Setec Astronomy

Here it comes to an end. My tryst with competitive exams. Or does it? For now probably. Always loved 'em. *nerd alert!*

I'd say this is one helluva way to bow out. But then, this ain't exactly a lot to shout home 'bout. Or is it?

Maybe it is, a single digit rank always makes one feel good. :D Me being that one. :-"  I ain't disclosing details...:D

I will say this though. Its just awesome to give an interview to a journalist asking you questions like "so who was your inspiration?". I've always wanted to get up on stage n say, "I'd like to thank God, my parents for their inspiration, my dog for keeping me awake in the nights, my  grandparents for being there, chintu for being chintu, my doodhwala for all the strength, maa lakshmamma for cooking unedible black thingies, naa akka ki anna ki koda nennu chaala thanks chepali anukuntunanu, marri naa coaching-institute-waalu kossam koda antha dabbulu ichinanduku ninda subakankshalu, ee bloggers ki koda chaala vandhanalu...and finally, I'd like to thank my goldfish :) ."

So I said all that n more to a Telugu newspaper today... :D I say you gotta start somewhere...so these few words shall be my first few steps into celebrity-dom!! muahahhaa! First Andhrajyothi...then the world! or wurruld as I ought to be pronouncing it in this moment of gult-stardom that I've attained. :-"

Now for me to put finishing touches to that Grammy award-winning thank you speech. 8-}

Feeling glad.

Payne

PS : I really have been waiting to use that mood icon for a while now. :D

Things learnt, the week of 1st June to 8th June, 2005

The "wet look" is not for me.

I can never blog when I want to. Circumstances prevent me from doing so.

Ze Dude of Wellington can write, very well at that.

Having a model bike parked in front of yer monitor along with 2 monkeys beside it, is as cool as it gets.

I have very less time left. Its time to say goodbye to things I've taken for granted for 21 years.

I'm getting old. 22 is only 40 years less than 62. Wow.

There must be something I can do about my hair. something.

When you are really hot you can sing any goddam thing and ppls will buy it.

Example : Shakira singing >> < !--StartFragment -->

Lucky that my lips not only mumble
they spill kisses like a fountain
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother
To run for cover when i need it

Good lyrics are rare to come by, though you'll bump into 'em through unexpected sources. Abhishek Bacchan singing Smokey's The tracks of my tears. wow. The song, not Bacchu B.

< !--StartFragment --> People say I'm the life of the party
Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue

So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
if you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

Decision making is not half as easy as I thought it would be.

I believe.

The Rajnigandha marketing team did not consider secondary meanings when they coined the line, Mu mein Rajnigandha. Still ROTFL.

Wanna laugh? If you are a b-schooler or an aspirant, please go pick up India Today's survey. Sure to delight you for hours on end. You can always thank me.

Over n out.

Payne

Two things today. One, a passage in today's ICET exam quoting Gandhiji's thoughts on economic equality and the need to close the every widening gap between the ultra-rich and the absolutely poor. Secondly, my conversation with my granddad about the availability of Mont Blanc pens and the rise of watches powered by kinetic energy costing upwards of a cool Rs.15,000/- .

Got me thinking. A rare moment that but I had to do something with my idle mind.

Gandhiji's words read something like this >>

Economic equality of my conception does not mean that everyone will literally have the same amount. It simply means that everybody should have enough for his or her needs.

I can just see the newspaper headlines tomorrow :

Jo Bole So Nihaal Bombs at the box office!!

Oh well, I don't think they'd get to that pun anyway..but it'd be cool if they did wouldn't it now? The incidents in Delhi completely redefine the meaning of a movie bombing don't they now? :| As I flipped through the channels today and caught the words BREAKING NEWS flashing wildly on one too many news channels, I realised I'd better stop n actually know whats going on in the world out there. Wht happened tonight is pathetic at best. :|

Come to think of it, organised crime in India was always on a low but this is the abyss. The motives are all wrong, ofcourse I ain't exactly saying the motives are ever right but I always reckoned it requires a degree of angst to react in so violent a manner. A degree of angst brought about by years of turmoil or oppression not one movie which actually aimed to be cute. Leaving the complete lack of skill of our renowned movie-makers aside, and also trying hard not to look at this from an educated point-of-view I still find it extremely difficult to even come close to grasping the slightest reason as to what would bring about anyone to bomb 2 cinema halls full of people for such a reason...

..or maybe it was not for that reason, maybe it was just a very clever criminal act. I wish. What makes their mind tick? (pun unintended but cool all the same). What level of complete social blindness do you have to attain to take such a useless path? ah well.

Moving onto other topics quickly, 'cuz I don't usually post relevant stuff...Half-Life 2 rocks. I'll tell you why. Play Doom 3 and HL2 within the span of a few hours and you shall realise. The game has so much life. The undead act so very undead, the environment is so haunting and alive that you pay attention to the finer details and the background music is completely non-intrusive. Unlike Doom 3, where reload, shoot, run, shoot, reload becomes a chore rather entertainment. The game had soo much potential, with such great graphics and amazing in-game moments involving some dramatic sequences. All lost because of the lack of direction. ah well.

Now this is a plain_vanilla blog.

Over n out.

Payne

Why do you blog? You you and YOU?

Irrelevant, redundant question? Maybe. Though the very presence of such a question on a blog needs some rethinking. Why do I blog? I wish I knew. In the past few weeks, I've typed out quite a few "blogs" or simply put "passages in Notepad" and never got to posting them here. Why? Dunno, cuz I sure dint feel like it. 'Cuz going to fh.com, logging in and d whole procedure got to me. Now, here comes the crunch>

I actually liked typing out those posts, though they never were posted. The entire point of writing something was done, I'd neatly(or not so neatly) chronicled and shelved away memories of specific instances in my life. The purpose of my blog was served, whether I wanted to share it with ppls or not was the question and I chose not to. For no particular reason. It was mentally satisfying to sit down and put down my thoughts in a readable manner so I just may chance upon that file and find a different me, the past_me(a la Calvin's future me).

I look at this blog now and see so many little subtleties which I'm sure will have me smirking 2/3/4.. years down the line. :) If fullhyd.com is still standing that is. :D There's another thing to notice abt this blog in its current state, the complete lack of posts. Its been hardly updated, hardly alive. The last few posts have been abt me n my b-school madness, gone is the soul of Setec Astronomy, wtf is that?? u may ask, let me tell u>> It is displayed in one of my earlier posts titled "Bitch stole my title", that, dear readers, is the essence of Setec Astronomy not this self-elevating, senti crap, not the whole look at me, I'm a B-schooler posts. This is Payne's blog and it shall remain so, atleast for the sake of the 70-odd views I get every 24 hrs even with a complete lack of new content.

On the occasion of this blog teetering on touching 20,000 views, I say this>> Setec Astronomy shall return. *dramatic music starts to play in the background* It shall be the all conquering blog again, MUAHHAHAHA! (if anyone has paid a tad of attention to this point, they would-a realised that this post has zilch in it). Purpose achieved. Like Seinfeld's proposed TV superhit, this blog from now on shall have more of that one thing which was lacking till now, NOTHING.

Mind blogging stuff.

Payne

When there is no pain, there is neither the reason nor the desire to think or create. Payne shall return.

To those whom it may concern : I is off to IIM-Indore.

Still believing it really is true. Not exactly on Cloud #9 or anything, but yes I is headed to one of ze IIMs. :)

.....jus back from Araku valley and one wild trip to all ze junglee places out there.

I, stunned.

Payne

"someday u'll look back on this day and laugh" - syko, April 11th, 1:36PM.

Here's hoping I'll laugh, atleast smile happily. Not this wry smile, no. April 12th now, 5 days of bringing together of all of the pieces of this nightmarish jigsaw puzzle. Every piece neatly falling into place for me to sit back n gaze at this wonderful collage of broken dreams. Its been 24hrs now since the last nail has been clinically driven into my coffin of CAT 2005.

To those who've been following this blog, (how could u miss it? 8-| ) you'd know that I'd managed to end up with some of 'em B-School calls. Well, now that the entire second phase of admissions has been wrapped up, here's me telling y'all out there that I, Payne, ain't going nowhere. :| There's a post down in this page which mentions certain alphabets like A,B,C,K,I. Well they are all gone now. 'cept for a waitlist at IIM-K that is. Its been an interesting 4 days, a time when I've realised that the T9 prediction for the words 'selection' and 'rejection' is the same thing. When I typed out that dreaded word and saw how good the other word looked beside the letters IIMs A,B,C,I. ah well. A time I'll remember for a long long while. So there, 4 rejects and one waitlist. Looks cute doesn't it?

The good : Its been a grand 4 months, of going by tankbund every other day; of learning to say "let me complete"; of learning to be assertive, to put out my thoughts in a structured manner; of readin' up about daily affairs around the world and in my own backyard; of actually goin' back n readin stuff abt electronic and communications engineering; of living life like i knew it 4 years back - with a book in my hand n a dream in my head; of crammin' in my project, GD classes, college, and the best part of my life all in 24 hrs; of realising that Alexander came before Jesus and that the first words of the Constitution are We, the people; of looking forward and trying to keep it real; of sitting there @IIM-B room nos K-12, M-13 and facing 'em profs; of seeing Sorry!; of me.

The bad : None at all. No regrets. Surprisingly :D.

The ugly : Maybe the results..hmmm..wtf! Why do I have the ugly category in here? :|

As I said, no regrets. I've been there, faced 'em, had fun. I gave it my best shot or atleast believe I have. Still coming to grips with the fact that I ain't making it to any of  'em and that I am actually waiting for a waitlist to clear. Never thought it'd come down to this. Never thought I'd be posting in a thread which went by the title "dejected and rejected" or even "highest %ile with no IIM calls". :D But hey, bloody life's unpredictable wottsay?:D Am I gonna give it another shot? Hell yeah! Shall do something to make me CV look jataak, something other than wearing yellow shirts with revolt stamped on 'em or even placin' blogging as my #1 hobby. :-p

I guess it is just as much about the journey as it is about the destination. Sadly I never got to get meself onto that wide_arse expressway out there, but its been absolutely great to be on this road, the road to one of 'em B-schools that is. Life goes on, but then this bloody VLSI won't. :| Onto my endsems now, onto living life like 'nother of one of those stoopid engineers out there. :-)

Payne

PS : kk, who cares? I don't know but I sure as hell hope that most of y'all other bloggers out there aren't bloggin' cuz u think somebody out here actually cares. Now that would be something. =))

PPS : Fat Freddie's Cat and bull, whoever you are, this is your time to come out and have a blast. drp's official invitation. :D

Engineers rock btw. :D

This sucks.

To be continued....

Payne

PS : To all those visitors out there who check if this carcass of a blog has some life in it, every single day at the tune of 40 times/day>> Thank you. You make blogging worthwhile.

PPS : Many of my posts have ended up as stillborns which'll never see the light of day, they are buried now as .txt files or as random scribblings in various notepads all over my room. Amen to them, they remain as blogs all the same only blogs which won't be criticised for their apparent lack of verbal skills. :|

PPPS: I can never never be concise.

Alrighty then. This here be my IIM-A Interview..ze real one..:D

Venue : IIM-B

GD: Nice round table we got. Very unlike the Indore and Kozhikode GDs, this was a proper round table conference table and the nice ole dude from IIMA greeted us and asked us about our journeys and told us all to relax and congratulated us on clearing CAT n all dat shiz..:mg:

The case itself was about Mohan, an IIT graduate who joins BAK - a helmet manufacturing company - and discovers some not-so-fair practices being carried out, that is 6 outta 10 helmets which are not crashworthy are being approved and sent for sales. This is in the wake of the govt. making the use of helmets compulsory and the competition selling off cheap helmets. BAK is facing losses but as an ISI-certified company they've had to resort to this because of their competition. Mohan approaches the floor inspector as also the MD, both of whom turn him down. The floor inspector, Gautam, tells him that this is a good way to put the company on a growth path. Mohan, is perplexed, what should he do?

The group was very decent, everyone getting to speak. I couldn't start the discussion nor did I get a chance to summarise, both of these initiatives taken up by 2 others in the group. I came in around 6-7 times in the discussion. The best bit was the fact that we summarised the discussion in 20minutes and when the moderator called time, we'd almost reached a consensus..:mg:

The ole dude then tells us all to chillax as each interview would last for 15-20 minutes and we would be called in the order of our seat numbers in the GD. He asked us to go for a walk and relax as they are looking to get the best outta us..:P :-S

PI time! : Wogay, so there was Young Dude - Y; Techmaster - T; and ofcourse good ole dude - O...and me - P ! :D

O invites me into the room and asks me which one of my three names is my first name and what i'd like to be called...he then introduces me as Payne to the rest of the panel, they smile in return n wish me goodmorning and so on..so far so good :D

Y - Payne, what is Carpe Diem??
P - (this is the name of our college cult fest) Its means Seize the Day sir..

Y - yes yes, so i should forget about the future?
P - no sir, its a phrase meaning that we shouldn't be burdened by our worries, that we should live for today. its more about the past not bothering us rather than planning for the future..:?

Y - who coined it? somebody must have said it in history...
P - :| dunno sir. :|

Y - do u think these cult-fests are necessary? what did u learn from a manager's perspective?
P - told him. organisational skills, team work..bla bla..

Y - yes but as an engineer? I mean come on man, any baccha can do event planning! and anyone can bring in DJ Nasha..!
P - sir, it was not so much as the people performing but more about the work that went into getting the event up..we also had various other competitions..more fart...told him about how we roped in sponsors..and more..

Y - wait, DJ Nasha is a man???i thought it was a female..:-S
P - yes sir. and he wore a multi-coloured shirt..:D

Y - :-S... who was the main sponsor? budget?
P - 12lakhs sir..we had RIM as a sponsor...told him about the costs, the profits..the expenditure..and so on..

Y - 12lakhs??? isn't that a bit high? don't u think u shud have donated that to some good cause..??
P - see sir, we made around ___lakhs profit outta which 50% went to a Tsunami relief fund later...i do not know the exact route for the money transfer as the management took care of it...:?

Y - hmmm..i see...*big grin* Payne, something has been irritating me..why is my desktop PC so biggg?? i mean i have a laptop which is sleek and sexy..but why is my desktop so big?
P - told him about space optimisation and power optimisation in his laptop..and how that is not used in the desktop and thats why it costs cheaper. explained about higher power, higher performance devices used in the desktop taking each component as an example and contrasting it...(couldn't believe he was askin me about computers!)

Y - sure sure. but why is this sooo big??? why can't i have a low-power, low-cost desktop?
P - told him he could have one but it'd cost him more and also reminded him of the performance advantage.

Y - I want to run only MS Word, why do I need performance?
P - sir, if you were running MS Word, I'd buy you a Rs.15,000 desktop not a Rs.40,000 laptop. do u want mobility or value sir? :)

Y - *grins* so its all about the money yeh?
P - yes sir, it mostly definitely is. as technology advances we will have smaller footprint devices for the same price but not right now. :) started droppin some tech terms...

Y - no no. save tech for later, he'll ask you about tech (*points to T, T glares at me*), but why is my laptop so small?
P - told him about the construction specifics, type of mobos used..so on..

Y nudges T.

T - whats a simputer?
P - :-S sir i vaguely read it somewhere...its another low-power mobile device sir. do not the specifcs. :D:

Y - what do you clearly remember then? :D
P - :D

T - Intel's new mobile technology?
P - (you've gotta be kidding me!!) Centrino sir?

T - yes yes. tell me something about it.
P - (still can't believe my luck) its 3 components sir. Centrino is just a brand name only new tech being the processor itself. Pentium M is by far the most different proc by Intel for the end-user. told him about Pentium M can't be sold parallel to the Pentium IV because of Ghz disparities and so Intel had to resort to different branding.

T - *smiles* continue..architecture?
P - Gave him a fair idea..spoke about IPCs and pipelining difference between P-M and P-IV..

T - what about the other 2 components?
P - Intel's own wi-fi solution. spoke about wi-fi its range, different standards. and Intel extreme graphics, related this to the space-saving in the laptop, spoke about memory sharing..and more..:P

T - what are PDAs? what do they use?
P - told 'im. took Palm I/II/III as examples. spoke about chottu microprocs, OSes..so on.

T - hmmm...whats RISC how does it differ from conventional computing?
P - (mind drew a blank:( ) told 'im abt CISC and IBM's efforts to put RISC in the mainstream....*worst part of the intrvw, cudnt believe i forgot this!:( *

T - Are you currently working on your project? what does it involve?
P - outlined my project. spoke about RFID and how we plan to implement it in a supply chain management system as well as directly in a shopping mall on the lines of a Foodworld.

T - Don't you think its unrealistic? what are the prices?
P - told him. also spoke about WalMart already implementing it. but prices still steep for national implementation. told him about technological advances and competition always bringing down prices.

T - How does RFID work? Software?
P - told him. also told him about our back-end programming.

T - hmmm...*looks at O*.

O - Payne, what is Synapse?
P - Its the electric arc sparked between two neurons..more blah..told him it was a term coined by my seniors. (for my tech fest)

O - Why Synapse? I dint know what it meant till u told me. It reminds me of collapse, relapse, apocalypse even! Why this name? Do u think brand-names have a meaning?
P - Spoke about how it was meant for a techfest. Spoke about target audiences...and more blah.

O - How do brand-names affect you as a consumer?
P - took various examples..had fun..global stuff anyways..:D

O - One last thing Payne, your picture here, (arrgghhh..my photo for the CAT form and so for my IIM-A form had me in a yellow shirt with Revolt!! printed on it..:p ), tell me what I should make of it?
P - Sir, as an unbiased observer or as an interviewer from an IIM? :D

O grins and says - as a totally unbiased observer.
P - (took my chances) Sir, it would reflect the fact that the individual is daring and bold, confident also as he's wearing an yellow shirt. Those letters on the t-shirt just go on to confirm the fact. *grinned* But honestly speaking sir, I picked it up because it was bright, I dint read what was on the T-shirt! Plus, I wore that tee right before I left for the studio..:mg:

O - So what about now? You are dressed quite formally?
P - Yes, sir. I'm sticking to the occasion, this is an IIM interview isn't it? :)

Y - So ur photo-taking session wasn't an occasion?
P - No sir, as I was in a hurry for the CAT form..:D

O,Y,T - thanks Payne. take a toffee..
O - you are leaving bangalore today?
P - Yes sir, for hyderabad. will be returning on 17th though..

O - Have a nice journey. *I get up* Y - Hold on..17th for IIM-cal?
P - Yes sir...

Y - Won't u pick C before A? You know systems and all that and your a all hardcore systems guy? IIM-A is all finance...
*still standing* P - Sir, I'd make the obvious choice. But first, if I got an A call I'd be most grateful..:D and its marketing I'm after sir, not systems..and finally sir, I haven't applied to the PGDCM course at IIM-Cal..:D

*everyone grins* thank you Payne.

P - :D Thank you sirs.

done.

My best interview yet. Comparing it with my mocks and my I,K interviews that is. I don't have high hopes only 'coz u can't judge from such a grinning-smiling conversational interview..:? But 'tis was one helluva experience..:D

So like. I have like these interviews you know. For these B-schools, so I really feel I should post on my blog as to how they go about these things..plus this helps me prep for this, like, very biiggg interview you see. This is like a really real version n all..i swear n all dat...:-S

  March 06th, 1:00AM. Payne's world.

I step into the room and place my file containing mostly Victoria Silvstedt pics on the desk.

3 Panelists, 1 Old chap(OC), 1 Young professor(YL), 1 lanky bearded prof(L).

Old chap takes my file n starts to flip through.

Lanky starts the questions>>

L : Tell us something about yourself.
Well, I'm 5'8" tall, I'm short-haired fairly not-well-built, wheatish complexion. I like to wear jeans usually but today I've worn this tie n ironed stuff 'coz I'm tryin out the metrosexual look today. Other than this, I like Chinese food and I realllly love Kentucky Fried Chicken too, sir. Now coming to my academics, my school-life was varied and equally boring...so lets not get into that ok? My college life was decent n all wid me totally bein da dude in da hood if ya know what i mean..ya'know..my strengths are my ability to burp completely on demand and in quick succession and to eat anything on the planet, i'm also very creative and self-motivated. I'm a good team player..and all that jazz ya'know. when it comes to weaknesses, i hav too much facial hair and i tend to be quite irritating at times..like now..as i can see u twitchin...hmm..and this one time, in band camp...

YP: Payne, we would like to remind you this is a formal interview, so please stick to formal english and do not use colloquial language..thanks.
Sorry sir, my sincere apologies.

YP: Good, now why do you think your a good team player?
Well at parties sir..I tend to eat all the leftovers. Now that is what I call dedication and team playing skills sir.

L: Creative?
Obviously sir. Can't you gauge that I'm creative by the answers so far? (*rolls eyes*)

L: Self-motivated. Can u state examples?
Yes sir, since my childhood I was always the first one to learn new things sir, all by myself. From picking my nose artfully to peeling off skin skilfully to burping gleefully, I've done it all sir.

YP: Do you think this is funny Payne? Are you making a mockery of this?
No sir. I don't think so. Infact, I don't think much sir, thats another strength.

Old chap looking through the file...: hmm..

L: What are your short-term goals?
See sir, I've had clear-cut goals at all times in my life. My shortest-term goal right now is to ensure that I get into your institute. My shorter-term goal is to ensure that I in some miraculous way end up with a 7.0/8.0 GPA by the end of my course. My short-goal is to be placed in a Day Zero company so I may have good financial backing for my long-term goals.

L: What are your long-term goals?
As I've already mentioned my goals are always clear. In the long run, I wish to shift to any company which offers me good financial backing for my longer-term goals. My longer-term goals being to own as many as 3 luxury cars, a Smart Roadster and build a house in which I have life-like velociraptor dinosaur robots. Going very long, I want to be in a situation where I can slowly expand my Jurassic Park concept residence to a Lost World aspect where in I can bring wide elephant-grass lawns and the like, I'd also like to upgrade to a Tyrannosaurus Rex robot in my older days. 

L: Why management then? Why this line of career? Why not robotics itself?
Sir, as I've so neatly outlined it above (*smirks*), I want one important thing in my life. Job satisfaction. How do I get it? By ensuring that I'm in a company which offers me Job Satisfaction and also good financial backing. This is also to say, that I want a lot of time and money in my life, sir. Also, my temperament is best suited to management and I revel working under set deadlines and never shy away from taking up a good challenge and all that shiz. In addition to this an managerial position is very flexible so I can easily shift from one job to the other whichever gives me more financial backing.

YP: hmmm...What is this temperament of yours?
Sir, I'm extremely motivated to live a life of leisure and luxury and in order to cater to this temperament, I require a MBA or PGDBM or whatever you foggies like to call it. Mind you, not just an MBA, a PGDB** from an IIM is what I wish to have. Frankly speaking, (*smirks n looks around*), how many of you have time and money huh? Huh?

L: Why should we take you?
'Coz you wish to revel in the vicarious pleasure of seeing me earn, earn and earn. Yes.

L: We see...what do you know about Ahmedabad?
It is a city to which I'll go to incase I end up with an admit into the IIM-A. Oh yes, it also is home to the premier insti of mgmt. of India.

L: Is that all?
Not really sir, Ahmedabad is also in Maharashtra or some Gujju state close to it...hmmm.

YP: What do you know about Indian history during the medieval times?
I know that I wish I knew about Indian history sir..during whatever times u ask..ah well.

YP: So you don't know?
No sir, I did not say that. I wish I knew..now now..you are digressing...I might know sir.

L n YP: HUh?
I beg your pardon sir, could you repeat that question?

Old chap :hmmm...(deep in concentration perusing contents of d file)

YP: So Payne, what is a bootstrap circuit?
Sir, its a wearable device sir. innit?

YP: No. :|
oh i see. sir anything else you wish to ask?

YP: What is a diode?
Sir, its a technique used to kill a poem sir..no wait its a chant..get it? Die ode die ode..:-S

YP: What is a triode then?
Sir, its a situation in which you are trying to write a poem sir...innit?

YP: What is a thyristor?
Sir, you are pronouncing it wrong sir..its a thigh-twister, you see its an exercise apparatus to tone your thighs (*looks under table*) which I must say need some toning alright!

OC: hmmm..you did very well in Chemistry in your 11th class..Payne, what is a Buckminster Fullerene?
Now now sir, that is hardly the language to use in a formal interview...tch tch.

OC: You've done a course in Financial Management...what do you remember? hmmmmmm...
Well sir, the lecturer had a really wet patch on his bum at all times and he used to spit a lot sir.

L: What is this spit? Why is there saliva?
Sir its a way of perspiration sir, see if you spit realllly big puddles you don't sweat. This is another thing I've learnt completely self-motivated, sir. As for saliva, our bodies have very high content of water sir, so there has to be some liquid somewhere no sir? At this point, I'd like to mention juicy fried KFC hmmm....juicy...mmmmmm..

YP: Thank you. Do you have any questions for us?
Yes sir, do you always wear such geeky glasses sir? also, can I show my burping prowess? I've heard that you ask candidate to sing...

In unison: No. You may leave now. OC hands me the file reluctantly.

dats it folks..simpil innit? :D

alright. this is just RUDE! i drag my bum over to FH after what seems like an eternity and i know i haven't blogged in a friggin long while but this is simply  rude! wat u ask? fh puttin a blinkin BIG sign askin me "Are you stupid?". i mean wat the! i mean i know the answer to that one, but this is like fh is personally defaming me.

alright. i'm sure most you reading this are in the majority who actually do not click on signs which say "Congratulations! You've won a million dollars you sick pig f__k!"  and no, i've never clicked on such signs either. but today, now, this was a personal attack. one regarding my most important facet. and as i have been readin up on a lot of general awareness n also writing down stuff 'bout myself, i did know the answer to this one. so i went ahead n answered "Yes". DA BLUDDY CHEETS!! it wasn't one of those multiple choice quizzes! can u blive dat?! What did they mean? Were they asking me if was stupid enough to click that button? Or if I was really stupid? Or is stupid a name given to some tribe somewhere? Or if the world is flat? Or if Sarah Freder is flat?  What is the meaning of the universe? Ms/Mrs. Sarah Freder proposes dis>>

"If you have a serious, perhaps urgent problem to resolve, whether it be concerning money, bad luck, love or any other large or small sexual grievance, to help you, I am offering you a Free Personal Horoscope and I will reveal my deepest desire and also your lucky numbers, all free of charge. In additon to this you are entitled to win a free subscription to www.clickme.com, the premier pornography site for stupid individuals such as yourself."

uh. weehoo. :|  Click that icon. I did, and my world will never be the same again.

And now onto the purpose of this post. As I've completely lost any traces of humour I shall now proceed to tell you sick f_ks the things I've noticed in d last few days.

>>The guys who compose the background scores for Sony/Zee/SP soaps should be given like multiple-grammies or multiple-skull-fractures. Choose one. Want me to sum up their scores for you? Muh pleasure. "chajan-chajann-chajaaaan-dish! zooom! dish! chajaaan" :|

>>The guys who act in aforementioned soaps should be sent to a proctologist. So their digestive systems may be clinically clogged for a while and then some. The wide variety of facial contortions which they'll learn in the following days will provide an excellent twist to the serials. Coz right now, their modus operandi is simple>> first chajan - turn left; second chajan - turn right; third chajaaaan - zoom in. :| at the sound of dish - open eyes wide. :| How do they open their eyes that wide?

>> TeeVee ppls are becoming fultoo responsible. We now have Statutory Warnings superimposed on the screen when ppl smoke in the above soaps. Shouldn't they be putting 'em throughout ze soap? Like a marquee say...hmm..which might read..."The actors/actresses who are shown on screen are trained professionals. Trained to stick hotrods up their posterior ends so they may emote. Do not attempt this in your homes." hmmm.

>> Why is Kentucky Fried Chicken the only thing I can think of in the middle of a Group Discussion? :| I mean there we are discussing whether the filing system of Good Company is efficient or not and the only thing I can think of is a good juicy piece of KFC. :|

>>How in the world do you find kidnapped babies? :-/ They are babies for cryin out loud! :-S U can stash 'em anywhere...and they all look the same..like lil hairless chimps! ... :-S

>> This place is dead. So very. But interestingly, for some freaky reason, I stay put in that top 5 list. As Seinfeld put it so articulately>> Who are these people??!  :-/  And weehoo i'm number 2 on the list. Always knew number 2 was my spot.

Hokay. See you soon.

Payne

:|

Time is slipping by like the proverbial sand through the fingers. I have a vague idea why, it goes like this - maybe I should I get my butt off that beach, stop picking up sand and watch it slippin through my fingers. THATS what I should stop doing. In my case, the beach is my couch (well not so much a couch as a sofa(what the fuck is the difference(this bracket has been added so as to end with odd number of parenthesises(nice word innit?)))). See I can't count even. :| 

What should I be doing? Acquiring infinite amounts of knowledge, grabbing gyaan from all corners of my world, all the while. So that I may be the intellectual I never was. What have I been doing? Pretense. Everything but acquiring gyaan. Been busy doing a myriad of things which won't help me a bit. Time does fly when you are doing nothing. I haven't been bloggin' as well, you know why? 'Coz, as a blogger, I have matured. I have been through the daily posting times, I've been through the hit-whoring phase, I've been through the heart-pouring-out sessions with notepad, I've been through the total-lack-of-time-to-blog phase. I've reached a point where I can look at my blog and not be irked that there's no new post, not develop a constant itch that my blog is lying waste without any hits..:D Well, the hits bit is bein taken care of in style by all of you invisible visitors. :)

As is usual habit when I don't post for a while...the above 2 paras were typed 2 weeks back. Strangely, at the time I wrote this, I had no idea that I would be on a beach, picking up sand...feeling the waves caress my feet...taking snapshots of a moment which I'd love to cherish for a lifetime. Irritating all n sundry by the incessant click-clicking. Maybe I should use my mind, my brain's vast empty vacousness, like I used to. To store the infinite beauty of nature in that moment in my mind...not on my bloody harddisk. Photography..ah. A new found joy..:D I shall duly show off some of me pics soon on dis blog. Alright..I have completely missed ze point! Where was I this past week? @Chennai ppls! or Madras as I prefer to call it. @Saarang again. Different circumstances, different company...but double the entertainment...or maybe not.

As I sat in the train gazing out the window to see that full moon, the moonlight reflecting off the river's shimmering surface...I reminisced about the week gone by. This was not about Saarang at all, this was about friends, this was about being with friends so special in a place so detached from real life that I'd want to stay there forever, and then a day. But then real life is real, so here I am back in Hyd posting on my very sad-arse deserted blog. To cut a long story short - Saarang rocked. Why? Not because of the event, not even because of Chennai. Because of the company, because of you. Only you.

This was not a post to remember, this was not a post to look back. I'm typin this right here and right now only because I want my thoughts to flow in some sort of coherence. That sand-effect is getting to me, time is flashing past not as much as through fingers but more like a huge hourglass - with me sinking in the sand. Alright, enough of d stupid analogies. A startling realisation hit me today. The last time I'd really learnt something new was two years ago. Thats a lot of time. I need to do more. Right now. Dammit. Mind. Blank.

The words have been drained from these fingers,fingers that want to compose masterpieces.Thoughts that plead to break out,words that refuse to form. Confusion - an ephemeral form that lingers. Is this the writer's block? or is this simply the reality of my mind,a mind screaming for the synapses to fire. Geez.

Blank.

Payne

PS : Mad-Scientist's T-shirt : "The world sucks. I'm just here to blow it up."  - Payne, Jan 23rd, 2005.

Floating vision.

- January 25th,2005. 

On a beach somewhere on East Coast Road, Pondicherry.
 

The first day of the year 2005 has gone by. Before I know it, I'll soon be typing out lines which say "...o m g...its the end of 2005..how fast time flies..". Life is funny in the way it unfolds and funnier in the way it makes it seem like it never did unfold, like you're still unraveling the mystery of what life is till your very last day. Wtf. Alright, Jan 01 2005 has gone by, I've had fun for most of the day. But its 12:44AM, 25 hrs into the new year and its back to me and my PC and fullhyd.com/blogs braving the night.

I've never really put up "resolutions" and I believe I never will. Not for New Year's atleast...:-)  Never saw them come true...I've always wanted to join the gym, always wanted to go jogging, always wanted to learn the guitar, learn the drums, sit and pen down that story which is always in my head, study...ad infinitum. To think big and achieve even bigger....But these are all wishes, all plans which I can only dream to see the light of day. I've learnt this much though, its nice to dream, its nice to think big and its even better to go out and do it. As I wrote loong ago, the ones who dream and do nothing abt it are the bums...the one who do something abt it are the achievers.

Here's to 2005 pushing my lazybum into that circle of achievers. Ofcourse this again is a dream but as I've already said, I lovvve to dream. But its almost futile to dream for the morrow. To dream for Right now and to achieve that right now shall be it. Right now is where I want to be. Right now is where I want to live. Shall keep y'all posted on how my "Right now" philosophy works out in this year.

Right now I want to be writing better stuff. Right now I want my future known to me. Right now I wish I could have more faith in the one who holds my future. Right now I want to be not blogging and to be studying. Right now I want to be not makin excuses when I'm doin what I love. Right now I want to be outside that door, in the cold, staring at that beautiful moon, with you. Right now I want to speak to you. Right now I wish I could playback what I'm listening to on Winamp. Right now I want to take your breath away and to break free. Right now I want to live on impulse and to learn from experience. Right now I want all the questions to vanish into thin air and to be replaced by crystal clear answers. Right I want to fast forward, right now I want the next moment here. Right now I want to sleep.

One of those things I shall do now. Its upto you to guess which one.

Right now I want to live.

Goodbye Right now and onto the next now.

Payne

I've been contemplating posting about the year gone by a lot of times in the past week. All kinds of thoughts have been floating in my head, questions as to where should I begin, how should I go about it, how much should I mention...blah blah. The problem with a predetermined blog is it remains that - a plan which is never executed. Balls, here I am, in all spontaneity.

Dec 30th 2004, 2:44AM. Payne's world. Wide awake.

Wide awake only 'coz of the extended nap in the evening. An year back on this day, I remember having one of my few personal conversations with a friend. I remember not being too senti then...:p Ah well, times change, ppls change. 2003 was an awesome year in all respects - I nearly died in a road accident, made one of the most significant friendships of my life, learnt to drive...but nothing when compared to 2004.

2004. Where do I begin? Going chronologically, the year started off with me slowly screwing up that friendship I've mentioned above. Painstakingly in front of my eyes, I saw everything crumble. *sigh* Left for Saarang, had a whale of a time....wait. This is not right. This is like the NDTV - The Year Gone By, A Review. No. This is my blog. Not a bloody factbook on my life. Vagueness we shall go for. Only one song playing in my cranial Winamp nowadays. Alanis Morrisette - Thank you. A lot to learn from the song. 2004, my year in verse.

how bout me enjoying the moment for once - Jan 2004, thank you Saarang. An experience in all its entirety, 6 days etched in d weird cave paintings in my mind. thank you free sms.

thank you disillusionment - feb 2004, never thought more about where my life was headed, never regretted more about where I'd brought my life to. spent a whole night wondering about opportunities gone...cried

thank you thank you silence - March to August 2004. for helping me grow up. for the worst times of this year. for making me think.

thank you consequence - for me ending up where i am right now...for all the choices seeming right...for me learnin to learn from yesterday, live for today and to dream for 2mro...for a job..:p

thank you fullhyd - May 2004. for this blog, for the DBs, for a space to voice my thoughts. for every other blog, for all the junta here. :D

thank you invisible angel - for all the rants, for all the madness, for all the weirdness, for listening...for bein wid me through d best part of 21 years of my life (can't help it can u? :p)...

thank you providence - for making our paths cross...for showing me that true love does exist...for clearing up a lot of shit in my head...for July 21st, 2004. for September 4th 2004, for fate laughing its head off at all the work, for a night I'll remember for a loong while (Carpe Diem 2004).

thank you clarity - for givin me sight. sight to look back on so much with a smile on my face and sight to look forward n take strength in what i hav now to face everything which life'll throw up. for friendships renewed.

thank you frailty - august 2004, realised the importance of life...the magnitude of death. shaken. This post is in Memory.

thank you hope.

thank you nothingness - for keeping my head lightheaded at all times...for Nov 21st 2004...:)

thank God - for reminding me time and again why it is that I do "believe", thank you faith.

thank you crackpot - for all the advice...for all the madfukk jokes...for makin the end of this year worth everything....for everything.

thank you Lifehouse, Evanescence, Floyd, Kal ho Na Ho and everyone else on Winamp - for providing the OST for this year..:)

thank you 2004 - for friends new and old, for fears untold, for hopes big and bold, for love unconditional, for so much to look back upon but more than anything, so much to look forward to. its been an enchanting journey these past 365 days (with 36 hrs still to go) and here's hoping that 2005 brings along just as much good if not more, there'll always be the downs but heck, utopia was always a boring concept for moi. :p

Senti enough for now.

Yappy noo yyeeeaaa phullhaaid!!

HAVE AN AWESOME NEW YEAR'S GUYS, GALS and those of the THIRD KIND!!!

and a prayer for all those affected by the Tsunami. R.I.P to those whose lives have been snuffed out... Hope and Faith to the lakhs of people who have to prevail through the despair and the hard times...This too shall pass. [-o<  Hope that all of you out there have an equally great New Year, may 2005 bring with it joy and happiness boundless.

Grateful, hopeful, smiling.

Payne

Bidding farewell to 2004 with a quote borrowed from one of the most important blogs around here - "Someday, when we both reminisce, we'll both say, there wasn't too much we missed; and through the tears, we'll smile when we recall, we had it all, for just a moment. Have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." - St.Elmo's Fire

Goodbye 2004, we had it all. :-)

Disclaimer : Payne cannot review movies. The reason being that every movie he sees has him completely immersed no matter how crappy the storyline, how shitty the acting, how faecal-matter-ish the script, however bad the direction. 10 minutes after the credits have rolled past him, as he watches teary-eyed...he realises "wtf did i jus see??!". Ofcourse, this realisation does not in anyway change his opinion of the movie.

Why this all of a sudden? I'm just done watchin Kal Ho Na Ho. Now, the first half flies by in a colorful blur of a wide spectrum of winter wear , loud songs and Shah Rukh antics and by the time you know it Preity as fallen in love with him and so has Saif Ali fallen in love with her. How this happened, when this happened, WHY it happened is not clearly depicted nor is it given the time to be depicted. When Preity starts to bawl, I'm left wondering "WHHYY!", where was the chemistry? where were the powerful dialogues? where were the "look-me-in-the-eye-and-make-me-cry" scenes?! Saif a.k.a Rohit meanwhile has turned from useless casanova to faithful lover in the blink of an eye. At this point, any sane-minded individual with half the mental acumen that I pride myself to possess would have turned away and decided to chuck the movie (that individual would be my sister and yes she does have half my acumen). But this is me, Payne, remember?

Well, Hello Wisconsin! I make meself cozy and start to understand the intricacies of the wafer-thin characters in front of me...obviously I can totally identify with them and by now I have started to fall in love with all of 'em (acumen notwithstanding). SRK cries, PZ cries, SAK cries, everyone cries, everything actually does set itself into place though somewhere in the dark corners of my cranium there is a small voice shrieking "when the f_kk did they fall in love??!". I shut out that voice and decide to take in the Great Indian Cinematic Melodrama unfolding on me 20" TV. Ofcourse, there are a lot of useless comic reliefs thrown in...but not long enough for me to lose my goal >> To get Immersed. Back to the movie, SRK cries, PZ cries, SAK cries, rest of cast cries, I shout out "akka..sasthunaadu vaadu", SRK dies, I cries. I lost my acumen of verbal usage somewhere in that line, don't ask me where, I'm crying remember? :(

Credits roll by. Another faltoo movie watched by Payne and another 3 hrs gone by. On another front, the year's coming to an end been one helluva an year...not so many downs as ups. Still a lot to do...but all of this in another post.

signing out.

A visibly confused Payne as to what just happened in dat goddam movie.

Payne