Posted by D.Raw El Payne 14 July 2004, 1:34am

Dammit. I'm just fresh off reading one of the funniest posts in a looong while, baap u rock bro.n yeah, it was true as always. Whoa..fukk that was some funny shit. Still laffing n grinning at the same time and looking like a stupid mofo.

Autowallahs and autorides. Some of the best times of my life and some of the most diverse moments too. I believe I'm highly experienced in this field, the field of "travelling by auto" that is. Been travelling thisaways since I was but a wee little pain. All through schoolautos-the front-engined contraptions wich wud take forever to climb up Red Hills, to the jakhas back-engined ones wich r so goddam smooth:P, from seeing the meter at 2.80 paisa (do i remember right?!) to the fukkin penny-draining 10.00 meters in b'lore! Oh btw, I've been in autos in other cities too, to add to the experience so to say. :D

Auto-experiences in good ole hydi : These guys are the best! recently while returning from sec'bad, I had the unique opportunity of meeting a designated "auto-racer"...yeah u got that right..some dipshits actually race these 3-wheeled wonders.....after swerving in and outta traffic at insane speeds(for an auto that is), after screaming at some arbit woman crossin d road, after overtaking corollas n octavias on tank-bund, he finally asks me "kaisa chalatoo bhai mein apun ka ghadi ko?"....i let out a stifled "acha ich bhai"...takin dis chance, he proceeds to tell moi 'bout the drag/circuit races held in aamchi mumbai after midnight...whoopah! me was totally zonked n sat up from my cowered position in d back..he wnt on abt this quarterly event, in which the stakes were pretttty high..the loser even giving up his carefully tuned auto to the winner!! :O :O ...this was like the Fast n The Furious on 3-wheels ,dude!! and jus as such movies hav some senti aspect to 'em...dis autofella also had a story to tell...apparently ,he was from mumbai, had 2 daughters...both of whom were unmarried and had to earn like crazy to get 'em married..he shifted to hyd 'coz d living's cheaper..but he went to mumbai every once in a while all the same jus to take part n win in the auto-races..easy money or so he said...we zoomed past masab tank n reached our dis time, he was fultoo senti n told me how he'd worked from 6AM that mornin without findin a "savari"...poor guy...apparently his daughter wudn't hav dinner till he got was 10PM then...he was tellin me how ,each time that happened, he would invariably cry...he reminded me of his unmarried elder daughter...jus wen i was wondering if he'd ask for "das rupaih eggstra"...he was like "thank you bhaiiya, mere mehnat ki khamai tho aaj milgaya"...shook my hand , jacked the starter-rod thingy,throttled his powerhouse n putter-puttered away...leavin me kinda ,well, "bulbed". A lotta other incidents like this in my varied trips in autos at all the oddest hours, this ole gentleman autowallah who was wearing glasses n a clean salt-n-pepper french beard who had done his kicked outta his job...never got employed again...he had got his daughters married's the twist..he narrated all this in english. Cool auto-dude he was ,'cept for the fact that he took paanch rupaih eggstra...damn.

Autos in the other cities : bastards always overcharge. thats all i hav to say for 'em. i dunno their language...the fukkers in b'lore always ask for those dus rupaih eggstra or heck this one was 25 bucks n he's like "chaalis dedo bhai"...i started goin ballistic at him n he goes "arre bhai agar nahi dhena hain tho kyon gadbad karte ho?...pacchis dedo, woh bhi acha ich hain"..wtever. n the dipshits in fukkin meter for them!! u gotta "settle" on a price before gettin into d dam is up wit that?! i mean for god's sakes y do they hav d goddam meters? to look cool?! mofos...i ended up payin  80 bucks to goto shopper's stop d first time i went...wen it was rite 'round the fukkin corner.

Ok me done with the recaps. I love these rides, I jus get to an auto n d ensuin conv is thisaways(with those rare exceptions)>>
ME: Auto aate kya?
AW:*grunt* kidhar jaana hain?
ME:banjara hills
AW shakes his head and lets out another grunt...time to move onto d next one,
ME:auto aate kya?
AW:banjara hills? (jus cross-checkin...he's overhead but jus wants to make sure that my destination hasn't changed...clever chap)
AW nods his head in assent n gestures to his backseat , starts his motorthingy n puts on the meter...all in one neatly synchronised motion.
silence all the way..till we reach a point where i gotta start givin direction like "left lijiye bhai...waha ghar kanne rokhdo bhai....uss blue gaadi kanne rokhiye jii"...:p
pay up the AW n say "shukriya"...
this is the routine i follow every single time i get into an auto...:D
the exceptions are real fun...especially the earlllly mornin rides at like 5:45AM, where i go n nudge the AW awake :D

Thats about it peeps. I do know how to drive, there's always one car free for me to drive but mommy always want moi to go by auto. She feels that I'm safer in d good ole autos, instead of me rippin away on me own. I'm mostly miffed at dis...but heck the autos are THE transport for me. They are the place where I let the wind fly through my hair(and the flies fly through too),an auto took me to n from the best places in the city and in my life, heck i even dropped a girl in an auto:P,my first crush was the girl in my "school-auto"*sigh*, i've bin in a "shared-auto" too - hangin on for dear life,bin in soo many of those dichik-dichik autos - wid one even belting out "brazeeel nananana" :D, for haircuts, for meetings, for college, for shopping, for late-night binges, for afty discs, for my freshers' n my seniors' farewell, for better or for worse. I'm one of the biggest sources of income to the autowallah-industry:P.

Shukriya bhai...khuda hafiz



Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Nuvve Kavali - Yekkasomething hahaha winamp rocks!

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 13 July 2004, 12:57am

Its been a 1/2-hr since I posted the "shocked" post. Something makes me believe I did the wrong thing. I'm sitting here at Mehdipatnam on a drowsy morning, the weather's great, the car radio's playing "nelluri neeraja", I'm waiting as always for the late lateefs in my carpool. In retrospect, I should have seen this coming, FA going off that is. Why does this affect me so much? 'Coz the angel was a true inspiration to moi joining these blogs.


It was on the cards, I guess. My previous post "a place for my head" spoke 'bout expectations and how they can put you on a pedestal or bring you down from the top. Me not talk bout that nomore. Any guesses for why she left? Burnout? boredom? likely. It could be any goddam thing, but thats not the point of this post here. This is "in memorium".

Goodbye FA. I will miss you. I may not have read all your posts, wish I did. I read a few which left me speechless, jaw-on-the floor, heck even ROTFL...thank you for all that and so much more.


I'll catch the memoirs of an invisible angel (i atleast have access to the archives).

Angels don't die ,do they? : They just become invisible to us mortals.

          R.I.P Fallen Angel



Y be this affecting me so much? 'Coz i'm the bum who can't find much to post.


PS: Did I mention? I'm good at Photoshop.

Current Mood: Bye!
Current Music: Bang,bang...again

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 12 July 2004, 10:24am

In the dead of the night................................Fallen Angel went private.


                          o             m             g


Now that's what I call a surprise attack, atleast I had an inclination before one of the other players went invisible. Damn. Will find out reasons later. Damn. That is one naked-looking front page of the blogs we've got there without "ClearlyBlurred"

Gotta head to college now...

cya peeps,


Current Mood: Shocked
Current Music: Nancy Sinatra - Bang,bang

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 12 July 2004, 4:48am

Today's been one of those totally "insipid" days. One of those days when I eat awesum food and don't enjoy it, when I stand in the wake of a sexy cool breeze and don't feel it, when I see a great movie or two and feel like its just blew past me, when I go to church get an inkling of the great sermon being preached but can't remember or recollect a damn thing which the pastor said, when I'm reading a great book but the lines simply fly straight over my head and into oblivion, when my mind just shuts shop, when I'm simply existing and not "living" anymore. Maybe its my cold, maybe its my burning eyes, maybe its the fact that I'm realllly lazy...maybe ,maybe not. But these days ,though few n far in between, still do come. I hate this.

I realised something 'bout myself, the way I see it, all humans can be divided into two types. The "achievers" and the "bums". I'm a bum. The classification is pretty simple. The "achievers" are the guys/gals who actually DO something with their life. Or do something in their life. They have a purpose, no matter how useless/lafanga/incredible it might seem, they have a purpose. Oh wait, another rule, they do NOT laze at home, if they're lazing at home they'll be working or writing up great stuff, painting their magnum opus. They live in the REAL world, no fucking around in the virtual wasteland of the internet all their life. Again, if they're online 24/7 for writing the next bestseller, thats fine by me, not dipshits who grow grass on their bum while chatting incessantly.

Focus. Thats the point I'm trying to drive at ,I guess. A single-minded focus on something, any-goddam-thing, a lot of things even, those are the achievers for me. The bums are the ones who dibble at something, dabble at something else, not doing anyone right. I ain't saying the "achievers" are always at work at one thing, just saying that they finish what they begin, do not quit midways and stick to their job. The REAL world aspect is a big thing for me, the guys who are out there doing something right here, right now. And here come the examples, all these are people whom I know. The dude who goes to a gym every single day, I can never seem to do that. The dipshit who stalks girls for a living, I never have the patience for that, too lazy. The guy who sits at his comp all day, but comes up with some awesome prose/poetry n d other dude who sits on his bum all day and conjures up some of the most macabre pieces of english ever. The female, who tops her class, reads a zillion books, starts a book-club, travels here,there n everywhere, stars in plays, practices Tai Chi, attends d damn lit-club which I can never get myself to goto, lives life for all its worth. The dude who is lying stoned/sloshed/doped at some corner right now, he had a focus atleast. The schumi-fan who's right now setting the road on fire, who might end up as a pile of metal, well... he had focus. The nerd who's building that goddam prototype which will get him that goddam prize. All those bloggers out here whose posts have a clear definition. Stupendousman.

Dilly-dallying. Thats what the bums are all about. As I'm a self-proclaimed bum, this post needn't have any focus.

So here I go and end it.




Current Mood: Irreverent
Current Music: Eminem - Stan

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 10 July 2004, 12:54am

Dearest Minions!

:D :D :D :D :D :D

Cognizant Technologies is going DOWN man!! Paynefull effects soon to follow...whoa that Deo reallly worked!

You heard it right, the Payne is through. CTS, here I go!  I ain't got much to talk about, unlike depression and wrath, happiness is not much of a stimulant to type away.

I do have something else to say though. The saddest thing in a victory is having to see someone very close to you lose. Its one of the worst and awkward moments in life. I mean...I'm happy but damn I feel bad. Feeling guilty of your success is the worst type of guilt. I have made up reasons to understand why they didn't pick him, I have answers but *sigh*. Chalta hain, I guess, you steam-roller the next company coming down ovah here to Gandipet, dude. :-)

Before I sign off, I so cudn't help grinning when I saw the comments by the DBs ppls ovah on my blog.:D :D

I mean, Lubin (**blows a kiss**) , Mayavi, the omnipotent PMoW!! Totally happy, guys, amazing how a few lines of text typed by a stranger miles away lifts your heart:D. I didn't get to read 'em till now, its bin less than 1/2 n hr since I got home. Campus Placements ROCK! martiandevil(1st to wish me) ,CNut n sykoboi(1st to congratulate me) i dint forget you guys...thank you thank you :D

They do listen to Outlandish here in hyd...and Mayavi you will NOT believe this. Raj, yes, RAJ was one of the guys who took MY interview. :O He's from BITS Pilani am I right? Dude, this is one heckuva small world.

Somewhere close to Cloud#9...someone who finally believes in himself again....someone who believes that happiness does exist...elation i mean...someone who is also verrry sleepy....someone who is gonna wake up 2mro morning wit a big grin on his face...

That someone is me....duh.


PS : man..i feel good....

PPS: DNA - National Dyslexics Association

Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: Moby - Porcelain

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 09 July 2004, 12:19am

Dear Minions, times hav changed :P .........from writing "dear diary" to sayin "dear minions"... it is...TOMORROW'S MY FIRST INTERVIEW!!!!

Payne makes his first public appearance after a looong stint in the Dungeon of Pain...nearly 2 yrs guys...i hope i still have some of my socialising skills which were a part of me back then....i guess i do....if you consider conversing with all the bats in my dungeon on a 24/7 basis an indicator of my "communication skills"....

dammit u guys...if i get dis job thingy...i'll hav to let go of my bats...:( and the lizards....and my worm farm....i'll miss u guys so much...i hope u understand y i had to dis...a man has to move on in life...grow up n all that shit...its time to look beyond these 4 slimy ,blood-stained walls...:(

Real i come!!

wish me luck MINIONS!!


PS: i DO hav an interview 2mro...Cognizant Technologies kathe...jus hope my deo made specially from a 20.55-76.9-2.55 composition of Bat piss,lizard blood and worm mucous helps me through....i better see some "all d best" type comments here!!!

Current Mood: Worried
Current Music: Outlandish - Walou

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 08 July 2004, 9:16am

The "moods" I'm referring to are the variety of condoms. Now when Mad-Eye Moody used a rubber for the first time in his limited sex life....

Ok, that was just a shitty opening line to get you in here. I'm typing this right after someone significant logged offa yahoo msg'er. And I miss them already. Not that we talked 'bout things substantial, but ah well. Ever been in a situation while you're talking to someone, you hang up..and u start to miss 'em right then and there? It gets worse. Talking volumes to someone and enjoying beautifully monosyllablic replies. Talking, talking and talking in the hope that somehow that invisible wall between the both of you would crumble and the conversation would flow as seamlessly as it used to. Wishing, wishing and wishing that those times would return. Every meaningful conversation (though few n far between) seeming like the breath of air you gulp right at the last minute to save yourself from drowning in the flood of silence. And then you start to drown again. No wait, this was a while ago. I'm writing this here and now not only because things aren't totally back to how they were,(I dont think they'll ever be) but because I've realised that it was mostly (mostly) all my doing.

Remember that scene in DCH? Akshay Khanna and the sand? It was nice, really nice. I learnt a bit from that, it was not like I was gripping tightly onto sand which was just begging to be let go. I realised that I was holding onto something which had gone, I was dangling from a rope which had been untied at the other end...and I was falling. Somewhere in the past 2 months, I realised this and I finally crashed. It felt good. I had made mistakes, major ones. I had made vague assumptions and stuck to them, all the while making it worse. Things are better now, faar better. I'm a saner human being now, for myself and to others. Someone else is better off too, I hope.... :D

And now, I'm done with talking 'bout vague things on my blog. Sorry you had to go through that. The point of this post was to talk about how much my mood and my general state of mind reflects onto this blog. Man, I'm loving it here. I also realised that coming here with a pre-determined mindset to type something ain't helping...I just gotta get here and let it flow.

Damn, I wish I could say this shit the way stupendousman does everyday. But then that must be a pretty darn gloomy place to be, his mind I mean. Is it ,SM? Jus a thought.

Reality keeps ruining my life.



PS : Its been a great year. Kinda speechless right now.


Current Mood: Lovestruck
Current Music: Some darn dog barking outside and silence.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 06 July 2004, 6:44pm

This is the line which will appear under the title when you minions see this post.


Back to me. Sitting here ,shaking my head, shaking the rest of me to some weirdly "shake-inducing" Linkin Park. Those bastards play the "i'm-so-pissed-with-the-world-I-could-torch-myself" act very well. Now, that band keeps me kicking. Right now there's something else keeping me kicking, the unbelievable pain in my mouth from these two ulcers on my gums smack under my front teeth ,so whenever I close my mouth two electrifying shots of pain shoot straight to my cranium. Nice.

OK,I'm done with my pain posting for the day. Guests arrived somewhere in between while I was typing this post, damn. Now I'm feeling totally normal and all the pain-induced hatred which would have manifested itself here is gone. Damn again. Fine. Now lets see, I have so far in this blog o' mine covered various things in life.

The intro post - check.

The Hate post - check....Too Many Secrets will return..keep ur eyes peeled.

The spam - check.

The "in retrospect" post - check...will return with more

The depressed "introspective" post - check...doubtful if it'll happen again..though I never know when I'll feel that way again.

The random-rant-addressing-one-n-all-on-the-blogs post - check.

The general-interest post - check.

The deceptively profound "insightful" "i wonder who i am" post - check...will get back with more of this..gotta give the minions what they crave for.

There you go. I have successfully classified my posts, even though I go about saying "I hate classifications". Damn. Its time for some more now, its time for something out of place around here or maybe something which has been done by other peoples and not done by moi yet. Its time to be inspired. Lets leave that at that.Two things around here : First, someone around these blogs said they were "addicted to blogging". Apart from the fact that, that certain someone stopped posting after that post, I think its so damn true for me. I'm going about my daily life thinking about what I'm going to post and shit. I'm thinking of what people commented and wondering why they said what they said. Now this has got to stop. This blog was supposed to be a place where I let go of myself, not a place which will not let ME go, away. Damn it,again. This brings me to the second "thing" : People going private. Damn you guys, I do NOT care why you did it, its just so much of a pain to access your blogs now :P. Stay out here and let the people read you for what you are worth. You are now confined to a select audience, people who know you exist and it logically follows that you are now totally invisible to the hundreds of junta coming here and seeing insanity prevail in sooo many goddam one-liner posts which barely resemble english, and which look sooo much like Kryptonian. :| GET BACK HERE u two! Ammachai is running amok ppl!! Ruminations over a cup of chai, my hairy arse. Are you sure thats chai you are drinking boy? Damn.

Blogging here has gotten down to being a weird form of exhibitionism and inspiration. Junta I know are actually being affected by what others are posting! People contemplating of quitting only 'coz they can't keep up with the "pseudo-intellectuals" posting around here. People going invisible 'coz they were afraid that they were posting for an audience and not for themselves. People who were posting utter crap  posting utterly weird crap. And me. You know what? I actually respect ammachai,mulavanabuttman,amita for doing what they are doing. Doing their own thing that is, irrespective of whats going on around. Its your goddam blog dammmit, go ahead and post what YOU want! Learn from the masters! You're there in the "Top 5" 'coz you are the best there is,accept it. In a Dramatics workshop sometime back, the teacher-dude told us the first rule of performing for others is "expect nothing". You're NOT being judged, and if you're being criticised by "God"...well, since when did the almighty come down to comment on blogs? Me thinks its a fake, but thats just me you know. :|

Coming back to the point of this place here not letting me go. The only way I can deal with that is by getting back to life and everything else in it. Coll has begun again. It is the beginning of the end for my engineering, and hopefully I'll have so much more to type down. This post is just a way of telling myself that I'm IN CONTROL. I'll post only when I want to. That doesn't mean that I'll have something to say everytime I post, I can/will post crap and get away with it. But thats just me, and you being the "audience" won't mind it, I know that 'coz I'm on the other side everytime I'm not typing anything on this site. People, get your blogs back here, this is an honest plea.

With a promise of a lot of shit to follow after this,


PS: Anyone else notice the relative calm which is prevailing here lately? Peoples are posting so rarely!
PPS: I've been mentioned on my maastah's blog. CHECK IT OUT! Its the link in the upper-left corner.
PPPS: FA....swing away. swing away.
PPPPS: "ppppps" that sounds like a snake....:-S

Current Mood: Desperate
Current Music: Linkin Park - Points of Authority

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 04 July 2004, 8:07pm

Last night's high has given way to today's feeling of utter confusion. Of course that could be due to the fact that I woke up, ate, went to a seminar which had me bulbed, ate, scratched my butt, yakked on d phone, did some math, slept, yakked some more, ate, stared blankly at d computer screen, yelled at my CD-writer,ate...finally bathed. Now back here and wondering wtf to do. Contemplated banging my head against the comp table till I could see my skull, but naa, it gets boring after a while. I'm peeling the skin off my fingers as of now, the pain's acting like a stimulant for me brain. I'm doing this and wondering, firstly , "wat the fuck am i doing?" and secondly, "who am i?". The first question has been explained in detail, lets move on to the next one.

Am I the engineering student who ,like everyone else, has lost his way somewhere along the lines of these 3 years? Am I yet another CAT aspirant hoping to make it big, not knowing an iota of economics/commerce? Am I the seemingly filled-to-the-brim-with-malice blogger who's bent on ripping every other blogger apart? Am I the hopelessly funny lunatic walking the face of the
earth hoping to discover if he controls his life? Am I a "grown-up"? Am I the guy who seems to be a friend to one and everyone, you know, one of those "part of the coolest groups in college" types? Am I the truant son who's wondering if he'll ever live up to his parents' expectation? Am I the lonely guy who sits and wonders if he has one "true friend"? Am I the apparently profound dude who talks on life and other such shit with people whom he wishes was like? Am I the dude who converses for hours on end with any random girl and is left feeling that nothing has been spoken about? Am I the dude who talks for those ten minutes with that one girl, and is left deep in thought, with a heavy-feeling in his heart hoping that he could have talked for just one more minute? Am I the sick mean bastard whose comments keep getting deleted off these blogs? Am I a spammer? Am I the religious church-goer who sits and ponders why the Lord keeps blessing me so many times when I keep going astray,again and again? Am I the avid sports-fan I proclaim to be? Am I the kick-butt gamer in Quake III,etc, screaming out profanities while I sweep the virtual battlefields whole? Am I the lazy bum who can't raise his arse off the couch to go play outside!?

Who am I?

I'm NOT spiderman, thats been proved beyond doubt (tried walking up the wall, head still hurts). Am I an individual? I would like to think so. They say "be an individual, do not make it easy to be dismissed in a sentence", well I've successfully amassed a whole paragraph above. Ofcourse many of could dismiss me in a sentence, "you're a raving lunatic who learnt english and is now showing that you can type it out too", or even more succintly, "you're a dickwad". I take all that in my stride, 'coz those are just some more facets of ME. I do not want to know who I am, I do not want to be classified. I hate classifications. Ah well, as long as I justify every role that I pretend to be I guess its ok in the end. Or is it? (thats an open question) To quote Jerry Cantrell's song...

Slowly all the roles we act out become our identity
And in the end we are what we pretend to be
Jerry Cantrell

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Richard Marx - Hazard

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 02 July 2004, 11:41pm

Awesome dinner dude!! Lipsmackin' food man!! Gut-wrenchingly gross stuff bro!! Puke-inducingly yuck foodlike material!! What the fuck is that you are eating?

All this n more for tonight's DINNER!! Ever had food from one of those pretend chinese places with the gorkha waiter n assamese cook tryin hard to look chinese? I'm talkin 'bout those dinky-lil bundi stalls wit an attache at d back...a pseud-restaurant..if u will. Well, I have food over those type o' places all d a nice kick in the butt in d morning...if u know what i mean.

Tonight was time for Singapore Fried Rice ,"Mendrien Noodles" and Ginger Chicken....i'm guessing he mispelt Mandarin....:S

Lets take that item by item:

Mendrien Noodles : First shock...when my bud picks up the parcel of packets, he feels something which could only be a pack of broken twigs. The nepalese dude explains in a very knowledeable manner that,this is how "mendrien" noodles are cooked. Apparently we gotta pour sauce on 'em..n they become edible. Now see, if we'd ordered "Penfry" noodles they wudda bin "roasted" n not "fried, apparently they wudda bin softer then...hmmmm. Next shock...get home n open d parcel to realise it IS a pack of broken twigs accompanied with a bag o sauce. Ah the sauce, ever tasted the water in which your clothes are washed, I mean reallly old clothes...naa..this was not like that. This was like THAT water, heated, boiled with pieces of rotten chicken and a few rotten vegetables thrown in for good measure. And yes, I ate it all.

Singapore Fried Rice : It was red. I mean realllllly red. Looks like the nepalese dickhead ran outta ideas to make his fried rice taste "singaporean"(if there's any such taste), and decided to cook up a bastard of a bleeding pig n fried crap. I mean to say it was pigfucking crappy man!! Oh, and did I mention? I ate it all.

Ginger Chicken : Ginger? Where?! Chicken? huh?! But I guess the latter is 'coz the other humans I was sharing this wondahful meal with jus happened to eat all d chicken in there(can't blame 'em, it was the only food). I was left with more blood-red gooey shit. No, I dint eat all of it. There's a time when I draw d line. After having feasted on the broken twigs layered with the laundry sauce, and hogged on the red fried pieces o turd, I decided I was gonna draw the fucking line. Right there.

Yeah, by the way, I enjoyed this meal. Right down to the last drop of pissy sauce and down to the last nugget of pigcrap. Yummy!


Current Mood: Crude
Current Music: jus done watchin Shrek 2..i shall download d music.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 30 June 2004, 11:25pm

I want an entry into my blog. I do not know what to say right now. They say speaking about your feelings/emotions is a good way of letting go of that burden of despair in your heart. Speaking to someone/anyone, heck even writing it down. I thought this would be easy. Its not.

What do I say now which wont make me sound like a loser? I fear, I dread the fact that probably I've reached a point in my life where failure seems to be a routine, my cartoon-network-thing-to-do if you fukkin want to put it that way. I wish I could learn from yesterday. I wish that I could've learned from the yesterday before that yesterday. I wish I could've seen this coming. Truth is, I did. I saw it coming. I look back and think I could have done better. Hindsight is such a wonderfully pacifying aspect. No, I shall not look back and think of what could have been. Right now,reality stares me in the face. Another collection of data showing me that "yes, you suck at this".

Why am I even blogging when I oughta to be sitting somewhere, collecting my thoughts, pitching my battles, planning for a better tomorrow? Because if I learnt anything from my previous failures, its that ,what I plan now will only crumble apart tomorrow morn.  I shall learn a bit from this time, I shall live for today. I shall hope for a better tomorrow, heck, they say hope springs eternal, so why not? As Jasz's sigs proclaims,  hope is a good thing..and no good thing ever dies.


I'm not a "has been", I'm a "will be".


**why do I hav dis cold feeling that i sound like an utter loser...again and again?**

Payne will return. In a while.

Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Linkin Park - Crawling

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 29 June 2004, 9:35pm

Yes. No. Maybe.

Aran and Aloque stop commentin' on every1's blogs, or don't. All i'm sayin is.....COMMENT ON MINE!! dipshits.

Neuro stop commentin on aran's,aloque's ,FA's, mls's n princess of poop's blogs...n comment here. plz. god.

aloque u r still maastah. link me on ur blog! dipshit.

tabrez, dude wt u talkin 'bout? i understand da words dat are comin outta your keyboard.... a definite NO..also...nada, nil, nix.

FA...this one goes to ME atleast on ur blog..u n ur holier-than-thou attitude..not linkin anyone..mebbe u dunno how to..'tis ok...but its NOT...its ME...dam..too much respect..

tabrez n martiandevil....always commmentin on each others' i care?!....COMMENT HERE! b*st*rds..

FA...go f**k urself. luv u too...always my angelsan....but...but...BUT...COMMENT dammit>>> here. dipshit.

**runnin outta non-filthy abusive non-four-letter words**

**tabrez is back in front of me in d hits...dammit!!** ppl...stop viewin that will only end up wit a leakin cranium.... :|        yes u too TOO! dipshits.

martiandevil...i do put it well in words...not dis nite MPD's actin up again sweetie...kissi aur din ache post kar doonga...

btw,anyone lookin for a sensible post may read my previous post...really shindin stuff ovah there.. :-D

amita...i found a reason to live...a side of me i didn't know...and the reason is YOU...the side of me is the spine-tinglin serial killer side... love you...will kill you soon too...lookin forward to usin me Hatori Hanzo sword..**smiles in delirious glee**  NOOOOOOO!! amita's catchin up on me!!...aaaaaaahh!! get offa my back!!

cool down payne....this is NOT abt the Views or Hits....this abt the Views that YOU are gettin...n you are NOT gettin any boy!!...go out onto the streets...let the maimin begin in REAL life... stop talkin to myself n I.

aphrodite....*sigh* *mooney* (as always)   ::dude! snap outta it!::

AR....where the f**k are you man?...missin you...still worshippin you....b*st*rd.

dawn...luvvin you...for commentin in such a nice way..dats it.

mls...first comment n then nothin...but me still cool wit that..

jasz...yes boi I'm Killin alrite...f*kker...gimme d movies..

CN...dude...stop d ass-lickin...:|

i'm done now...did i miss anyone? yes,i did....those vermin/cute-creatures who don't blog but comment wit gay abandon....i cudn't give a rats' posterior for you...or i will if you comment ON MINE!! **runs to go n hug 'em all readers**

Purple Dude steps in : Me miss jane like crazy. Me still pining for that one more look at BIGGER dmmsits. Me screwing up my other personalities in d same cranium.

Over to Payne : Goodnite and goodbye folks.

Till our next Payneful encounter,


I'm lovin' it.

With all due respect to Foamy, Your Lord and Master.


Current Mood: Patriotic
Current Music: weird sounds emanatin from my mouth while i type dis..sounds like kwaaa..sounds like 2 cats matin..KWAAA!!

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 28 June 2004, 11:56pm


I'm sitting here in my hall, straining my ears to catch the lines of "jadoo tera nazar...khusboo tera badan..tu haan kar..." playin from my neighbours tinny-lil stereo. As I write this I'm hummin "Chanda re..chanda re...kabhi tho aao zameen par". A while ago I was on hunting for a mp3 player for meself.* Music. Where would muh brain be without it?(in d same place it is now,but jus more borin..). Its an art which defies meaning, from moving lyrics to a soulful tune, music has the quality of taking moi to euphoric heights or bringing me down to melancholic lows. Every single phase in my life has bin clearly defined by music, heck,I think many of us would agree with me on this.

Flashback to 1994-'95, 6th Grade : I had to write an essay on my favorite musician/singer/transvestite, I dint write nothing because I dint know any of those types. It all started in the summer o '96, back in Hyd for my hols, I found the tapes of Air Supply lying in the dusty lil sony. From there to Boyzone ( :-D) in 8th grade till all the way to intermediate, with a spattering of MLTR, Meatloaf, Dr.Alban, the NOW collections, Sugar Ray, Savage Garden and all the wondahfully mushy Hindi movies in between.

I can sense a lotta rock enthusiasts ,reading this, cringing at the mention of these names. Sure, I had my share of Bon Jovi ( Always,wow) , Bryan Adams (all of 'em),Eagles...Fact is, for me , music is music. Blurring all genres ,boundaries and sexual preferences (Boyzone ,BSB, Elton John --> I mean you). From the trance-inducing beats of Paul Oakenhold to the depressing ,tormented cries of Evanescence, from the tear-rending tune of KKKH(sad version...:-) ) to the total shake-ur-booty-ability of Nelly/Passionfruit/50Cent, from the unbelievably mushy feelings which " I belong to you" generates in moi to the wide-eyed respect for the lead guitarist of G'n'R in Sweet Child o' Mine(yes, i do not know his name), from the stark-in-ur-face-reality of Eminem's "Stan" to.....You get it dont ya?  I'm not a rock afficianado, I'm not a despo fan of gay boy bands and I'm not a brotha from da hood groovin wit D12. I do not care who's singin, who's strummin ,who's bangin those drums or who's spinnin d disc..I'm in it for the music and yes, I love it, all of it.

Time has flown at the speed of..well,however fast time flies. I'm nearing the end of another significant phase of me life. The final year of engineering beckons. Its over to Hoobastank and Lifehouse for now. I know that I have a song for every occasion, a tune for every semester, to take back with me. They say that when we die, we take our music with us. I do not know what I'll be humming then, but I sure will be humming.




*still looking for it. care to donate one?

PS : I completely forgot to mention Hymns and Choruses. You'd know them better as carols n church songs. :-) They are/were there for me at every step of my life , before 6th grade too. My first music as such.

Current Mood: Grand
Current Music: Pal Pal Dil ke paas...frm d nburs place n a faint hint o eagles frm my room

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 11:55pm

Greetings dear folks,

Before we start this journey I see it only fit that I give a small prelude on whats to follow. This boy,girls and buttharis is "Too many secrets", the purpose of this blog right here. I had put this project on the backburner for a while till I'd amassed enough information and know-how about the subjects involved. But this afternoon has turned everything topsy-turvy. I like to refer to it as "The Jalianwala Blog Massacre". Well if thats that, this would be have to be the Chainsaw Massacre equivalent. This ,if it stays, will be the THE Chainsaw driven right through your brains.

Disclaimer : All persons/beings/buttharis mentioned here are completely fictitious (except for buttharis). They bear no resemblance to any real life character ( know who). Everything I mention as characteristics about the below-mentioned beings is pure falsehood.

Let the maiming begin.

Chapter I

Mulavana Bhattathiri

For - Has a name which includes the word "butt"

     -  Can type , and use a computer. Would also be very useful in a DTP workshop. 

     - Has a name which is an anagram for "Butt Hairy", which I have a scary liking to.

     - Gives me a reason to blog.

Against - His real name IS BUTT HAIRY!! **rolls eyes**

           - Was born.

           - Learnt to use a computer.

           - Lives, breathes and copy-pastes.

           - Seems to have an affair with Picchi Panthulu, whom I'm madly in love with.

           - Could also be Jagannath Adukur 

Known Traits - Will post for anything and nothing.

                        - Scratches butt....OBVIOUSLY its SOOO hairy down there.

                        - Geriatric porn

                        - Smelly butt which sometimes act as an aphrodisiac. Known victims namely, Picchi Panthulu. Where's your panchi PP?

                        - Makes me blog. Gives me a reason to live. Gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Gives me passion to long for PP all my life( and his panchi...still lookin for it? I GOT IT!!).

Real Names and Aliases - Mulavana Bhattathiri

                                          - Old farthole

                                          - Jagannath Adukur (maybe, my informants are not sure about this)

                                          - Trichotilo Asspipihilia (pronounce it right folks,he's a bit "touchy" abt it...if u know wat i mean...pipiphilia>> PP Feel ya? )


Till our next Payneful encounter,



Special Mentions : As my informants/bloodhounds could not dig up enough from Picchi Pantulu's panchi, you will not see him mentioned in these chapters. Though a word from my sponsors about me : "He (I) being him will do this sort of thing only. You being you can go screw that can of worms you always wanted." Another word from my sponsors : " You being you, WITHOUT YOUR PANCHI, are advised to visit our retail outlet of Chandana Bros at Ameerpet. Call us, your panchi will be worth the wait."

Current Mood: Triumphant
Current Music: Just the intoxicating buzz in my head while i type this.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 27 June 2004, 2:26pm

By "this whole world", I mean, these blogs.

In the last 10 minutes, new blogs have been churned out by a lot of people using their real names. Not that I have a problem with that, but I do. The most recent blog by one of my favorite bloggers here has been buried under the rubble. I see that he's removed it off the site now. Ah well. People/Gentlemen/Ladies/Alien beings from the 10th rock, if you have so much to post in your blog, why don't u put it in frequent intervals? Why do you have to crawl out from under your rocks all of a sudden on a clear sunday afternoon and post away till kingdom come? Why am I wasting my time and patience posting on a seemingly mundane matter like this?

Why,why WHY?

'Coz there comes a time in every man's life, when you DRAW A LINE. People who are posting this afternoon* - THE LINE IS A DOT TO YOU!

Direct translation of scriptures and tips to lead a healthy life. I THINK I can search for these on (try it,its a nice site). I've been trying to put on a calm front till now but.. Ok,I have to say it. WAT THE FUCK?!!! They say anger is the worst emotion,it clouds ur judgement and hinders your thinking. If thats the case, I'm a stark-raving psycho LUNATIC RITE NOW!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

Thank you,



* Jagannath Adukur (is that all or is there another appendage?!) and Mulavana Bhattathiri(thats a long name too :| )

Current Mood: Destructive
Current Music: Black Eyed Peas - Where is the love ?

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