitions for the third time now...and he takes serious notice of them...he describes them as a sort of evanescence...and his desire to get up from his current state of satisfying indolence to chase these visions. He then starts describing the 3 figures..for he knows them!!!!!
(Silent squeal of curiosity from the reader........)
The First is Love...The second Ambition..with a pale cheek.. The third, the one he loves the most, rather he feels extreme ambivalence toward is Poetry itself..."maiden most unmeek"...i like to think of her...as one who strides with her chin held high...
The fourth stanza is about his ultimate rejection of these three figures, to an acceptance of this indolence...he gives his justification:
"O folly! What is love! and where is it?" - He either is not in love...or is..but it is uni-directional
"And for that poor Ambition! it springs
From a man's little heart's short fever-fit;" - Ambition is mortal, it is temporary..and is more of an adrenalin rush than anything else.
"For Poesy! - no, - she has not a joy, -
At least for me, - so sweet as drowsy noons,
And evenings steep'd in honied indolence; - Poetry...he dismisses as being not as important as his "drowsy noons"..and 'evenings"
"O, for an age so shelter'd from annoy,
That I may never know how change the moons,
Or hear the voice of busy common-sense!" - " Keats was a sorta recluse
At this point i realised the essence, with a little help from the commentary...especially for Keat's rejection of the constant persistence shown byt the personifications of Love,
Ambition and Poetry. Especially in Love, I kinda figured..that Keats wants to stay away from Love....because he doesnt want to be involved in its "excitements"..because this excitement is characterized by indulging in yourself, your life intensely....I was awe-struck by that thought process...because I knew exactly what it felt like...to be
uncomforatable in getting to know yourself or psycho-analyze yourself too much while in the process of Love. A process which I myself was in , and am in right now! Love makes a person do things, he/she cant fully comprehend....and this can be either constructive..or destructive....constructive it will be...when the love is accepted
and....."they live happily ever after"...destructive it is...when this sorta shit happens...psycho-analysis of everything u did or didnt do in trying to acheive that love. Although this concept was kind of obvious to Keats, it was a revelation for me....He quickly dismisses Love, as he knows what it is capable of doing...
Keats according to the Commentary concentrates most of his "Great Odes" over "anguish of mortality"....he is obsessed by the concept of death and hence employs a theme of permanence to good things and an abrupt vanishing (in this case rejection of the three figures)...of bad ones, only to prefer better alternatives (in this
case indolence)...Its almost like an extremely depressed person deliberately looking for happiness and clinging on to it by making everything around him a source of joy, which is stuck in that joyful aura (this is seen very prominently in "Ode to a Grecian Urn").
The 5th and 6th verses describe mainly how the three visions have had only a trivial impact on him...for his indolence is far more satisfying and moist importantly more "long lasting"..than those less "time consuming" yet more exciting aspects of life. But Keats does say, that there will be a time when he will have to face these emotions, these
"voices of Busy Common Sense"....eventually, but not NOW..as " Ye cannot raise My head cool-bedded in the flowery grass;".!!! He then asks these visions to leave and assures them that he will not be bereft of mental imagery, as he has "I yet have visions for the night, And for the day faint visions there is store;"
"Vanish, ye Phantoms! from my idle spright,
Into the clouds, and never more return! " -
This command by him to those visions to vanish...was also very hard-hitting...he actually is commanding his mind to stop catching him unawares by these phantoms...a command i myself have given...for sometime...(SLEEP DISORDER...INSOMNIA..NARCOLEPTIC)
The only difference is, I cant get myself to accept something such as indolence in order to reject Love or Ambition...rather a consummation of those very Phantoms..or a distraction by other equally provocative Apparitions.
//\\ \\//
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: MJ featuring SLASH - Give in to me
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Thoughts dated today:
baap | 17 January 2005, 1:16am
Today the day was filled with signs. Signs, generally which were subjectively motivated rather than objectively presented or rather viewed. Basically today was a day filled with a thought process of things which once were very volatile but now have become inconsequential. Thoughts that would have generaly led to actions, some would turn out good, some not so good. Basically, a private moment with myself was today. A reflection on how things could have been done or undone, some involving people in general, some involving a person in general :p
Anyway, i stumbled across a whole lot of stuff on the way. Irony was one! Fate and Destiny was another, Intensties of religious beliefs among family members..and so on...
Ironic it is when, someone close to you ceases to be close to you when ure listening to a song containing..."I just want to use your love tonight, I don't want to lose your love tonight" (blame Launchcast for the unusual playlist).
Fate and destiny, 2 concepts that i avoid believing becoming such detrimental parts of my life that i have no choice but to belive in what is meant to be and what is not, and hence convince myself that i am helpless in those situations, unable to change them.....no matter what i do, although some part of me still is a non-believer of fate and destiny, that i call hope!
Religious disparities amongst family members can become a very serious matter if not handled properly, it can cause a family to break forever or it can cause them to strengthen their bonds!
Societal Behaviour among peers has also been the theme of thought...which is generally perennial in my case.
A renewed sense of direction as far as driving abilities are concerned
Creative exhaustion in the context of deliberations over colours in my college fest poster.
Fear, as far as my current stand on future is concerned...nay...Doubt is better..i FEAR NONE! :p
False EGO....please refer above
Long awaited FUN..for today's evening activities
Hollowness.....
Emptiness...fast diminishing due to the hum drum of life which causes a constructive and much appreciated distraction
Acceptance....of loss ...includes inanimate things like my favourite pen
Avoidance in regard to intoxicants
Friendship....an excuse
Love.. which tends to screw up everything above
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Current Mood: Dismissive
Current Music: Beatles - Yesterday
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The Other one
baap | 14 January 2005, 9:03am
The son who cared too much....
The boy who loved too much...
In an endless quest for an emotional crutch....
Betrayed by Maternal love
Sidelined by the one he loved
This boy, this son was always second
Vagueness sustains him
Frankness plagues him
Always plays a fiddle at his "one's" whim
A straight face is now a keeper
On the inside, he is but a weeper
The hole is dug deeper
He moves from place to place
Changes directions, changes face
All this to keep up with the pace
All the boy wants is to be someone's one.....
...Someone's son
But the other one.....is always there
Watching all the time, unaware
Its only a matter of time
....and time is second to none
"."
/\ \/
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: John Lennon - Im Losing you
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On the move...
baap | 7 January 2005, 9:57am
Jeezus...im telling you the world is MOVING and i am looking at it MOVE! No i arent referring to the Tsunamis (cha...obvious bloody cliched reference that would be). True the world did move a couple of weeks back, but i am referring to the strata of life called the human species. More specifically in the human species, my frikkin acquaintances. Everybody i know is literally moving the ladder of progress or recession in life. Fullhyd.com is renovating kathey, cant exactly predict whether that is a step towards progression or otherwise..anyway best of luck guys with that! College is on the move, Cult Fests, Magazines, Newsletters, bloody canteen menus also!
People's lives are on the move, although a fraction of mankind's life did come to an abrupt end (BAH another reference....ditch!). People are progressing, and man are they! Some lives are meritocratically decided, for some romantically decided...for some both!!!! Lucky bastards! For me though, its like the ladder has two broken steps, one up and one down..and im shit scared to climb up or down...cz one mistake could practically land me right UP there with the fraction of humankind (Argh..they still haunt me!)
Technology is on the move! Apparently Sun is developing this new thing which renders graphics through grid computing REMOTELY!!!!!!!!!!! That means, in the not so distant future...ur ISP could handle ur bloody heavy duty processing also! Maki...Imagine..if ur running this high-end game..and ur comp is too lame ass to play it for you, you could simply ask ur ISP to do the crappy work for you! Then there are cellphones, they are always on the move....this new Motorola Razr (wtf "razr" kathey...daym the spelling atrocities corporates commit to avoid copyright defamations!!!) Anyway the razr is soo thin, that it would make one of those anorexic females on FTV go on a super duper heavy duty diet to suit their phone!!!
Media is on the Move....not the whole media industry...thankfully we have the same soaps on Star TV showing more resurrections! But still...Alexander was probably the only movie portraying a gay guy commanding 40,000 straight guys and take over the world! I saw it three times to understand the gravity of that situation (jeez!)
Music is on the Move....Apple Ipod is flooding India's markets....bloody hell 4GB of kaanta laaga types..WHY WHY????? Here as far as Music is concerned, i am seriously STUCK in a time warp...for the past week i havent listened to a song that isnt less than 20 years old...remixed or not!
I am attendiing reunions, school reunions more so, everybody is getting a push into their new lives with new jobs/colleges/degress/girlfriends...not to mention the tidal push made which started the whole thing! (damn that tsunami..which once, i was proud pronouncing...now its a house-hold term). Here i am in one major status-quo...! Not exactly the same as redundancy/stagnation which are inclined more at the depressing part of life, but rather stuck in witnessing freshness if anything like that ever existed!
/\ \/
Current Mood: Bad Hair Day
Current Music: Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark- Dont you forget about me!
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D4 and D6
baap | 2 January 2005, 12:48am
New years! A time for a new beginning? Nah not for me...i dont have anything to end abruptly..to start off anew. Making resolutions just because..the calendar turns yet another page? Nah ive realised, nothing in my life can be resolved upon....i cant make snapshot decisions when it comes to my life...A gradual change is always the thng that works for me. So resolving on "doing this or that or NOT doing this or that" just because the clock strikes another 12....is not me. Gradual..hmm? not slow..but gradual, there is a difference you see... Ive been in a monotonically increasing stage of depression which is tending to further as time goes by. Humour is all deliberate but it works!, people around me still laugh when i want to make em laugh...thankfully! Gradual"ity" is the new theme of this year...me thinks..(gradually thinks..the line on deliberate humour was shitty, but i shall take lite...gradually)
I was in a theatre at midnight..yep..thought i would have a quite, humble, modest new year's but things were quite exciting actually. At the stroke of midnight i wished "Happy New year's" to D4 and D6...thats the only way i can address the people sitting adjacent to you in a friggin theatre. What were other people doing?
getting stoned,
spending time with their "special someones",
tending to their loved ones...with other "loved" ones
....while i was watching a Movie. No, its not a sarcastic mockery on how crummy my new years was...it WASNT AT ALL..!!! i saw a gay king march his weary troops into battle (ahem the movie was Alexander...), exited the movie to watch another charade of a group of stoned people whose level of humour was dispicable yet amazingly FUNNY! Then i went to an icecream parlour, ate an ice-cream called a "nutty buddy" kathey...which was the by far the BIGGEST, heaviest MOFO icecream i ever saw rather ATE! On the way home...saw my second shooting star..!!! but didnt have anything to wish for...
Strangely throughout the night i had verses of old songs going in my head...things like
Shout Shout, Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come On. I'm talking to you
Come on
AND
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment, all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord
AND
Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again
learn to live so free.
And when we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in.
Dunno why but right from my home to the theatre ( a good distance) i kept singing these songs...and i hadnt heard them for ages.
This new years, I gave a rat's ass to self evaluation, reapprasial, retrospect. Retrospect...hmm..last new years was interesting...had a party at home..which ended in camouflaging something as "oregano".. to my dumbstruck parents! A number of things were consequential last new year's...things which wuld continue into mostly crap throughout the year.
This year though, nothing was consequential...D4, D6, Nutty Buddy, A shooting star and a group of stoners. Im sure other people had equal amount of joy as of January 1st 2005 !!!
2005!!As a tradition, the first calculation of a year is devoted to the subtraction of the current year and the year i was born!!! 21 DAAAYM...cha still not 21 though technicaly...anyway things i did in the first few minutes of the new year:
Blinked at the special effects worth millions of dollars on a movie screen while i munched on a 10 rs. (.21 $) chips packet. (Talk about trying to be non-consequential...jeez...chaos theory will have a toughie on this...!)
Thought about the Tsunami
Thought about who i could be with right now...if not for 2004!! (real suckers these multiples of 4 get....)
Changed my bike name from Rilma Thoron to Bucephalus
.....Changed it back to Rilma Thoron
Thought about shaving my beard
Gradual"ity", did i say this new year's theme was ? More like Indecisiveness....NAH man...see this is what i say by being consequential...who the hell cares..whether i shave my beard or not...(as a matter of fact..when i proposed the idea...to my sister..she was on the brink of crying...she said i would look like a girl with a boycut WTF!!!)...wateva...the point is...its a new year...and a new beginning shall take its effect "GRADUALLY"!!!!
H a p p y N e w Y e a r
PS: Note the gradual"ity". :p
/\ \/
Current Mood: Sick
Current Music: Shout- Tears for Fears, In the Air tonight- Phil Collins, Broken Wings - Mr. Mister
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