museman

Figments of imagination follow:

It

< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />Disclaimer: As usual, what follows is pure fiction! 

Why do we need a passport? A passport, maybe, authenticates that you are really a citizen of your country. A realistic answer is that you need to have a visa to go to < ?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />America and that in turn requires a passport.

My passport travails started some 4 months back. The passport applied for, a Rs 1000 lighter by the pocket, I asked the man at the e-seva counter how many days it would take for the police enquiry to be conducted?  He said, 'say around 20 days.'  Augured well for me because I was bound to leave Hyderabad in a month

Disclaimer: What follows is pure fiction.

It would be wrong to say that I am obsessed with publicity and recognition.  I mean, even if it is true, why should you say it? Not your business atleast. But then again, in all modesty, i would have to accept that  it would  make me very happy if my name was mentioned in the newspaper or more better, if my photo came in the newspaper. And nothing like it if i came on television. 

 And I am not one of those who dream and just leave it there. I have worked hard towards achieving my goal.  Whenever any of these newspapers collect relief funds, i send them big big checks. Not only checks, i also send them a colour passport size photo and my name and address.  But there are these political bigwigs and business bigshots who seem to contribute in lakhs.  Now, how can a poor man like me match them? They get the photos..i get....well..i dont even get a mention in the papers, drop it. 
 
 Everytime a new movie is released, i go to the movie theatres, first day first show, in the hope that maybe some tv channel would come for audience response feeds(these days, even news channels cover movie releases).  But there is always a rush and i never get to speak to the anchor.  Once i came pretty close though. I even blurted out my review to the anchor. But the shot was edited out, which i realised when the show was aired. I already had made phone calls to all my relatives and asked them to watch the program. I had a tuff time convincing them that i actually was there on television precisely at 12 minutes 34th second of the show. But, in retrospect, i understand that maybe i shouldnt have said such bad things about the movie. I should have been a perfect hypocrite who would sing peans to the movie inspite of it being a complete crap. I will do that the next time.

  I have gone to cricket stadiums with colorful banners and big posters.  And yet, the camera would always focus on the pretty girl with the dullest banner. Why not me? Why is it that the camera is always-cute-girl friendly and scorn-at-you for me? I have written thousands of letters to the editor(ofcourse, i sent them the colour photo as well, how can i forget that?) Iam sure they will be solicited soon.  Is it a sin to have big aspirations? Is it a sin to aspire to be on TV? India is a free country. No One can stop me from dreaming. Impossible may be they are but i won't stop dreaming. I won't stop aspiring.

A lot has already been said about the 7 people syndrome. You must be knowing it too. The belief that there are 7 people in the world who look alike. Lookalikes who are not twins?  I believe in it too. I have already identified 3 other people who look exactly like me. Brad pitt and Hrithik Roshan.  Half of my friends believe that i look exactly like Hrithik Roshan. The other half(which i believe is more loyal, and i trust their opinion) believe that Brad Pitt looks exactly like me.  Now one might argue that Brad and Hrithik don't look like each other.  Hmm...maybe it is true. But then again, let me bring in a bit of mathematical proof here. All of us would agree that 2+3=5.  Now we must not argue that 2 and 3 are not equal to each other then how come 2+3=5? Getting my point?

 Aaahh.. i remember, i havent told you about the third look-alike yet.  The sketch that the Ganga Nagar police have released.  Of the suspect who was presumably behind the bomb blasts which rocked Ganga Nagar few days back.  Now, i have to admit it.  He looks like me. Let me confess. I was there in Ganga Nagar when the bomb blasts happened. Thankfully, no one was hurt, but lots of shops and old buildings had collapsed. I knew that the press would come there any moment. I didn't want to lose this great opportunity. I lingered there. Roaming here and there. I even made discrete enquiries with all the local people. Trying to know how the blasts had occured. You know, i wanted to have my facts right when the press would take an interview of me. I asked a shop keeper as to  when the blast had occured. He told me that they had occured at 11:30 am. And i had remarked that i had missed the mark by 7 minutes.  I mean, what i had meant was that i had guessed that the bomb blasts might have occured at 11:23. I had missed the mark by 7 minutes. When i made this remark, the shop keeper panicked and ran off. I still have no idea why he ran off. Now you might ask as to how i guessed that the blast time would have been 11:23? No big secret. Astrologically speaking, 11:23 was a good muhurtam to do things.  The press didnt turn up for a long time. I guessed enough that they were possibly covering the ministers visit to the nearby slum and i also went off there.

And then in the morning today, i saw my photo...sorry..sketch in the newspaper. Black and white though. I was ecstatic untill i read the "wanted" plea of the police. Forget about dreams coming true, it was my worst nightmare which came true.

Ram Narayan Tripathi
Place:undisclosed
Occupation:(UnderCover)Hiding from the police