Last night's high has given way to today's feeling of utter confusion. Of course that could be due to the fact that I woke up, ate, went to a seminar which had me bulbed, ate, scratched my butt, yakked on d phone, did some math, slept, yakked some more, ate, stared blankly at d computer screen, yelled at my CD-writer,ate...finally bathed. Now back here and wondering wtf to do. Contemplated banging my head against the comp table till I could see my skull, but naa, it gets boring after a while. I'm peeling the skin off my fingers as of now, the pain's acting like a stimulant for me brain. I'm doing this and wondering, firstly , "wat the fuck am i doing?" and secondly, "who am i?". The first question has been explained in detail, lets move on to the next one.

Am I the engineering student who ,like everyone else, has lost his way somewhere along the lines of these 3 years? Am I yet another CAT aspirant hoping to make it big, not knowing an iota of economics/commerce? Am I the seemingly filled-to-the-brim-with-malice blogger who's bent on ripping every other blogger apart? Am I the hopelessly funny lunatic walking the face of the
earth hoping to discover if he controls his life? Am I a "grown-up"? Am I the guy who seems to be a friend to one and everyone, you know, one of those "part of the coolest groups in college" types? Am I the truant son who's wondering if he'll ever live up to his parents' expectation? Am I the lonely guy who sits and wonders if he has one "true friend"? Am I the apparently profound dude who talks on life and other such shit with people whom he wishes was like? Am I the dude who converses for hours on end with any random girl and is left feeling that nothing has been spoken about? Am I the dude who talks for those ten minutes with that one girl, and is left deep in thought, with a heavy-feeling in his heart hoping that he could have talked for just one more minute? Am I the sick mean bastard whose comments keep getting deleted off these blogs? Am I a spammer? Am I the religious church-goer who sits and ponders why the Lord keeps blessing me so many times when I keep going astray,again and again? Am I the avid sports-fan I proclaim to be? Am I the kick-butt gamer in Quake III,etc, screaming out profanities while I sweep the virtual battlefields whole? Am I the lazy bum who can't raise his arse off the couch to go play outside!?

Who am I?

I'm NOT spiderman, thats been proved beyond doubt (tried walking up the wall, head still hurts). Am I an individual? I would like to think so. They say "be an individual, do not make it easy to be dismissed in a sentence", well I've successfully amassed a whole paragraph above. Ofcourse many of could dismiss me in a sentence, "you're a raving lunatic who learnt english and is now showing that you can type it out too", or even more succintly, "you're a dickwad". I take all that in my stride, 'coz those are just some more facets of ME. I do not want to know who I am, I do not want to be classified. I hate classifications. Ah well, as long as I justify every role that I pretend to be I guess its ok in the end. Or is it? (thats an open question) To quote Jerry Cantrell's song...

Slowly all the roles we act out become our identity
And in the end we are what we pretend to be
Jerry Cantrell

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Richard Marx - Hazard