14 Feb 2005

Letting go

Posted by Pye in Poetry | 8:42pm


It feels strange to talk to a half. When you've seen two people together for about six years, you get used to it. And then when I ask him how she is now, he says "We are no longer together." For six years I saw them, parts of them, all of them, promises, waits, fights, making up, sighs, smiles, tears - all that a relationship is. And now he says they are not together. I probe gently, not sure whether it will be welcome. It's been a while since I've talked to him. But the flat statement does not seem like it's over. It cannot be. The end of the love I was witness to cannot be so clinical - summed up in five words.

It's strange to talk to him. "It's only memories now," he says. And, "I'll be a guest in her wedding. I'm scared." Yes, scared is right. I am too, for him. I wonder what it is for. Is pride more important than happiness? He says it isn't, but then it is 'the right thing to do' - leaving her. Is it?

Ten years, washed away. Gone. But a lingering scent remains. Like old clothes taken out from an old trunk... some presence, an indication that something was here, where there's just this black nothingness now. It's apparent in his words when I talk to him.

Our conversation is full of trite phrases: 'It will be ok with time', 'Yes, it get's better after a while', 'If you're unhappy, maybe you should rethink', 'No, why stir it up. It's not going to happen...' It's sad that something so full of life and real should be reduced to this.

7 nov 04. 15:30

-for rv


Times change
and so do we
From lovers
to friends
to awkward strangers
...now

but i worry...
what will become of you?

if not i
then someone who
earns twice as much
looks better
a different caste
or your father likes him
maybe...

but someone who
loves as i did
makes you laugh
looks into your eyes
and sees your dreams
hopes, nightmares

holds you close
wipes your tears
lends you hope
for days when no one
seems to be yours
listens, comforts
wraps around you
a soft eiderdown
blanket of love

watches you soar
achieve the heights
you're destined to,
and smiles
seeing your success
as his own

understands, at times
you have to be alone
knows that you need
love affirmations
and random hugs

feels your smile
against his neck
your warm breath
when you whisper
I love you...

...maybe not.

14 feb 05.



Current Mood: Feeling Better
Current Music: Ok, so I am a closet romantic... but I swear Im fightin it.