Ecstatic Failure

This quote is a personification of me:

"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

It's from Frankenstein

It is how I feel deep inside, maybe there are other people who feel the same way, but I guess they form a minority. These are the people who have kept everything bottled up inside, who have kept their own lives so secret that even their closest friends are unsure of what they really think.

And today, I declare that I also belong to this category, I have kept my life completely secret. There are parts of it I do not remember myself; these are the parts that I have purposely blocked out of my consciousness, in order to forget. But I don't realize that in the process, I have blocked out my most prized possession, my memories.

Memory is something very uncanny, I wonder if animals also have it at the same level of complexity as us humans. It is something that can drive you to do things you thought impossible, just a 5 second memory can sometimes brighten up your entire day and leave you feeling elated. It is something so unique and something so forgotten as well.

Well, I think I have digressed about the merits of memory. I just want to tell all those people who keep everything bottled up inside, don't do it. i would like to write more about this but I simply don't have the tools and enough experiences to relate. I can only tell you not to do it.

As they say, keeping things bottled up inside, only makes them hurt more, they are not going to go away, they are going to keep nagging you, always. Don

I came. I saw. I fucked up. I left.

I am stuck nowhere. Actually, I don't think I am stuck, I just have nowhere else to go. Being stuck is not being able to go somehere else whereas with me, there is nowhere else to go and hence I am where I am.

There is something in the air, here, wherever here might be. A heady scent of something, rather someone. It smells familiar, but my nasal capabilities leave a lot to be desired for and hence I really can't comprehend who's or what's scent it is.

There is also an odd darkness. It is odd, because I only feel it is dark here. I have quite a lot of light which, by the way, is of no use as it isn't illuminating anything because there is nothing to illuminate. If light can't illuminate anything, does it mean it is dark? Confusing, yet...that scent again, heady and so, so familiar.

There is also a great sense of space here. Maybe, it is a consequence of nothing being here. Shocking again, the result of nothing being here gives a sense of so much being there. Weird, really weird, this place is. Absences define existences here.

And then it hits me, that scent can belong only to one person in the world. Only one person can send my heart fluttering that way and get the butterflies to do dazzling somersaults in my stomach like that. It has to be her scent, yes, it is her scent. Well, her absence defined my existence here, her walking this path, left me walking after her...

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P.S. : I know this is a really weird post and I don't even know why I wrote it.

P.P.S. : Happy Woman's Day to all members of the fairer sex and what the hell, lets include the unfairer sex too, for the heck of it.