Just when you think Life is good
Neurotron | 30 July 2004, 11:50am
…she will pick you up by the short and curlies, bend you over, smack you hard, and tell you politely how your soul may belong to God but your sorry ass belongs to her. And to shut the fuck up, and smile like you’re enjoying the ride.
Everybody’s born with a hot poker up the ass. And different tolerance levels to pain. That’s why some people seem happier than others. It’s just that Life hasn’t yet noticed that the poker cooled down. Don’t worry sweetheart, Life’s just lookin’ for her most powerful blowtorch. Just. For.You. Now, don’t that make ya feel extra special?
I, of course, have one of those special pokers. The self-igniting one. Once it falls below a certain temperature, it sort of wakes up and goes “Uh oh, looks like it’s that damned Happiness fungus again. Can’t have that now, can we?”. And the ignition sequence begins – 5...4...3...brrm brrrrmm brrrrmmmmm! Chug chug chug chug... And at about the same time, I can see the Shit Cascade happening around me. Things suddenly start going wrong. And there won’t be much I can do about it. So I have learnt to just cringe and bear it. And, oh, I must remember to smile through it all – mustn’t piss Life off anymore. Remember the last line of the first paragraph?
If only Life looked like Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled. That, I could reconcile myself to. The avatar she picks for me, however, is more like a particularly vicious female Ork. There are some, like my Grinny friend, for whom Life right now is like a bikini model factory. Oh well. Maybe she’s just setting him up for a Big Blowtorch. She, too, moves in mysterious ways you know.
But she has her sweet moments, Life. She can be real nice sometimes. She will sometimes come round for tea and crumpets and a chat, she will sometimes show you pretty things, like the bikini model factory; she might even put some ice on the poker, if you’ve been particularly good this year (Santa pings her). But, apparently, she draws the line at pulling the poker out. No can do, mate, she says. Yeah, don’t bother – I asked.
So yesterday, my special poker woke up. And initiated the sequence. But it will take some time to heat up, what with the cold and all. It will reach maximum temperature in about 2 months, when my world is due to do a 180 degree. Oh well, guess it’s time to go back to the trough of Life’s sine curve. Like the kiddie T-Shirt said : who needs milk and cookies? Give me titties and beer!
Damn, if only Life’s peaks were a little better!
Damn you, Arun Nayar!
Current Mood: Destructive
Current Music: Rob Zombie - Dragula (HOT ROD Herman Remix)
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Shadow
Neurotron | 28 July 2004, 5:51pm
It never leaves me. My shadow. Not obscuring the path ahead, but darkening the road left behind. It weighs heavily; it looms ever larger. I must bear this burden of my own creation. This cross. A lone drop of tainted blood in a sea of milk, and it will never be pure again, never as white. This albatross around my neck. I must exorcise this ghost from the past. The future is a fragile, unborn child, while the past only grows older, darker, stronger, with every passing moment - I am but the medium. The key is to allow the experience to be passed on, not the fear.
Spirits of my forefathers – guide my hand…
Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Prince of Darkness - Megadeth
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I, Moron.
Neurotron | 23 July 2004, 12:48pm
I, am a Moron.
As everybody must have felt like at some point. But my life is a series of oh-no-seconds – defined as that fraction of time in which you realize you have made an absolute blunder. And mine aren’t your everyday garden variety blunders. Mine assume traumatic, life-altering proportions. Unforgettable. The type people recount again and again, at most inopportune moments. Making them super-morons in my book.
And, of course, a large proportion of these are alcohol-fuelled. And coupled with my lamentable propensity for being garrulous (as must be obvious by now), we arrive at Blunder Central. Thus, me being a moron largely involves me saying things I probably should not have, to the wrongest of people. But this dates back to pre-alcoholism times, starting from when I used to make my affections for a certain girl painfully obvious. And she would just have to be the coolest girl, who hung out with all the cool people, who would all have a good laugh at I, Moron. Or she would just have to be the girl who was ‘going around’ with the coolest hosteller, who in true Ajay Devgan style would have all his cronies supporting the whole affair and ready to beat up anyone who dared intrude. Guess who? Like I said – traumatic, life-altering.
One thinks one has grown up, up and away from being a moron. But being a homozygous recessive (look it up) Moron mutant cannot be shaken off that easy. CBSE 90 odd percent done with, you’d think moving into junior college might help matters. They have coloured clothing, for God’s sake! Plus, nobody knows the inherent I, Moron. But no. I just had to make sure people knew. As people I play snooker with might know, I am the unluckiest creature you’d have ever seen. Somehow, speaking English and not knowing the vital stats of the latest Telugu thunder-thighs heroine made me an outcast. Consequently a moron. Whatever, man.
College. Ah! At last, a place where you are expected to be a moron. I should fit right in here! It would be a tad difficult to fit in three years of being a Supreme Moron (that’s like a black belt IInd degree) into a few lines. Each one would deserve an individual post. Like the time I kept someone waiting for two hours for a date, to arrive and find them still there. Like the time I borrowed a bike to go meet someone (of course, I was already late. Plus, I think it was her birthday. Or was it mine?), had my first (and last) accident, and thought it would be better to not tell my friend about his bike. He found out, obviously, and immediately consoled and forgave me. I doubt I have ever felt smaller in my entire life. Like the time I thought it might be better to not write this exam because I wasn’t prepared enough, and just sat outside, alone in the whole campus, watching my friends write it. Like the time I thought I should sulk, so she would feel bad, and we would make up and then that would be wonderful. Like the time I thought it would be a good idea to say goodbye. Only for a little while, I thought.
I, Ultimate Moron.
But one does learn to fight what is inborn. One learns to shut up. I have, the hard way. It’s like in the movie 'Unbreakable' – there are cool people, then there are just people, and then there’s me. I’m so far on the opposite end of this spectrum, I’m probably on a whole new spectrum. But hey, I’m not complaining. In a world of ones and twos, I’m a zero. At least that makes me different, right? Different is good. I like different. I’m not one of the herd, never will be. I’m the moron that strays away every time. So maybe I get killed first. Or maybe I stray far enough to find a whole new pasture! With hot chicks.
Blunder is for today, Moron is forever.
I, Moron!
Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Nothing compares to you - Sinead O Connor
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..and then,
Neurotron | 21 July 2004, 1:38pm
A tale still recounted at reunions.
Social studies class. The teacher has just finished a long discourse on the French Revolution. She sounded very knowledgeable about the whole thing.
"...and thus, the French Revolution ended in fiasco."
She looked up, sighed, gave a half smile and looked at us expectantly.
"Madam, what is 'fiasco'?"
"Oh, it's a place in France.."
ROTFL.
Current Mood: Amazed
Current Music: Angel - Massive Attack
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If it makes you happy...
Neurotron | 20 July 2004, 4:40pm
It's funny how just looking at my bike all nice and shiny everyday (now that I've got someone to clean it) makes me so happy.
So it's true I guess - happiness IS in the small things. As an amateur psychologist, I might have been tempted to analyse this to death. But I won't. Who cares? I'm happy, it's not at the expense of anyone else (seeing I'm paying the guy more than others pay him to do the same job), it's not expensive, and it's a regular occurrence. What else can one ask for?
Happiness Theory.
I'm glad I've shared my Happiness Theory with a few people, who seemed to think it made a lot of sense. It's odd how we so regularly suppress that which might make us truly happy inside, in order to fool ourselves that we are, in fact, already happy. And I'm not talking about deliriously over-the-moon happy. That will come on its own. I'm talking about contentment, plain and simple. Most of know, deep down, what would make us happy. We, of course, need to balance that with what is reasonable and achievable.
And it could be absolutely anything. All we have to do is identify, plan a little, and achieve. What we do everyday in our jobs for somebody else who pays us money, which we think we can use, at some point, to make ourselves happy. But when is that point? When do we realise and decide that it's time to be happy? We all know the answer.
The time is now. Always.
Yes, I will work in a non-rewarding/boring/unhappy job, if it will help me do the other things that give me happiness. But I need to be achieving that happiness on a regular basis. When I started working, nothing gave me more happiness than being able to buy things for my parents, take my cousins and friends out for meals or fun, and pay for my own fun. But the key there was DOING it. We tend to forget that little bit, which we should be doing for ourselves, the most important component in this deal. And we achieve targets day in and day out in our jobs, you'd think we'd be getting better at knowing the best ways to reach the most important targets.
If it makes you happy
it can't be that bad...
If it makes you happy
then why the hell are you so sad...?
Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: If it makes you happy - Sheryl Crow
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Uh oh...
Neurotron | 19 July 2004, 11:46pm
..and I love the way she signs her letters simply with
"..love,
me."
Uh oh.
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Aint no Sunshine - Bill Withers
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Paul Van Dyk
Neurotron | 16 July 2004, 10:33am
Someone here mentioned a PVD track in their highly essential and indispensable and the oh-so-lovable section called 'current music'.
And now, I don't remember who it was, and am , boo hoo, unable to find the page.
So will the trippy person pls let me know who they are again?
I need words witcha... :-)
Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Aurora Borealis - Astral Projection
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Uninvited
Neurotron | 15 July 2004, 2:38pm
I love this song. And now it's stuck in my head.
This is all your fault, drp.
And you,
you're not allowed
you're uninvited
An unfortunate slight...
'Baba' is another one.
How long will this take, Baba?
How long have we been sleeping?
Do you see me hanging onto every word you say?
How soon will I be holy?
How much will this cost, guru?
How much longer till you completely absolve me?
Current Mood: Irreverent
Current Music: Alanis
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The Last of the Particans
Neurotron | 14 July 2004, 1:49pm
Someone once mentioned he liked reading my tales of parties and the like. So, here’s another about the revelry and debauchery of my college days.
Ok, not so much debauchery as such, but drunken revelry, nevertheless. When I was in London, I happened to meet, and stay with, a social butterfly from Hyderabad. She was a butterfly only figuratively, for she was of rather large proportions. Hmm, maybe ‘figuratively’ isn’t the right word. Can’t say ‘in a broad sense’ either. Though at least two meanings of ‘broad’ would be applicable here. (Beep beep! Pun overload!).
And she also wasn’t, err…too intellectually inclined, shall we say. The London life hasn’t cured her of either problem, I’m reliably told. But she was rather innocent. And sweet. My professor there taught me that that’s what one should say if one has nothing better to say.
Anyway, she made one or two trips back to Hyd during our time together. And she always raved about how much the place has changed, how the culture is more open now, and some stuff about cute boys in big cars and lots of money, which I didn’t quite catch. Wasn’t paying too much attention. I was lost in the memories of the parties we used to have in college. And if she was right, the scene must have only gotten better! I mean, with the number of people we knew, the parties being thrown now must surely be by the younger siblings of the extended party family. Yay! The younger ones always looked up to us as the ‘in’ crowd. I mean, who wouldn’t eh? We had PARTIES, for God’s sake. With sophisticated (and, ok, not so ‘sophisticated’) women, who drank and smoked and wore ‘cool’ clothes. The current bunch would love to have one of the ‘seniors’ back, right? I wouldn’t have to mourn the loss of the London nightlife and the clubbing – I had parties in Hyd just waiting, right?!
Wrong.
To say I was disappointed would be to put it mildly. It seemed like the bachchalog forgot what parties are made of. I did the usual – blamed our generation. Maybe their schooling was insufficient. Maybe they’ve been mesmerized by the lure of the moolah being dangled by the devious BPOs. Maybe they forgot that parties are more than a bunch of guys sitting around, getting pissed, and lewdly discussing various aspects of the opposite sex. That, you morons, is done WITH the women around. So they can join in, and you can get some much needed education. Like the wise man said, at parties, education is what you’re left with when the booze is finished.
And a good party would be like the ones we had. Not like the corporate faloozas we see nowadays. Someone told someone who told a third who told everyone that there would be a party at such and such place and at such and such time. You just landed up and inevitably found at least 5 people you knew one way or the other. And tried to get to the secretly bought Smirnoff before the insensitive buffoon throwing the party, whom you vaguely knew, got all selfish and distributed it only amongst his close friends. One, of course, does not dance. One watches all the other inevolutes jumping to bhangra, one laughs ones guts out in favoured company, and one waits till one gets pissed enough to be excused for doing the same thing. Then there was the phase where we were known as the ‘rock/metal heads’. In black tees with various gory images, strutting like kings till we realized we were out of ciggies and would have to beg and borrow. But I’ll save those stories for another time. We would have a fucking blast; with whatever we had, and not expect more or worry too much about inconsequencies like exams or home. It’s sad - they just don’t make parties like they used to, anymore.
I would love to be proved wrong here. Sadly, looks like the young ‘uns have lost the thread. Sadly, a good party now is like classic rock – a memory of a glorious past, better times, and cheap and thoroughly enjoyable fun. A lost art.
Sadly, it seems like we were, in fact, the Last of the Particans.
Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: Lady - Mojo (the ONLY song that would get me to at least WANT to dance)
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Stupid
Neurotron | 13 July 2004, 3:27pm
I feel so bored, boring, and unfunny, that I will now post words said by other people, that make me laugh.
I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless.
- George Costanza
Seinfeld : To a woman sex is like the garbage man. You just take for it granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street an guy in a jumpsuit is going to come along and pick it up. But now...no sex. It's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The side walk is blocked. Nothing is getting through. You are stupid.
Elaine : I don't understand.
Seinfeld : Exactly.
- "Seinfeld - The Abstinence"
Naomi : "I thought you were happy-go-lucky."
Jerry Seinfeld : "No, no, no, I'm not happy, I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky."
*sigh*
Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: leave me alone
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Responses
Neurotron | 12 July 2004, 1:20pm
"What have you done NOW?"
"Where's the car?!"
"Who is she?"
"I've fallen in love with you..."
There should be a goddamn book on "Appropriate Responses to 101 Tough Questions"
Yes, the last one IS a question...it just doesn't sound like one. That's why it's the bloody toughest. The worst thing you can do is smile and go "Thank you". THAT would be dumb. Which is why we need the book. It's all a damned conspiracy, I tell you.
"What do you do, Jack? What do you do..."
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Hanging by a moment - Lifehouse
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Q 167:
Neurotron | 8 July 2004, 6:30pm
How do you know what is skewed and what isn't, unless you're willing to distort your perception, even if momentarily, to find out?
Complacency is Death.
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: no, thank you.
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Fantasy
Neurotron | 5 July 2004, 10:25pm
Ever had a fantasy come true?
Was it all you thought it would be? Was it more? Chances are it didn't live up. Which is why some other disappointed person came up with the all-too-true "Be careful what you wish for - it might come true". Yeah, yeah, cliches and all that. But there's a reason they're said so often.
It was almost everything. The electricity went off in only ONE room and, of course, it just HAD to be the bedroom.
Perfect.
I got out the candles. Ok, so they were not scented, but I gots ta save something for next time, ne c'est pas? It was cool because of the rain earlier in the day, and the slight drizzle outside. We could hear it tapping softly on the leaves, and it made for lovely background music. I'd always thought it would be Kenny G and though I did have the choice, I made it Curtis Stigers. Followed by Miles Davis.
The soft glow of the candlelight was the way I'd imagined it would be - not too bright, not too depressingly dim, not flickering too much. Maybe some wine would have helped, but of course, we would have had too much of it and the moment would have floated by on wings of intoxication. Not the best idea. We let far too many of those by, we need to learn to really live in the moment. Another cliche...
But there will always be something missing. Always. And chances are, you will never be able to identify it. You will remain with a feeling of having been cheated, or deprived, of something. Something
But does that mean we stop fantasising? Stop building castles for fear the walls will crumble someday? Not dream of perfection for fear we will fall short? Not feel the warmth of love for fear the flames will burn us one day?
I think not.
The burnished hues of that lovely time are, and always will be, etched indelibly in my mind. Thank you, little one, for a magical afternoon...
Current Mood: Mooney
Current Music: The Last Embrace - Curtis Stigers
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The mating habits of emperor penguins (theres a title - happy?)
Neurotron | 2 July 2004, 2:41pm
Does a man ever know he's really in love until it's over?
It takes a heart broken at least once to recognise love the next time it comes 'round the mountain to kick your ass to hell.
Why is there ALWAYS a price to pay?
Current Mood: Bored
Current Music: Dont know what you got (till its gone) - Cinderella
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Bittersweet
Neurotron | 1 July 2004, 1:45pm
"...for there is no pathos greater than having to say goodbye to someone you have never met."
- P.G.Wodehouse.
Like the striking person across the street, who looked at you and smiled. Twice.
Like the girl in the bookstore with the glasses that she kept pushing up her nose.
Like the only other person who came to watch the movie alone.
Like the person two cubicles down in the train compartment listening to Jim Morrison and reading Enid Blyton.
Current Mood: Mooney
Current Music: Strangers in the night - Ol Blue Eyes
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