The English Patient
It isn't just a feeling nor an experience or a story but a saga... The language of English in my life....
Those were the days when I used to practice the alphabets on a slate with my mother sitting next to me. The two important things to be remembered are to read out the alphabets aloud as I practice writing them and not to wipe the slate with my saliva...
Days passed by and I was all set to write the kindergarten entrance test. The teacher said "write ABCD". "Which type?", I questioned in response. "How many types do you know!" she exclaimed. “Capital letters and small letters” I replied. “Write all that you know” she said with a smile. After an hour or so I remember the happiness in my dad's eyes when the teacher was surprised with my performance and declared me a prodigy. Unfortunately that's the last time he was ever happy about me... Since then I kept on failing one or the other exam every year till my masters, including the driving license exam. Well all that is a different story but as of now let me discuss the English part of my life.
So later in school, English was just another subject and never much of a problem. “Remember dictation and easily 10 marks... pass...” I remember the bindaas attitude with which I used to motivate my friends, obviously much worse than me. But suddenly in my 6th standard I joined a missionary school where English was not just another subject but a way of life, sorry!!! THE way of life. If you want to go home you need to finish your day at school without uttering a single word in your mother tongue. Forget about the degree of verbs I used to forget the tense too. "yesterday I had coming to ground. Nobody playing football. Tomorrow also you coming" are a few pieces from the conversations I used to have. Sentences like "I am suffering with fever" & "I prefer coffee more than tea" used to appear in the correct the following section and I used to laugh at the ignorance of my English teacher and later appreciate his intellect to confuse the students and then attribute things to printing mistakes and a few days later on receiving the valuated answer sheets repent for everything.
But as time passed by I struggled a lot, and my teachers, wren and martin, The Hindu came to my rescue and by the end of my schooling I was decent enough at my language. I was satisfactory with my language skills when all of a sudden I landed up in a city only to know that my English was meant for exams and essay writing, not for conversations. I had to practice the "hey Guys! Howz you! me cool man! You gonna sneak in! I wanna chill out and you know stuff like that! huh" My failure track record having been stated in the paragraphs above, It took me couple of years, you know, to get that stuff and all! Huh!" This was more of unlearning that happened to me than learning. Forget punctuation, when ever you go blank just say "stuff like that", if you want to make friends keep saying "cool" in response to everything the other fellow says and if the other guy is really in problems then keep saying shit. And if all these things you forget then there is one amazing word that can be used in pain, happYness, fun, havoc, horror, joy, anger, rage or anything for that matter and that is F**K! I was happy that I mastered the language but in no time I found out I was already obsolete.
The sms I got today reads "hey! u cmng 2 thtr st. tkts r rsvd. wt 4 me nr c'day" which actually meant "Are you coming straight to the theatre. The tickets have been reserved and do wait for me near coffee day". And they call it English....
Current Mood: Vexed
Current Music: wet wet wet
Currently Reading: santaram
Recent Movies: jalsa
22 May 2008, 3:26pm
C'mon man dat's d way it is
22 May 2008, 10:46pm
A language survives on change, it's considered a dead language otherwise. I mean new words are added, they blend into the language and evolve.
When the British raided India, it took back along with all the glorious riches, our culture as well. Navigati became navigation, Jagannath became Juggernaut etc. And a language is meant for communication not confusion. I mean the purists would have committed suicide when thee, thy, ye and sire were abolished, but change as they say is inevitable.
Without calm nothing can exist, Without chaos nothing can evolve!!
24 May 2008, 2:16pm
Nice post. To add to your vexation a bit, it's not "obviously much worst than me" but "obviously much worse than me" :)
27 May 2008, 4:39pm
I think one of the reasons The Hindu is a loser in the newspaper race is that it employs people who are so fastidious (woohoo, what a word!) about grammar.
28 May 2008, 12:46am
@ rajneesh :- true, The Hindu is too obsessed with the grammar than whats being written, the only people who read it are geriatrics and people who are recommended by them!
Its good that "the Times of India" comes to Hyderabad!
3 Jun 2008, 9:52am
@Portuguese Man-of-War, correction accepted dude.
@rajaneesh & XLNC.. that was a good discussion but just wanted to add something.. what do you guys feel about Deccan Chronicle...
4 Jun 2008, 12:27pm
Deccan Chronicle, though it is full of blunders, it has nice photos, which a lot of youngsters enjoy.
I used to enjoy teen chronicle when I was in my eighth standard. I donot know whether the supplement exists now, as I no longer read it.