Posted by D.Raw El Payne 30 June 2004, 11:25pm

I want an entry into my blog. I do not know what to say right now. They say speaking about your feelings/emotions is a good way of letting go of that burden of despair in your heart. Speaking to someone/anyone, heck even writing it down. I thought this would be easy. Its not.

What do I say now which wont make me sound like a loser? I fear, I dread the fact that probably I've reached a point in my life where failure seems to be a routine, my cartoon-network-thing-to-do if you fukkin want to put it that way. I wish I could learn from yesterday. I wish that I could've learned from the yesterday before that yesterday. I wish I could've seen this coming. Truth is, I did. I saw it coming. I look back and think I could have done better. Hindsight is such a wonderfully pacifying aspect. No, I shall not look back and think of what could have been. Right now,reality stares me in the face. Another collection of data showing me that "yes, you suck at this".

Why am I even blogging when I oughta to be sitting somewhere, collecting my thoughts, pitching my battles, planning for a better tomorrow? Because if I learnt anything from my previous failures, its that ,what I plan now will only crumble apart tomorrow morn.  I shall learn a bit from this time, I shall live for today. I shall hope for a better tomorrow, heck, they say hope springs eternal, so why not? As Jasz's sigs proclaims,  hope is a good thing..and no good thing ever dies.

*sigh*

I'm not a "has been", I'm a "will be".

Payne

**why do I hav dis cold feeling that i sound like an utter loser...again and again?**

Payne will return. In a while.



Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Linkin Park - Crawling

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 29 June 2004, 9:35pm

Yes. No. Maybe.

Aran and Aloque stop commentin' on every1's blogs, or don't. All i'm sayin is.....COMMENT ON MINE!! dipshits.

Neuro stop commentin on aran's,aloque's ,FA's, mls's n princess of poop's blogs...n comment here. plz. god.

aloque u r still maastah. link me on ur blog! dipshit.

tabrez, dude wt u talkin 'bout?....do i understand da words dat are comin outta your keyboard.... a definite NO..also...nada, nil, nix.

FA...this one goes to you..link ME atleast on ur blog..u n ur holier-than-thou attitude..not linkin anyone..mebbe u dunno how to..'tis ok...but its NOT...its ME...dam..too much respect..

tabrez n martiandevil....always commmentin on each others' posts.....do i care?...no!....COMMENT HERE! b*st*rds..

FA...go f**k urself. luv u too...always my angelsan....but...but...BUT...COMMENT dammit>>> here. dipshit.

**runnin outta non-filthy abusive non-four-letter words**

**tabrez is back in front of me in d hits...dammit!!** ppl...stop viewin that page....you will only end up wit a leakin cranium.... :|        yes u too martiandevil...you TOO! dipshits.

martiandevil...i do put it well in words...not dis nite honey...my MPD's actin up again sweetie...kissi aur din ache post kar doonga...

btw,anyone lookin for a sensible post may read my previous post...really shindin stuff ovah there.. :-D

amita...i found a reason to live...a side of me i didn't know...and the reason is YOU...the side of me is the spine-tinglin serial killer side... love you...will kill you soon too...lookin forward to usin me Hatori Hanzo sword..**smiles in delirious glee**  NOOOOOOO!! amita's catchin up on me!!...aaaaaaahh!! get offa my back!!

cool down payne....this is NOT abt the Views or Hits....this abt the Views that YOU are gettin...n you are NOT gettin any boy!!...go out onto the streets...let the maimin begin in REAL life...

ok...me stop talkin to myself n I.

aphrodite....*sigh* *mooney* (as always)   ::dude! snap outta it!::

AR....where the f**k are you man?...missin you...still worshippin you....b*st*rd.

dawn...luvvin you...for commentin in such a nice way..dats it.

mls...first comment n then nothin...but me still cool wit that..

jasz...yes boi I'm Killin alrite...f*kker...gimme d movies..

CN...dude...stop d ass-lickin...:|

i'm done now...did i miss anyone? yes,i did....those vermin/cute-creatures who don't blog but comment wit gay abandon....i cudn't give a rats' posterior for you...or i will if you comment ON MINE!! **runs to go n hug 'em all readers**

Purple Dude steps in : Me miss jane like crazy. Me still pining for that one more look at BIGGER dmmsits. Me screwing up my other personalities in d same cranium.

Over to Payne : Goodnite and goodbye folks.

Till our next Payneful encounter,

Payne

I'm lovin' it.

With all due respect to Foamy, Your Lord and Master.

 



Current Mood: Patriotic
Current Music: weird sounds emanatin from my mouth while i type dis..sounds like kwaaa..sounds like 2 cats matin..KWAAA!!

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 28 June 2004, 11:56pm

:-)

I'm sitting here in my hall, straining my ears to catch the lines of "jadoo tera nazar...khusboo tera badan..tu haan kar..." playin from my neighbours tinny-lil stereo. As I write this I'm hummin "Chanda re..chanda re...kabhi tho aao zameen par". A while ago I was on rediff.com hunting for a mp3 player for meself.* Music. Where would muh brain be without it?(in d same place it is now,but jus more borin..). Its an art which defies meaning, from moving lyrics to a soulful tune, music has the quality of taking moi to euphoric heights or bringing me down to melancholic lows. Every single phase in my life has bin clearly defined by music, heck,I think many of us would agree with me on this.

Flashback to 1994-'95, 6th Grade : I had to write an essay on my favorite musician/singer/transvestite, I dint write nothing because I dint know any of those types. It all started in the summer o '96, back in Hyd for my hols, I found the tapes of Air Supply lying in the dusty lil sony. From there to Boyzone ( :-D) in 8th grade till all the way to intermediate, with a spattering of MLTR, Meatloaf, Dr.Alban, the NOW collections, Sugar Ray, Savage Garden and all the wondahfully mushy Hindi movies in between.

I can sense a lotta rock enthusiasts ,reading this, cringing at the mention of these names. Sure, I had my share of Bon Jovi ( Always,wow) , Bryan Adams (all of 'em),Eagles...Fact is, for me , music is music. Blurring all genres ,boundaries and sexual preferences (Boyzone ,BSB, Elton John --> I mean you). From the trance-inducing beats of Paul Oakenhold to the depressing ,tormented cries of Evanescence, from the tear-rending tune of KKKH(sad version...:-) ) to the total shake-ur-booty-ability of Nelly/Passionfruit/50Cent, from the unbelievably mushy feelings which " I belong to you" generates in moi to the wide-eyed respect for the lead guitarist of G'n'R in Sweet Child o' Mine(yes, i do not know his name), from the stark-in-ur-face-reality of Eminem's "Stan" to.....You get it dont ya?  I'm not a rock afficianado, I'm not a despo fan of gay boy bands and I'm not a brotha from da hood groovin wit D12. I do not care who's singin, who's strummin ,who's bangin those drums or who's spinnin d disc..I'm in it for the music and yes, I love it, all of it.

Time has flown at the speed of..well,however fast time flies. I'm nearing the end of another significant phase of me life. The final year of engineering beckons. Its over to Hoobastank and Lifehouse for now. I know that I have a song for every occasion, a tune for every semester, to take back with me. They say that when we die, we take our music with us. I do not know what I'll be humming then, but I sure will be humming.

Amen.

Payne

 

*still looking for it. care to donate one?

PS : I completely forgot to mention Hymns and Choruses. You'd know them better as carols n church songs. :-) They are/were there for me at every step of my life , before 6th grade too. My first music as such.



Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Pal Pal Dil ke paas...frm d nburs place n a faint hint o eagles frm my room

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 11:55pm

Greetings dear folks,

Before we start this journey I see it only fit that I give a small prelude on whats to follow. This boy,girls and buttharis is "Too many secrets", the purpose of this blog right here. I had put this project on the backburner for a while till I'd amassed enough information and know-how about the subjects involved. But this afternoon has turned everything topsy-turvy. I like to refer to it as "The Jalianwala Blog Massacre". Well if thats that, this would be have to be the Chainsaw Massacre equivalent. This ,if it stays, will be the THE Chainsaw driven right through your brains.

Disclaimer : All persons/beings/buttharis mentioned here are completely fictitious (except for buttharis). They bear no resemblance to any real life character (except...you know who). Everything I mention as characteristics about the below-mentioned beings is pure falsehood.

Let the maiming begin.

Chapter I

Mulavana Bhattathiri

For - Has a name which includes the word "butt"

     -  Can type , and use a computer. Would also be very useful in a DTP workshop. 

     - Has a name which is an anagram for "Butt Hairy", which I have a scary liking to.

     - Gives me a reason to blog.

Against - His real name IS BUTT HAIRY!! **rolls eyes**

           - Was born.

           - Learnt to use a computer.

           - Lives, breathes and copy-pastes.

           - Seems to have an affair with Picchi Panthulu, whom I'm madly in love with.

           - Could also be Jagannath Adukur 

Known Traits - Will post for anything and nothing.

                        - Scratches butt....OBVIOUSLY its SOOO hairy down there.

                        - Geriatric porn

                        - Smelly butt which sometimes act as an aphrodisiac. Known victims namely, Picchi Panthulu. Where's your panchi PP?

                        - Makes me blog. Gives me a reason to live. Gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Gives me passion to long for PP all my life( and his panchi...still lookin for it? I GOT IT!!).

Real Names and Aliases - Mulavana Bhattathiri

                                          - Old farthole

                                          - Jagannath Adukur (maybe, my informants are not sure about this)

                                          - Trichotilo Asspipihilia (pronounce it right folks,he's a bit "touchy" abt it...if u know wat i mean...pipiphilia>> PP Feel ya? )

 

Till our next Payneful encounter,

Payne

 

Special Mentions : As my informants/bloodhounds could not dig up enough from Picchi Pantulu's panchi, you will not see him mentioned in these chapters. Though a word from my sponsors about me : "He (I) being him will do this sort of thing only. You being you can go screw that can of worms you always wanted." Another word from my sponsors : " You being you, WITHOUT YOUR PANCHI, are advised to visit our retail outlet of Chandana Bros at Ameerpet. Call us, your panchi will be worth the wait."



Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: Just the intoxicating buzz in my head while i type this.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 2:26pm

By "this whole world", I mean, these blogs.

In the last 10 minutes, new blogs have been churned out by a lot of people using their real names. Not that I have a problem with that, but I do. The most recent blog by one of my favorite bloggers here has been buried under the rubble. I see that he's removed it off the site now. Ah well. People/Gentlemen/Ladies/Alien beings from the 10th rock, if you have so much to post in your blog, why don't u put it in frequent intervals? Why do you have to crawl out from under your rocks all of a sudden on a clear sunday afternoon and post away till kingdom come? Why am I wasting my time and patience posting on a seemingly mundane matter like this?

Why,why WHY?

'Coz there comes a time in every man's life, when you DRAW A LINE. People who are posting this afternoon* - THE LINE IS A DOT TO YOU!

Direct translation of scriptures and tips to lead a healthy life. I THINK I can search for these on google.com (try it,its a nice site). I've been trying to put on a calm front till now but.. Ok,I have to say it. WAT THE FUCK?!!! They say anger is the worst emotion,it clouds ur judgement and hinders your thinking. If thats the case, I'm a stark-raving psycho LUNATIC RITE NOW!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

WTF?!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

Thank you,

Payne

 

* Jagannath Adukur (is that all or is there another appendage?!) and Mulavana Bhattathiri(thats a long name too :| )



Current Mood: Destructive
Current Music: Black Eyed Peas - Where is the love ?

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 10:21am

U read it rite!! goddam bitch got to it before i did. lost my appetite for writin coherent sentences...

Jus wanted to say Kill Bill Vol.2 rocks!! Though yawn-inspiring in a couple 'o moments, its awe-inspiring for the major part. Not as fast-paced as KB V.1 but totally totally compensated for by d kik-arse ending. If KB V.1 was a cinematic orchestra composed to perfection, KB V.2 is the masterpiece which gives clear definition to the earlier part. Seldom are sequels worth the watch...but heck...this ain't no sequel...dis is jus a continuation...doh! i hav an amazin knack of makin meself redudant apparently.....:-S

In other news,i'm plotting a major MAJOR major eyeball-jumpin-outta-sockets balls-droppin-outta-sacks MAJOR consipiracy here....shall keep ya posted. this is all jus to give my blog's TITLE some meaning.

"too many secrets"? U BET UR ASS!!

watch  this space....all ye critters.

Payne



Current Mood: Irreverent
Current Music: my speakers seem to be broke.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 12:54am

Another day. Another year gone by. Another mark etched on my life's clay tablet. Another morning spent on FHDB. Another opportunity to answer umpteen calls with people saying "Myany Hyappy Returns my boy/dahlin/baby/bhench**t/dude/f*kker". Another reason to smile and say "Thank you SO much". Another lunch with a group of friends ,who be always late. Another cake cut ,in a manner which can only be described as "savaged", and thrust into my mouth with equal savagery(gross). Another movie(awe-inspiring). Another dinner with my family and other assorted creatures. Another moment to cherish. Another night to sit back and reflect where life is taking me, or where I'm taking my life. Another prayer offered to a God who bestows seemingly countless blessings. Another year to look forward to. Another ray of hope that love will find a way into my life. Another minute passing me by while I think for another "Another...". Another reason to blog.

Just another day?

I would like to think not, though deep in my mind's abyss I know that it'll end up that way. From one June 26th to the next, life never eases up on the throttle. Not that I'm complaining, the last 365 days have been awesome to say the least(..considerin i can't seem to find another word to express meself rite now, AWESOME will hav to do). At the risk of sounding like another of those f*cking celebrities, I had a great time getting in touch with my "inner-me" (whatever that means!!).  I do not think talking about the year gone by is relevant in a place where few of you would relate to it. I have a lot to look forward to though, blogging incessantly here would be just be one of the that "lot".

When I started this blog, I decided to make this as disconnected as possible with as much crap mixed with as much pseud-intellect I could cough up. This post has nothing to do with either of those. I shall return to crap here very soon. VERY VERY soon.

Payne



Current Mood: Happy
Current Music: The sound of my ceiling fan and the sporadic bursts of my dogs barking. The wind makin d trees swoosh.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 12:49am

ah a ah ah...stayin alive...stayin alive....stayin aaaaaaaliiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee....

 

expected more?

too bad.

this is jus to get d bitch off d top three new posts.

thanks yous all of yous.

d DBs are dyin i tell u...DYING!



Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Stayin alive...DUH!

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 24 June 2004, 6:25pm
I rarely come to this part of me beloved site. If I do, it is only to please a sibling's wish to peruse some of their favorite blogs or to diss someone's else carefully thought-out typed out crap. But today when I log onto this side of the chaos, I see every critter and its pet critter blogging like there's no tomorrow.

I start this blog not because I envy you other mortals with blogs of your own, but because I'm bored. Simple as that. The DBs have taken on the look of a lonely graveyard on a melancholic Thursday afternoon. I need another empty space to shout out my non-existent principles/beliefs/morals. I need another space to voice my equivocal opinions. I need another space to pen/type down my crap. I need another space to spam. I need, and I'm bored.

Oh, in case you're still reading, another reason to start bloggin as such is 'coz of Philip. Thank you Philip, this is your first mention in a blog, bow down and worship the pain.

Alright, I'm done with my pseudo-intellectual introduction-like thingy.

lets get down to business!!...dis is my blog junta!!...every word i type here is going to be burnt n crapped upon by d awesome force of d spammers around here (includin all of the other me's)!!...y am i doin this?...do i hav a purpose in doin this?...do i hav d mental capacity to type more than 3 paragraphs in complete english?...do i hav mental capacity?...WHO CARES!!

as i'm bound by d laws of d unknown rule-book of bloggin to post somethin wich resembles "content" in here...here i go.

Local anesthesia : one word> awesome. d doc pokes four injections into my left arm,n moments later starts to cut open me dear arm...voila! i can't feel nuthin!...its like watchin a Discovery show shot in some dipsht OT sumwhere...only its ur body...as much as i wanted to see d area bein cut open, d doc dint allow moi...jus got to catch glimpses of it in d doc's spectacles...far out.
n then d moment came to be stitched up...reminded me of all those bodies in Jeepers Creepers, dead n stitched up after doin away wit their internal organs...its like bein on d other side of that corpse. I could feel my skin bein stretched n d thread bein pulled through it, d scissors splicin through, every lil beautiful detail.

Till our next painful encounter,
This is me signin out,
Payne



Current Music: Enigma - Mea Culpa