16 Jun 2009
Monsoons - she adored this time of the year. However, tonite, as the dark, broody clouds made an ominous appearance in all their cumbersome glory, she was especially cranky. On the edge. Not a wink of sleep rested on her tired, searching eyes.
As she cuddled up to her sleeping hubby, restless and pensive, she recalled the rushed, stinging smack by the silvery sharp needles of rain on her face earlier that evening.
The rain, she mused, like love, is the greatest leveler - of the rich and the poor, the good and the evil, the most beautiful and the ghastly ugly. The sleepy, and the awake. The lonesome and the alone... She wondered why the rain that had sprouted fragrant joy into the parched land also swelled up raging teary waves by the lakeside? Why couldn't the rain delight her... Like it'd always. She had felt a little caressed by the generous swoosh of its all-enveloping arms, and why had it then wearied her soul out?
As she felt hot tears streaming down her cheeks, she wanted to get out and be one with it again. Desperately. So, she could melt her tears away in the cold uncaring monster of a downpour. Even as her soul let out a heart-rending cry, nature, seemed overcome with emotion, responded - with torrentials of it.
Her feelings began to overwhelm her. To the point of choking her. And then, she could hold no more. She went out into the balcony and texted her friend. She just wanted to sms him and tell him how sorry she was for having hurt him, his feelings. She apologised, said she had never meant to be nasty or call "twisted" - his intentions, his care for her, concern for her, feelings for her, his very love for her!
Having sent the message, she was all lost deep in his thoughts getting thoroughly drenched in the rain, when her hubby called out to her. Suddenly bolted into reality, she feared the worst.
Her premonitions, her sixth sense had warned her against taking such a risk. Why did she? And, now, she would have to pay! What would her hubby think, and say. What if her friend messaged her back right now? Her hubby wouldn't read her messages. Yet, he would be enraged if he knew she got a message from a guy that late at night. Rightly so, perhaps. What, if he insisted he would want to see her friend's message. After all, despite all the space they gave each other, they never kept any secrets between them. And, what was she upto, he would definitely wonder and be saddened...
Even as these thoughts played havoc with her already-aching head that was working overtime, she suddenly found her concerned hubby standing behind her, gently taking her by the arm and leading her back inside.
Outside the voluminous rain poured hasty and violent. The thunder yelled and threatened to tear the sky apart. Inside, another drama was unfolding. Asking what bothered her, so late at night, and why she was out in the balcony in the rain, he glanced upon her cellphone, buzzing with the tone of an incoming message. Puzzled, he tried to take a look. Frightened and shocked out of senses, she grabbed it. Didn't let go of it even when he asked for it. Almost muddled, as though in a trance, as if unaware that it was normal for her hubby to be curious and ask, she couldn't comprehend why he was so 'bothering' her... she was irritated, and wondered why was he being suddenly so overly-protective and concerned?
Almost crazed into a frenzy, she yanked her phone from his hands and screamed at him in all her thundering threat of a tone. Angered, her hubby only got more curious and insistent, asking if she was hiding anything from him. Awfully guilt-ridden, and all enraged, she thundered back a loud 'no.'
Even as the rain beat up outside, loud and fierce, the two exchanged harsh words. Harder feelings. He finally did what she had been fearing - Asked her if she was having an affair and why she had behaving strangely for the past few months. Why was she so transformed all of a sudden. Why was she so lost always? Why wasn't she irritated anymore when he teased her? Why didn't she laugh out loud when he cracked jokes? Why was she now so into love songs, when earlier the very sound of any music drove her mad? What was she so "lost" about...
Breaking down, completely, she just ran outside. It had suddenly become all quiet - the rain had, as though magically, disappeared and rendered everything silent. Not a leaf moved. She fell to the floor weeping inconsolably, almost as though mourning at a loss of a loved one. He was petrified, but extremely moved by her plight. Tenderly picking her up, he brought her back in. After a while she calmed down and apologised. He said he didn't need to know anything. Her happiness was of utmost importance to him. That was all that mattered - just the two of them to be happy and together.
The storm had passed. Balance was restored. However, the monsoon was here to stay, at least for a good while, and the storms would be back at the slightest of chance and on the hottest of angry days.
"Love is a minefield. You take a step and get blown to pieces, put yourself back together again and stupidly take another step..."