Ecstatic Failure

This quote is a personification of me:

"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

It's from Frankenstein

It is how I feel deep inside, maybe there are other people who feel the same way, but I guess they form a minority. These are the people who have kept everything bottled up inside, who have kept their own lives so secret that even their closest friends are unsure of what they really think.

And today, I declare that I also belong to this category, I have kept my life completely secret. There are parts of it I do not remember myself; these are the parts that I have purposely blocked out of my consciousness, in order to forget. But I don't realize that in the process, I have blocked out my most prized possession, my memories.

Memory is something very uncanny, I wonder if animals also have it at the same level of complexity as us humans. It is something that can drive you to do things you thought impossible, just a 5 second memory can sometimes brighten up your entire day and leave you feeling elated. It is something so unique and something so forgotten as well.

Well, I think I have digressed about the merits of memory. I just want to tell all those people who keep everything bottled up inside, don't do it. i would like to write more about this but I simply don't have the tools and enough experiences to relate. I can only tell you not to do it.

As they say, keeping things bottled up inside, only makes them hurt more, they are not going to go away, they are going to keep nagging you, always. Don

I came. I saw. I fucked up. I left.

I am stuck nowhere. Actually, I don't think I am stuck, I just have nowhere else to go. Being stuck is not being able to go somehere else whereas with me, there is nowhere else to go and hence I am where I am.

There is something in the air, here, wherever here might be. A heady scent of something, rather someone. It smells familiar, but my nasal capabilities leave a lot to be desired for and hence I really can't comprehend who's or what's scent it is.

There is also an odd darkness. It is odd, because I only feel it is dark here. I have quite a lot of light which, by the way, is of no use as it isn't illuminating anything because there is nothing to illuminate. If light can't illuminate anything, does it mean it is dark? Confusing, yet...that scent again, heady and so, so familiar.

There is also a great sense of space here. Maybe, it is a consequence of nothing being here. Shocking again, the result of nothing being here gives a sense of so much being there. Weird, really weird, this place is. Absences define existences here.

And then it hits me, that scent can belong only to one person in the world. Only one person can send my heart fluttering that way and get the butterflies to do dazzling somersaults in my stomach like that. It has to be her scent, yes, it is her scent. Well, her absence defined my existence here, her walking this path, left me walking after her...

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P.S. : I know this is a really weird post and I don't even know why I wrote it.

P.P.S. : Happy Woman's Day to all members of the fairer sex and what the hell, lets include the unfairer sex too, for the heck of it.

Me: you should hear her laugh sometime man. It

For the heck of it, I got a pic to add today, it's called Conflict. Amazing what you can do with free time and Paint.



I am at my eloquent worst right now, so I am unable to convey anything of what I want to say today. I don't know what to do, so I think I will not say anything more.

There are people and then there are other people. Right now, my inebriated state has disabled my neurons so hopelessly, that I can't really differentiate between these two, but anyway they exist. Umm....where was I?....Oh yeah, there are two types of people, one is called the male or for now, we shall name him Og. And then the other people called the females, for now, they shall be called Fare. Now, Og cannot do without Fare, while Fare, well as I don't belong to the Fare category, I don't know, but I think that Fare also need Og sometimes.

So, this Og and Fare, when they come together, well, things happen.....wheres my bottle? Ah, found it, anyway...where was I? Damn, I was right here, how am I in two places at once? Hell, I don't know what I'm saying now....ah, well coming back to the Fare + Og question, well, I really don't know what the question itself was, so I am pretty unsure I'll know the answer. Maybe the answer is 21, or maybe its 84, maybe there is no question and no answer, maybe they just are supposed to be added and then the stew boils.

Again, I don't know what I'm saying, (its the alcohol talking), anyway, well this Og I know, very good friend of mine, practically resides in my head, well, he likes this Fare, but can't get it out, 'cause he thinks that the Fare doesn't like him. Well, can't blame Fare, I don't like him either. And now he tells me, that the world is playing tricks on him, the radio is only playing songs that Fare likes. Now, don't judge him, he's just paranoid. Like me.

So, coming back to....to whatever I was saying (that sounds about right), I think all the Ogs and Fares should forget about the meaning of life and just do the tango. Lot less stressful and much more enjoyable...seriously...