Ecstatic Failure

Think it over


rock_26iin | 30 March, 2006 23:39



rock_26iin | 22 March, 2006 23:32

This quote is a personification of me:

"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

It's from Frankenstein

It is how I feel deep inside, maybe there are other people who feel the same way, but I guess they form a minority. These are the people who have kept everything bottled up inside, who have kept their own lives so secret that even their closest friends are unsure of what they really think.

And today, I declare that I also belong to this category, I have kept my life completely secret. There are parts of it I do not remember myself; these are the parts that I have purposely blocked out of my consciousness, in order to forget. But I don't realize that in the process, I have blocked out my most prized possession, my memories.

Memory is something very uncanny, I wonder if animals also have it at the same level of complexity as us humans. It is something that can drive you to do things you thought impossible, just a 5 second memory can sometimes brighten up your entire day and leave you feeling elated. It is something so unique and something so forgotten as well.

Well, I think I have digressed about the merits of memory. I just want to tell all those people who keep everything bottled up inside, don't do it. i would like to write more about this but I simply don't have the tools and enough experiences to relate. I can only tell you not to do it.

As they say, keeping things bottled up inside, only makes them hurt more, they are not going to go away, they are going to keep nagging you, always. Don

An Exam Explained In One Line

rock_26iin | 13 March, 2006 19:39

I came. I saw. I fucked up. I left.

Following A Fragrance...

rock_26iin | 08 March, 2006 19:30

I am stuck nowhere. Actually, I don't think I am stuck, I just have nowhere else to go. Being stuck is not being able to go somehere else whereas with me, there is nowhere else to go and hence I am where I am.

There is something in the air, here, wherever here might be. A heady scent of something, rather someone. It smells familiar, but my nasal capabilities leave a lot to be desired for and hence I really can't comprehend who's or what's scent it is.

There is also an odd darkness. It is odd, because I only feel it is dark here. I have quite a lot of light which, by the way, is of no use as it isn't illuminating anything because there is nothing to illuminate. If light can't illuminate anything, does it mean it is dark? Confusing, yet...that scent again, heady and so, so familiar.

There is also a great sense of space here. Maybe, it is a consequence of nothing being here. Shocking again, the result of nothing being here gives a sense of so much being there. Weird, really weird, this place is. Absences define existences here.

And then it hits me, that scent can belong only to one person in the world. Only one person can send my heart fluttering that way and get the butterflies to do dazzling somersaults in my stomach like that. It has to be her scent, yes, it is her scent. Well, her absence defined my existence here, her walking this path, left me walking after her...


P.S. : I know this is a really weird post and I don't even know why I wrote it.

P.P.S. : Happy Woman's Day to all members of the fairer sex and what the hell, lets include the unfairer sex too, for the heck of it.

Perfection Vs. The Meaning Of Life Vs. The Tango

rock_26iin | 26 February, 2006 13:40

Me: you should hear her laugh sometime man. It


rock_26iin | 20 February, 2006 16:54

For the heck of it, I got a pic to add today, it's called Conflict. Amazing what you can do with free time and Paint.

I am at my eloquent worst right now, so I am unable to convey anything of what I want to say today. I don't know what to do, so I think I will not say anything more.
**Edit: Changed the font size before i get chastised by June again.

Og + Fare -> Tango

rock_26iin | 13 February, 2006 21:49

There are people and then there are other people. Right now, my inebriated state has disabled my neurons so hopelessly, that I can't really differentiate between these two, but anyway they exist. Umm....where was I?....Oh yeah, there are two types of people, one is called the male or for now, we shall name him Og. And then the other people called the females, for now, they shall be called Fare. Now, Og cannot do without Fare, while Fare, well as I don't belong to the Fare category, I don't know, but I think that Fare also need Og sometimes.

So, this Og and Fare, when they come together, well, things happen.....wheres my bottle? Ah, found it, anyway...where was I? Damn, I was right here, how am I in two places at once? Hell, I don't know what I'm saying now....ah, well coming back to the Fare + Og question, well, I really don't know what the question itself was, so I am pretty unsure I'll know the answer. Maybe the answer is 21, or maybe its 84, maybe there is no question and no answer, maybe they just are supposed to be added and then the stew boils.

Again, I don't know what I'm saying, (its the alcohol talking), anyway, well this Og I know, very good friend of mine, practically resides in my head, well, he likes this Fare, but can't get it out, 'cause he thinks that the Fare doesn't like him. Well, can't blame Fare, I don't like him either. And now he tells me, that the world is playing tricks on him, the radio is only playing songs that Fare likes. Now, don't judge him, he's just paranoid. Like me.

So, coming back whatever I was saying (that sounds about right), I think all the Ogs and Fares should forget about the meaning of life and just do the tango. Lot less stressful and much more enjoyable...seriously...

My Live Effigy...Alight!

rock_26iin | 12 February, 2006 19:07

I gaze through the smoke and haze, wondering what is happening. The fumes, the drugged effect they have, and slowly, I realize that I am on fire. I am the one burning slowly, being frozen out of my existence by flames.

Yes, yes, I've had a major mental fuck up. I am making no sense when people talk to me, rather, when I talk to them or whatever. Nothing wants to make sense, it just wants to get more complicated and get me more entangled in this spiders web that is sometimes referred to as my life. I get disoriented at times, feel Friday is really Monday and Sunday will never come, and that time just stops and starts as if its got fits.

I feel that I am not supposed to understand what I feel. I'm looking at that flame, which was just up to my knees right now, looks like it just managed to get higher. Anyway, I'm still wondering what am I supposed to feel. Should I laugh the world in its face? Or should I say that I need to live more. Hey, the fire is getting furious now, it just reached above my belt.

The fire is there, but I feel frozen, I know that

Question 1

rock_26iin | 02 February, 2006 20:25

I am here. For what reason, for what purpose, I ask myself and the only reply I get is the din humming of the fan. The only thing that mattered to me, the only thing that still held me sane, walked away from me, never looking back, never once thinking of the way it crushed me. So, again I ask myself what purpose is my life? Do any of us even serve a purpose? I do not know the meaning of life but I do know that for a life to be meaningful it has to have a purpose, it has to have a sense of motion, motion towards achievement, achievement of happiness, achievement of your dreams, your aspirations. But when the dream itself walked away from you, what are you supposed to do? All right, agreed that the dream wasn

Flickr Mania

rock_26iin | 27 January, 2006 16:02

Everybody else is doing it, so why can't I?

A Sound Project

Hope it makes sense

If Only I Could

rock_26iin | 22 January, 2006 01:25

If only I could say everything I wanted to
If only I could be everything I wish to
If only I can achieve everything I want to
If only I could believe everything I want to

The power of a thousand stars
I hold in my hands
Scars of several battles
I wear on my face

If only I could tell
The one person in the world
What that person is to me
If only I could tell her
She means the universe to me

Seasons, months, years
Are now only words left with me
They hold no meaning
The only thing I have is memory


The Dreamers Dance

rock_26iin | 12 January, 2006 00:39

The Dreamers' Dance

I enter this hall of grandeur
The walls are red and embroidered with gold
A delicate scent fills my nostrils
And for me, the red carpet is rolled

Sweet, soft music plays from somewhere
While I just stand with a dumbfounded stare
The ceiling is a hundred feet high
And from my lips, escapes a little sigh

Loneliness I feel
Nothing is real
Being alone is my fear
I need someone here

The arc lights sway like the wind
The are no people in the room
And then, she steps in,
Dressed in the black I'm wearing
And there is no need for people

I walk up to her and pull her closer
We stand face to face with each other
We start to dance to the sweet music
For the world, we no longer bother

A smile on our faces
Our path, the arc light traces
No one is here but we
There is no one we want to see

The room starts spinning with us
The depths within us rejoice
The music gets louder as if
Our innards were given a voice

The night moves on
But we don

The Night Of Truth

rock_26iin | 01 January, 2006 00:28

I had no plans for new year's eve so I sat down in front of my computer, with a blank Word Document in front of me. My fingers, for reasons best known to them and my brain's sub-conscious started typing and this is what they came up with:


He waited for her. He sat still but his insides felt as if they were ready to fall out of him. He knew it was Judgement Day, it had to be done now, there was no turning back today. He had already made all the arrangements. He knew that this was a fork in the road of his life and he had to make a choice, a choice he had delayed for nearly a decade

Monologues Of My Imagination

rock_26iin | 17 December, 2005 12:25

Hello, I'm back after a long time away from here. My mind was clinically dead for sometime and so I couldn't post here. Nah, I'm just lying, I don't think while posting so doesn't really make a difference does it?

Anywho, you know people think you are crazy or schezophrenic when people ion your head start talking. But today, I want to share with you what some of those people told me. And being my imagination, they had to do this in poetry

An artist's imagination
Our heavenly abode
His fantasies, our realities
His destiny, our road

His dreams, his fantasies
We live
Strength and belief to him
We give

He makes us
He loves us
He holds us
He breaks us

Beyond his reach
He knows they are
But dreams, he dreams
For his strength, they are

An artist's imagination
Our heavenly abode
His fantasies, his realities
His destiny, his road

Life Rolls On

rock_26iin | 03 November, 2005 23:45

Random thoughts on the eve of a festival, things that happened, many maybes, many memories, all that running through my mind while writing this piece. I know this one doesn't sound like me and is a very amateurish effort but it means more to me than usual..

Life Rolls On

Spinning wheels
Dancing trees
The fury haze
The mystic maze

Games we played
Secrets we shared
Nights we stayed
Tempers then flared

Where were we headed?
Where did we go?
Did we lose ourselves?
How did I let go?

Spinning wheels
Dancing trees
The winter's cold
We grew old

Unanswered questions
Riddles and puzzles
Words softly spoken
Promises made and..broken

Lost myself
Lost her
Lost the world
Lost my cure

Spinning wheels
Dancing trees
The nightingale's song

Never said goodbye
Never could
Maybe it is time
Maybe I should...
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