10th August, 2004

aloque | 11 Aug 2004, 3:39am

Life is about people, isn't it? Well, I guess mine is. Forgetting all the shitty solitary is turning out to be easier than I had imagined it would be. In fact, I would do it all over again. No, wait, up for review in 20 years.

Its amazing how much people can surprise you if you let them. If you only open yourself to them. I have spent a long time torn between being a big brother or being a friend. It is hard to know what to say when he tells you about how much he can drink at 17. Do I be accepting or do I lecture? Its hard to not tell him all the mistakes that I have made when he tells me about his first love. Do I tell him how to handle his relationships or let him make his own mistakes? I guess I had been making the same mistake I have made with almost everybody in my life, not giving them enough credit, being the 'surely, I know better' kind of asshole that I can be. Well, I must thank him for being himself and letting me see that he is someone who can handle himself without my help, and probably better than I would have done myself. Its humbling to learn from someone who I thought to be, for the lack of a better word, lesser. In age, in experience, in my opinion. Thanks for showing me bro, I am proud to be here, as a brother, as a friend, as whatever you need me to be. I guess you have always been here, the same as you are. I just did not respect you enough.

Another thing about people is the thoughts that leap to mind on first impressions. Saw someone today, and the first thought was, "man, those are some long arms". Ten minutes later I was thinking, "wow, I wonder how her parents' look like". Another ten minutes later, " Is she the missing link?". But I spoke to her, and now that I am home, the arms seem perfect. Getting to know someone has a way of dulling or sharpening focus on their imperfections, I guess. I not anything else, the drives home will be more exciting from now. Also, as always, this could be THE day.

Well, new experiences, to repeat myself, lead to new perspectives, and however important it is to not lose myself in this exciting time, it is also about discovering myself. Finding all those things that have been inside of me waiting for the right person/experience to release them. I believe the person I am, the person I am going to be, the person I am capable of being, all exist already, in one tangled mess that is the object of my life to untangle.

Current Mood: Happy
Current Music: none