my space!!!!!

the darkness haunts my room                                                             

i sit in the corner hoping..

to see the light the glow..

and then..

moonlight floods my room

 

 

frnd:so how r things between u guys?                                             

me:i dont know re...dont know wat to say...i'll either start going arnd with him or we'll totally stop speaking..ill jus leave it at frnds for now...

i really dont know which one i want...

ps:exams from tomorrow!!

---

---

these lines are nice na...

i actually said no to my frnd who wanted to see veer zaara coz i had to study :-S

booooreeeed boreeddd bored.

sick n tired of staying at home...

kya tho bhi kirkiri...                                           

HAPPY DIWALI!! sup wit u all..

ps:@drp balls to u..

hyeloo ppls!!

i was supposed to write abt this a long time back but didnt have time :-S

anyway here goes

*sometime bak(don remember the date)*

me laying on the sofa as usual trying to find something interesting on tv..surfing surfing damn!! the cable operator again changed the channels..where the fuck is hbo??start from 1 searching for hbo cursing the damn cable operator..always failing my attempts to keep the good channels from 1-10..swapping endlessly i achieve that and all that damn bugger does is change everything..busturd..anyway i keep switching n switching...n then stop..NO its not HBO!!  im totally shocked aghast!!! 

 

yes gemini!!! i see this telugu song...holy shit..i mean wat the hell was that...the hero in this red suit with a black leather jacket!!!  heroine(mind u she was hot and FAT) wearing this pink...i dont know wat to call it..some kinda dress which was tight the kind those gymnasts wear with a navy blue jacket..oh ya how can i forget the song...i love u i love u crap...

next scene..

location:a jail yes ppl a jail called "loverCE" jail romantic branch

clothes:hero-leather jacket and white red blue watever t shirt and ofcourse the leather pants....heroine-white mini skirt and u guessed it rite she's the cop....

---

this is all i cud take...i HAD to change the channel or else i wud have just died laughing..

newayz gtg cya

everytime i breathe i feel that someone is watching me,someone knows exactly wat im thinking,someone knows the answer to all the quetions in my head..but refuses to answer them..i hear voices.ppl laughin(at me??),i see the dissapointment in my parents eyes,worry on my frnds face...and the reason is ME.yes me I.

i can hear them i can see them..i can this whole thing coming true..i close my eyes in a shudder expecting hoping to see something nice,to hear something which wud make me smile..but all i hear is silence and all i see is darkness...

i open my eyes and all i can do is pray..

the end of the sem...the end of everything that came along with it??

im going to miss ppl like crazy..im going to miss every moment spent with them every new thing learnt...all i have to say this will go down as the best days of my life spent with some of the most amazing ppls!!

will miss y all...keep in touch :-S

damn it there is one more sem to go more time isnt there??

---

jus finished cleaning my room phew..

ps:happy dussera!!  

damn it couldnt think of a title for this!!

---

he called. told me to meet him and hung up.it was one of those calls where u do not ask questions and do not say no. i rushed looked in the mirror set my hair(damn it..it  wasnt the time to look good).he was angry really angry i shud have called him up last night.got my keys and started my old faithful kinetic even after 7 yrs starts with a self start..sometimes i wonder y i ever said yes to him..do i really love him? im 18 wat the fuck am i supposed to know abt love..beeeep alrite watch the road girl i said to myself...so y do i love him i asked myself again..dont i have enuf things on my mind that i needed a guy at this point in life..i still remember the day he proposed...the way his eyes looked into mine and said everything without saying a word..his hair all messed up as usual..the way he still acted like a kid...my friends dont even find him cute..to me he was just adorable.. bump damn it i can never see speedbreakers or ditches.. continuing with my journey...i loved this patch of road where i cud jus speed and feel the wind in my hair...he always likes driving slow never understood y.....he was on the other side of the road all pissed waiting to shout at me...y cudnt he jus understand...as i turned and saw him i had this wierd feeling inside me...y do i love him i ask myself again... thud damn it i didnt see the mud i skid n fell..he came rushing towards me all the anger jus dissappeared from his face...those eyes filled with care his hand arnd me i knew y i loved him then at that moment...

---

damn it i have loads of work to do...im not supposed to be here posting up things like this..

utter disgrace

due apologies to drp and nuerotron who've written amazing stories abt the road

projects assignments internals a seminar too...

back to work

what if i was in love
what if he says i love u once jus once
what if i had never let go
what if i never fall in love again
what if my best frnd was in the same coll as i was
what if i was jus me for once instead of trying to be someone else..
what if i knew who the real me is
what if i wasnt scared
what if i knew wat i was scared of
what if ppl arnd me stopped cribbing
what if I stopped cribbing
what if i could take a sip of breezer without a million things on my mind
what if ppl started minding their own business rather than interfering in my life
what if i could not think of the past and future and jus live for every moment
what if  i get a chance to drive on an empty road and touch 120
what if i could be more creative
what if i never have to lie to my parents
what if i was dead
what if U cud understand me right now

september!!!!
its been one helluva month...
not just in terms of me being always upto something but things ive learnt...things which i never wud have bothered abt .... was lost in my own dreamland...created this beautiful world where I ruled where I was happy....kept myself surrounded by ppl who wud make me smile n keep me happy.....
*click*
out of the dreamland
welcome to the real world
gossip,pride,ego,jealousy,bitches,bastards,hatred!!!!!
i can go on n on...

i feel like writing sooo much but no words to express wat i feel...
will not go into details..
.

---

i hate it wen i jus write coz i havent written for long.everything comes out so wrong!!!

 

 sitting here so lost so lonely nickelback playing in the background.....

i jus close my eyes and i can see the way to coll,smell the rain,hear ppl talk n laugh.....jus realised that ragging IS fun....(a guy n a girl were made to sing ati kya khandala the guy had a handkerchief n all  lol)ok im soo totally drifting from the point(do i have a point)...

there is this point in life where u have ur own set of secrets stuff which u cannot tell ur parents ur sis and thats when u find some ppl called friends....as u grow older ur best friend changes as to wat u expect from a person...isnt best friend supposed to be one person :-S     Damn it ive never had the same person arnd me for a long enuf time to become a best frnd..... 

during this course of making frnds and losing them there comes a point where u need a permanent 'thing' to let out your feelings...this is where we use the power to write yes WRITE pour ur hearts contents onto paper (or monitor).....here is were u talk with ur pen without being heard,without being laughed at.....

Its just U and ur thoughts...noone to interfere... noone to stop ur feelings... nothing to be ashamed of coz its u jus u...

one of the most common way adapted is a diary...yes the most popular dear diary or as anne frank called hers kitty(did i ever mention that was one of the best books ive ever read anne frank-diary of a young girl)...give it any name u want any shape u want jus anything....its for u....and noone else to see ...

hold on is that all we write for??? for our space for our privacy???is that it????

i dont think so...atleast after i started to blog im sure its not it....everyone knows someone arnd here so down goes the privacy...
there are jus soo many things that are expressed better when written...

y the hell wud anyone use sms wen calling is at the same cost its soo crazy actually not....its jus that certain things cannot be said on the phone or face to face....before anyone thinks this happens only between girlfrnd boyfrnd NO its in every kinda relation...im sure everyone has gone through that where uve either written a letter,typed a sms,sent a mail to ppl who r rite next to u the whole time...or else Y wud u send greeting cards to ur parents n sis wen all u have to do is give them a hug and wish them!!    isnt life a lot easier wen all can be said in front of ppl??? but as ppl we hate doing stuff the easy way....

the toughest things to talk abt to a person is love and death.....no wonder ppl can express wat they feel through their poems or blogs.....the best blogs ive read are 90% of the time written by ppl who are either gloomy or jus lost.....

every emotion is expressed when i write...happy,sad,being in love,depression,frustration....
i cant think of a better way to express myself than this can u???

---

ps:didnt end this properly as if i end or start any of my blogs properly!!....m bored now..will continue this someday
pss:with reference to my earlier blog im not in love jus a cranky phase!!

isnt there a mood for sleepy????

 

 

back to my cranky sessions abt luuuuvvv or crush or watever its supposed to be....

hehehe sounds so dumb but wat do u do??

wat do u do wen u realise u have feelings for someone and first thing are not sure whether its jus coz u need someone or u really like the person.....wat do u do wen u know this guy is TOTALLY wrong for u never ever can anything happen.....i hate these cranky moods...

---

ps:HAPPY GANESH CHATURTHI!!!

pps:dhoom is amazing no actually john abraham is :P

---

i so totally hate my blogs!!!

they r such crap...i write jus coz i... oh gr8 i dont even know y i write

ok chill pichi ekdunti

did u ever feel that ur not needed somewhere and still ur there?????  i dont know how to express that feeling...noone hates u but ur NOT NEEDED!!! 

that feeling creeps into u slowly and tries to pull u down....been fighting it since a loonng time and im heading for a breakdown...

ok ENUF!!!! i need a break a change.....

---

edited:00:04

i jus cried

i dunno y

wierd very wierd

sitting in a group of 20 30 ppl and ur still lonely..it reminds me of gnr lyrics..

you are talking to yourself and nobodys home...

you cannot fool yourself u came in this world alone ALONE...

havent been able to post msgs since ages....im sure ar n my fans must have heaved a sigh of relief but much to their dissapointment i still continue to blog :P

as usual with a horrible start...

soo busy these days and im actually liking it....inspite of all the work n no sleep i still love the way my mom says "aj kal dhikti hi nahi ghar pe"....the whole productive work+fun thing is nicce...

the saying is so true an idles man is a devils workshop...

i pity those ppl who have nothing to do but gossip..tch tch

ps:btw dil ne jise apna kaha sucks!!

A journey called life

ever wondered where u are in the sense where do u belong??who r ur friends who r the ppl whom u jus hang out with..  wait a minute arent those two supposed to be the same but a lot more than often they are not

over the 18 yrs of my life(man i love saying im 18) ive basically been ripped apart by 3 groups one being school frnds whom ive spent the maximum time but i really dont confide into them...

the second being my inter frnds again inter 1st yr i was much of a loner who wud speak to everyone but stuck to her school frnds for god knows wat crappy reason..inter 2nd yr dat was the time i found ppl with whom i can share my ups n downs and everything else :-S

college frnds or inter frnds...aa here is where im totally stuck after one week of college i decided im not going to have frnds forever types over here...be nice to ppl if they are nice to u gr8 or else don speak to them a very simple funda of life which i still stick too....its not as if i cant talk to some ppl there are ppl im close to but not in the true sense...newayz this attitude of mine has led to problems..now i know soo many ppl some ppl think im their total best frnds types for them BACK OFF....full extra feelings n all.. well the point being there are times wen i feel left out but y??god knows.....lite only na....

im in such a stupid mood rite now

ps:next blog is a story written by me                a combination of fiction and non fiction

exams got over yipeeee

carpediem in 2 days!!!

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