Ecstatic Failure

Think it over

10 Things I Have Learned

rock_26iin | 21 January, 2007 12:41

1. Everybody, every single person wears a mask

2. There is no such thing as a genuine person

3. People believe that circumstances define them. With the power of human will, circumstances can be defined by the people

4. Scarred hearts heal too slowly. Scarred egos don't heal at all.

5. You can be double-crossed by anyone, even your closest friends...or so you think they are.

6. A 'yes' can be easily converted into a 'no', given a plausible (not necessarily accurate) explanation

7. Memory is your only true possession, relish it for as long as you have it. Don't forget the bad times either, they will help you along your way

8. Hope is a wonderful abstract.

9. Wrath, rage and anger are to be expressed, and expressed only towards whom they are directed.

10. Life always comes back to you full circle.

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Confessions

rock_26iin | 16 January, 2007 15:13

I am an introvert and a loner. More so than anyone else who claims to be one. I push people away from me, I never get close to anyone, even the friends I have now are only because of circumstances or because they made an effort to become my friend. I would not say I am unsociable, but I enjoy solitude. I would not say I don't feel anything for anyone, but I do end up feeling too much for certain people and the heartbreak I've suffered when they go away has been too much to take. I would not say that I don't like anyone, its just that people I like, end up not liking me. But one thing I will say, I will not change. I will remain the same person for the entirety of my life. I will still be who I am, the same sarcastic fool who doesn't know a thing about anything. I am happy all the time, but sometimes I feel its a face for everything I do, for everything I feel, I don't want to let anyone into my enclosed space, into everything that is bottled up inside of me. I am too afraid of being betrayed. Too afraid of what other people might think. That they might judge me for what I am. I claim to not be bothered by what other people say, and most of the time, I am not, its only when someone I care about tells me something like that, is when I feel bad, bad being a very soft term for what I am implying. And thats why I never let anyone into my own space. Even my "best" friends don't know the half of what I am, the one fourth of what I comprise of. I have a lot of emotion in me that no one but me gets to see. Sometimes its reflected in these blogs that I write on an irregular basis. But more often that not, many feelings are never portrayed, because I never let them come out into the open. These blogs are my emotional valve, they let me be who I am, without being judged, without people thinking about what I am, then again I ask myself, why make them public if you don't want anyone to know, and the reply is that I do want people to know, I just don't want the people close to me to know. I don't want them knowing everything about me. I know it is weird, but that is the way I am, and the way I will be. The written word will always be stronger than anything else in my book.

A few lyrics that encapsulate the way I feel right now :

"I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
Yet I always try to hide
'Cos I talk to you like children,
tho I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed
'Cos it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said"

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