Ramesh diaries-
I know Raghav like i know my receding hair line. I was afraid this was going to happen. I knew it. Stuff like love is not meant for people like Raghav. He just can' t handle a breakup. I guess you have no right to fall in love if you are not capable of handling a breakup. Agreed Gayatri is a sensible girl. But girls do become irrational when it comes to matters of love and heart. Why, look at Sophiya for instance. She was as much a sensible girl as Gayatri. But didn't she ditch Raghav?< ?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Mutual funds do exist. Now, there are umpteen of them. But mutual break ups just don't(exist). Imagine this-
Listen.... I wanted to tell you something.
Me too...i have been waiting to tell you something myself. What is it?
Ughh....aagh....please don't feel bad...i don't know how to say this....but...i think our relationship is going nowhere.
Oh wow! Wow, this is amazing. You stole my words. I wanted to tell you the same thing. This is so convenient!
Really?
You too wanted a breakup?
Yes. I have been wanting it for a month now. Thank you so much. I love you. I mean, i love you for wanting a breakup. You see, i don't love you. You get what i mean to say, don't you?
Yes, yes. Lets not waste any more time. My new girl friend is waiting for me.
Me too. I have a date with my new boy friend in in an hours time. I will have to leave now.
Yeah sure. Bye forever! Take care.
You too! Bye forever.
And then, the boy and girl part ways and live happily ever after. This can happen only in an imagined story. Reality is usally different.What happens in reality? One of the two starts ignoring the other. This continues for a month or two. The other notices it from the second day itself but gives him/herself all kinds of explanations and blissfully assumes that everything is alright. When no more rational or irrational explanation is possible,the day of the confrontation comes, the beans is spilled. One of them has already moved on, the other will experience hell for a long time to come.
I remember the conversation i had with Raghav after he had split up with sophiya. No, lets be factually correct, after Sophiya had split up with him. It was almost four months since they had split. There was no formal announcement or anything. But the whole of college did know that they had split. Both 'love' and 'breakup' spread like wildfire. No one ever mentioned it with Raghav but we knew that he was going through a traumatic phase. I was his confession mate.He never discussed the break up with me. I never thought it appropriate to broach the subject. We have heard dire straits a thousand times, that day, i saw him in dire straits.It was in those turbulent times that i spoke to Raghav.
Abbe chal, NBK kaa naya picture release hua hai. Mast mazaa aayegaa. Chal jayenge.
No, you go. I wont come. Got some work.
Kyaa phaltoo baatien karta hai. Kitne din maatam manayega? Get out of it now.
No, i am not interested.Seriously.
The movie is a problem? Alright then, i will make a sacrifice for you. Lets go to Shalimar and watch Demi Moore. Special rerun of strip tease. Uncut.
No Ramesh, you carry on. Take Vignesh along. He will watch any movie anyday.
Raghav! Don't be a silly sissy. What do you think, Sophiya will come back to you? Or worse still, that she too is enacting Devdas's female version somewhere?
Don't you dare talk to me like that.
And don't you dare talk to me like that either. You think i have no other work to do than to try and lift your lousy spirits?
I am sorry.
mention not.
( It is amazing how habits of school never leave you. Even now, whenever i listen to Jana gana mana, at the end, i somehow utter, 'school disperse/jai hind'. When i said 'mention not' i was in a funny state of mind. I don't know why but it did feel silly to have said 'mention not'. I also felt bad for my friend. Having said that, i will have to admit that a smile did escape my lips at that moment. It had to do with me saying 'mention not' than anything else. Thankfully, the smile eased the atmosphere instead of aggravating Raghav's frustrated state. He smiled. I laughed. He laughed. That's why i treasure school friends so much. They know us inside out.)
Listen Raghav, i don't have to say this but, if at all you have to talk about anything at all, i will always be there for you.
Thanx Ramesh. I know i can count on you. Trust me, I am alright.
Yeah, I know how alright you have been for the last four months. It is so very visible you see.
You won't give up, will you?
How can I? I am your best friend. Get her out of your system Raghav. There is a whole life waiting for you.
Its not like i am not trying Ramesh. I never realised i liked her so much. Now that she is not there, all i can think about is her.
The best way to get out of a heartbreak is to get involved with some one else. Why don't you go on a 'potti patao' drive?
I have tried that. It has only worsened my situation. I seem to search for her in every girl only to realise that she was THE one for me. And i spoiled it all. I havent come across any other girl who is as much intelligent, graceful and beautiful.
Don't give me that cinematic crap Raghav. I can show you a hundered girls who are ten times more beautiful and intelligent than Sophiya.
Hmm...yes, you don't have to tackle with memories. I am haunted by memories of the great times that we had together. I end up thinking about her all the time.
An empty brain is a devils workshop.
Its not about the empty brain. Its about the lovestruck heart.
I can't believe it. Don't tell me you think of nothing else.
I don't. Anything and everything reminds me of some or another aspect of Sophiya. I look at some girl and i end up thinking, she has a similar hair style as Sophiyas.
I look at Telnets advertisement and i am reminded that Sophiya too uses telnet. I watch promos of Saif's latest movie and i am reminded of how we had a hearty laugh after watching DCH. Everytime some one rings me up...i wish so much that it is Sophiya, and when it turns out to be someone else, i get so frustrated, i feel like banging the phone back. I am losing friends Ramesh. I don't feel like talking to anybody else anymore. Her smile, its a constant sight for me. I am not able to get over it. I see her everywhere.
Man, you are scaring me. I never knew the situation was so bad. You like her so much? I never knew it.
Neither did I. Untill we broke up.
Why did she ditch you? I am sorry, I mean, why did you break up?
I don't want to get into it. Lets not discuss that.
It will do a lot of good for you to talk it out of your system.
You may view it that way, but it will be hell revisited for me. Lets not discuss it.
As you wish. I thought you had split amicably.
Haha. Crap. No split is amicable. She just walked out on me.
You believe all fault was hers?
No. I guess i was the culprit. I took her for granted. I guess she was the only one in the world that i took for granted. Never did anything special for her. I thought she was all mine. Didn't even buy her a gift on her birthday. I felt so comfortable in her presence that....the need never arose that i go out of my way to do something special for her. My whole philosophy was wrong. I thought, if you love someone, you can be yourself with that person. No reason to try and and be someone else. Pch...aah...do we have to talk about it. Lets leave it Ramesh. No point mulling over it. All is lost.
You never tried to patch up with her?
I did. I did everything i could do. I made umpteen phone calls, tried to be as polite as possible. She treats me like a roadside Romeo. I call her up and she responds by saying, "hmm..what is it now?".
I don't get this Raghav. How could you think of a girl who is so very rude to you. If some one is as rude to me, i think i would just cut off relations and never think about that fellow for a life's time.
You know what the problem is, the image that i carry of her is not that of a girl who banged the phone on me but of a girl who used to laugh heartily over my silly jokes.
Why don't you meet her in person and resolve the whole problem.
I don't know. I have such conflicting thoughts. I want to meet her so much and i want to stay away from her as much. I don't know whether i will smile or slap if at all i meet her.
You want her back?
No. She is not the person i thought she was. I was in love with an illusion. I just want to be able to forget her. Sometimes i wish i had never met her in my life.
I think you are being unreasonable Raghav. Love is an exagerrated concept. If you want to, you can forget her easily.
Oh yes, when you are the third person, every love story is a crappy exagerrated nonsense. You will know if it happens to you. I wouldnt want the worst of my enemies to go through a break-up. Its a torture. Take my word for this.
Phew,, that was my conversation with Raghav. I never truly appreciated what he said untill i met Deepthi. Untill i found true love. Its almost been a month since i met Deepthi in Somu bar. Tomorrow, Raghav is going to meet Gayatri. And i know he is moderately interested in her. He took ages to come out of the Sophiya episode. Hope he has learnt his lesson. Falling in love is easy. Just that being equiped to handle a breakup always comes in handy. Having said that, i only hope Deepti never walks out on me. For one, i love her like heaven. For two, i have no idea how to handle a breakup!
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