Posted by D.Raw El Payne 25 November 2004, 5:01am

I've ostracised junta who've copy-pasted stuff, but when something so deserving comes up, I have to show it to the world outside. :D So this post here is completely about stuff I dug up in this last few days.... :D

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This comes to you straight from pagalguy.com/cat. Been hauntin dat place for d past week...  http://www.pagalguy.com/cat/viewtopic.php?p=108957

Insurance Report

Possibly the funniest story in a long while,this is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the American Insurance Journal. This is a true story. Had this guy died,he'd have received a Darwin Award** for sure.

Dear Sir:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form.I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.


I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work,I found that I had some bricks left over which,when weighed later,were found to be slightly more than 500 lbs.Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley,which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level,I went up to the roof,swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.Then I went down and untied the rope,holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.Needless to say,I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor,I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowing down slightly,I continued my rapid ascent,not stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time,however,the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine,I began a rapid descent,down the side of the building.In the vicinity of the third floor,I met the barrel coming up.This accounts for the two fractured ankles,broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly.The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately,only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report,however,as I lay there on the pile of bricks,in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your questions.

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The * u see above is for the Darwin Awards. The info abt d Darwin Awards can be found here >>> http://www.drkendavis.com/darwin . Outta d nominees there, i realllllllllly loved these.... WARNING : MORBID HUMOR TO FOLLOW!!

  ***The Darwin Awards go to***

-->1994's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

-->NOMINEE #7 [Bloomburg News Service, 25 March]
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ". . . a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.


-->NOMINEE 13 [Unknown]
To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock -- and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

-->John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Georgia, Washington. Having no tickets, but 18 beers among them they sat in the parking lot and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John, 100 pounds heavier than Sal, to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, the Fence was a 30 foot drop on the other side. Having heaved himself over he found himself crashing through a tree, falling to the ground. His fall was abruptly stopped by a large branch which had been snagged by his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceed to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into holly bushes, The sharp leaves scratched his whole body, and now being without his shorts he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup truck.

This is when things went really bad.

Sal in his drunken state, put the truck into the wrong gear, and proceeded to press on the gas and crash through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and, upon moving the truck, a half naked man with numerous scratches, a holly stick up his butt, a knife in his thigh and a pair of shorts dangling from the trees 25 feet in the air.

-->NOMINEE #6 [AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP)]
Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.

-->Los Angeles, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bee's nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a "pineapple." A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ian was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en route to the hospital.


and the grand finale : -->Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to the hospital, where he died of hypothermia.

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:D :D :D   i found 'em rip-roarin funny....but if u dint, and if u're one of those sensitive "normal" types...then hmmm... :p

this is one realllly bored post... :D

Payne

PS : keep wishin me luck for CAT...:p

 


 



Current Mood: Bored
Current Music: Greenday - Time of your life

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 20 November 2004, 4:38pm

Greetings folks of fh.com.

The last time I asked you to wish me luck, I got jacked. But I've never learned from my mistakes, thus here goes>>>>> WISH ME LUCKKK!!!!!

2mro, Nov.21st 2004 is CAT - Common Aptitude Test.... n here I be, loungin on a creaky chair wearing my torn shorts....better do somethin useful now...CHECK LIST FOR TOMMOROW!! oh YEAH!! :|

HB Pencils - check. 2 sharpened, 2 brand new, 2 blunt. Shall pick only 3 of those....geez!!
A pen - check. Montex Megatop, Cello gripper and a green thingy in front of me...tough choice...:-l
Presence of grey matter in d cranium - *check*
Best undies - check ... the white ones with the holes n all...-comfort this is thy meaning.
Jeans - check ... deep blue, no holes.
T-shirt - check ... white, black or yellow? hmmm..
Eraser and Sharpener - check ... though i might buy a new one....jus for the whole "exam" feeling..
Inspirational Music - check ... Boys - Secret of Success :D
Watches - check ... 1 Digital thingy with no strap and 1 RED Analog FOSSIL
Deo - check.
Chappals - check ... muh trusty homypeds...comfy as ever...stinkin as ever.

Anythin else?! dont think so for now...:D

now gimme those WISHES ppls!....GIMME THOSE WISHES I SAY!


Somewhere between worried, expectant and high.
Thy Lord and Master Payne.

 

 

 

 



Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Linkin Park - Points of Authority

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 12 November 2004, 6:43pm

7:00PM. Nov. 12th. Payne's World

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what if god was one of us...

what if all of your wishes came true...

what if that cuckoo coo-ing outside was transmittin earth-shatterin data to its mothership...

what if cuckoos took over the world?

what if there are are no coincidences?

what if d aliens ended up makin crop-circles on my head?....would i finally hav a hairstyle then?

what if i had d balls to tell her...

what if i'd told her too? :p

what if i became a vegetarian...

what if i could break away...what if i could stop tryin to be...n simply be.

what if i'd done the right thing everytime in my life so far...what if there was no right thing to do?

what if life was simply a series of lessons...

what if there is an after-life...a life after death...

what if someone up above is laughin at me right now?

what if you were bein judged every single moment of your life...

what if i stopped wonderin....what if i could simply believe...

what if i could live with every breath...what if i could focus.

what if this was reality...me sittin in me shorts...typin out inane crap for years on end...what if time was frozen like this...

what if i was on a beach on d bahamas...would i want time to freeze then?...y d fukk would i want time to freeze at all?!

what if i was a celebrity...

what if i stopped dreamin...

what if one of the bombs being blasted outside was actually a C4 explosive?

what if terrosists decided to make Gudimalkapur their example of unbridled terror?

what if aliens landed anywhere other THAN the US of A?

what if life had danger music...     *that wud be cool*

what if i had the power to freeze time...like that guy in the Twilight Zone?

what if this was the Twilight Zone...n i'd totally missed d intro?!

what if whg could spell right....(that would be the Twilight Zone!)

what if i could ONLY get rid of that goddam dent in my hair right now...:-L

what if i was hugh hefner...wtf! wat good is it bein a withered ole dude?! oh...the girls...ah..ok! :p

what if death was a person...n i'd said "f_kk u" in their face?

what if i could simply love...and not think...n not judge...n not build theories...

what if fallen angel got back to these blogs...

what if the truth is out there...there bein here...what if this is the truth...wat i'm starin at...wat i'm doin right now...that this is it....this is as good as it gets...*thats scary*.

what if i cud simply talk to her right now....

what if this is the future...

what if it snows in hyderabad...right now...i want to see snow. i want to hold it in me hands...dam.

what if i was studyin right now?

what if U stopped reading?

what if i could write poetry...like Anil, SM n co.

what if i could comprehend half of wat all d above ppls write...

what if i wasn't so dumb....:p

what if i was here for a "purpose"....as morpheus says...:-S

what if i could only stop thinkin of more "what-ifs" to follow...

what if i clicked that submit button right now...

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Current Mood: Dumb
Current Music: Maroon 5 - She will be loved .... beautifully mellow song it is ...