Like Duh!!!

Posted by Dude of Wellington | 29 May 2005, 1:43am

Dudes and Dudets, there are like quintessentially two types of people in this world,

A) Those that get screwed over(the screwees)
B) Those that screw the above(the screwers)

and if ur noggin is any bigger than "George.W Bush's"(full offence intended and it is personal)
you should have no problem guessing which of those two classes "the cool one"(in short I) belongs to.

Yup ladies and gentledudes im a screwee. And not just any "run of the mill screwed once every week" type. No this dawg is way ahead of the game. If there was a nobel prize for getting screwed over, id be albert F***ing einstien of that.

Yup i know what ur thinkin, ur thinkin "this dude's yankin my chain, i can probably count his screwee score(the number of times i get screwed over) on the tip of my fingers." Well im not gonna lie to ya, u probably can, IF U WERE A FRIGGIN ALIEN WITH 2.86387 MILLION HANDS. In the odd case u happen to hangout on earth, take it from a dude who has been through his share of his chain being yanked and more - I am the undisputed champion of getting screwed over.

Now that we've established ur planet and my reign on the throne of screwville, let me tell you what it takes to be where i am today.

First off getting screwed aint like eating candy, its not like u wake up one day at 11:57 am and say to urself "dude i hope i get screwed today". No. To achieve top screwee status you have to be either
1) Born on friday the 13th.(bummer dude)
2) Have been gentically mutated to be a screwee.(through nuclear radiation preferrably)
3) Releasing fermones that attract the screwers like moths to a flame.(poor flame)
4) Be a descendant of saddam hussain or osama bin laden or "saddam hussain and osama bin laden".
and from the above
1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = me

I get screwed over in so many ways there are even genre's. Notice for old dudes and dudes with teeth problems the next section contains like really really ungood ways of being struck by lighting, so look away now.

Genre:The i'll be there by *:** screw over
Screwers: Gals enuff said
Story: Ok im the type o dude that's on time. If someone is waitin for me i dont dig it. Unfortunately not many dudes in my gang dont dig me not diggin it. And for the dudets of the gang, their biological clock is abt a 23 hrs slower than the average unversal time. So when someone(gal) decides to meet up at some dumbass bollywood mushy mushy movie and the same someone threatens to rearrange the features of my face if i dont show up on time for the morning show as everyone else would. But by some cosmic twist of fate all the rest(especially all the gals) arrive for the matinee while i was being chased around the premises by a watchman dude, a beggar dude and a dude who is trying to sell me his ticket for half the mullah, for the past 2 hrs.
Instances: a) i missed half an hour of attack of the clones when my mentally challenged yet fashionably late dude friends decided to walk to the theatre.
b) The countless times we( the dudes) ended up waiting for the non guys to arrive at mp, so that the bunch can go and start writing the latest friends episode at 11:00 in an exam that started at 10:00. Guess what they say when they finally arrive, "we have an exam today? dude i had like no idea."
Locations: cinemas, restaurants, houses, The international space station

Genre: Dont worry dude the party's on me screw over( a variant of i'll pay u later screw over)
Screwers: Dudes, exclusively dudes
Story:
Screwer: Dude what abt a party tonite
Me: Whoa, Like Where dude
Screwer: Midnight biryani buffet at the grand kakatiya
Me: Isnt it like costly
Screwer: Naah just 200 bucks per head
Me: Free biryani + midnight + buffet = yeah baby

Later that night 4 patrons and cool dude among them sit in the quite corner of
an exquisite restaurant

Me: (feeling like a kid getting his first bike) Dudes is it 12:00 yet
Screwer & accomplices: No
Me: Dudes is it 12:00 yet
Screwer & accomplices: No
Me: Dudes is it 12:00 yet
.
.
.
Me: Dudes is it 12:00 yet
Screwer & accomplices: For the 3256th time NO NO NO

Ting Ting Ting ........ 12 times

And one dead chicken and 38 cups of ice cream later the bill finally arrives.

Screwer: (looked as though he had seen rani mukherjee(nauseas))
Acomplices N me: Dude what's wrong?

63 seconds and 3 sets of empty pockets later we were 800  bucks short of the tab.

3 sets of eyes were glaring at me,anticipating my next move.

So i weighed my options
A) Pay the money and live to lament abt it
B) Be the special on tomorrow nigt's menu
C) Get mugged by my own friends

(A) seemed pretty wise at the time although now i think (B) was the winner

Result: i end up paying half the total amount.

Recent restaurants for the above genre: Ming's court, Hitech biryani center, K.S.Bakers, Grand kakatiya, Sugar Cane Juice stand.

Dudes i could go on like this for ages, so with assurances that i am the most unfortunate dude yet to be realised as a humanoid, i rest my case.

going out of hyd for a week, if any dudes out there are checkin this out comment or holler or eat pie or something.

Current Mood: Screwed
Current Music: Blind Melon - No Rain

Posted by Dude of Wellington | 28 May 2005, 2:47am

Heed my words lest u shall suffer as i did.

When someone laments over his/her lamentable situation what ever it might be dont ever
1) Say "Man something like that will never happen to me."
2) "Im sorry ur not as lucky as me"
3) And most definitely donot point and laugh like a maniac rolling on the ground

Coz its gonna come back and bite u in the ass(yup a jaws sized bite). So why the pearls of wisdom u wonder. patience my dumb apprentice, all shall be revealed...

So the other day i was chilling with this dude im tight with and



Dude: dude im like so pissed.

Me: Dude like why?

Dude: Its my PC at home, cause of the summer n all it gets like so hot every 15 minutes that it gets stuck.

Me: U mean like reboot me every 15 mins kinda stuck.

Dude: Pretty much.

Me: (im laughing at him like a maniac and well just being mean)

Dude: Yeah Yeah laugh(yup jaws is sharpening its teeth)

Me: Dude phoebs(my pc) on the other hand doesnt even know what hot is. Dont worry its not ur fault some people are destined to suffer.(then more laughing and pointing ensued.)


A couple hours later i startup phoebs and am like channel surfing while she boots up. After abt like 20 mins of surfing through 100 channels i realise we needed more channels. So me goes back to phoebs only to see she is stuck, me thinks it a fluke and reboots. Five minutes later she's stuck again but only this time her speakers decide they are some kinda operatic solo performers and let out this high pitched noise which is why i guess there is this huge crack in my window, and the cycle goes on.....

Reboot - 300 seconds - high pitched siren
Reboot - 300 seconds - high pitched siren
Reboot - 300 seconds - high pitched siren

After a 3,042,063 times of this i realised something might be wrong.

Cut to next day...

Me: Dude its not funny......
Dude: yes its not funny its hilarious(laughing, pointing, rolling and weirder still armpit farts)

89 seconds later i decide there is no way i can go on like this, i had to watch all the 5 star wars movies before sith comes out on the 20th and there was no way this would happen if i had to reboot 37 zillion times. Late that night as i was laying in bed plotting to extort choclates from my sister, i hit upon a gr8 idea(Note: All gr8 ideas come when ur shceming to obtain fatty foods). So i sneaked in the dark to the icebox(the refrigerator to all of you living in the stoneage) and made away with 2 frozen packets of milk(the perfect crime).
A clear descendant of einstien that i am, i went on to place the packets on phoebs and lo i had created my self 20bucks worth of heat exchange system, runnin time 2 hrs 23 minutes. After 2 hrs and 23 mins the milk was restored to its icey slumber. And so this continued every night.

late night - sneaking - kidnapping milk packets - 2hrs 23mins of star wars
late night - sneaking - kidnapping milk packets - 2hrs 23mins of star wars
late night - sneaking - kidnapping milk packets - 2hrs 23mins of star wars

cut to a week later

granma: u know something is wrong with the icebox the deepfreezer doesnt seem to be working
Me: Dude why do u say that(yup i call everyone dude, yup i know its annoying)
granma: The milk doesnt freeze overnight.

Me: uh!oh! they are onto me...........

Current Mood: Screwed
Current Music: Runaway Train