Chaos Theory??

Politics World Humor Hyderabad | By Aditya | 2008 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   

Well these are a series of events that started off in January 2001 and eventually led to one of the most disappointing and devastating days of my life!!

  • January 2001 - George W. Bush becomes President
  • September 2001 - World Trade Center attacked and destroyed
  • October 2001 - America launches war on Afganistan
  • September 2002 - Oil prices internationally start rising at $25/barrel
  • March 2003 - America goes to war with Iraq
  • October 2003 - Iraqi rebels start destroying oil wells
  • June 2004 - Oil prices touch $40/barrel
  • July 2004 - Subbiah starts selling samosas
  • April 2005 - Oil touches $60/barrel
  • November 2005 - I start eating Subbiah's samosas
  • May 2006 - OPEC starts producing more oil to meet shortage
  • July 2006 - Subbiah increases prices by Rs 0.25/Samosa
  • August 2006 - Oil prices rise to $75/barrel
  • December 2006 - Saddam Hussein executed
  • March 2007 - Oil Prices reduce back to $60/barrel
  • November 2007 - Oil prices begin to rise 
  • December 2007 - Inflation in India begins to rise
  • February 2008 - Stock Markets around the world crash 
  • March 2008 - Oil touches $100/barrel
  • April 2008 - Food prices around the world begin to rise
  • May 2008 - Subbiah increases rates by Rs 0.50
  • June 2008 - Oil touches $140/barrel
  • June 2008 - Inflation in India touches 10%
  • June 15th 2008 - Subbiah increases his rates again
  • June 17th 2008 - Food prices increase by 60% than last year
  • June 20th 2008 - My pocket money for the entire month runs out

End Result - I HATE GEORGE W. BUSH!!! and my pocket money definitely needs a raise!!!



Don't Watch It!!

Humor Idiot Box | By Aditya | 2008 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   

Its crazy how the NEWS could be so irrelevant and absolutely unnecessary. How could an interview about a movie be National Headlines, or how could a blog by an actor about his new film be Ground Breaking News??

I was channel surfing the other day, and I saw the 'TOP STORIES' on HEADLINES TODAY, it was that Harmaan Baweja doesn't want to be compared to Hrithik Roshan!! 'BREAKING NEWS' on India TV was that Barrack Obama has a pendant of a Hindu deity. Then the worst... an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW of Rakhee Sawant. Aaaaaaaaaaargh!! I hate her and to give her air-time during the headlines slot is murder!

What the hell happened to regional, national and international news that didn't involve celebrities? Are we to believe that only celebrities create news? One channel shows Kareena's love saga with Saif while another gives in depth coverage about Salman's new game show. Throw them all out the window and show some real news.

The worst thing about these so called 'News' channels is that there's nothing goddamned new about them anyway. The same story is recycled over and over and over again, and then again! The same old graphics, tele - correspondents, live correspondents, and studio anchors over and over till your brain is ingrained with their dressing sense. How many times have we seen a studio anchor speak on the telephone to some correspondent in and not have them hear him/her? Theres always this blank dumbass look that the correspondent has when he hasn't heard the studio anchor. The look doesn't go away either, as he/she drags on an on about who did . Who cares? Get the real news from the people that really matter!

Who are the people that really matter, you ask? If I knew that, then hell, I would be owner of my own show, now wouldn't I? But I do know, that I don't care if Aamir calls Shahrukh a dog, RGV hails Amitabh as the greatest actor on the planet or if Anil Kapoor gifts a fat-free, sugar-less cake to his daughter!! (Yes people, that was actually on the news).

HEADLINES TODAY really takes the cake. There was a news item last week involving a lot of screen graphics, media 'footage' and demographics (surveys of the populace's opinion) on, wait for it, the SIMILARITY between Shah Rukh Khan and Ronaldinho!!!!!!!!! How can you compare a Bollywood superstar to a football superstar???? Here are the similarities in a nutshell, so you don't have to watch the inevitable retelecast of the same shit.

1. Both are human.

Thats it! There isn't anything else. But noooooo! The dumbass reporter (and I use this term loosely here) actually came forward to say that while SRK was the king of Bollywood, Ronaldinho was the king of Football. You don't say??!!! I would never have known that if you hadn't told me. Now I can get on with my miserable, pointless existence knowing fully well the similarities between an actor and a sportstar. TOTAL  BULLSHIT!

Stop throwing useless statistics and fancy computer graphics in an overcrowded screen. Take a cue from DD. Remember the old news show, where they had ONE studio anchor and one inset picture of a lady miming out the news for the benefit of the deaf? Am I supposed to think that somehow the number of deaf people watching TV has drastically decreased in the last ten years? Man, I wish I were deaf so I didn't have to listen to their senseless drivel. Wait a minute, I wish THEY were dumb so they couldn't spout their venom on screen.

Newsbytes are the latest things now. Little bits of irrelevant information that have no bearing on the outcome of anything important, are continously scrolled at the bottom of the screen so as to be highly efficient and useful to the legions of couch potatoes who don't have anything else to watch. Stick to the newspaper, I say. Atleast you can do the sudoku or the crossword in it.



The Indian Point Of View!

Politics World | By Aditya | 2008 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   

News Maker 1. - Petroleum Price Hike

Indian - So, how are you guys dealing with the skyrocketing fuel prices?

American - We have local car pools, driving more slowly, switching off the engine while it's idle, etc. What about you?

Indian - We have the Left Parties.

News Maker 2. - Reservations

Indian - We are sending Indians to the moon next year.

American - Great! How many?

Indian - 100

25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorism Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians
and if possible
1 - Astronaut

News Maker 3. - Inflation

Indian - What about the rise in food prices?

American - We have taken up gardening in our backyards to grow rice and vegetables, especially since the cost of rice has tripled to 55 cents/Kilogram (Rs.22/Kg). What about you?

Indian - Our government is giving us rice at 5 cents/Kilogram (Rs.2/Kg).
 



The Celebrated Concerto!

XLNC Humor | By Aditya | 2008 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   

I compose this copy of coagulated characters with complete concentration and craftsmanship. This cluster of cyclical compositions is not a causal collection of comical characters, but is chiefly committed to chronicle the conditions and creative concepts of the composer.

Also captured in the compositions are the crucial concerns of the Cyberabadi citizens. Candidly, I am not a cynical or cruel creature but a compassionate chap.

Certain combinations of characters collapse at being correct. So I act contrite and clear all controversy.

Certain critics may censure and crucify me of being crazy, contemptuous and condescending, yet I clarify that I am clever, constructive and collaborative. And collectively we can craft countless compositions which will be celebrated and critically commended. So I call for the community of citizens to come forth and comment on the compositions I create.

Ciao!



Current Mood: Creative
Current Music: Coldplay


Observations

Politics Humor Hyderabad Idiot Box | By Aditya | 2008 Trackbacks (0) Add comment   

OBSERVATION 1 

Inflation is at an all time high..

Proof?

Subbiah's samosas cost Rs 0.50 more from what they were previously...

What can an average Hyderabadi do if essential commodities become dearer?

And for all those who say try out McDonald's veggie McGrill, well its like that queen (whose name i forgot) who asked her subjects to eat cake when they demanded bread.

OBSERVATION 2 

A good news channel is one that reports all the news.
A better news channel is one that reports all the news correctly.
The best news channel is one that reports correct news without bias.

A sad news channel is at times also called "HEADLINES TODAY".

OBSERVATION 3 

Mine is one of the most visited blogs on fullhyderabad.com
My posts are among the highest read on this site.
My posts are not being commented.

Explanation -

My posts are so superiorly impressive that you are lost for words.
My posts contain highly advanced topics that you never understood what they were meant for.
You have no money to buy a keyboard for your computer!!

If none of the above - then leave some comments!

P.S. - Just remembered the Queen was Marie Antoinette.

Signing Off



Aditya's blog is proudly powered by fullhyd.com, the largest portal for Hyderabad, India.
Design by LifeType and N Design Studio.