12 Aug 2004

Memories still remain...

Posted by Divakar in General | 6:08pm

It was dark, cold and annoyingly beautiful. Sitting on a bench at the st. kilda beach, i lit a cigarette. The cold wind across my face  blew the smoke all around. For some reason, the ocean was... silent, quiet, dead as a wood; like a child sleeping in her mothers arms, innocent, beautiful!!

The only light that was visible, was coming from a distant ship, like a heart beat, a pulse. What was i doing there? Waiting for the sun to rise? Hoping for a bright force of light, a better tomorrow? The silence and the darkness around was killing me. Went there anticipating a wild ocean, water splashing all over my facefrom an angry tide, just to realise that those wild angry tides were buried deep inside of me. I see a couple walking by, probabaly in their fifties, wrinkle faced, slow walkers; 'lonely' can never be the word, iam always surrounded by people, but tonight, something's missing, something different, something haunting.

That smile flashes on my mind again. Fresh as a dew on a green leaf, like an addiction which has no rehabilitation, like the smell of the sand before the rain. I feel the moist in my eyes, i can see the pulse of the ship no more. Total darkness, a fear i always carried around me, like a halo, the darkness of the past.

I take a quick look around, "a stranger in Melbourne", and i start wandering aimlessly.

Parting ways has never been easy. It looked like a journey with no destination, without her. Truth is always stranger that the fiction, and the truth is that the past looks like a fiction, unbelievable!!

I wrote to her several times, expecting a post- mortem, a few unanswered questions. "Why did this happen to us?" "Us?", "there has never been and never will be 'Us' anymore. Its high time you realise it. I had a past, which i could not forget, Iam sorry for what i have done to you". Game, set and match!!

I always realised that words could influence, but i was late to realise how they could tear one apart, probably thats what is called "killing softly". Well, those words were said a few years ago, all said and done, and i moved on with my life. But i could sometimes feel that hang over, the uneasiness and the memories still remain.....

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