Posted by D.Raw El Payne 14 July 2004, 11:39pm

Its an interesting thing this life-business. A week back I was full of words to type out, by words I do not mean the crap in my last post but the coherent well-woven sentences in a few posts on this blog(ok.."well-woven" is a bit far fetched :P), BUT here I'm now absolutely devoid of thought-processes and ideas. The only change between now and then is the general state of happiness in me life as of the last few days. Lotsa good things, some great things...and if I work my butt ,more to follow. My main motivator to work would be a glimpse of some moments in the past few days where I felt I could fly, where the rain seemed great, where while walking down the road I felt I could conquer the world, like the world was mine, I've felt this way before but it has been a long time since. I say a "long time" only because its been a long while since I felt happy because of something I did, and not because of someone else.

Now getting to the point I'm trying to make. There was this thread on the DBs the other day asking if, if your life would be made into a movie, what would be its title? And then today, Magician goes ahead and posts this totally hilarious post 'bout writing a book about his/her life. Got me thinking. Its just that my life, as a whole, would be one verry confusing movie/book..the movie would have toooo many characters, the book too many chapters. It would be a tedious affair alright. I look at my life as a collection of short-stories, a serial spawning a zillion disconnected episodes, with a zillion different characters. The title would be Evanescence, 'coz everything, well almost everything, in my life has been shortlived or temporary. Whether it be my feelings for someone, my hobbies, my friends, my emotions, my illnesses(been a lot of them), the houses I've lived in(been a looot of them too),the schools,my tastes in music.....a lot of what makes a person, or does it?

I envy all the fukkers who have "best friends for life", bloody bastards whom they know since they were five year olds or something! I loathe all the bitches who've stayed in one house all their life or atleast for the past decade or something, n know people called "neighbours". All those dipshits who say "my school". I haven't been in any institution longer than I've been in my engineering college so far. I have never lived in any house longer than three years, that is, just when I start to make friends with the junta around, we move. My oldest friends are the ones I keep least in touch with, its always been this way. I can't stand the girl I used to be head-over-heels over...let us not get into love and relationships, the only thing constant in that zone has been the fact that at any given time there've been atleast 'n' chicks I've liked. For a while ,sometime ,a few months back, I felt "this is it" "she's the one", only to be jolted by life's evil twists...and here I am on the road again.

There you go. The confusion in my cranium is stifling my capacity to attach words to the thoughts that are floating around unchecked, I'm nearly at the point of breakdown while I type this, I seem to have lost the capacity to write, just like I've lost every other thing which I thought was mine. My life. A collection of fleeting images, each so diverse that you'd think I suffer from a MPD. Every moment of sadness/happiness/ merging into a state of confusion to a state of indifference, finally ending up with me totally forgettin the reason and moving on in life. Only to crash headlong into another one of life's speedbreakers. Everyday conversing with a hundred million people who think they know who I am, all the while me realising..deep down..that come 2mro, I may not be speaking to 'em anymore. Wow, I'm such an asshole.

Thats it ,I quit. I'm the creator of all my doubts about non-existent things in life. Change has been the only constant thing in me life, only 'coz I've let it be that way. Damn. Balls to all of this. No NO more thinking aloud allowed on this blog. Goddamit. Fullstop.

Payne, Payne, Payne.

PS: wat the fuck did i jus type out here?!?! geez...i've totally lost it.

Current Mood: Constipated
Current Music: Alanis Morrisette - Uninvited

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 14 July 2004, 1:34am

Dammit. I'm just fresh off reading one of the funniest posts in a looong while, baap u rock bro.n yeah, it was true as always. Whoa..fukk that was some funny shit. Still laffing n grinning at the same time and looking like a stupid mofo.

Autowallahs and autorides. Some of the best times of my life and some of the most diverse moments too. I believe I'm highly experienced in this field, the field of "travelling by auto" that is. Been travelling thisaways since I was but a wee little pain. All through schoolautos-the front-engined contraptions wich wud take forever to climb up Red Hills, to the jakhas back-engined ones wich r so goddam smooth:P, from seeing the meter at 2.80 paisa (do i remember right?!) to the fukkin penny-draining 10.00 meters in b'lore! Oh btw, I've been in autos in other cities too, to add to the experience so to say. :D

Auto-experiences in good ole hydi : These guys are the best! recently while returning from sec'bad, I had the unique opportunity of meeting a designated "auto-racer"...yeah u got that right..some dipshits actually race these 3-wheeled wonders.....after swerving in and outta traffic at insane speeds(for an auto that is), after screaming at some arbit woman crossin d road, after overtaking corollas n octavias on tank-bund, he finally asks me "kaisa chalatoo bhai mein apun ka ghadi ko?"....i let out a stifled "acha ich bhai"...takin dis chance, he proceeds to tell moi 'bout the drag/circuit races held in aamchi mumbai after midnight...whoopah! me was totally zonked n sat up from my cowered position in d back..he wnt on abt this quarterly event, in which the stakes were pretttty high..the loser even giving up his carefully tuned auto to the winner!! :O :O ...this was like the Fast n The Furious on 3-wheels ,dude!! and jus as such movies hav some senti aspect to 'em...dis autofella also had a story to tell...apparently ,he was from mumbai, had 2 daughters...both of whom were unmarried and had to earn like crazy to get 'em married..he shifted to hyd 'coz d living's cheaper..but he went to mumbai every once in a while all the same jus to take part n win in the auto-races..easy money or so he said...we zoomed past masab tank n reached our dis time, he was fultoo senti n told me how he'd worked from 6AM that mornin without findin a "savari"...poor guy...apparently his daughter wudn't hav dinner till he got was 10PM then...he was tellin me how ,each time that happened, he would invariably cry...he reminded me of his unmarried elder daughter...jus wen i was wondering if he'd ask for "das rupaih eggstra"...he was like "thank you bhaiiya, mere mehnat ki khamai tho aaj milgaya"...shook my hand , jacked the starter-rod thingy,throttled his powerhouse n putter-puttered away...leavin me kinda ,well, "bulbed". A lotta other incidents like this in my varied trips in autos at all the oddest hours, this ole gentleman autowallah who was wearing glasses n a clean salt-n-pepper french beard who had done his kicked outta his job...never got employed again...he had got his daughters married's the twist..he narrated all this in english. Cool auto-dude he was ,'cept for the fact that he took paanch rupaih eggstra...damn.

Autos in the other cities : bastards always overcharge. thats all i hav to say for 'em. i dunno their language...the fukkers in b'lore always ask for those dus rupaih eggstra or heck this one was 25 bucks n he's like "chaalis dedo bhai"...i started goin ballistic at him n he goes "arre bhai agar nahi dhena hain tho kyon gadbad karte ho?...pacchis dedo, woh bhi acha ich hain"..wtever. n the dipshits in fukkin meter for them!! u gotta "settle" on a price before gettin into d dam is up wit that?! i mean for god's sakes y do they hav d goddam meters? to look cool?! mofos...i ended up payin  80 bucks to goto shopper's stop d first time i went...wen it was rite 'round the fukkin corner.

Ok me done with the recaps. I love these rides, I jus get to an auto n d ensuin conv is thisaways(with those rare exceptions)>>
ME: Auto aate kya?
AW:*grunt* kidhar jaana hain?
ME:banjara hills
AW shakes his head and lets out another grunt...time to move onto d next one,
ME:auto aate kya?
AW:banjara hills? (jus cross-checkin...he's overhead but jus wants to make sure that my destination hasn't changed...clever chap)
AW nods his head in assent n gestures to his backseat , starts his motorthingy n puts on the meter...all in one neatly synchronised motion.
silence all the way..till we reach a point where i gotta start givin direction like "left lijiye bhai...waha ghar kanne rokhdo bhai....uss blue gaadi kanne rokhiye jii"...:p
pay up the AW n say "shukriya"...
this is the routine i follow every single time i get into an auto...:D
the exceptions are real fun...especially the earlllly mornin rides at like 5:45AM, where i go n nudge the AW awake :D

Thats about it peeps. I do know how to drive, there's always one car free for me to drive but mommy always want moi to go by auto. She feels that I'm safer in d good ole autos, instead of me rippin away on me own. I'm mostly miffed at dis...but heck the autos are THE transport for me. They are the place where I let the wind fly through my hair(and the flies fly through too),an auto took me to n from the best places in the city and in my life, heck i even dropped a girl in an auto:P,my first crush was the girl in my "school-auto"*sigh*, i've bin in a "shared-auto" too - hangin on for dear life,bin in soo many of those dichik-dichik autos - wid one even belting out "brazeeel nananana" :D, for haircuts, for meetings, for college, for shopping, for late-night binges, for afty discs, for my freshers' n my seniors' farewell, for better or for worse. I'm one of the biggest sources of income to the autowallah-industry:P.

Shukriya bhai...khuda hafiz



Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Nuvve Kavali - Yekkasomething hahaha winamp rocks!