Doc speak

aloque | 8 Jul 2004, 4:37am
One of the perks/pitfalls of joining a professional course is getting stuck with a whole new jargon for the rest of your life. Words cross all barriers of script and congregate at one place to confuse laymen and also, more importantly, remind them of their ignorance. The language of the medical profession is no different and aims to confuse. Secondary aims are to flabbergast, befuddle, confound, bamboozle and F*** where is that thesaurus?
Apart from the various words from greek, latin, french, english and the 234235 local languages of India that I have to know the various names of the parts of the body in, there are also certain codes of speech recognised all over the world, aka doc speak.

1. hmmmm - give me a sec to recall what the hell this is called. btw, its pretty disgusting.

2. It's viral - I have no idea what you have, but your body will fight it out in a week.

3. its over, nearly - I am giving you a shot and the worst is yet to come. (brace yourself for atleast another minute each
time he says its over.)

4. It will only sting like an ant - I've obviously never taken one myself, but I am sure that the ant is one big mother.

5. Use these and see me in two days - My practise is too busy and I don't have
time to see you for a couple of days. So, I am going to give you something that I am sure will not work. So, get outta my face and come back later and pay me double heeheehee.

6. It's going to be ok - I am at the end of my shift. I will let the next doctor break the real

7. There is just a couple of little tests I want to run - Get ready to empty your
family coffers.

8. I hope you are doing well - not really

9. I want you to see another specialist - He is a friend of mine in need of patients.

10. You will find them at X drug store - the drug store owner is paying me a fat commission.

Believe it.
A lot of times doctors aren't as nice or noble as the profession requires them to be. I realized too late but medicine is no different from any other
business and doctors no different from businessmen out there.
Of course, there still remain a few that have served medicine instead of getting medicine to serve them. Very few. The doctors of this day and age are mostly corrupt, no good bastards that exploit suffering
people mercilessly.
ok, I wanted this to be a satire but I guess my feelings overcame me. Oh, well.

Current Mood: Shocked
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