There are a few things you need to know about me –

  • I have a thing for older men.

  • I completely and totally adore James Blunt.

  • I think that Christopher Reeve makes a better superman than Brandon Routh.

  • I love the rain. It does strange things to me.

  • I have theories on just about everything in this whole wide world.

And today I have this strong urge to share with you one of my most persuasive theories of all time — “The Great Classification Theory”…

The Pretenders: 

Characteristics: Pretend to know the entire top-notch, page 3 crowd. Act as if you are worth nothing. Phony to the bone.

Punch line: He/she is a very close friend of mine. We get along fabulously.

Sample Conversation: 

Pretender: Hey sweetie…wassup?? Watchya been doing all these days…haven’t seen you around for quite a while now…weren’t you at Priya’s party last night.

Me: *clearly frustrated* I wasn’t at Priya’s party. I don’t think there was a party in the first place. Priya and I were having a quite dinner at the Waterfront.

P: *fumbling for a bit* Ahhh…must have been the day before then…see…I go to so many of them…I have lost track these days!!

Me: *cold stare*

P: *Time to change topic* Do you know this new guy who has come into town? The one who works for Microsoft and all?! Fabulous guy, I tell you…I’ll introduce you to him sometime, you’ll fall in love. We hang out together most of the time.

Me: *surprised* Are you talking bout
Roy?! I’ve met him, nice chap…I don’t remember him mentioning you though. *Final nail in the coffin. Now watch him run and how. Ha ha)

P: Alright then, I’ll catch ya sometime later…bu bye sweets, meet ya tonight at Liquids.

Me: *Like duh*


Do all you can to tell them that you know they are all “fake”. Though they will pretend like they didn’t hear ya!!!


Keep your mouth shut when they say something that you know is a lie…if u don’t speak up then, they’ll continue their tirade and there will be no escape for you.

The Social Clingers: 

Characteristics: Clingy, will never leave you alone, no amount of sarcasm will help, not even very strong hints will work.

Punch line: Can I come along too?

Sample Conversation: 

Social Clinger: Hey, what r u upto this weekend?

Me: Nuthing much, the usual. There’s this party to look forward to though.*Oh damn…why did I say that?!! I’m soooo dumb*

SC: *gleeful eyes* Can I come along too?

Me: I’ll have to check with the host. Dunno if it’s an open to all thingie. *rapidly looking around for an “Exit” sign*

SC: Puleeeeezzzz… *”the puss in boots in Shrek” look*

Me: Alright, alright, I’ll take you along. *there’s no escape. I’m so dead*

At the party:

SC: Don’t leave me alone, I hardly know anyone here.

Me: I know everyone, I need to mingle.*sarcasm…why can’t some people get it ever?!!!*

SC: I’ll follow you around.

Me: *thinking deeply and regretting having got SC along* God save me.

After the party:

SC: What are you doing tomorrow? Can I come along too?

Me: *runs away never to return again*


Never mention your itinerary to them. Their natural tendency is to ask if they can come along.


Keep away!!!

The Oglers: 

Characteristics: Also known as the chest talkers. They manage to find all the corny pick-up lines and then even try to use a few on you. Extremely persistent.

Punch line: You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

Sample Conversation: 

Ogler: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Me: Can’t you think of anything more original than that?

O: Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

Me: *clearly amused, really wanna check out how many he can come up with*

Me: That’s about the best you can do?

O: Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Me: *Alright, I was the one who asked for it…now its time to beat a hasty retreat*

Me: *Pretending to wave to a friend* Ok O, it was nice meeting you, hope I don’t bump into you again!!*run*


Seriously…don’t do anything, just run!


Never egg on an Ogler; you have no idea what you are getting yourself into!


I see that this has got to be very lengthy for a single post...will prolly list out the rest in another post soon.

Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: Wisemen, James Blunt