When your own shadow talks to you...!!

socially insensible hokums!!

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 27 July 2004, 4:52pm

I do know that being highly preoccupied with other stuff has got nothing to do with decent blogging (whatever 'that' is), so my apologies to anyone who has been peeking in and out of this place for the past week, anticipating something clever or witty or insightful. ;-)

In more "I couldn't give a crap" news:

I am surrounded by Chinese engineers these days...Since most of us, including yours truly, cannot pronounce those names properly and out of sensitivity for the shortcomings of our pronunciation skills they introduce themselves as john, mike, sharon etc...

There is an old politically incorrect russian joke that goes: Do you know how Chinese people name their children?

(pause...)

They throw some silverware down the stairs and name the child by the resulting sound.

Well, as an enlightened soul with a supposedly profound knowledge about more subtler things in this wide vast world, I dismissed them as a culturally insensitive nonsense.

Just the other day, during a working lunch (I hate 'em!!) my friend inadvertently dropped a spoon in our room, and this Chinese guy (who introduces himself as john) suddenly responded from his table down the hall, 'yes'..!!

We looked at each other!!!

Bewildered, I thought, is there anything to this? Does it deserve a follow up experiment?

Scene II: 3 hours later..

Couple of other colleagues of mine were around this time, so I say this with the weight of 6 ears. I happen to accidentally clank my cup on the table. This time John was in his seat inside the cabin. 'Yes', he said but then walked over to the door and checked to see if anyone was there.

It must be that he has highly sensitive ears and quietly knocking friends..!!!

Current Mood: Wicked
Current Music: its what we are all about...

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Loosing my beloved ones - a pain in the neck!

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 20 July 2004, 3:38pm

I do realize, there will come a day when souls I know, those I care, start dying at pretty regular intervals. But as of right now, I'm mostly familiar with the death of inanimate objects. An oxymoron? No, not at all. Silly, Yes, may be..

Think of John Galt here saying.. "The existence of inanimate matter is un conditional, the existence of life is not; it depends on a specific course of action.." [pardon me here, for anyone who just finished Atlas Shrugged would definitely be able to show some empathy]

First one to go was a tee shirt that I've had since 1999. Guess I bought that because of some kind of emergency, as it was a costly tee shirt from the underwear department of a major department store. It used to be black, but through some accident it was put in the wash with a load of white towels and bleached to the weirdest, most non-uniform shade of brown. I've tried to find out other brown shirts like it, but the kind of hue that result from an accidental magic..well, you know its impossible to replace that. Over the years, the already luxurious cotton fibers became softer, little holes showed up in the neck binding, and as it thinned out, it's drape became sexier and sexier. Oh! how I loved this shirt. When giant holes began appearing in the underarms, my mediocre sewing skills came to the rescue every time, but after a while the fabric had so thinned out that it could no longer be saved. It took me a while to accept that it was really gone. "You need to accept it," my friend said. "Tee shirts die.." And he was right. I'm currently debating on a burial or a cremation.

Now, on the brink of death, are my "hipster shoes" (what I called them at a party a few weeks ago!), my lovely burgandy floreshiems that I have worn pretty much every day for almost..god knows from when!. I guess that's one reason why they are so ragged. The toes are completely scuffed. The soles are worn down on the sides. The eyelets are starting to rip away from the leather. The leather itself is so dry, that it has started giving me solid nightmares. I decided today that they're going to have to be replaced soon. My friend once said to me "Don't you own any other shoes?" and to that I thought, "What? Am I supposed to have a shoe fetish?" I guess I used to, but oh, how much time you waste in the morning wondering which pair of shoes you're going to wear today!

Death is so deep a subject that it's actually like one of those ponds people dive into, thinking they are really deep, and end up breaking their necks.

Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: find a job..get a life

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Here I am! Im OK!

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 8 July 2004, 8:14am

That experience, the experience of being Not Ok, all the while exclaiming its opposite, is now summed up (for me) in those two words, not unlike their peculiar - urban? - incarnation, in which the phrase is used in combination with 'no', most usually to a street vendor:

"Street Sheet?"

"No, I'm OK."

Maybe every utterance of I'm OK is a way of expressing how exactly the opposite everything is.

But I really AM individually OK after hours of sleep. In addition, we went around all over the place. We saw a jungle. We saw some kids playing a complicated clapping and shouting handgame. We saw some sales. We saw people waiting in lines, and we stood in lines. We saw the windows across the way. We saw the clouds turn color.

I'm OK..

Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: its a party..

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Let the polemics begin!

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 6 July 2004, 10:40am

I have a a lot to say, Guess it will get it all out of my head so that I do not burst from the accumulation of unexpressed thoughts, which can be quite messy if you've ever witnessed it.

Every day, I look around in complete horror. The difference between what is versus what could and should be is so large that the contrast is almost unbearable. Just once I'd like to turn on the television and hear that something noble and heroic happened in the world. Something inspirational, to serve as a sort of "spiritual fuel" to combat the weariness from the daily bombardment of irrationality.

Still, they say one must never give up hope. If ever there was a time that positive change could be enacted, it is now. The web permits the access to, and transmission of, ideas at speed never before experienced. It is ideas that change the world, as philosophy is the foundation of human existence. At this point I wish to give credit where credit is due. Ayn Rand has had the most impact of any thinker upon my life. She gave me the words to express what I have always felt, but could not properly define by the moral code which most of society adheres to, consciously or not. www.aynrand.org is the place to begin learning about her philosophy, which she calls objectivism. As for myself, I am not an official spokesperson for objectivism, nor is anything I say to be assumed to be in strict compliance with her teachings. First hand research would benefit those who are interested.

Let the polemics begin.

Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: the summer of 69

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The Ideal - Do you get it or be it?

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 6 July 2004, 12:31am

This is an interesting distinction, one which always seems to exist:- of people who worry about and strive to be good enough, and those who worry about having enough. (someone might want to portray this as a battle between the self-perfectionists & the hedonists)

It seems more women worry about being good enough themselves (for example so many focusing on their weight), and more men worry about having enough (for example, feeling that they "always deserve" a beautiful women, or at least focusing more on wanting one than on their own worthiness).

It isn't a total dichotomy always, of course; everyone is some sort of combination. Judging by your actions, senses of empowerment, and regrets, do you want to be 'your ideal' one, or do you want to have 'the ideal' one? Do you know why..do you like your reasoning?

Most of the times I want to be my ideal..to be happy with what I'm doing ..to be able to think well of myself. That gives me considerable control over myself, and makes me second guess my social interactions..Generally it makes me confident..

..albeit the fact that having my ideal too would just be the icing on the cake ;-)

Current Mood: Mooney
Current Music: TMBG - Older

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This is definitely a spam!!

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 2 July 2004, 5:32am

I have started reading Atlas Shrugged again(for the nth time)...this time online..

I'm about 1/4 of the way through (it's a LONG book..at least when viewed in a computer screen) and am beginning to wonder if I'm doomed to an unhappy life because I have no purpose.

I have began to ask everyone I encounter what their purpose is. It amazes me how empty many peoples purposes seem to me. I often feel like telling them that, they too, are purposeless and just don't realize it. What is your purpose?

I'm glad that I'm getting caught up in such big questions!

My view of 'purpose' is rather different from Rand's. I believe that most of us humans should not so narrowly focus long-term obsessions. In many ways, psychologically, 'specialization is for insects'.

When it comes to big questions like 'purpose', I see the world more as a naturalist and less as a philosopher. Three films spring to mind: the PBS Evolution series, Microcosmos (the dramatic lives of insects & flowers), and Adaptation (a story weaving human goals with the evolutionary success of life throughout history).

Our minds are huge, and we face a wide range of choices. Nonetheless, we are organisms -- and are never really removed from the fabric of life. (That may sound somehow environmentalist for a moment here, but I totally don't mean it that way. Species compete with each other & use each other, and the naturalist perspective should have no problem with that!) What I mean is mostly that our species has evolved to find some (kinds of) goals inspiring/uplifting/meaningful -- and to be unable to sustain real thriving interest in other kinds of goals.

Looking as a naturalist, the big question is whether a human is thriving -- and what they might do to better that. Making yourself more vital to your tribe (especially those you care most about) is often the best way to thrive more. That one is what drives a lot of idealistic-type people into medical professions -- and it's what haunts them once they're out there working & often feeling interchangeable with other doctors & nurses (which they might describe more vaguely as feeling caught up in a big impersonal system).

What's my personal purpose? Insight. I'm not unique in this lifelong periodic obsession, but my evolving structure of insights becomes more distinctive every year.

Okay, back to reading a book that really depresses me... ;-)

Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Grandaddy - "Now Its On" & Skyflakes - "Bad Thoughts"

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Optimists vs. Pessimists..

Stand-Alone Dreamer | 1 July 2004, 11:37am

This is a little tricky..for most part of my acquaintance with decisions and views I consider myself a natural optimist. I do sometimes think of myself as a realistic evaluator of events, not biased by any fixed tendency to interpret things positively.

I am optimistic most of the time and about most issues 'coz-

Most bad things that happen do not seriously affect my ability to enjoy life as an individual. Most good things contribute to my ability to enjoy it.

I am tremendously aware of the power of good ideas over bad, and see the evil of the world as inherently weak and self-destructive.

The first was with me for most of my life. The second is acquired, and I think the more I learn history the more optimistic I get.

I've met a lot of Objectivists who are perpetual pessimists. They are dropping the context, since they seem to see only the bad, and ignore the good.

Some, however, seem to see both and focus on the bad, while I see both and focus on the good. The reason I do that is that on the basis of the good, I can work.On the basis of the bad, I can only quit or whine.

Is this merely a sense of life issue, or a complex historical evaluation in which different people get different results?

Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: another stop sign..u keep moving!

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