Posted by D.Raw El Payne 09 July 2004, 12:19am

Dear Minions, times hav changed :P .........from writing "dear diary" to sayin "dear minions"... it is...TOMORROW'S MY FIRST INTERVIEW!!!!

Payne makes his first public appearance after a looong stint in the Dungeon of Pain...nearly 2 yrs guys...i hope i still have some of my socialising skills which were a part of me back then....i guess i do....if you consider conversing with all the bats in my dungeon on a 24/7 basis an indicator of my "communication skills"....

dammit u guys...if i get dis job thingy...i'll hav to let go of my bats...:( and the lizards....and my worm farm....i'll miss u guys so much...i hope u understand y i had to dis...a man has to move on in life...grow up n all that shit...its time to look beyond these 4 slimy ,blood-stained walls...:(

Real i come!!

wish me luck MINIONS!!


PS: i DO hav an interview 2mro...Cognizant Technologies kathe...jus hope my deo made specially from a 20.55-76.9-2.55 composition of Bat piss,lizard blood and worm mucous helps me through....i better see some "all d best" type comments here!!!

Current Mood: Worried
Current Music: Outlandish - Walou

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 08 July 2004, 9:16am

The "moods" I'm referring to are the variety of condoms. Now when Mad-Eye Moody used a rubber for the first time in his limited sex life....

Ok, that was just a shitty opening line to get you in here. I'm typing this right after someone significant logged offa yahoo msg'er. And I miss them already. Not that we talked 'bout things substantial, but ah well. Ever been in a situation while you're talking to someone, you hang up..and u start to miss 'em right then and there? It gets worse. Talking volumes to someone and enjoying beautifully monosyllablic replies. Talking, talking and talking in the hope that somehow that invisible wall between the both of you would crumble and the conversation would flow as seamlessly as it used to. Wishing, wishing and wishing that those times would return. Every meaningful conversation (though few n far between) seeming like the breath of air you gulp right at the last minute to save yourself from drowning in the flood of silence. And then you start to drown again. No wait, this was a while ago. I'm writing this here and now not only because things aren't totally back to how they were,(I dont think they'll ever be) but because I've realised that it was mostly (mostly) all my doing.

Remember that scene in DCH? Akshay Khanna and the sand? It was nice, really nice. I learnt a bit from that, it was not like I was gripping tightly onto sand which was just begging to be let go. I realised that I was holding onto something which had gone, I was dangling from a rope which had been untied at the other end...and I was falling. Somewhere in the past 2 months, I realised this and I finally crashed. It felt good. I had made mistakes, major ones. I had made vague assumptions and stuck to them, all the while making it worse. Things are better now, faar better. I'm a saner human being now, for myself and to others. Someone else is better off too, I hope.... :D

And now, I'm done with talking 'bout vague things on my blog. Sorry you had to go through that. The point of this post was to talk about how much my mood and my general state of mind reflects onto this blog. Man, I'm loving it here. I also realised that coming here with a pre-determined mindset to type something ain't helping...I just gotta get here and let it flow.

Damn, I wish I could say this shit the way stupendousman does everyday. But then that must be a pretty darn gloomy place to be, his mind I mean. Is it ,SM? Jus a thought.

Reality keeps ruining my life.



PS : Its been a great year. Kinda speechless right now.


Current Mood: Lovestruck
Current Music: Some darn dog barking outside and silence.

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 06 July 2004, 6:44pm

This is the line which will appear under the title when you minions see this post.


Back to me. Sitting here ,shaking my head, shaking the rest of me to some weirdly "shake-inducing" Linkin Park. Those bastards play the "i'm-so-pissed-with-the-world-I-could-torch-myself" act very well. Now, that band keeps me kicking. Right now there's something else keeping me kicking, the unbelievable pain in my mouth from these two ulcers on my gums smack under my front teeth ,so whenever I close my mouth two electrifying shots of pain shoot straight to my cranium. Nice.

OK,I'm done with my pain posting for the day. Guests arrived somewhere in between while I was typing this post, damn. Now I'm feeling totally normal and all the pain-induced hatred which would have manifested itself here is gone. Damn again. Fine. Now lets see, I have so far in this blog o' mine covered various things in life.

The intro post - check.

The Hate post - check....Too Many Secrets will return..keep ur eyes peeled.

The spam - check.

The "in retrospect" post - check...will return with more

The depressed "introspective" post - check...doubtful if it'll happen again..though I never know when I'll feel that way again.

The random-rant-addressing-one-n-all-on-the-blogs post - check.

The general-interest post - check.

The deceptively profound "insightful" "i wonder who i am" post - check...will get back with more of this..gotta give the minions what they crave for.

There you go. I have successfully classified my posts, even though I go about saying "I hate classifications". Damn. Its time for some more now, its time for something out of place around here or maybe something which has been done by other peoples and not done by moi yet. Its time to be inspired. Lets leave that at that.Two things around here : First, someone around these blogs said they were "addicted to blogging". Apart from the fact that, that certain someone stopped posting after that post, I think its so damn true for me. I'm going about my daily life thinking about what I'm going to post and shit. I'm thinking of what people commented and wondering why they said what they said. Now this has got to stop. This blog was supposed to be a place where I let go of myself, not a place which will not let ME go, away. Damn it,again. This brings me to the second "thing" : People going private. Damn you guys, I do NOT care why you did it, its just so much of a pain to access your blogs now :P. Stay out here and let the people read you for what you are worth. You are now confined to a select audience, people who know you exist and it logically follows that you are now totally invisible to the hundreds of junta coming here and seeing insanity prevail in sooo many goddam one-liner posts which barely resemble english, and which look sooo much like Kryptonian. :| GET BACK HERE u two! Ammachai is running amok ppl!! Ruminations over a cup of chai, my hairy arse. Are you sure thats chai you are drinking boy? Damn.

Blogging here has gotten down to being a weird form of exhibitionism and inspiration. Junta I know are actually being affected by what others are posting! People contemplating of quitting only 'coz they can't keep up with the "pseudo-intellectuals" posting around here. People going invisible 'coz they were afraid that they were posting for an audience and not for themselves. People who were posting utter crap  posting utterly weird crap. And me. You know what? I actually respect ammachai,mulavanabuttman,amita for doing what they are doing. Doing their own thing that is, irrespective of whats going on around. Its your goddam blog dammmit, go ahead and post what YOU want! Learn from the masters! You're there in the "Top 5" 'coz you are the best there is,accept it. In a Dramatics workshop sometime back, the teacher-dude told us the first rule of performing for others is "expect nothing". You're NOT being judged, and if you're being criticised by "God"...well, since when did the almighty come down to comment on blogs? Me thinks its a fake, but thats just me you know. :|

Coming back to the point of this place here not letting me go. The only way I can deal with that is by getting back to life and everything else in it. Coll has begun again. It is the beginning of the end for my engineering, and hopefully I'll have so much more to type down. This post is just a way of telling myself that I'm IN CONTROL. I'll post only when I want to. That doesn't mean that I'll have something to say everytime I post, I can/will post crap and get away with it. But thats just me, and you being the "audience" won't mind it, I know that 'coz I'm on the other side everytime I'm not typing anything on this site. People, get your blogs back here, this is an honest plea.

With a promise of a lot of shit to follow after this,


PS: Anyone else notice the relative calm which is prevailing here lately? Peoples are posting so rarely!
PPS: I've been mentioned on my maastah's blog. CHECK IT OUT! Its the link in the upper-left corner.
PPPS: FA....swing away. swing away.
PPPPS: "ppppps" that sounds like a snake....:-S

Current Mood: Desperate
Current Music: Linkin Park - Points of Authority

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 04 July 2004, 8:07pm

Last night's high has given way to today's feeling of utter confusion. Of course that could be due to the fact that I woke up, ate, went to a seminar which had me bulbed, ate, scratched my butt, yakked on d phone, did some math, slept, yakked some more, ate, stared blankly at d computer screen, yelled at my CD-writer,ate...finally bathed. Now back here and wondering wtf to do. Contemplated banging my head against the comp table till I could see my skull, but naa, it gets boring after a while. I'm peeling the skin off my fingers as of now, the pain's acting like a stimulant for me brain. I'm doing this and wondering, firstly , "wat the fuck am i doing?" and secondly, "who am i?". The first question has been explained in detail, lets move on to the next one.

Am I the engineering student who ,like everyone else, has lost his way somewhere along the lines of these 3 years? Am I yet another CAT aspirant hoping to make it big, not knowing an iota of economics/commerce? Am I the seemingly filled-to-the-brim-with-malice blogger who's bent on ripping every other blogger apart? Am I the hopelessly funny lunatic walking the face of the
earth hoping to discover if he controls his life? Am I a "grown-up"? Am I the guy who seems to be a friend to one and everyone, you know, one of those "part of the coolest groups in college" types? Am I the truant son who's wondering if he'll ever live up to his parents' expectation? Am I the lonely guy who sits and wonders if he has one "true friend"? Am I the apparently profound dude who talks on life and other such shit with people whom he wishes was like? Am I the dude who converses for hours on end with any random girl and is left feeling that nothing has been spoken about? Am I the dude who talks for those ten minutes with that one girl, and is left deep in thought, with a heavy-feeling in his heart hoping that he could have talked for just one more minute? Am I the sick mean bastard whose comments keep getting deleted off these blogs? Am I a spammer? Am I the religious church-goer who sits and ponders why the Lord keeps blessing me so many times when I keep going astray,again and again? Am I the avid sports-fan I proclaim to be? Am I the kick-butt gamer in Quake III,etc, screaming out profanities while I sweep the virtual battlefields whole? Am I the lazy bum who can't raise his arse off the couch to go play outside!?

Who am I?

I'm NOT spiderman, thats been proved beyond doubt (tried walking up the wall, head still hurts). Am I an individual? I would like to think so. They say "be an individual, do not make it easy to be dismissed in a sentence", well I've successfully amassed a whole paragraph above. Ofcourse many of could dismiss me in a sentence, "you're a raving lunatic who learnt english and is now showing that you can type it out too", or even more succintly, "you're a dickwad". I take all that in my stride, 'coz those are just some more facets of ME. I do not want to know who I am, I do not want to be classified. I hate classifications. Ah well, as long as I justify every role that I pretend to be I guess its ok in the end. Or is it? (thats an open question) To quote Jerry Cantrell's song...

Slowly all the roles we act out become our identity
And in the end we are what we pretend to be
Jerry Cantrell

Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Richard Marx - Hazard

Posted by D.Raw El Payne 02 July 2004, 11:41pm

Awesome dinner dude!! Lipsmackin' food man!! Gut-wrenchingly gross stuff bro!! Puke-inducingly yuck foodlike material!! What the fuck is that you are eating?

All this n more for tonight's DINNER!! Ever had food from one of those pretend chinese places with the gorkha waiter n assamese cook tryin hard to look chinese? I'm talkin 'bout those dinky-lil bundi stalls wit an attache at d back...a pseud-restaurant..if u will. Well, I have food over those type o' places all d a nice kick in the butt in d morning...if u know what i mean.

Tonight was time for Singapore Fried Rice ,"Mendrien Noodles" and Ginger Chicken....i'm guessing he mispelt Mandarin....:S

Lets take that item by item:

Mendrien Noodles : First shock...when my bud picks up the parcel of packets, he feels something which could only be a pack of broken twigs. The nepalese dude explains in a very knowledeable manner that,this is how "mendrien" noodles are cooked. Apparently we gotta pour sauce on 'em..n they become edible. Now see, if we'd ordered "Penfry" noodles they wudda bin "roasted" n not "fried, apparently they wudda bin softer then...hmmmm. Next shock...get home n open d parcel to realise it IS a pack of broken twigs accompanied with a bag o sauce. Ah the sauce, ever tasted the water in which your clothes are washed, I mean reallly old clothes...naa..this was not like that. This was like THAT water, heated, boiled with pieces of rotten chicken and a few rotten vegetables thrown in for good measure. And yes, I ate it all.

Singapore Fried Rice : It was red. I mean realllllly red. Looks like the nepalese dickhead ran outta ideas to make his fried rice taste "singaporean"(if there's any such taste), and decided to cook up a bastard of a bleeding pig n fried crap. I mean to say it was pigfucking crappy man!! Oh, and did I mention? I ate it all.

Ginger Chicken : Ginger? Where?! Chicken? huh?! But I guess the latter is 'coz the other humans I was sharing this wondahful meal with jus happened to eat all d chicken in there(can't blame 'em, it was the only food). I was left with more blood-red gooey shit. No, I dint eat all of it. There's a time when I draw d line. After having feasted on the broken twigs layered with the laundry sauce, and hogged on the red fried pieces o turd, I decided I was gonna draw the fucking line. Right there.

Yeah, by the way, I enjoyed this meal. Right down to the last drop of pissy sauce and down to the last nugget of pigcrap. Yummy!


Current Mood: Crude
Current Music: jus done watchin Shrek 2..i shall download d music.

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