I was watching TV the other day. Whats so special about that, one might ask. But trust me, watching TV in a god forsaken restaurant which serves something remotely resembling food is one great experience(by the way I just added 1500 points to the restaurants customer rating by calling it one). Because for all you know you can afford the biggest and the most expensive eat-out in the city but still there is something strangely exciting about that dirt you get. Incidentally at dirt-cheap prices.
While watching TV there I caught a glimpse of the Femina Miss India pageants' contestants. Apart from the fact that all of them had near hour-glass figures they had one thing in common. None of them were aged more than 21 years. In fact, most of them in their late teens. After having watched them walk the ramp for a good 15 minutes a thought struck me. All of a sudden the fact that I was going to be 22 in a few days from then dint sound that exciting as it generally would. Something awkwardly uncomfortable about it. Somehow I discarded that thought thinking that its again one of those intense thinking days that I have.
As we reached home and I lay in bed, my friends started talking about the pageant again. Each one of them trying to figure out the colour that his best "babe" was wearing and followed that with rather poignant hindi profanities. Somehow I have realised that uttering those profanities vents out a lot of emotions.(Try that out sometime.)You cant blame them for talking about the pageant again. We software engineers dont have a love life. Actually if you come down to think of it, with the kind of people of the opposite sex that we have at office, a software engineer CANT have a love life!!! Coming back to where I left from, I think the thing that was troubling me was the fact that I was growing old. I know that it is tooooooo early to think about age and things but I am this person who has to think about things. Thinking is as good as breathing for me. I might have a thousand reasons to do something but also a thousand and one reasons not to do it. Thats how I am.
As candid as the thought may seem, I think there is more to it than what meets the eye. I think its a feeling of not having achieved as much as those dames on TV have especially at that age. I know that merely because of the fact that those women appear on TV doesnt mean that they are successful but somehow the feeling of displeasure always remains. Or on second thoughts, I feel that the displeasure is more like "Where were all these women when I was searching for someone beautiful???!!".
As the discussion continued in my room, my eyelids started growing heavier and heavier and finally we all resolved to chuck the issue right there and hit our sacks. And that night's sleep was quite an insightful one. I had to think about aging even when the best of music was playing on FM. I would be 9 hours older when I wake up next morning and perhaps 10 hours older by the time I actually get out of bed. Another Sunday ends in displeasure.This time more so because I would be heading to office as an older person.
++ORION++
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: None
it took u 22 yrs for these thoughts to surface??looks like uve never had a good look at urself in the mirror