What is it with smokers?

1. Honour: Every smoker I know, no matter how miserly, has never refused a fag or a light to a fellow being in need. It is like there is an unwritten code - thou shalt always share the death stick. It could be a stranger who speaks ancient Hebrew for all you know. But when she has to borrow a stick, it is as if they all speak some universal language. An act as simple as sharing a cigarette could lead to a BFF scenario.

2. Bonding: Male bonding is over-hyped when you compare it with the nicotine bond. It forges ties stronger than those that motherhood does. Make no mistake, I will probably never know what it is like to be a mother mostly because I am a man - I am simply going by what the advertisements project motherhood to be. It could be anywhere - airport smoking areas, office galleries, homes, pubs, streets, open fields, toilets, or even shady back alleys - once a butt is lit you can rest assured the backslapping will ensue.

3. Whining: Then they whine! Really, they whine. Yes, we all whine. It is just that smokers take it to a whole new level. What makes it particularly unbearable is that they whine solely about one thing - not being able to quit. Sadly, we seem to have given them a licence to do that since we all tend to think it takes superhuman resolve to quit the habit. Jeez! I know people who have smoked 50-60 cigarettes a day for 25 straight years, and they have quit. They were smokers. A day later not a single fag. Just like that - on and then off.

4. Defensiveness: They know they are going to die young. But they make it sound romantic, almost like Jon Bon Jovi does in Blaze of Glory, "You ask about my conscience, and I offer you my soul. You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man, well I ask if I'll grow old." What they do not know is that unlike Jovi who talks of a painless death by the gun, these guys are probably going to be breathing out of ventilators in a few years time.

I could go on about this. But I won't for two reasons. One, I have used up my thinking time for the day. Two, I have done my, as Aran said once, four reasonably sized paragraphs.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Aerosmith - Dream On
I have never been one for quoting others - well, quoting famous people anyway with the exception of Douglas Adams. I have never been one for reverance especially when most people on this planet are only slightly more intelligent than jelly fish, no offence to jelly fish. I have never been one for modesty, what with vanity being my favourite indulgence. I have never been one for glossing over the monstrosities of our shallow existence - euphemism is the reason we are all in the mess that we are.

Of course, the readers of this blog should know all that by now had they been remotely exercising that one organ that differentiates us from other primates - the brain. That is not such a bad thing, really. Why else could I keep making posts about the same insipid things if people understood what I wanted to say?

Why am I getting defensive? Has my desire to be read by more people made me weigh quantity over quality? No, I am not talking of my posts. I am talking of the readers who read my posts. Do I really want to make posts that are non-ambiguous enough for the E. Coli bacteria to understand? More than that, should I even bother commenting on posts that are not even worthy of the E. Coli bacteria's attention?

I have in all my blogging life of almost five years not made more than a handful of comments, other than those made on Aran's blog or mine. Of that handful, the few that were meant to be offensive were never taken offense at. Those that were subliminally subtle were deemed offensive. Perhaps that tells a story. SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) should focus all their telescopes on the earth - let us be convinced that there is such a thing as intelligent life.

Current Music: Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You
I knew I was getting ahead of myself when I spoke of the readership of this blog in plural terms, unless the blog author herself (purely used to make the language non-sexist - not indicative of the gender of the person in question) counts as a reader. That does beg the question. In my zest to be gender-neutral, have I become sexist? Quite some insight that. I am amazed how I can be so full of myself, yet recognise the little sparks of brilliance I come up with every now and then.

However ('however' is a fancy 'but' that we tend to use when we wish to rise above the mediocrity of conjunctions), this one time even I could not get ahead of myself. I heard somewhere that if you went around a tree at the speed of light you could kiss your own ass. And if you did that at twice the speed of light you could see yourself kiss your own ass. Whoever thought that physics could actually be fun!

This professor of mine used to say, "To understand physics you need to feel the pleasure of it, not the pressure of it." I had no idea that this was the kind of pleasure he was talking about. I could have aced physics you know, that I did ace physics irrespective not withstanding. Yeah, sometimes I like to let the geek in me out. Other times, it just comes out of its own accord.

Anyway. This post was about the exaggerated readership of this blog. I believe I have started regressing into the abyss of banality, what with all my trademark digression now being a thing of the past. That is not depressing enough to not rejoice over my widening reader base. It could be heart-breaking for Aran, though. The exclusivity of all this being exclusively for her would be, well, not so exclusive anymore.

Then again, Aran has stuck by me through thick and thin. That takes resolve, and a pretty thick skin to do. I am not sure anyone else can match that. Really.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Alice Cooper - Poison
In my previous post (Technically, the post prior to the previous post since the previous post has been previously deleted but who is into technicalities these days? Especially since we now know that older technology scores over the newer ones, a case in point being the robustness of the Nokia 1110 over the touch-me-not sensibilities of the N95.) I had made a sweeping statement to the effect that it could be the last post on this blog.

Ardent readers of this blog would note the inherent irony in that statement (Of course, they should also note the supreme dullness of their lives if this blog is their sole source of entertainment.). It is absolutely characteristic of me to make such a claim. It is even more characteristic of me to not abide by it. As they say, if horses start befriending pastures what are they going to eat? Not only was that a crude translation, it was also quoted out of context.

Now, now. Here is a brilliant brainwave. Media houses quote celebrities (let's not go into the 'celebrities are proof of the decline of human civilisation' discourse, hard though it is not to) out of context all the time. So, if celebrities start talking out of context would that make the work of the media easier? May be I should patent this idea before anyone else starts to make money out of it. But that would be akin to a non-violent person dealing in guns. I would not be true to my beliefs, my principles - all because the greens would have me blinded. Well, I can live with that.

What I cannot live with, however, are two women. And that is only because my wife would have none of it. Make no mistake. A charming lady she is. Very classy too. It is just that I fail to understand why I cannot keep my box of snacks on the living room centre table. Keep it in the kitchen, she says. Why can a man not be the man of the house?

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: The sound of generator
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