Appetite For Self Destruction

XLNC | By Aditya | 2009 Trackbacks (0) Comments (2)   

So, what do you do when you not only stop making progress, but actually start going backwards and, in the process, begin to destroy yourself?

I know I'm heading for disaster but I keep running faster and faster. I'm lying to myself that I don't have anything important to do and that I can do whatever I want, and forget about my duties. I don't like this in myself and I don't know where it came from.

I hate the life I'm living and I hate my state of mind. And I wish that I could be somebody else. The depression that my mind causes me is unbearable. Each time I sit in a vehicle I wish for a crash, I just hope that everything ends, for good or for ill. But I just want it to end. And I don't know the cause which is even worse.

I don't think it's a problem with not being in alignment with someone else. I'm not in alignment with myself. And I am regressing. I no longer have access to the skills I had before. And am becoming increasingly frustrated/depressed/desperate.  

I have this innate drive that impels me to pursue my own downfall.  I'm at the point where I don't know what to do, my self destructive behavior has gotten worse as the days go by. 

I hear it all the time from family members, "We love you why are you doing this to yourself and also to us?". Things are so different in my head, I lie because I don't want to try and explain things that might hurt my family.

I don't feel anything anymore.I feel like I'm watching all of this happen from the outside. I cry sometimes, but I don't know where it's coming from.

No feelings, no emotions, only reflex. 

The Satanic Curses

Politics Humor | By Aditya | 2009 Trackbacks (0) Comments (2)   

Mr.X dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter at the gates of heaven and hell. St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding." So he chooses to check out hell first.

He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and doing the limbo. Everyone is laughing and having a great time.

Next St. Peter takes him up to heaven to look around. Everything is white and pristine. People are speaking softly about philosophy and mathematical formulas. Others are simply contemplative and serene. He's bored in about five minutes.

St. Peter then says to Mr.X, "I want you to sleep on it and meet me back here in the morning to let me know your decision." The next morning he comes back and says to St. Peter, "Heaven is very nice and all, but hell looks great, so I've decided that I want to go to hell". So St. Peter puts him on the escalator down to hell.

When he gets there he sees Satan whipping people and there's fire everywhere and everyone is screaming in pain. So he goes over to Satan and says "Hey, whats going on here? Yesterday I came here to check the place out and everyone was partying and it looked like a great time. What happened?"

Satan looks at him and says "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today we've won the elections!!"

BCCI - Bored Of Cash And Choas In India

Politics Cricket | By Aditya | 2009 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   
With the first ever auction in Cricket, cheerleaders and Businessmen, I thought that no seasons of Indian Premier League could rival the first season viz-a-viz drama. But just the second season of Indian Premier League has proved me wrong. 

First we saw Flintoff and Pietersen becoming the highest paid IPL Players. The Clubs paid these prices, when there was a Global Economic Crisis all around the world and pink slips are a norm in all the companies. I believed all these drama would be over with the auctions and focus would shift back to Cricket and Economics (Sponsorships).

Sadly, I was wrong. Lahore Happened. And everybody started raising their concerns about the security. Even before that crisis settled down, Indian Home Minister Chidambaram joined the fray by dropping a bombshell about the security problems for conducting IPL during elections. Add to this, the recent controversy about the television rights of IPL, confusion reigns in the second season of Indian Premier League.
Lalit Modi is pushing his luck as he tries to fit in the IPL in the already cramped ICC calender and also by assuring both players and the spectators of "Complete Safety".
Now either he doesn't know that the Indian Subcontinent consist of three other cricket playing countries which are politically unstable and terrorist activities are growing in all countries of the subcontinent (including India). First it started with the Mumbai terror strikes which held the country for hostage for 3 days (complete safety my ass!!) then it was LTTE in Sri Lanka and the mutiny of the Bangladesh Rifles. And Pakistan has been in trouble through all of this and more.

On the other hand, by hosting an event of this magnitude and scale involving billions of dollars so that the recession and crises facing companies make profits way above their capacities by investing in cricket is good for India and the world. But at what cost?, can the players be made puppets? It has hardly been a month since the Sri Lankan cricket team had a very close shave with death. 

Then there are the elections which take place right during the games, I'd have preferred if Lalit Modi had asked the Government of India to postpone the elections by a few weeks, in his and most of the Indians' interests it is the best option. And I bet the ministers would agree as well, they would expect absolutely no turn out for the elections as people would rather watch Warne Vs. Sachin, Harbhajan Vs Hayden or Peitersen Vs. Flintoff than decide on BJP or Congress.

And with the BCCI having at stake amounts never foreseen in the game's history it is a difficult task for the government to make the Board realize that the nation and safety of the players are far more important than ticket sales and advertisement revenue.

And I almost forgot about the purists who feel Test cricket is dying in the wake of T20, with IPL, T20 WC and all crap coming in, they are pretty sure that Test cricket fades away in less than a decade. 

And if you remember Sharad Pawar is the president of the BCCI... and serves as Minister of Agriculture and Minister of Consumer Affairs, Food and Public Distribution.  So he is in a win-win situation. Either its elections or its IPL, or as he wants it - BOTH!

The Second Edition of the IPL is scheduled to start on April 10th. Well Let the Games Begin!!

For Those Who Came In Late...

XLNC | By Aditya | 2009 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   

about me:    

Lazy. Lethargic. Voracious reader. Net freak. Music addict. Football addict. Always willing to catch forty winks, except when it may intrude into football, telly or net time. Occasionally funny(?). Food-crazy. Crossword fanatic. Sudoku-champion wannabe. Stuck in the wrong kinda place in more ways than one. Known for watching obscure sports/teams, listening to obscure music. English hopelessly ruined by University Education. Once was something of a writer, now suffering from an extreme case of degenerative, idiopathic writer's block. Occasionally depressed. Always predicting doomsday. Always more careful than necessary. Will kill for a chance to come home from college. Hate show-offs. Hate unnecessary publicity or limelight. Addicted to quizzing. Passable public speaker. Stubborn. Hard-headed. Respect opinions. Love Hyderabad. Aversion to lying, beyond-social drinking, back-stabbers, indecency, violence. Hate studying, examinations and everything else that's even remotely academic. Once dreamt of being a pilot. Still dream of a day where I can make a living purely by talking. Fiercely loyal to extremely close friends, fiercely detest those who intrude into my private space (physically/emotionally) uninvited. Bit of a loner. Spend loads of time playing computer games and doing arbit stuff that may temporarily catch my fancy. Low on patience, fuse very short and very volatile. Detest others trying to dictate what I should/should not do. Love making fun of people, but never cross certain limits I've set for myself, and often poke the most fun at the people I love the most.
The above, being very candid and very true, may be considered a result of extreme sleep deprivation. May change soon.

Aditya's blog is proudly powered by, the largest portal for Hyderabad, India.
Design by LifeType and N Design Studio.