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The only thing i want

krishnaveni | 7 December 2007, 11:09am

This is my idea of death...

in those last moments..

when everyone says that the entire life flashes before them...

i want my last words to be...

"There you are...

  I was looking for u for a long time!!!"

thats how i want it to end... though there might be regrets, i want to live it so well that the only thing i missed all through my life was Death alone.



Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: silence

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The "NO" Girl

krishnaveni | 30 September 2007, 7:42pm

There she goes. The



Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Sathiya-DARLING

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HAPPINESS :)

krishnaveni | 6 September 2007, 10:09am

Happiness is a big thing. Period. After everything that you say and do, happiness is what you search for. Sometimes I think it



Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: none

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21 Blues

krishnaveni | 8 May 2007, 10:45pm

"Apne bhi pesh aaye ajnabi sabhi...

Waqt ki saajish koi samjhe nahi....

Ek muqammal Kashmakashish hain zindagi...

Usne kabhi na ki humse dosti..."

Okay. So every Emran Hashmi fan can make out where those lines are from. But nevertheless, sometimes people write exactly what you are thinking about. It seems weird but it does happen.

So me completing 21 years of my life as the clock strikes midnight today. (This is considering the date of my birth not the time of my birth). And i couldn't find a better way to start it. Writing relieves me, not that i have a lot of tensions in my life but, it gives me some peace of mind. And its for you guys to say if i write good or bad. Anyways, moving on. All i did today was to remember all the things i can about my childhood. This is something i don't usually do but, wanted to today before i step into another new 365 day revolution. Its sometimes amazing how much memory you can have and you can still ignore it for all your life. Everyone remembers everything. It's just that they don't want to think about it. Sometimes a boon, sometimes a bane.

My colorful childhood. It had everything to it. All the attention i needed. All the required quantities of fun, tears and before i forget chocolates. I remember this one time that my uncle took me out for a day of fun. I ate so much that day that i think it's the reason i have eating disorders till date.(Just kidding!!!). I remember my first trip to the beach and how scared i was of even getting my feet wet. I stood about 20 feet away from the shore making sure the water would always come close but never touch. And i also remember having that weird feeling of having cheated the sea of its intention to get me wet. My first achievement!!!. I remember the first game i ever played. It was football. I remember my blue tri-cycle and my ever favorite blue dress.( Yeah!! even as a kid i knew how to co-ordinate color). I remember searching for my sister with my cap turned around blinding me. I remember losing my toothpaste shaped pencil box at school while i was transferring. I remember the first ever friend i made at nursery. Her name's Supriya. I remember the letters i wrote to my grandmother. Then i remember transferring myself to this city. I remember meeting my sister after a gap of 6 years. I remember the day my dad brought home a movie audio casette.(This is a memory because we never used to have those things at home).

Then that phase passed out. I turned 10. Remember learning how to ride a cycle without the balance wheels all on my own. I did it out of competetion coz my borther, who was younger, was better at it. I learnt it in 2 hours. Another achievement!!! Then Remember the Holi we played in my 7th class... Was a warzone. Though we just played with water, everyone wanted to drench everyone but never get wet themselves. I remember the results in 7th. Best time of my life. I remember the award function and how it rained that day. I remember how my school principal treated me to chocolates. I had made everyone proud. Another achievement!!! But i later realised what cost i had to pay. I was labelled arrogant and egoistic. And i changed myself to be that way from then. Had really good friends at school. The best ones i ever made are from my school days. Then came intermediate. Isolated myself from the real world and kept myself busy with books for about 18 hours a day.

And that payed off too. I made it to a good Engineering college. Have been here for three years. Another year and this too will be a distant memory probably about which i will be writing when i turn 30. I have made good friends here too. Everything that comes, goes. So i guess that will happen to these people too. I will become a distant memory for them and they will become so for me.

I wont say life has been unfair to me and all that. I didnt make time to keep up on relations outside my family. It's my fault. But i have learnt a lot from the relations i have maintained all this years. The first and most important being that your family will love you even on the days you wont believe in your own self. They accept you as you are, good or bad. A few friends do that too. And if u find them, then you are the luckiest person. I could have bothered to keep up with the first ever friend i made. But life kept me moving on and i have no regrets after reaching this far. And in my future journey, history may repeat itself. But when i write about it again, i wont have any regrets whatsoever. People come and go. You need to change as Life changes, but keeping in mind that u still keep your own identity.

Rule Of Life: Always clean your closet because everything should go, except you.



Current Mood: Happy
Current Music: Zindagi-Train

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Lies Love and Life

krishnaveni | 19 April 2007, 7:11pm

As long as people tell you what you want to hear, you are pleased with yourself. And because they told you what you want, you will do the same for them. That's how it starts. Others lie to you about you and you lie to your own self. Sometimes you lie to make others feel good. It might be about you or about themselves. And sometimes you lie because you wanna feel good. As long as everyone is satisfied a lie is good. A bunch of lies help you attain self satisfaction, then its justified. But is one contended and happy? I read somewhere that people maybe satisfied but never contended. I guess its true. As long as you keep lying, one lie after another may satisfy your ego or someone else's but will never make them happy (Happiness in the true sense. Momentary happiness is different).

Love. I guess this feeling should be as true and pure as the first rain drop that kisses the ground. But hey, nothing is perfect in this world. You even have acid rains. So love too is a lie. Maynot be entirely false but some part of it, especially the part that is important, is a lie. You lie to yourself that you are still in love when there was no love in the first place. You find happiness in believing that everyone loves you, especially about the ones who dont. And you ignore the ones who do. Everything has become so corrupted and twisted in this life. Practicality is given more importnce than relations and life itself. You keep yourself in the darkness with respect to everything. Even remain ignorant to the fact that you are living a lie. What you say, what you wear, what you think doesnt depict what you are anymore. All these are lies to cover up what you really are. No one knows anyone.

People who have read this far might be wondering what is wrong with me. I dont know. (That's a lie). Some might just deny all of this.But what is Life?
.
.
.
.
.
Life is eternal denial of lies and love that is always there, in search for something greater.

Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: Laree chootee

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Something Precious

krishnaveni | 1 April 2007, 2:39am

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I came back from college and opened the door. Darkness. It has always been this way. Ever since I found my way into this room, it has always been dark. There was just one slight difference today. It had the presence of someone in it. A stranger was in there, spreading light like a candle, there in the middle of the room. At first I had my own apprehensions. Trust is something that doesn



Current Mood: Feeling Better
Current Music: the unloved

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Finding Myself

krishnaveni | 5 March 2007, 12:05pm

I have been too long in the shadows

Can



Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: main aisa kyu hoon

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Memories arent given they are made....

krishnaveni | 20 February 2007, 9:04pm

Hmmm



Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: yeh zindagi usiki hain

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Bapu bole

krishnaveni | 15 February 2007, 3:17pm

Ever wondered how life comes to a point where you are saturated because of everything and are vexed to death. Every thing that was once precious now seems worthless. Everyone whom you admired once are now not there and you think where the adulation has gone to? Everything said and done is just a lie now. And u don



Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: none

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The Girl Who Wished

krishnaveni | 25 March 2006, 9:44pm

Every morning she woke up



Current Mood: Feeling Better
Current Music: TV

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Shadows

krishnaveni | 19 January 2006, 7:01pm

I



Current Mood: Feeling Better
Current Music: none

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Love is Sweet Nothings

krishnaveni | 11 January 2006, 7:24pm

 

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    The beauty of life amazes me. It can show itself at the darkest of moments as the tiniest of sparks. Love is one such bundle of sparks that carries life and light enough to brighten up the dullest of days. One simple touch can say a lot more than what words might. One simple hello



Current Mood: Preachy
Current Music: SONG FOR THE UNLOVED-BSB

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Love is Sweet Poison

krishnaveni | 1 January 2006, 5:21pm



Current Mood: Preachy
Current Music: my moms grinder

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The Quest For Creativity

krishnaveni | 20 December 2005, 11:50am

Apni Galli

The Quest for Creativity

Its 11 in the night and i am sitting in front of my comp



Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: silence

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Absent Mindedness

krishnaveni | 16 December 2005, 8:37pm

This post is dedicated to all those who are absent minded. In general to that person inside us who might creep up at the most important of times.

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I don



Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: My computers fan

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