Posted by D.Raw El Payne 22 December 2005, 7:03pm

 


Welcome folks, in today's episode of Gloom Improvement we bring you Gavarilo's innovative Method of Building Aeroplane. An aeroplane, yes. A real one too, yes.

Follow these instructions:

Step 1: Capture 4 flies. Use any method you prefer, refer to Gloom Improvement Episode No. 26.

Step 2: Introduce 4 captured flies into a jar. Enclose jar.

Step 3: Place jar in refrigerator. Ensure that refrigerator is turned on. Store the jar this way for 30 minutes.

Step 4: While jar resides in refrigerator, prepare the chassis for the aeroplane. Use the following instructions for the same.
 
      Step #1: Capture 2 matchsticks.
      Step #2: Break matchsticks into two, along the vertical axis.
      Step #3: Discard one matchstick piece.
      Step #4: Of the remaining 3 pieces prepare the chassis, using the  following instructions.


          Step *1: Align the 3 pieces such that two are mutually parallel and one is perpendicular to both these two.  
          Step *2: Position the parallel pieces at the end of the perpendicular piece. Such that they form a 'H' shaped figure.
          Step *3: Glue pieces together using any form of adhesive.   

      The chassis is now ready.

Step 5: If chassis is built within 30 minutes, act like its a plane and run around your living room. If 30 or more minutes have passed, move to Step 6.

Step 6: 30 minutes of extreme cold weather will successfully knock the flies out cold (no pun intended). Extract 'out-cold flies' out of jar.

Step 7: Using the same adhesive as in Step *3, paste the tiny legs of the flies onto each corner of the H-shaped chassis. All four legs of each of the four flies onto each of the four corners. Ensure that they are evenly spaced  for aerodynamic perfection.

Step 8: Wait till the flies regain consciousness.

Step 9: Give yourself a pat on the behind. You have successfully built an aeroplane!

Once the flies wake up, they will attempt to fly. As soon as all four flies regain 100% concsiousness, the plane will attain critical velocity thus allowing it to take off. Initially the plane will be slow as the flies get used to the new status of their legs, but soon they'll get used to it.

Watch the Fly Plane soar high and far. Enjoy.

Life of plane: Approximately 30 minutes, before the flies lose it and die or you lose sight of your plane after having chased it for ~1350 metres.

Source: Gavarilo himself. Gavarilo says that he obtained this method from a reputed scientist, we believe him.

Watch out for the next episode of Gloom Improvement!

Gloom Improvement - Euphoria Guaranteed!


Payne



Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Beatles - Yestereday

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 17 December 2005, 4:10pm

A strange fear has begun to rise within me. Its the same kind of fear that most prison inmates tend to feel when they are let out of the 3 walls and a grill, and into the real world. Its been only 5 months. Only. But I've become accustomed to these 3 walls and a view. I take things for granted, that I don't have to pay for anything, that I have to simply sign in a register and thats it. Just one of those things.

For a week now, I'll have to pay for things, see real traffic on real roads. For a week now, I'll  be with "near and dear", my dear and near far, far away. I'll have to live with no maggi at weird times. Not having to walk 100ft to to get some food. Not having 2 other monkeys walking with me. Not having to open Outlook. Just for a week. Damn.

Yes, I'm going home. Back to good ole Hyd. Its christmas now, sure doesn't feel like it. The isolation of this place from the "real world" has successfully gotten rid of any holiday spirit that threatened to linger. Its no longer "Its christmas time!", its just "I'll be eating home food!". Haven't heard a carol, haven't sung one of 'em usual choruses all this month. Maybe I should. Now.

So off I go, to pack my bag and to sing my carol while I'm at it.

Going home.

Payne


PS: This trip is what I call the Great Indian Adventure, 'cuz having missed booking tickets early, we're now travelling on helluva route.  We should be hitting the Maharashtra Border sometime tommorow morning, Hyd is only a few hours away from that place. :)

PPS: Play Need for Speed: Most Wanted. Wow.



Current Mood: Bye!
Current Music: Carols in my head