aloque | 23 Sep 2004, 1:03pm

I always thought myself to be cold-hearted and callous when my grandparents or aunts and uncles reprimanded me for forgetting to call them up once in a while and then regale me with stories of their magnanimity. They tell me how much they had taken care of me when I was a defenseless waif whose parents were too busy pursuing their careers when I was born. And implied in the nostalgic reverie is an enormously huge guilt trip. It always worked on me and I always felt like an unfeeling brute. Try as I might, the best I could do was offer them my respect during my short and infrequent encounters with them. No amount of persuasion ever got me to call them. I thought a couple of times that I could do it just to make them happy, or to get them off my back for at least a little while, but I felt so horrible. I figured I'd rather be just cold than be cold AND hypocritical.

My family is just as screwed up as any other family. We have our little issues and our prejudices. I have never been affected much by anything they have said or done in their lives, except maybe laugh or sigh, listening to their craziness, over a evening cuppa tea in the native town during vacation. And I never felt like I belonged. I couldn't relate to their wish for my involvement in family matters, especially since I am the oldest of my generation in the family. Today I realised as I was talking to K that it was for the best that I had kept my distance.
Family needs to be judged just as any other stranger is before letting them into out lives, maybe even more closely. Blood is thicker than water, or so goes the famous saying. What exactly is the water that was being talked about? It surely isn't friendship, or love. Maybe family is equated to blood because we cannot live without feeding on some of it every now and then.

Its such a pity that one cannot choose one's family. We are stuck with one another for life and each person of the family will have some kind of obligation to the other members, irrespective of their preference. I suppose that is an unwritten rule. But then that is not so bad when everyone adheres to it. It might even be nice. There are, however, those people who understand this obligation and use it against us and these are the worst kind of people in my opinion. I would prefer being stabbed in my privates by a stranger than be stabbed in my back by someone I know. Its when our family are snakes in disguise waiting for an opportunity to strike, that I feel glad that I have always chosen friendship over family ties. That isn't to say that I have chosen my friends over my family. What I mean, is that the only family that I consider myself a relation to are those that I have made friends with. The rest can go suck a dinosaur's egg. I already have a phone bill I cannot afford. So fuck off and leave me alone.

Current Mood: Dismissive
Current Music: none


Rules of nature

aloque | 18 Sep 2004, 11:27am

Don't fret my love,
for our worlds are
happier than ever.

When clouds gather,
menacing dark,
we have each other.

Streaks of lightning
are but silver linings
when love is our umbrella.

Eyes closed, in embrace,
in the midst of
earth's sweet vapours,

We'll dance in the rain
and drown our worlds
with our laughter.

Tears trickle, clouds rain, gales howl, and floods drown. Rules of nature.
Truth bridges, friendship binds, time heals, hearts feel. Rules of nature.


By the way, where is Lily?

Current Mood: Lovestruck
Current Music: champagne supernova


Rubbing my eyes in disbelief

aloque | 12 Sep 2004, 6:22am

Dreams of the day, my waking beams
of sunshine in faraway fields of green,
Thoughts of abandon, happiness bought
with strange currencies as yet unseen,
Laughter and mirth, my face and hers
lost hopelessly in our own reflections.
These were the ways I counted the bliss
that I was sure was too good to happen
Yet, I woke up today and heard the notes
of her laughter as the sun rose over green.


So lucky.

Heart's going to explode.


Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: none


Desperately seeking Sophie

aloque | 10 Sep 2004, 6:02pm

This is the face of a wanted woman. Well, its a question mark in the hollow carved out by the MS paint eraser in a Mona Lisa image, but thats besides the point. Even though I do not have the photoshop skills of d underscore r underscore p, I am quite nifty with the eraser, and as to question marks, no one comes close to aloque.

Nevertheless, a short desription of the wanted woman. She is 19 to 25 years of age, 5 foot 5 inches or less in height, attractive to the above average onlooker, of physical form decidedly better than Mona Lisa's, and should be willing to dedicate 2 hours every evening for at least 6 weeks at the end of which she will be taken out of station for a once in a lifetime experience. An interest in acting, the theatre and a good humour is vital.

Too specific, you think? A little offensive for being so blatantly discriminative against the looks and form of physically less fortunate beings? There is a reason.

This is a shameless piece of advertising for finding Sophie Rauschmeyer, a attractive buxom southern American woman who causes havoc in the lives of 2 average american men with below average indian incomes, triggering the most hilarious chain of events this side of The Birdcage. This is a play by Neil Simon that is scheduled to be enacted at the prestigious Deccan Herald Theatre Festival in Bangalore in late October. The group that is acting this out is called Expressions and is one of 6 groups that has been selected for the festival, and the only group from Hyderabad.

All those people who have made the effort to read this page, I thank you and request you to please inform any of your friends that might be interested.

Interested Sophie wannabes, please contact Expressions, director Arvind Mittal at 32472788.


And by the way, what the hell is happening to this site? Am I the only one having to go through hell trying to access it?

Current Music: none


Taking stock

aloque | 6 Sep 2004, 9:49pm

I promise to.....

Always trust my instinct.

Always follow my gut.

Always respect my conscience.

Be less of a coward.

Blame myself less.

Not be ashamed of my confusion.

Never forget who I am.

Remember that truth simplifies.

Remember that trust liberates.

Remember that love is a choice, and to last has to be renewed.

Remember that true understanding requires detachment from ego.

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Jeremy - Pearl Jam



aloque | 1 Sep 2004, 3:03pm

I just got a feel of my own insignificance, and how everything about and around me is so temporary. The stars that pass over my head everyday and night unnoticed have seen millions like me, all self absorbed, all immersed in their own importance. The ground I walk on has been walked on by scores of people before me, each oblivious to the people that might have walked before them or will do so after.

I guess we are not designed to comprehend the enormity of the Universe, but there are those who try and I imagine they are very humble people.

This is an image from the Hubble deep field images which is the deepest picture of space recorded by mankind, and shows various galaxies at various stages of evolution, bringing us closer to the understanding of our own origin.




Current Mood: Amazed
Current Music: none