Posted by D.Raw El Payne 30 December 2004, 1:22pm

I've been contemplating posting about the year gone by a lot of times in the past week. All kinds of thoughts have been floating in my head, questions as to where should I begin, how should I go about it, how much should I mention...blah blah. The problem with a predetermined blog is it remains that - a plan which is never executed. Balls, here I am, in all spontaneity.

Dec 30th 2004, 2:44AM. Payne's world. Wide awake.

Wide awake only 'coz of the extended nap in the evening. An year back on this day, I remember having one of my few personal conversations with a friend. I remember not being too senti then...:p Ah well, times change, ppls change. 2003 was an awesome year in all respects - I nearly died in a road accident, made one of the most significant friendships of my life, learnt to drive...but nothing when compared to 2004.

2004. Where do I begin? Going chronologically, the year started off with me slowly screwing up that friendship I've mentioned above. Painstakingly in front of my eyes, I saw everything crumble. *sigh* Left for Saarang, had a whale of a time....wait. This is not right. This is like the NDTV - The Year Gone By, A Review. No. This is my blog. Not a bloody factbook on my life. Vagueness we shall go for. Only one song playing in my cranial Winamp nowadays. Alanis Morrisette - Thank you. A lot to learn from the song. 2004, my year in verse.

how bout me enjoying the moment for once - Jan 2004, thank you Saarang. An experience in all its entirety, 6 days etched in d weird cave paintings in my mind. thank you free sms.

thank you disillusionment - feb 2004, never thought more about where my life was headed, never regretted more about where I'd brought my life to. spent a whole night wondering about opportunities gone...cried

thank you thank you silence - March to August 2004. for helping me grow up. for the worst times of this year. for making me think.

thank you consequence - for me ending up where i am right now...for all the choices seeming right...for me learnin to learn from yesterday, live for today and to dream for 2mro...for a job..:p

thank you fullhyd - May 2004. for this blog, for the DBs, for a space to voice my thoughts. for every other blog, for all the junta here. :D

thank you invisible angel - for all the rants, for all the madness, for all the weirdness, for listening...for bein wid me through d best part of 21 years of my life (can't help it can u? :p)...

thank you providence - for making our paths cross...for showing me that true love does exist...for clearing up a lot of shit in my head...for July 21st, 2004. for September 4th 2004, for fate laughing its head off at all the work, for a night I'll remember for a loong while (Carpe Diem 2004).

thank you clarity - for givin me sight. sight to look back on so much with a smile on my face and sight to look forward n take strength in what i hav now to face everything which life'll throw up. for friendships renewed.

thank you frailty - august 2004, realised the importance of life...the magnitude of death. shaken. This post is in Memory.

thank you hope.

thank you nothingness - for keeping my head lightheaded at all times...for Nov 21st 2004...:)

thank God - for reminding me time and again why it is that I do "believe", thank you faith.

thank you crackpot - for all the advice...for all the madfukk jokes...for makin the end of this year worth everything....for everything.

thank you Lifehouse, Evanescence, Floyd, Kal ho Na Ho and everyone else on Winamp - for providing the OST for this year..:)

thank you 2004 - for friends new and old, for fears untold, for hopes big and bold, for love unconditional, for so much to look back upon but more than anything, so much to look forward to. its been an enchanting journey these past 365 days (with 36 hrs still to go) and here's hoping that 2005 brings along just as much good if not more, there'll always be the downs but heck, utopia was always a boring concept for moi. :p

Senti enough for now.

Yappy noo yyeeeaaa phullhaaid!!


and a prayer for all those affected by the Tsunami. R.I.P to those whose lives have been snuffed out... Hope and Faith to the lakhs of people who have to prevail through the despair and the hard times...This too shall pass. [-o<  Hope that all of you out there have an equally great New Year, may 2005 bring with it joy and happiness boundless.

Grateful, hopeful, smiling.


Bidding farewell to 2004 with a quote borrowed from one of the most important blogs around here - "Someday, when we both reminisce, we'll both say, there wasn't too much we missed; and through the tears, we'll smile when we recall, we had it all, for just a moment. Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." - St.Elmo's Fire

Goodbye 2004, we had it all. :-)

Current Mood: Holy
Current Music: Eve6 - Heres to the night

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 December 2004, 3:07am

Disclaimer : Payne cannot review movies. The reason being that every movie he sees has him completely immersed no matter how crappy the storyline, how shitty the acting, how faecal-matter-ish the script, however bad the direction. 10 minutes after the credits have rolled past him, as he watches teary-eyed...he realises "wtf did i jus see??!". Ofcourse, this realisation does not in anyway change his opinion of the movie.

Why this all of a sudden? I'm just done watchin Kal Ho Na Ho. Now, the first half flies by in a colorful blur of a wide spectrum of winter wear , loud songs and Shah Rukh antics and by the time you know it Preity as fallen in love with him and so has Saif Ali fallen in love with her. How this happened, when this happened, WHY it happened is not clearly depicted nor is it given the time to be depicted. When Preity starts to bawl, I'm left wondering "WHHYY!", where was the chemistry? where were the powerful dialogues? where were the "look-me-in-the-eye-and-make-me-cry" scenes?! Saif a.k.a Rohit meanwhile has turned from useless casanova to faithful lover in the blink of an eye. At this point, any sane-minded individual with half the mental acumen that I pride myself to possess would have turned away and decided to chuck the movie (that individual would be my sister and yes she does have half my acumen). But this is me, Payne, remember?

Well, Hello Wisconsin! I make meself cozy and start to understand the intricacies of the wafer-thin characters in front of me...obviously I can totally identify with them and by now I have started to fall in love with all of 'em (acumen notwithstanding). SRK cries, PZ cries, SAK cries, everyone cries, everything actually does set itself into place though somewhere in the dark corners of my cranium there is a small voice shrieking "when the f_kk did they fall in love??!". I shut out that voice and decide to take in the Great Indian Cinematic Melodrama unfolding on me 20" TV. Ofcourse, there are a lot of useless comic reliefs thrown in...but not long enough for me to lose my goal >> To get Immersed. Back to the movie, SRK cries, PZ cries, SAK cries, rest of cast cries, I shout out "akka..sasthunaadu vaadu", SRK dies, I cries. I lost my acumen of verbal usage somewhere in that line, don't ask me where, I'm crying remember? :(

Credits roll by. Another faltoo movie watched by Payne and another 3 hrs gone by. On another front, the year's coming to an end been one helluva an year...not so many downs as ups. Still a lot to do...but all of this in another post.

signing out.

A visibly confused Payne as to what just happened in dat goddam movie.


Current Mood: Happy
Current Music: Rabbi - Bulla Ki Jaana...gotta hand it 2 d guy..hes made the word legal now..on Primetime TV!

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 22 December 2004, 12:52pm

Been dying to post on a range of arbit topics since 4 days. Haven't found the patience or the time to do so...also wasn't allowed to use my PC by bro n sistah....:|

Lots of posts in my head right now, lots of posts on paper, lots of posts hidden in txt files....but wait, this is not about all that. Not at all, this is about happiness, this is about relief, this is about saying "weeehooooo!", no make that SHOUTING "WEEHOO!!" from the rooftops.

This is all about the past 36 hours. No wait, this is about the last 3 months...or is it about the last 3 years??! I wish I knew. This is about re-affirmation of belief, of trust in myself, telling meself "Affirmative Captain Kirk...there IS intelligence out there in me skull"...not that, but it sounds vaguely humorous doesn't it now? :D

What is this? This is about my own lil roller-coaster ride all through the last month.  THIS IS ABOUT MY CAT RESULTS!!!! :D :D

4:00PM, 21st November 2004. Realised I'd "cracked" CAT but wasn't ready to believe it...said that I'd done exceptionally well in Data Interpretation..somewhere along the month, decided to chuck "believing it" and to start being happy again. :D realised what a great  year it had been...:)

The month that followed. -> Sat 24/7 on and threw about predictions, made major analysis, gave hope, told ppl to keep the faith...had tons of fun. :D Told myself that come what may, I oughta be happy for my performance during those 2 hours. Told myself that it was only my complete peace during the exam which MIGHT get me a few calls from those seemingly "revered" IIMs. Told God that I'd done me little bit towards getting there, that it was now upto Him to act out his will. :D

10:00PM, 20th December 2004. Results time. 99.55%ile overall. :D  99.62%ile in Data Interpretation....:D

8:20AM, 21st December 2004. Woke up, noticed missed calls at all odd times of the night from me bud at IIMCal...had no doubt about what it was. logged onto ....IIM Calcutta had shortlisted me!! homepage was loading in d other window...jumped over there to see meself shortlisted for IIM Bangalore too! :D

9:40AM. Bud from IIMCal calls up n tells me to hop over to d iima site. Dug out the URL from it was...shortlisted for IIM Ahmedabad!!! This here was it...awesomeness personified...:D Daymm!!

1:00PM, Now. IIM Kozhikode has decided to take me in too and IIM Lucknow has told me to go suck an egg..daym...:D B,A,C,K calls so far...L tho gayi...:? 

Conclusion? I'm deliriously happy. But more than that, I'm relieved. Not because of the major crap session in the loo in d morning...:p but because of a lot of other factors...:p But I'm also lookin forward to start all d prepping for the interviews...:D

Thank y'all at fullhyd for all d wishes, 41 comments is huge! :D Thank you for all the madness, for all the hope, for givin me place to shout out...:D Thank God...:D Thank you Fat Freddie's Cat and your assorted cousins for all the fun...:D >:D<   

Onto the interviews and the group discussions now...wish me luck again folks!!


PS : still waitin for the IIM Indore result....

PPS : all d happiness is leading to steady deterioration in the quality of my yahoo status msgs... currently ==>" o m g ....d Kode has been cracked... Bang!! Ahmed bhai has been shot dead!! Calculated cold-blooded annihilation....tough Luck... :D :D :p "  :p

PPPS : yes is I...stingrae..:p

EDIT : IIM Indore shortlist in the bag too. :) yahoo status msg --> "back to the BACIKs..." :p


Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: Eagle Eye Cherry - Long way around

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 12 December 2004, 12:05pm

Overcome by a feeling of awe and ecstacy all at the same time. I know most of you will be like "wtf!!!", but yeah this is me. The Lion King has just wrapped up on showtime on drp's PC and my god! This is what movies are all about, correction : This is what Disney movies are all about. "Remember Simba...Remember who you true to yourself...learn to ogle at the hot chics without being obvious" i mean...WOW!!!(one of those is fake...find it)  Cried 3 whole times during the movie...ofcourse WHY i'm watchin a movie 10hrs before my JMET is another thing altogether! But c'moooon this is LION KING we're talking about! and when its a downloaded version, even better!!!  So there, Simba was born, simba played around with nala, sang a song, simba was a bad boy, scar sings, simba was set up by scar, mufasa died, simba was dumb n left priderock, met up with pumba n timon(wassa!!), sang more songs, nala returns(for a lioness thats one hot chic), simba is faced with a conflict in his inner self - confusion as to what he truly is(so much like me :-" ), simba keeps runnin away from the truth, rafiki knocks sense into his mind, SIMBA RETURNS!!, BIG FIGHT!!!, scar is eaten by the hyenas(wassa!!), SIMBA RULES PRIDEROCK!!, simba n nala do it(in the uncut NG version), new baby lion cub born, circle of life plays again, drp is awed. There you go, a contemporary classic in a nutshell, my style. :D  Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome movie. and that too all of 83 minutes - including the songs!!! How much better can it get! :D

Now off to sleep and onto JMET for 2mro morning!!



PS : wtf = what the fuck. NG = National Geographic. drp = d_royal_pain. dipshit = you for even reading this.

PPS : Quote for the night - Don't believe what people say, geese fly south for the hot mexican chicks! hahahahhahhaha!!!

PPPS : i missed impulsive posts like this one...:p


Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: Lion King OST - Circle of Life(African Vocals ke saath) aaaaa shibanya..shibalo..SHIJJUM! banya haa..banya haaa!

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 09 December 2004, 9:18am

alright, the previous post was a lesson. a lesson in plagiarism, a lesson in stupidity, a lesson in boredom. n also a desperate attempt to keep this space alive. now i'm back to me blog. no reason to post, nothin much to say, a neat vacuum resoundin in my cranium right now. feels great, feels all light n woozy... ... "vacuum" reminds me of how my ACS lecturer spelt it - vacume...over n over again. busturd. spelling reminds me of this guy in 10th standard who spelt Geneva as Janiwa, very creative dude that guy. wonder if he's bloggin too now. now that would be one gross blog. gross, nice word. somebody around here told me that "gross" is spelt grouse, now that is gross. mispelling gross, gross mispelling i say.

back to gross, i do a lotta gross stuff. some really gross stuff. i'm kinda like Calvin, u know, with the whole mucus flinging bit n all. n now this blog shall be my log for all such nefarious activities. speakin of Calvin, d only resemblance is d grossosity(?), i do not hav an imaginary friend nor am i that intellectually blessed. nor am i 6 yrs old, not physically atleast. so all i am is an immature, crude dude. crude dude, should keep that in mind. enough of d digressing, i do have a point here. the point being the gross stuff i do and all the pointy things.

so d other day, dis dude came online...i told 'im i was poking me butt. now he had a problem wit dat. dunno why. i mean its perfectly naturally to poke ur ass n find ur way around, especially when done the right way. the right way would entail a lot of things though and there's no set "right way" for everyone. you simply have to find something which agrees with ur posterior end and you. for further assistance, please leave a comment. a free online coaching manual and bundled software shall be sent to u. multimedia n all dat. trust me. when we talk abt poking, it gets me to onto diggin noses now. this is not something i think i'm too specialised in but i do do a pretty decent job at it (rotfl! i jus said "do do"!!). this one is also very easy, no special skills required. just stick ur finger in there and go for it. its great when u hit the really big chunks, feels like you've hit paydirt! with emphasis on dirt... :p the tough part lies in getting rid of the damn jus sticks to your finger, NOT willing to let go..bluddy tough it is...the only way is to either rub ur finger against a surface, preferably hidden. or you could simply shake ur finger, this has its inherent problems...there have been incidents reported where the booger has landed onto innocent bystanders, unbeknownest to them that is. so please to note, follow the first way.

lastly, to wrap up this neat blog on my fav gross bodily actions, lemme talk about peeling skin. this, by far, is the best. simply because of the pain involved and also the clinical precision with which i get to neatly rearrange the contours on me fingers. the skin i'm talkin bout here is the skin around me nails. the longest peel i've pulled off is around 1.2" (i ate it before i could measure it). and obviously in addition to all the obvious  pleasures to be obtained from this method, there is also the bonus of eating up the skin peeled off. amazing reward it is for the hard work put in to extract the skin. i do this quite a lot.

2:30AM now. as u can see i'm bored. i'm also confused. wonderin if i bit much more than i could dig into....:-| had too many things lined up for this week, none of which i've done justice to. sad this is. i need to be more responsible and stricter on my time-management. [-x @ me. bad job.


Current Mood: Crude
Current Music: Linkin Park - A place for my head