This Post Wont Open, Try F5 to Refresh!!
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 27 June 2005, 9:27pm
My computer is a whole lot of garbage collected and warmed into a steaming pile of shit. Seriously, it's like 60K for a flappable box, only that the box is populated with a CPU, a few shiny things, and a drunken jird...and the drunken jird runs the show. Over the years, my computer has caused me an inordinate amount of uncontrollable rage and heartache, more than any, and I'm including girls, Americans, the last half hour of "A Walk to Remember," and the current state of F1 combined. It's awful... How does it piss me off? Well let me count the ways: - The sound card just sucks: If I run too many programs, the sound will actually start skipping. So when I'm listening to "Mr.Lonely", I have to put up with "lllllonnnannananellyy I'm ssssssoooosssoooo lllllllonnnnannanananely..." It's worser than few of those DJ's at the local dance bars! - All that wireless shit: My computer has wireless everything: mouse, keyboard, internet...it's extraordinary. And I know it sounds cool. Good for all those times, when I want to check my stock stats on a day when the market touched an all-time high and my portfolio touched an all-time low, sixty feet away from my laptop. But I've finally discovered the dirty little secret of wireless. "Wireless" is Latin for "Might work, Might not." I'm not kidding, if any kids are reading, wireless is to consistent as inconsistent is to consistent. I swear! - Speaking of wireless I could not have missed mentioning the wireless router that goes with my Internet. This in my humble opinion is the technological equivalent of Marxist interpretation on trade laws and Common Minimum Program (at least I am told so). I sometimes feel that the cobbler (who has finally settled down under our apartments) could devise a better router with his set of tools and old boots!!! Seriously, I've had people take me off their address books because they are sick of me constantly being signed in and off in YAHOO. It's not fair. My Internet is costing me friendships, and that's not including those perverted-drunk-offline messages. Sorry guys. Please put me back on your buddy list... - Random websites won't open: I love this. I'm trying to access tubgirl.com so that I can have something interesting to entertain me during dinner, and all I get is that famed "Cannot reach server" nonsense, or H404 (or some shit like that), which is computer code for "You wasted 60k!" Speaking of "Cannot reach server" I love the troubleshooting tips they give you. Step 1. Try clicking refresh Step 2. That didn't work? Well, you're shit out of luck. - The freezing thing: It isn't bad enough here during the winter and the temperatures never dips into freezing levels. But my computer is intelligent; it compensates and freezes, only it's idea of freezing is to plumb stop working. Then, you try Ctrl-Alt-Delete, the Gita-Bible-Khuran of computer troubleshooting. But at times that doesn't even work, so you very calmly take out that little Lithium-Ion shit from the bottom and place it back. (Just like Business as usual!!) - Those random bugs: Actually, this is quite interesting. My Winamp currently has this weird bug where it randomly picks a song upon startup, but here's the crazy thing: it always picks a great song, and I have like 1400 songs. So, in essence, my computer has the same musical taste I do. After all I guess it's not so bad...
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Zion - Fluke
Posted in General | Permalink | Comments (12) | Trackbacks (0)
Take me drunk, Im home!
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 8 June 2005, 3:03pm
Mother nature always, inevitably seems to come out on top. She consistently finds a way to make everything balance out, and a perfect example is 'The Hangover'. Why can't we get sloshed at night, and then feel great the next morning? Why couldn't the morning-after a wasted night be something (read: anything) other than sickness, dizziness, and an absolute inability to remember something (read: anything) from the night before? For example, why couldn't things like strength, enthusiasm, great hair, and an ability to see the future happen? Can you imagine that? Oh Man!
But it doesn't happen, Momma Nature ain't that stupid. The hangover is the one thing that makes us think twice about really whacking out our brains 'coz we all know the simple math equation:
Really good times + Lots of alcohol = Really bad (read: f**** up) times + Lots of regret.
C'mon, I didn't have to take Advanced Operational Research as my elective to figure that one out. Though I did take OR and was surprised to learn they teach it there too.
And of course, I personally believe that the worst hangovers are the ones when you have something (read: anything) important to do in the morning. Mine was when my aunt and cousin sisters were coming to visit me in the evening all my good luck for the year expired as they turned up early in the morning. It doesn't matter how 'cool' your parents/relatives are, you just don't usually want them to see you hunched over a bathtub with your hair messed up (and no pants on). You don't generally overhear your Dad bragging.. "Man, Am I proud of my boy! Look at him bowing down to the toilet in perfect form! We did groom him up well."
So when they arrived at my apartment, I took several steps to avoid looking hungover. I put the eye drops in, wore a Ferrari cap down low, drank a lot of water (and curd), brushed my teeth for three straight hours. And I thought I was doing a pretty good job until they decided to take me out to a 'south Indian special breakfast'. A loaded plate of various green/white/yellow chutneys ghee-coated dosas etc. are probably the last thing you want to see five hours after collapsing in a heap on your bed with no feeling left in your tongue and the room spinning violently around you faster than 'mother earth'.
I for sure, did get a hangover despite trying every anti-hangover trick in the book. (It's a short book because nobody feels like reading when they're wrecked.) Every other friend of yours will definitely have a unique 'fool-proof' way to avoid hangovers. Some say, take Vitamin C before you go to bed. Some say, drink lots of water. Some say, eat lots of fiber and make out with a leprechaun just before he sits down for lunch. Everybody has a different technique. I've even had the fortune of having friends who tell me to drink a beer in the morning. I swear you'll always have someone saying, "Man, I know it sounds ridiculous. I know it sounds irrational, but it weally rorks. When you wake up tomorrow's morning, chug a beer, and you won't eee hungover atall." That person is probably one hundred percent right
Current Mood: Itching For One
Current Music: Run - Collective Soul
Posted in Friends | Permalink | Comments (9) | Trackbacks (0)