Scales always tipped over

aloque | 9 Jul 2004, 8:40am

There is one thing in life that is ever elusive to me. I happen to think that, in it, lies the key to my satisfaction, happiness and true ability to stay in and enjoy a moment with consistency. There are many good moments in an hour, a day, a week to overshadow the bad, but the bad are long lived, and always tend to resurface. The solution is as simple to say as it is hard to find. Balance. That is the ingredient to a happy life. And striking the right balance is hard enough to justify the end result.

I have always gravitated towards the extremes of all things in my life. Interest in something usually leads to all out passion that burns hard and fast without stability, leaving no space for anything else until it fizzles out, a damp squib that promised to be so much more. Similarly, disinterest in one thing will lead to a malaise spreading to other spheres of my life, making me withdrawn and manic.

I have never learnt to compartmentalise my feelings. Never learnt to accept happiness and grief with equal nonchalance, victory and defeat with similar detachment. Never found the right balance between work and relaxation. I will either work myself to the bone or sit my ass at home languishing, forgetting my responsibilities. I have never found the equilibrium between my self imposed loneliness and my desire to have a social life. I have never found a meeting ground for my bloated ego and my insecurities, ever growing, in parallel directions. Its one or the other in extremes, like my little brain is incapable of handling both at once, in moderation.

I know the things that work for me, that make me happy. The problem lies in that that I cannot find a balance between them. I always have one or more things in disproportion when they are all equally important, equally unhappy to be ignored. I always hope for that perfect day when everything lines up precisely.

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: none


The moment of Hopes birth

aloque | 9 Jul 2004, 8:26am

A moment in time when a light descends

as a magic spell over all that is pretense.

A moment in time that holds a promise

of a dawn over a disappearing mist.

Why hide your fallacies when all fear ends?



A moment in time when pain is forgotten

from every thorny path you ever tread upon.

A moment in time that holds a promise

of a flower bud in wait for Spring's first kiss.

What is a thorn on a rose reddened ocean?



A moment healing every tear that streams

a cold stream for every shattered dream.

A moment in time that holds a promise

of the first stroke of a passionate artist.

What is a broken dream when Hope is supreme?



A moment when all love that is lost in vain

makes amends through a vengeance shamed.

A moment in time that holds a promise

of a first time lover, eyes closed in bliss.

What love is lost when you reach out to regain?



Another piece of verse written years ago that I relive frequently....


Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: none