Jasz "The Spammer" Alcatraz

I'm a kinda guy who'll never miss any movie that releases on the big screen. Its my inability to say "no" that made me watch Troy 4 times, Arya 4 times, Hyderabad Blues-2 Twice and Mirchi once. Although I never quite regret going to the movie for a repeat viewing, I carry with me a very heavy grudge against the guy who took me there. So the next time I tell ya that I cant go to the movie with you, it's probably not your fault, its the fault of the movie we went to last time.

**reading above paragraph, you also do that again**

**reading above para again and recommends you also to do it again**

As cliched as the above para was, you MIGHT have enjoyed the above para simply because it mentions movies you've seen or those are situations that you were in.
SIMILARLY, Raghu Romeo takes all the things that you've already seen, heard, read or even experienced, puts them in a large bag that u've already carried and expects you to pay for it. The beauty of the movie lies in the fact that you would be ready to pay again and again for movies like these.
The biggest thing that irritates me about these low-budget flicks is that it has atleast one or two lead actors who (for lack of a better phrase) take themselves too seriously. The absence of this kinda pretentiousness is the most striking thing about Raghu Romeo. especially Vijay Raaz whose role in Moonsoon Wedding will go down as the Best Wedding Organizer in Indian Cinema.
Like New-age director independent films, this one is a comedy too. But the humor isnt derived from jokes or physical comedy. The humor comes from the reality of the situations. The way the protagonist watches the TV without batting an eyelid. The way he asks for a loan. The way he reacts to a customer. While no "jokes" rate a "ROFL", most "jokes" rate a "lol".
**I cannot even begin to imagine the stupidity of that sentence**

To better understand the subtle difference between Bollywood films and Raghu Romeo, I'll describe a few scenes from the movie.

Scene 1:
Hero is enamoured by an actress. He follows her show or films religiously.

Bollywood Treatment: Hero looks at a picture of the heroine and breaks into a duet with her in Switzerland.

Raghu Romeo Treatment: Hero is shown gawking at a poster of the heroine for 2 minutes. He does this on the middle of the road and causes a traffic jam and is subject to many gaalis.

Scene 2:
Hero works in bar. Dance girl likes hero. Hero faces off against Don

Bollywood Treatment: Hero makes witty comments and avoids the attention he gets from the dancer. The hero bashes up the don w/henchmen. Hero pays for the damage from his salary.

Raghu Romeo Treatment: Hero is too shy to talk to any female let alone someone who makes passess at him. Hero get kicked around by the Don. Hero steals money from the counter to buy gift for actress.

Scene 3:
Villains kidnap actress.

Bollywood Treatment: Hero chases them for 30 mins and bashes them for 30 mins thus forming the second half of the film.

Raghu Romeo: Here comes the twist....Raghu himself kidnaps the heroine.

Scene 4:
Hero Feeds heroine

Bollywood Treatment: They look into each others eyes and sing songs in Switzerland.

Raghu Romeo Treatment: Hero describes in great detail the art of dipping a biscuit into tea. Too long and it'll break. Too short and it'll be too dry. Balance is the essence of life is the lesson learnt here. Thus the reason for her being kidnapped is vaguely understood.


This movie is so simple that it'll never win awards. It wont have crowds outside gates. The actors will not have new projects. The director will never be so originally unoriginal. The actors will never be so unreally real. This kinda talk also made me realize that there cannot be another movie as unique as Raghu Romeo.
Its a movie that wont give you anything to take back........not even moments that'll make you laugh afterwards......but for the 2 hours you are in the theatre.....you wont be thinking of anything else and more importantly you will be laughing. And that is why MOST people go to the movies. Or so they tell me.

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: nope

Dear Mr. Mod,

Firstly, I would like to clarify that I have absolutely no hard feelings against you for banning me and hope that my banning wasnt a result of some hard feelings that you had against me for making your sunday evenings a bit tougher. **wink, wink**

I wont deny saying all those horrible horrible things. I also wont repent for saying them. They came out just as I wanted them to. I wont protest the ban......it was somethng that I totally deserved. But it really irks me to see that BlackWizard and Johnny also got banned for things that I said. For them it was a night of fun that went awry (pronounced or-I) and they shouldnt have been banned. I do sincerely hope that you revoke their bans.

As for me I shall have to find others ways to sneak in. I've already sneaked in twice under other IDs but you crushed me like a cockroach. Contrary to what most people think, I wasnt sad to hear that I was banned. The very first thing I did was to try to get in through a proxy. Unfortunately my computer skills are very limited and I hope some of the readers will give me ideas to break in. As the day wore on numerous FH users laughed at me for being banned. (I hate you guys : Nutty, Azazel, PSD, Stingrae, Romu, Baap and BW himself). But with each scorn my resolve to get in on the action strengthened. I shall return....someday, somehow.

Many people asked me why I (henceforth called The Victim) had gone to such an extreme in dissing the sisters (henceforth called The Perpetrators).

For over a month now The Victim (thats me) watched as his beloved boards fell prey to spammers and homosexuals. Being the one with the biggest ego (and the biggest ass) The Victim could not bear seeing these n00bs surpassing his post count. Taking matters into his hands he challenged the spammers to numerous cursefests and won. Such cursefests got rid of spammers like Rocksomething and CrackedNut (or so he thought).

There were others spammers who couldnt be defeated in cursefests. He introduced them to the blogs and made them lose interest in spamming. This got rid of spammers like Stingrae and Baap. The last remaining people on his list were The Perpetrators. The Victim thus devised a plan to irritate them and make them hate the boards. The plan consisted of continuos mental torture over a period of 4 days. He even made a list of gaalis to be used on each day.

Alas!!! The plan backfired and The Victim was banned.

Now people will ask me why I hated The Perpetrators so much.

To that I ask you, why did my cusses irritate you? I'm pretty sure they irritated you for their extreme vulgar content and their total disrespect for other peoples feelings.

I hated The Perpetrators for similar reasons. Their pansy posts about "not parking in zones for pregnant women, hating dolls because they looked freaky, silly food combos" are IMHO a total disrespect of my feelings.

But will you ban them, dear Mod??? No. Probably because of my remark last sunday that Balakrishna was famous.

Current Mood: Vicious
Current Music: nope

I have been banned from the FullHyd boards. I'm kinda proud since this adds to my credibility if being a total asshole

Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: nope

It was an offer that I couldnt refuse. My friend promised to get the tickets, pay for the popcorn, and buy me cigarettes if I saw Hyderabad Blues 2 again.

It was a big mistake. The movie was such a drag that Mirchi suddenly seemed a classic. Nagesh Kukanoor's sequel to his first movie is probably his worst yet. He hasnt improved one bit from his very first movie. The same amatuerish camera-work. The same crass comedy thats funny only because its in the Hyderabadi lingo. The same caricaturised look at orthodox parents. The only improvement was probably the acting and the junta in the theatre (house full).

Hyderabad Blues's charm was in the honesty and sincerity of Kukanoor's characters. The movies strength was in the realistic situations and conversations that the lead pair had. This movie sucks because this realism went out the window the moment the story gets interesting.

Let me explain. Varun (kukanoor) almost kisses an employee. (Keyword:almost). His wife gets to know and immediately asks him to leave. (Keyword:immediately). A few days later, after refusing to even see him, she asks for a Divorce. (Keyword:refusing).

Although she knows that he didn't lay a lip on his employee, she wants a divorce because she cant trust him anymore. That's understandable. When he finally convinces her to come back to him, she goes ahead with the divorce because his parents spew some orthodox shit about a womans suffering post-divorce being more than a mans. (Keyword:Unrealistic). Are we supposed to believe that she got a divorce because society says she cannot live alone and not because she was pissed at her husband??

The worst thing about HB1 were the sad camera angles. I'm dissapointed that after 4 movies Mr Kukanoor hasnt improved one bit. The product placement was a little too obvious.(keyword:Corporate Sellout)

The last thing I expected from Indie-films makers like Kukanoor was succumbing to Bollywood pressures and using one line introductions to a character. He also succumber to Hollywood pressure by taking a good thing and doubling it in the sequel. We had 2 dirty talking friends in HB1, we have 4 dirty talking friends in HB 2.

Then why are people raving about it so much?? Simple answer:

SEX SELLS.

Whether you show it or you speak it, sex definetly sells. Hence you have long coversations about ravaging a hot-babe or declining sexual desires or the art of seduction. The defense will be that Nagesh (we're on first name terms now) touched "pertinent" issues. My answer is that Nagesh used it to draw more laughs. (keyword:used).

The first time I saw the movie I laughed. The second time I saw other people laugh. I was so quiet that my friend thought that I was sleeping.

(Damn these nature calls, I've lost the tempo of the above rant).

Nows the perfect time for me to plug Raghu Romeo. Truly entertaining flick. There are long monologues in the movie which are hellaciously funny without ever talking of sex. Believe it or not one scene has Raghu detailing the art of dipping a biscuit in tea which was funnier that the whole of HB2 put together.


Current Mood: Dismissive
Current Music: nope

Unwilling to go home at 10 pm since it was too early, Popesmokesdope and me were looking for some place to eat. We had just come from Raghu Romeo at Prasad's where we had hogged throughout the movie. We were looking for a place that served inexpensive snacks.
We then had a brain wave and headed towards Venkatadri Theatre in Dilshuknagar.
WE WERE GOING TO SEE ANOTHER MOVIE
At the start of each week, I mark out all the must-see-movies. This particular movie was marked simply because of it promised sleaze at its best. Movie's name is Mirchi.
A low-budget, late 90's action drama aka B-Grade chiller choot movie, this movie featured 12 hot babes in short skirts. But the sleaze never came. This ticked me off. PSD was ROFL at the song lyrics while I was ROFL at the acting skills. Or rather, the lack of any.
Midway between the movie, while I was talking myself into staying through till the end, I told myself this: "Jasz, this is what rural India lives on. Its a B-Grade grindhouse film".
The last two words reminded me of QT and his Love for the B-grade movie industry. Then I started looking at Mirchi in a different way. I saw a formulaic movie, that played to the directors strengths and delivered what it promised. No different from a Karan Johar movie is it? I started seeing every scene and situation as a parody of the big-budget flicks. The villains lair. The hero's ill fitting leather jacket. The heroine's non-contribution to the flick.
This kind of thinking did not help me like the movie, (it sucked - end of story) it made me think about Kill Bill Vol 1.
I see why some people did not like the movie. FOr all their faults these people do not know jack-shit about beautiful visuals. They dont pay attention to the dialogues except in scenes where the female seduces the male. They do not know that the violence was SUPPOSED to be funny.
This brings the focus back to film-freaks like me. Would I have liked the movie if it was made by anyone other than QT? Even if it resembled this one frame-to-frame? Maybe I would have praised the visuals but thats about it.
I wouldnt have watched it 9 times (only). I wouldnt have quoted it all over the place. I wouldnt have defended it so much. I wouldnt have discussed it with so many people in hope of understanding things that I didnt get yet.
Goes to show how strange movie fans can be. We laugh at people who like movies just because their favourite actor is in it and we go and do the same thing.


Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: i hate having to choose one of those moods.