aloque

Discovery. Is that what drives us forth? Is that what sustains us through the repetitive cycles of history? The discovery of something new at every turn of the wheel, appending, incorporating into itself, growing in size and paradoxically, in knowledge makes drives us furher by making us more aware of our capablities, our potential to be more than we are. Limitations are but things of the moment and if the churning wheels of time have taught us anything, it is that we have always overcome, we have always found a way to further ourselves.

Then, can this process of collective discovery be applied to the individual? Maybe, I should go a step further and ask if self discovery is not the corner stone, the basic building unit of the collective whole? If, at work, we toil to make a contribution to society and the world, thus furthering the race, do we not, in our own time, face the struggle of furthering the self? As individuals, can we make more difference to the world if we are aware of the self? Simply put, is the wall is stronger when the bricks that go into making it are stronger? Moot point.

Self discovery is the most exhilarating, the most exruciating but the most worth-while risk that we can hope to take. Pushing our limits to know and understand what lies within our complex minds, what it is that makes us do the things we do, what it is that makes us surprise ourselves, disappoint ourselves, exalt, debase, love, hate ourselves is truly a magnificent undertaking.

The thing about self discovery is that it's like the proverbial sand that slips out of a tightening grip. The further inside the self we try to get, the more we lose ourselves in the complicated processes that make us who we are. I think the near point for viewing the self is from the outside. Not by self analysis, but by self observation from a detached, third (in this case second) person perspective. The trick then is simple. Think of your thoughts and actions as being someone else's and do not be afraid to judge. Everything is simpler from there onward.

ps : I must make a confession and tell everyone here that I had to delete and re post this one coz of a deluge of devotion from a dude that got angry with the submit button. If i didn't want people to read this I'd keep a journal. If I am angering the gods by spamming their favourite virtual devotee, let him send all butthiri posts exclusively to my mailbox for the rest of my life. I'll suffer for the rest of FullHyd.

When a stranger's songs make my feelings painfully tangible, describe my emotions, better than I can myself, I know they are going to stay with me and that they will be a part of me for ever. Memories will forever accompany those words, and the emotions that lived then will live again and I am transported back to my past. Happiness, heart-break, gut wrenching sadness all reclaim the mind like they never left. But the difference lies in that they are empty now of threat or promise, just shells of their former selves, similar in appearance, but devoid of substance. And the fact that I have been down that road, fought those battles, and survived to look back always is a happy thought.

I will forever remember a dozen friends on a picnic singing 'always' at the top of our horrible voices, forever want to scream ' when love and hate collide', always think of love when I play 'november rain' and laugh at my pathetic attempts to ape the raw edge in brian adams' "please forgive me" as I tried to sing it over the phone. I will always associate ' I'll be there for you' with driving my car, trying hard to fight back the tears that related to every one of its words and revel in a trance every time ozzy sings 'solitude'.

Its harder to deal with emotions that are beyond us, just out of reach. Its that moment when those thoughts find an outlet that a song becomes my song, like it was written as a prophecy, perfect in itself, revealing its message only at the appropriate moment including in its understanding, the initiation of healing.

Going back has always been a pleasure.