Fragments from a scenescentic galaxy!

I have this hobby of thinking. Yes! I consider it to be a "hobby". So much so that its become a habit now. What do I do when I have free time? I think. What do I do when I have no work at office? I think. What do I do when a hot chick passes by. I think . And what do I do when I am tired of thinking? Yes!! I think again!

Picture this. Its a lovely summer morning. When the orangish-morning sun is shining on your face. You can feel the warmth of the sun's rays on your facial skin and while you are rubbing out that odd "dirt ball" from the inner corner of the eye, pressure starts to build in your bowels. And if you thought that the toilet next to my room would have another visitor in store, you are wrong. Even at a moment as serene as that which entails a stinking experience, I think. I think - Why is that everything in the world patterns itself to a certain routine? Why is that I see pre-set patterns in everything around me? Why? Why these patterns? Why these presets?

The colour red means danger or full of life. Doves symbolise peace. White gives one an idea about cleanliness. The modern civilisation has set itself in what I called "presets". Presets in the real sense of the term. Reminds me of this author called Umberto Eco. Ripped apart the paradigms of a suspense thriller using the magnificient concept of "working against presets".

Sometimes I wonder - life would be so interesting if I were to think in a totally new way. What if the earth were flat? What if we started walking on our hands? What if the sun rose from the west? What if Anu Malik made original music? What if time moved backwards?

Reading from history, I think man's intellectual capacity enabled him to symbolise things. Symbols is what define the existence of every single entity. The electron, quite ironically, hasnt been seen till now. No one even knows how an electron looks like. But scientists, in their never ending pursuit of finding sense in everything, symbolised the electron as a small sphere of charge encircling the nucleus. I dont blame them for bringing out something rational from something irrational. I think science is all about verifying the unknowns from the existing knowns. Franklin just verified that charge is generated by the clashing of clouds.

Another thought that rny through my mind is that man, in his perennial quest to simplify things, has set the world in such a pattern that we, as fellow beings, have failed to realise that there exists a world that is out of these presets and patterns. A world completely devoid of everything that is known to man! A world full of new emotions, new thoughts, new ideas, new relations and new colours to the rainbow! Consider if humanity together decided that a set of two sunsets and sunrises would comprise a calendar day, who would stop us? Think differently, thats what I have been doing.

On the flip side, presetting, as I prefer calling it, has constricted creativity to a large extent. There have been times during my sleepless nights, which, puzzlingly are quite frequent nowadays, where I have tried to think "out of the box". My inability to think of new things just for the heck of it is constantly interrupted by the presets that my immediate world has set for me. "Dont do wrong, you will end up in hell!" For heaven's sake!! Who knows what hell is? Why have we created this picture of good and bad? Why have we made things so simple that things look so complicated? Why these patterns? Why these presets? With every new thought, the curse of the preset pricks my creative bubble. Even during the day, I see so many patterns. A constant pattern of survival running through every person that I come across. Even the "six-legged-creepy-looking-thing" that tries to nibble on my morning, is doing whatever it is to survive. Why cant anyone come out of this abyss and start thinking afresh? Why is that it is considered blasphemous when I tell Mum that I want to pursue academics till I am 30 and then "think" about marriage? Why is that she is just short of fainting when I tell her that? And before you know that your Mum has regained consciousness you have three or four rings on your finger to drive away all the ill-thoughts that are running in your mind.

I still have a zillion questions unanswered. Those late night music shows on FM make me think even more. My social curve is on a dip thinking about all this. I have disconnected myself from myself to think about this. I think about thinking all the time. And as my gastric and neuro cells alarm me about a caffeine urger I am still thinking as we head towards the pool side for a coffee. Me, my loneliness and my habit of thinking!

Current Mood: Preachy
Current Music: Dekho Na - Swades

I was watching TV the other day. Whats so special about that, one might ask. But trust me, watching TV in a god forsaken restaurant which serves something remotely resembling food is one great experience(by the way I just added 1500 points to the restaurants customer rating by calling it one). Because for all you know you can afford the biggest and the most expensive eat-out in the city but still there is something strangely exciting about that dirt you get. Incidentally at dirt-cheap prices.

While watching TV there I caught a glimpse of the Femina Miss India pageants' contestants. Apart from the fact that all of them had near hour-glass figures they had one thing in common. None of them were aged more than 21 years. In fact, most of them in their late teens. After having watched them walk the ramp for a good 15 minutes a thought struck me. All of a sudden the fact that I was going to be 22 in a few days from then dint sound that exciting as it generally would. Something awkwardly uncomfortable about it. Somehow I discarded that thought thinking that its again one of those intense thinking days that I have.

As we reached home and I lay in bed, my friends started talking about the pageant again. Each one of them trying to figure out the colour that his best "babe" was wearing and followed that with rather poignant hindi profanities. Somehow I have realised that uttering those profanities vents out a lot of emotions.(Try that out sometime.)You cant blame them for talking about the pageant again. We software engineers dont have a love life. Actually if you come down to think of it, with the kind of people of the opposite sex that we have at office, a software engineer CANT have a love life!!! Coming back to where I left from, I think the thing that was troubling me was the fact that I was growing old. I know that it is tooooooo early to think about age and things but I am this person who has to think about things. Thinking is as good as breathing for me. I might have a thousand reasons to do something but also a thousand and one reasons not to do it. Thats how I am.

As candid as the thought may seem, I think there is more to it than what meets the eye. I think its a feeling of not having achieved as much as those dames on TV have especially at that age. I know that merely because of the fact that those women appear on TV doesnt mean that they are successful but somehow the feeling of displeasure always remains. Or on second thoughts, I feel that the displeasure is more like "Where were all these women when I was searching for someone beautiful???!!".

As the discussion continued in my room, my eyelids started growing heavier and heavier and finally we all resolved to chuck the issue right there and hit our sacks. And that night's sleep was quite an insightful one. I had to think about aging even when the best of music was playing on FM. I would be 9 hours older when I wake up next morning and perhaps 10 hours older by the time I actually get out of bed. Another Sunday ends in displeasure.This time more so because I would be heading to office as an older person.

++ORION++

Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: None