Of Life and All Else...

A few days ago, as I was walking down to the bus stop in the morning, I came across a sight that can only be termed extraordinary. Extraordinary. May be even that word does not do complete justice but I will stick to it for paucity of a better descriptive.

I saw a fairly young man, probably in his late twenties, parting with the contents of his lunch box to feed a homeless couple. The man did not appear to be from an affluent background. Perhaps, that one act of kindness would adversely affect his monthly budgeting. Even so, he was capable of compassion.

That got me to think. May be it is within my means to do more for society than I previously thought. May be I should stop talking about how the world can be a better place for all of us, and start doing something about it. May be, in our own humble ways, we can all play our parts.

Like that saying goes:

Little drops of water, little grains of sand
Make the mighty ocean, and the pleasant land

What we do may appear to us a drop in the ocean. But would not the ocean be that much less without that drop?

To conclude, I do not know what made me write this down and share. Probably it was my own guilt as a result of selectively seeing or hearing things. Will this make me do more for the less fortunate? I cannot say. But it has made me think about it. That, I suppose, is a start.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Tute Hue Khwabon Ko

How is a man who has no spine supposed to feel when he is given a solid whack in his unmentionables? Would he feel any differently from a man who has a spine, and is not given a solid whack in his unmentionables? In either case, or even both if you are a purist to whom it is more vital to use the right syntax when defining a union of two sets than the existence of the sets themselves, the feeling dramatically varies when a conceited person is given a shot of vanity from when the same shot is administered to me.

And here we are not even talking of a shot of vanity that is a result of transcendental surrealism where what appears tends to be not true, and what does not appear, well, does not appear. It is difficult to pass judgement on what is not to be. So, let us just leave it at that.

I have a shocking revelation to make. No, I do not intend walking down the Abids main road in the nude. That, some would call an exercise in self-actualisation though it must be said that those guys/gals do not know what that word even means. What I am referring to is the position of my blog. Despite not having written a blog post for quite a while in between, my blog still shows at number 9 in the most popular blogs list.

Does that mean I am still read?

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Highway Star

All my energy at this point in time is concentrated at not succumbing to the temptation of using the cliched statement, "Just what is the world coming to?" That I have not given in to the lure is a testament to my phenomenal will, conviction, and self-belief. But that is not point of this post. That point I have already overstated many times over in my previous posts, and even I can only overstate that much. Beyond that, even I consider it sacrilegiously heretical.

Instead what has enthused me enough to park my sorry behind in front of my computer, and even digressing from the norm of not saying fascinating nothing (as a fellow-blogger had once put it) is something a woman did that made me think that my behind might not be all that sorry after all.

No, she did not gawk at it, or even hang her tongue out while her jaw touched the floor. Those reactions are mostly contrary to being flattering. And I have had more than my fair share of them. Actually, I have only had them. That is until this afternoon. So, what really happened this day that changed the very perception I had for my behind?

It was an act as innocent as her feeling me up. For a while there I did not know what was happening or even why. I am still grappling with the second part of the previous statement. But anyone with the IQ of, say, a chair, would know in less than a minute the answer to the first part of the statement prior to the previous statement. That it took me longer is not important. What is, however, vital is that at the end of my conclusions, she was still at it.

I am not sure whether this should form a scar on my mental psyche or be the one bright spot in my, otherwise, bleak existence, which I would probably narrate to my grandkids at the age of, well, something very old. No, I would not narrate my dreary existence. Just thought I would clear the air there. I do not even know how I am supposed to feel - ecstatic or repulsed.

But I know what I do feel. Conceited beyond anything I have ever been at any time in my life. Coming from me, that is a giant leap. Forward.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: The grumbling in my stomach...

The last time I made a post, Ashoka was the King of India. Why am I returning now? For all those who missed me, of course, even though they really need to get a life. And, those who were wondering when I would be back, even if they have no hope ever of getting a life. And for those who were hoping I would get back, even if there is no point in telling them that, as far as their social circuits are concerned, they are so fused that there is no point trying to jump start them.

To be absolutely straight-from-the-heart honest, though, I missed blogging. I missed socking it into people. I missed those little duels in the comments section. I missed using up work time to write something totally useless. I missed those numbers in the views column go up against my blog. In other words, I missed having yet another outlet for my vanity.

Since I have already devoted enough disk space to the endearing traits of vanity, I shall not go down that road again. May be meander just a little, for old times' sake. Attributed completely to this quality that I possess in supreme abundance is the fact that ever since I disappeared off the face of fullhydblogs.com I have not even read anyone else's blog. Actually, I haven't even read mine. Those who are reading my ramblings for the first time should get offended.

Yes, I meant should and not might. There has to be something grotesquely wrong with you if such jibes do not offend you. Either that, or you have evolved enough to not get offended. And, I cannot give you enough credit for that level of evolution. It takes time, stamina, and a plastic spine to reach the state when nothing is offensive anymore. So, the only logical conclusion is that you should be offended.

The fittest, though, will read on. They will survive to tell the tale, a tale untold by time, a tale so fascinating it would spellbind listeners. It would create ripples all over the world, the effects of which would be felt over great timelines. It would amaze people, surprise them. But, most of all, it would mortify them. How in the devil's name could anyone put themselves to such appalling levels of degeneracy and derogation? Why would anyone go through so much decadance? What purpose is fulfilled by such depravity?

Relax, people. And keep reading. The answers are coming, as Morpheous said to Neo.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Kal Chaudhvi Ki Raat Thi

Tonight, I helped an old woman cross the road. And, though I did have that glow of 'doing your good deed for the day' for a while it quickly faded and I was overcome by a different kind of emotion.

Why do people have to grow old? Why can't they just decide to die someday without going through the misery of old age? Is old age life's way of handing back to us what we gave others during those moments of youthful indiscretion?

Every once in a while when I decide to do the grocery, I see old couples walking down the street carrying a few bags in their old wrinkled hands that contain the provisions that would get them through the week. Their children are probably sitting comfortably in their plush apartments somewhere in New York or Seattle oblivious to what their parents have to go through just to make sure that food gets to their table.

Is it what I will go through once I get... I can't even get myself to say the 'O-L-D' word. It is too scary a thought that someday it will be my turn. I will be that man who has to walk the road everyday to buy provisions because he is too weak to carry a month's supply. Someday it will be I who has to seek help to cross the road. Someday these legs would be too old to walk a mile and the hands too old to hold a cup of tea. Someday I would die. That would be deliverance. But, why do I have to go through suffering before that?

I do not believe in the doctrine of karma that says people only get what they deserve. What is the fault of an infant born into a family so poor and undernourished that his mother is not strong enough to be able to breast feed him? However bad his karma might have been does it really justify his not getting food, the basic right of every animal on this planet?

May be it is not. May be it is just God's way of pleasing his sick ego that he is all pervading and powerful. May be that is how he gets his kicks by playing with us. May be God himself is not so perfect after all. May be all the praises that we sing for him are overrated. May be he is the devil's alter ego. Who knows?

But, what I do know for certain is that a person so infinitely capable of compassion as he is made out to be is not capable of causing hurt and sufferring. So, may be I am right. He is, for all that he wants us to think, just a slob like one of us. Or may be he is us. All of us, manifested into one supreme being having great power and, along with it, great chances of abusing that power.

That hurts. We all know that evil is supposed to do, well, evil. But is God not supposed to thwart all its schemes? Is that not the very purpose of his being? Then why is he not fulfilling that purpose? Perhaps he is just a conniving heartless soul. If all people were happy and content, would he not be out of business? Then how does he differ from Microsoft?

The truth is, he doesn't.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Nothing... just pent up frustration

There is something about nasal mucus that lures me to it. Mind you, it strictly has to be my mucus to be alluring. I wonder why other people do not have mucuses that are as charming as mine.

On the surface, my mucus might appear to you like any other's. But, that is only on the surface. Even you would not be so shallow to only go by the way things look on the surface. You must dig deeper, though, in this case, I would offer to dig for you. Is that not absolute bliss? Your workload has been reduced to almost nothing.

It is very difficult for me to detail the various properties of this wonderful fluid that make it so, well for paucity of a better descriptive, wonderful without sounding blatantly immodest and blaise. That is not a concern of mine, anyway. However, for greater common good (yeah, sometimes even I do that), I should like to warn those afflicted, or potentially afflicted, with inferiority complex to proceed with extreme caution. Would not want to be the cause for aggravating the intensity of your psycological disorders.

For one, the fluid in question has an amazingly uniform consistency - the kind you find in the air of Class 1 clean rooms. It has a smooth lamillar flow. It leaves no stains on white shirts. The colour is a beautiful shade of hazel-green. It is incompressible, with very high tolerances to large variations in temperature and pressure. And, most important, it is always available, without exception. In a nutshell, it is the perfect incompressible fluid.

It has varied applications, the most popular being its use as an adhesive. It makes a very good cleaning agent for Television screens (it is as on date in the test phase for cleaning computer monitors but the initial results are encouraging). Some have also reported to have used it as a cooling fluid, thanks to its high conductivity and heat transfer capabilities, although this application is not recommended by the International Union of Pure and Applied Nasal Mucus or IUPANM. Its use as a lubricant, though not widespread, is picking up and the IUPANM highly recommends it.

A few innovators have also proposed that it be used as a fire douser. So far, no adverse results have been reported but it is still too early to say if a reaction with water at high temperatures could be catastrophic. However, its application to elevate the boiling point of fluids has been cleared by experts.

Experiments conducted thus far have reported no untoward side effects of the fluid. But, it is always best to proceed with caution. A little bit of safety never hurt anyone, right? But, before using it make sure you do it under adult supervision and do not wear clothing that might stick to your body. Avoid using it at night, and if you really need to make sure that you use it outdoors.

Hope you have a good time using it. In case of dissatisfaction with the product, try your own mucus and compare results to this wonder fluid. You would be surprised at the amazing deal you got.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: 18 till I die...

There are somethings that defy logic. Like, if there is sky above and ground below all you need is Master Card. As if anyone in their right minds would want to travel to the bowels of the earth or upper reaches of the atmosphere solely for the purpose of swiping their plastic. That is not the only thing that defies logic. There is also this blog.

Sometimes I shudder to think what I would have done if fullhyd.com had not given us the feature of blogs. Blogged elsewhere? Not a chance in hell! You see, that is what sets people like me apart. We never take the logical route to anything. We might travel to Jhumritalayya (for the uninitiated, that place sends in the most number of requests for Cibaca Geetmaala on Vividh Bharati) by Bus but we would almost never take a plane to it, mostly because it does not have an airstrip but that is besides the point.

The point is what would have happened if fullhyd.com/blogs did not exist. I would probably have ended up blowing a couple of million of my fortune on buying Penguin Books so that I could get my ramblings published. Except that I do not have one. Not fortune, silly. Ramblings. Everyone I have met has assured me I don't. Not ramblings, silly. Fortune. But that would not deter a man with as strong a resolve as mine, would it? The fact that fullhyd.com/blogs does indeed exist would.

Also, I am yet to come across such a man. The man with that kind of resolve, silly. What makes you think that I would ever want to buy up Penguin Books? I already have fullhyd.com/blogs. Not bought it, silly. I just have it to post blogs and use up gigabytes upon gigabytes of diskspace on the web. Not have as in 'have your soup', silly. Just plain and simple have as in 'have a house'. Not that I have a house for any other purpose other than that of possession. But, that does not mean I possess fullhyd.com/blogs or even that I am possessed by it.

There are somethings that defy login. No, I did not make a gaffe. Windows, for instance, always has. Made a gaffe, and defied login. Perhaps that was too harsh. On windows users. I rephrase - 'Made gaffes and defied login'. That it also defies logic is not something I hold against it. Expectations must always be reasonable.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: The soft hum of the ceiling fan...

Very few events have an impact on me which is so profound that it makes a dent on my ego. After all, it does take a lot to fish on dry land.

A few days ago, as I was happy and cheerful, I knew things were not very right. Some part of the universe had gone drastically wrong. It is not often that I am happy and cheerful. And it is not often that things don't go wrong.

I visit the blogs home page of fullhyd.com and I see that I have been plonked off the most popular blogs list! That is something a man can take lying down. But, being plonked off the list by two people in one day is not something any homo sapien who calls himself even remotely human would take very kindly to.

What does that mean? No, I am not referring to what a human being can take kindly to. I am concerned with the big picture. In the over all context of things, this could have a potentially profound impact on the world of blogging. It could change the face of blogging as we have come to know it.

Depending on whether your tastes are classy or slapstick, not necessarily in that order, you would be in a state of either lament or ecstasy, again, not necessarily in that order. But this post is not about you - why would I ever write about anyone other than me? And, it is not about me, either. Man, what is going on with me? I am actually not writing about me? Well, I guess the impact is already being felt and is much more sinister than I had previously fathomed it to be.

Those who have been following my blog (that <i>handful</i> of the most <i>blessed junta</i> on fullhydblogs) would know that I have made a habit of writing on subjects which, ideally, should not even come under the defintion of the word. Others <b>had</b> been lucky - until now, that is. As Cypher would have said, "Why oh why didn't you go elsewhere?" Need I say any more?

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Main shayar to nahin...

The only thing worse than being stuck in your office after dark is being stuck in your office after dark on a rainy night with a bunch of guys when you are strictly a heterosexual male.

However, that in no way means that this is the worst thing that can happen to a heterosexual male. Picture being stuck in an elevator with a supermodel when the only other person riding it with you is an eighty year old woman. May be that is not so bad also. But what about being stuck in an elevator alone with a supermodel when you happen to be on lent?

That has got to take the cake for it all. It either takes a superhuman resolve to not succumb to temptation or takes none at all to succumb to it. That is the easy part. The real difficult part lies in the process of deciding what your next course of action should be. Should you or shouldn't you, that is the ultimate question.

It has no easy answer. You may succumb to it, but you end up thinking all your life that you are a lesser man, a man who has no control over his mind, a man who has absolutely no will power. And, if you do not succumb to it you may hit 70 and rue the fact that you let a god-send opportunity go abegging.

This is a difficult choice to make. The women might differ on this (What do they know, anyway? They are women, for God's sake!) but any "normal" male who spends one-third of his life thinking of sex and the remaining two-thirds thinking of ways to think of sex would appreciate the gravity of the situation.

Before my words become conclusive, thereby ruining their impact, it is important that I should clearly state that the person in question is not yours truly, was not yours truly and would never be yours truly - I normally don't think, so there arises no question of my racking my brains. I would do what any hormonally active male would. The alternative would never occur to me - also because to me there appears to be none. I mean what are the odds of my ever being on lent? One needs to have a sex life for that, right?

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Carpenters - Top of the World

When you have not made a post for as long as I have it kind of becomes difficult to start again. Not because you don't get ideas. Paucity of them has never been a hurdle - I write crap anyway.

Since I am making a reappearance, I have to make sweeping statements. The buzzword in the Indian Economy has been privatisation for a long time now. It is disturbing to note that the concept has made its way into the arena of fullhydblogs, too. It is a trend which has to be done away with, and I am not talking of the Economy.

Over the last few months I realised that the Indian Economy is booming, and that is despite the best efforts of the government. Alas, the same is not true of blogs. Come to think of it, nothing much is true of blogs, not even the content in them. So, I guess one must not care too hoots for some loser's ramblings that were made on a Saturday night just because he/she was not able to get a date.

But, it does make you wonder about the psycology behind the whole thing. Is this a vindication of my theory of reverse vanity? The theory states: Reverse vanity is a state of being in which people become so full of themselves that they consider even a cursory glance of a lesser being (read the rest of the world) derogatory to their existence, so much so that they decide to vanish from the pubic eye.

It is not so much of a mental condition as it is a condional mentality. People afflicted with it are known to make general sweeping statements and being self-righteous. The occurence of the condtion is not known to the junta outside the realms of the fullhyd bloggers because I did not deem them fit enough for it. So, celebrate you all - at least someone appreciates your lowly existence!

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Opeth - Death Whispered a Lullaby

Rarely, if ever, do I get into a sombre mood where more than my rants and raves about anything and everything on this planet mean to me the songs of the chirping birds or the sweet smell of wet earth after rains.

I would not say that I am an overtly sentimental person, but there are just moments when everything gets stuck in temporal flux. I get transported into a whole new realm where reality either does not seem to exist or it transforms itself into a form so beautiful that it actually makes sense. Unlike Wordsworth, I am not capable of being pensive or vacant, though these occasional moments do bring out the poet in me.

The beauty of the night sky, the tippy-tappy sound of raindrops on a tin roof, the industrious ants busy carrying and stashing food, the serenity at dawn, the rusling of leaves under my feet during autumn, the breath-taking profusion of flowers during spring and the noises little children make when they play enchant me no end.

I feel thankful, etrenally grateful to the Gods above for giving us a world with so much beauty that it appears one life-time is not enough to appreciate it. Nature overwhelms me, and I do not care if my next moment were to be my last. In fact, I would like it to be my last...

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Every day is a winding road

There is not a lot that I consider unethical or immoral. In fact, I firmly, and rightly may I point out, believe that there is a clear distinction between what is ethical and what is moral. But, we shall get into that a little later.

Like I said, not that what I say means anything (if it did, I would have been sued to poverty - if I had the money, that is), I am highly flexible when it comes to conscientious issues, so flexible that I make Dick Cheney and George Bush appear as men of impeccable honour. There is, however, a point where even I draw the line.

Everyone wants to be popular, to satisfy their deep-seated psychotic need of being important. There is nothing wrong with that. But, is blogging the way to do it? Well, yes and know. Blogging is a very chaste and pure medium. It is something that only a few can use to say for other people what they cannot say for themselves for it requires the gift of the gab. And, this is where I have a problem. Of course, there are not many things that I don't have a problem with except perhaps Cindy Crawford's cellulite-free ass, a fine specimen I must say.

All this talk may make you wonder whether I think I am the most important person in the whole wide world. You are wrong. I do not think I am important. I know it. 'Through and through. Balls to bones', in the words of the Oracle. That most people think I am a jack-ass is something I shall not delve into. You are all intelligent, thinking people. Decide for yourself, and don't let the loony thoughts of half the world influence you in any way. Anyone can swim with the stream. Only salmon swim upstream. So, what if they are all dead after they spawn? Atleast they get to spawn!

Now that we have digressed from the subject at hand let us keep at it. I really do not like retracing my steps, unless I have to when I am going back on my words to avoid taking responsibility for whatever I have said like I will in the next sentence. Whatever I have stated so far has been quoted out of context with malicious intent, and whatever I am about to say has the potential for misuse as well. There. That is out of the way.

On one of those rare moments when I read, I learnt that over three-fourths of all web-based mail sent today is spam. It does not make an iota of a difference to me. But, it got me thinking, and that happens less often than the transit of Venus. Is only unsolicited mail spam? Does not a whole gamut of other things come under the definition as well? There is no easy way of saying this. Considering the number of posts on my blog, it seems to me that I am the only person who does not spam. Damn! How on God's green earth did I attain this decadence and depravity? The bar was already set extremely low but I still managed to slither from right underneath it. Yoo Hoo!

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: This kiss

Rumour has it that women are taking over the world. I have nothing against it. I give a rat's ass to whoever the world belongs to. I have nothing against women either. I just don't like them.

That is not a crime as long as I do not let my feelings come in the way when I am interacting with women. And, trust me when I say that I do not let my feelings interfere with my work. I don't work. I also don't discriminate against them - all my feelings are equally important to me.

Women have failed in their basic objective, which was to woo men. That is how the word came about. There were men and then there was this set of people who used to woo men. They have  coined atrocious words like chivalry to pass the baton of courtship on to us. Some of them even have no use for men. They are called lesbians. Put simply, lesbians are those women who have gone too far trying to do a man's job.

This post is not about women or about men who go on and on about how the world would be better off without the female of the species. It is about lesbians. And, this is of concern to us because I have insider dope that fullhyd.com is run by a bunch of some really hot lesbians, not that their being hot is of any concern to me. But, when you call a lesbian hot does it mean that she is hot in the sense of a straight woman being hot or does it mean that she is hot in the sense a lesbian is hot to another lesbian? I guess we will never know because the woman who gave me the dope swings both ways.

I say, all women should be lesbians. Why? Because it would be one way to take care of the growing world population, once and for all. But, I don't even care two hoots for the world. So, why do I propose this? Because it would dramatically bring down stress levels in the heterosexual male. When there is no woman available for him to mate with, there is no reason why he should continue to spend more than a third of his waking hours thinking of sex and bikini models, thus giving himself no cause for anguish and frustration when he does not realise his fantasy.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: You better get this party started

When I was a boy, I was given all my wants
Now that I have grown, care has begun to haunt
No more do I possess that flair
Which made me win everywhere
All of us go through ups and downs
When I slide I simply roll along
Plummeting into darkness of a bottomless hole
The earth seems to have let go of my sole
I scream but no louder than I could if my mouth was filled with soot
Or is it that my echo has given me the boot
I have none who I can turn to for help
Did you say God? He has become a curse
I am an atheist because whenever I found a reason
He simply performed acts of treason
Equal may be created all men
After that they are not the same
Some are born to win, others to lose
Those like me forever get the blues
We try, we work, we sweat out we toil
What we get in return is our blood on the soil
Hope is something the meaning of which we know
We exist on that, doesn't it show?
I travel, my destination hitherto unknown
My soul is lost, my body haggard and woe-begone
And yet, life moves on...

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: November Rain

It was not all that long ago when a mail was sent from fullhyd.com, a mail that was to set new benchmarks when it came to instigating people into doing something as absolutely purposeless as blogging. In fact, it even got people to read those blogs. Man, what a mind job! I don't normally appreciate anyone but those at fullhyd.com deserve every ounce of this praise (what, you did not expect me to give them heaps of it, did you?).

There is a flipside to this. There are some of us with a constant need to be in the public eye, to be in the limelight, to be the focus of attention. The need is so great that we would do anything short of murder (sometimes even that) to get it. And this is where fullhyd.com failed in its duty towards society. In taking away that urge in those like us to murder people they have only succeeded in prolonging their miserable existence.

Then there are others - those who have no such need. And they always make me think about them - Jeez! What a bunch of losers! Why would anyone want to live the life of a nobody? Do yourselves and the society (Yeah, right! You would not know what soceity means, would you? Clue: It is one of those things that you could never get into.) a favour and do the right thing. There is a fine line between being vain and being full of yourself. I crossed that line years ago.

So, don't grudge me when I say that I am the best. I don't grudge you when you say it, do I? I also don't like arguing with idiots. Someone once told me that arguing with idiots was like running in the special Olympics. Even if you won you were still a retard. It is sad that he is not alive today. He had an accident, an unfortunate one. And, I had nothing to with it.

Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: Against Sepulchera