me, myself and my first blog

Always a difficult time when one decides to move. Shifting very stressful activity for a good number of reasons.

One, you are apalled by your own skill in the art of accumulation. Its all the more frustrating to note the percentage of accumulated stuff that you actually put to use. Next time I go shopping I will surely remember to pinch myself. You see tons and tons of cartons around you and wonder how the hell the nomads lived? No TV no refrigerator, no washing machine , no light bulbs! Besides there are other things you dont really need but cannot throw away for the sheer sentimental value. Its even frustrating when its one of the bigger and most space occupying part of the baggage. Like some piano.. ~sigh~

There is also this heaviness of leaving the place behind you. Staying for a while you tend to get attched to the surrounding, the neighbours tiny tots who plant a few pecks in the hope of some toffeee or chewing gum, the trees and even the road that leads you there. You develop a kind of familiarity (that doesnt breed any contempt whatsoever). You know used to feel at home and now home is going to be elsewhere and the the memory of this place(an the time you spent there) will soon fade away. Realisation dawns that any home is only going to be temporary and even homes dont last for ever.

Life is all about moving with times. And the lighter the baggage the easier it'll be to move next time around.

This contains extracts from an article in the Hindu dated 16th June 2004.

Scientists have researched and come up with some insane mathematical formula to measure the "laughability" of a joke which goes like this

x = (f*l + n ^ o)/p

where
f = funniness in punchline
l = length of build up
n = amount someone falls over when the joke is being told
o = ouch factor caused due to physical pain or social embarassment
p = number of puns

So the result would be value on a scale of 0 to 200. Hence a perfect joke would have a good punchline should be long, cause maximum social embarassments and have the least possible number of puns. [There is a flaw tho .. if the joke had 0 puns would it be infinitely funny? :) ] So all the regular knock-knock , or doctor-doctor and other PJs would score poorly according to the formula as there are no build-ups, no falling over and are mostly puns.

The article also includes comments from various well known comedians which are worth a mention :)
"Total utter nonsense!"
"You can only analyse jokes retrospectively. Which is why scientists arent funny and I am."
"To make a joke funny you have to learn your delivery over the years. I am still crafting at 71 and I think its rubbish to suggest that you can come up with a formula like this. As far as I am concerned, there is
no such thing as a perfect joke, except for Tony Blair."

They cant subject one of the basic right of every human to some scientific study and decide which joke would evoke maximum laughter. Dont scientists have anything better to do..... I mean there are so very many things that make people laugh apart from sitcoms and stand up comedians. Havent they read PG Woodhouse or any comic strips? Besides jokes arent the only funny things around ....

Read a blog about names the other day. And yes some names you come across in real life are pretty funny and weird. Like at a bank I heard the teller calling out "Ben Hur" .. and then "Amoeba" for a famous bowling alley (in B'lore). I know its a popular hangout and all but Amoeba ??? Maybe the guy who runs the place didnt like paramaecium that much!!

Lets face it ...you do not have much choice with your own name. Someone else does all the choosing and like it or not you just have to live with it. Even if they chose a good name it could be runied by their artistic handwriting.

Thanks to the internet and chat rooms DBs etc, one does have the privilege of letting people know how he/she would like to be known. Some people dont give a damn and put the first word that comes to their mind and others try to get hold this highly creative and catchy name and carefully architect and build their web-persona.

Its surprising what people read into them at times, when its only an innocent attempt to associate oneself with something they really like. Take my own nick for instance: "dessert rose". A good friend tells me it sounds a little bit "chilly" and "aloof"! This friend also lists out traits that could be associated with dessert (frosty, cold, aloof, endearing, anticipated) and rose(soft, lovely, deceitful). I never imagined a name could be torn into so many pieces in so many different ways.

So, whats in an online name? Any other rose and I guess it would still mean the same!! Due apologies to the Bard of Avon.

Windchimes sound so nice ...sweet little tinkles or some wooden pipes hitting each other to the rhythm of a soft breeze. But on a windy day .... you would like to pull it out of the neighbours window/balcony and throw it wherever. No other way to shut it up.

Just like the street dogs .. thought of any way to shut them up ??.... they just go on and on and ruin your precious sleep.... Ever wonder how they can go on howling all night and when they do that on a chorus on a windy day, all you can do is curse ...whom ?

The Blue cross, of course! Amala the darling-of-the-media, the famous socialite who campaigns for these stray hounds. And her husband Nagarjuna who is known to give many people sleepless nights and prolly most of them happen to be on his ever growing list of "just friends". Funny though that most of his just friends share some excellent on screen chemistry. One such person that comes to mind is Tabu.

Tabu, think Tabu and not too many people would want thin to be in. She's like grace and charm personified(on and off screen) and whats more she is a true blue Hyderabadi.

Lot has been said about the unique characteristics of a True Blue Hyderabadi ...laidback for instance, never on time, guys with lipstick (paan ..). Always tried to figure out how these features got ingrained into one and all who live here. These traits might trace their roots back to the Nizams and must have been so damn infectious that they come to mind everytime the city is mentioned.

Now the word Hyderabad creates somewhat different images esp those of the cyber towers, gateways et al. Since it has been re-christened Hitech city, it has attracted a lot of IT professionals and the city has been growing in leaps and bounds not in just population, area, economy(is it??), traffic, hoardings :P. The hours stretch way into the wee hours and those who lived here through the transition are really surprised at how the sleeping giant has transformed into a hot 'n happening hub of hectic activity.

That leaves me wondering what I am doing posting meaningless text here......!

As you might have figured out by now, I am concerned about my health and try to do all that I can to preserve it and not let the family history repeat itself. Get paranoid bout thoughts of BP, sugar, acidity, arthritis what not in the years to come. No... no ... I am not a hypochondriac or anything its just that I hope to live with good health as long as I do.

To this end, I end up walking whenever I can at KBR park. I can go on and on about this place coz its nice, neat place where you feel you are caught between the noises of traffic on one side and the nasal-"Whaaackaaw" in falsetto from the dwellers of KBR(in case you didnt get it ..the national bird of India that abound here). Lotsa people, all shapes, sizes and ages flock here for various reasons. Families, friends, solitary joggers, health freaks, wobblers all kinds. Whoever said parks were like lungs to a city hit the nail right on the head. At times I wish we should have more parks mushrooming in the city than restaurants. Maybe they also have a law of calories. .. The sum total of all calories gained and burned is always a constant. :) But as far as I see the calories gained seem to increase in a geometric progression.

And yes my family is also into this walking thing. We do it together and whenever we miss it my mother is more dejected than me. She is hooked. To her credit she does a full circle at her own pace. Cheers to her!! Last week we had to catch up with other errands and by the time we were all done it was like 7:15 pm. We then decided that it wouldnt be a problem if we ventured out at this time coz there was sufficient lighting and stuff.

My friends tell me all sorts of things bout ppl who come there... some wannabe stars and producers and film artistes etc etc who visit there often. I wouldnt know me totally lost on the who's who in Tollywood. They claim that most ladies are chaperoned by their mothers and the actors are stingy so as to not jog inside ....Brushed all their stories aside as roobbish(Boycott style :) )

Was walking up and down and this chap runs up to me calling "Dr Sheela, you must be Dr. Sheela right?" and here is how the conversation took place. Lets call this guy AS (Initials of Arnold Schwazneger, altho I am tempted to add another S there). AS had biceps that looked as if he was pumping iron since he was 2.
'No!'. Of course not! I never ever wanted to become a doctor even if someone offered me a continent.
'Then I must have seen you at a party?'. Bad guess, try again. You know I know you have never seen me before and you are just trying and doing a bad job.
'I dont go to parties.'
'Then I must have seen you soooomewhere'. Trying to settle into a conversation heh?
'I know I look somewhat familiar'. More like Madhuri Dikshit, Kajol and Tabu rolled into one you know!! har har har!
'What do you do?' Why the hell would you want to know ??
'Am a software person. BTW what are you?'
AS looks shocked. 'Dont you watch Telugu movies?'. Over my dead body.
'No'.
'Are you a Telugu person?'.
'Yes'.So??
Looks indignant. 'And you dont watch movies? I have acted in four movies.' So sorry I wouldnt know!!
'xxxxxxx is my latest movie being directed by yyyyyy' Wow. Arent I gald I met you. ~sigh~
'So are you going to tell me the story?'
'No I will tell you the caption...."zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz". Please watch the movie.' Sure anything for you honey!! Twas an interesting caption but i was beginning to get bored *yawn yawn* and started wondering why I was putting up with all this nonsense.
All this while he was walking along and we finally reached the end.
'hey I am not a rowdy.' This one cracked me up!
'Of course'.
'Can I introduce myself to your mom?'Pray Why??????
'Your call!'. AS decided against it.
'Do you come here everyday?'
'Mostly on weekends!'
'At this time???' The conversation was more excruciating than the walk!!
'Depends on how busy I am!'
'I know its early but can we exchange numbers?' That was the last straw.
'You answered it already. Early days'
'Bye' AS stared jogging in the opposite direction.

By then my mom caught up and wondered what was going on. I told her she neednt even bother.

So ladies ...go to KBR good for your health and good for your ego tooo :) For all you know it could be a ticket to stardom!

Mr. AS if you happen to read this thank your stars I did you a favour by gaurding your privacy.

Three posts in 24 hrs .... that must be some achievement :)

Ever wondered how many weirdos are there in the whole wide world? or the world wide web ? Say you have n weirdos in ther real world and all of them have internet access, how many of them will take their weirdness to the realms of cyberworld as well ? The point is would an average real world weirdo still be a weirdo online? And a more frustrating possibility of vice versa.. I mean how many average nice guys would morph into obsessive compulsive weirdos once they log into chatrooms. Thats the power of anonymity (and weirdness, else why would I be discussing this) to you!

You also have another breed of people who only seem to attract weirdos, be it a restaurant, a movie theatre, a train ...anywhere and you just have jerks flockin them. In case you are wondering, I'm talking about yours truly. Only recently I had my inbox flooded with messages from a few semi-acquaintances. I mean they had no real reason to message. Agreed there wasnt any malice and all but it just wasnt warranted for. Plain weird. And quite frankly there was no compunction whatsoever in giving them a cold shoulder!!

Trust me the real life weirdos are the ones you need to handle with greater skill and tact. There was a recent episode with one such and that shall be the content of my next post ....till then...

The ever familiar sight of grey skies after a long dry and dreary summer. Well not quite dry due to some mid summer rains but the average Indian's affair with monsoon has an altogether different and special charm.

Day or night, its alwas a beautiful sight. And then its a bonus if it rains during a holiday. A nice book in the hand, aroma of aloo bondas from the kitchen (wonder if Mom used G Gus's recipe!), ginger tea and some funny kinda music that makes you feel more monsoonish :) [Those in tune with Indian Classical music will know I am talking about Megh Malhar...and for those who know just Indian film music "bol re papihara " should ring the bell. I am not quite sure I know any such in Death metal ...anybody with the info let me know since its such a popular genre out here.] Anyways you feel compelled to view the rain from your window/balcony just as the sight of a sunrise or a sunset most certainly puts you into a pensive mood.

Come night and its just as beautiful if not more. The quiet clear star spangled summer nights are replaced by rythmic pitter-patter and the waving of tree braches in unison and a thick veil of cloud that hides all the celestial bodies visible to the naked eye and still appeals to the romantic in us.

There is an execess of natural monochrome that is splashed all over the place during the time, but then you also have hues of flame orange (from the Gul mohar) and the brilliant peacock blue(with its majestic rain dance). Can we ask for more?

I generally like posting original stuff here ... just not upto it today. This story is one I would want to remember for a long time.

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 "Everyone knows that the lives of clouds are very active, but very short," writes Bruno Ferrero. And that brings us to another story:
     A young cloud was born in the middle of a great storm in the Mediterranean Sea. But it hardly had time to grow there; a strong wind pushed all the clouds towards Africa.
     As soon as they arrived on the continent, the climate changed: a warm sun shone in the sky, and down below the golden sand of the Sahara desert spread into the distance. The wind continued to push them towards the forests in the south, since it hardly ever rains in the desert.
     However, just as it is with young people, so with young clouds: this one decided to break away from its parents and older friends, to see the world.
     - What are you doing? - complained the wind. - The entire desert is exactly the same! Come back to the group, and let's go to the center of Africa, where there are beautiful mountains and trees!
     But the young cloud, a rebel by nature, did not obey; little by little, it lowered its altitude, until it was able to float on a gentle, generous breeze down near the golden sands. After wandering all over the place, it noticed that one of the dunes was smiling at it.
     It was because the dune was also young, recently formed by the wind which had just passed. Straight away, the cloud fell in love with its golden hair.
     - Good morning - said the cloud. - What is it like living down there?
     - I have the company of the other dunes, the sun, the wind, and the caravans which pass by from time to time. Sometimes it is very hot, but it is bearable. And what is living up there like?
     - There is also the wind and the sun, but the advantage is, I can wander across the sky and get to know everything.
     - For me life is short - said the dune. - When the wind returns from the forests, I will disappear.
     - And does that make you sad?
     - It gives me the impression that I am of no use to anyone.
     - I feel the same way. As soon as another wind comes, I will go south and become rain; however, that's my destiny.
     The dune hesitated for a moment, before saying:
     - Did you know that, down here in the desert, we call the rain Paradise?
     - I didn't know I could become something so important - said the proud cloud.
     - I've heard several legends told by old dunes. They say that, after the rain, we are covered in herbs and flowers. But I'd never know what that is like, for in the desert it only rains very rarely.
     This time it was the cloud which hesitated. But then it started to smile joyfully:
     - If you like, I can cover you with rain. Although I've only just arrived, I am in love with you, and would like to stay here forever.
     - When I first saw you up in the sky, I too fell in love - said the dune. - but if you turn your lovely white hair into rain, you will die.
     - Love never dies - said the dune. - It transforms; and I want to show you Paradise.
     And so it began to caress the dune with droplets; they remained together like this for a long time, until a rainbow appeared.
     The next day, the small dune was covered in flowers. Other clouds passing towards central Africa, thought that must be part of the forest they were searching for, and poured down more rain. Twenty years later, the dune had become an oasis, which refreshed travelers under the shade of its trees.
     And all because, one day, a loving cloud hadn't been afraid to give up its life in the name of love.

by Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

  Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.

Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

       Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

This is probably the first thing one says when he/she encounters someone in the most unexpected place (and in all likelihood with someone he/she does not wish to be seen). Like an ad of Pepe Jeans once used to read " The world is filled with people we hope we will never meet.

So does the world become any smaller just because you run into someone you least expect. Naaah we all know better than that. We know for certain that its a big bad world out there......[how bad depends on how cynical you are and if you had any doubts on Big well google and you can find all the info you need.]

Then each one of us has our own world, our own sphere, totally governed by us. We fill it with whatever is dear to us, the people, the possessions, the choices, values, memories, decisions....... yada yada. We could call ourselves the CEO (a take on our ex-CM) of our own world. All of us have it, but only some of us know of such a world. Some of us have it cluttered with all possible things good, bad and ugly more like a mini-size version of original. While others have it plain not too much stuff, not too many people and pretty humdrum. And for the more complicated lot it oscillates between the two ... there is no dearth of possiblities.

One thing is certain though, with all the advancements in science and technology, progress in civilisation, business growth that we as the most advanced species are making the big world increasingly inhabitable and the personal space more stifling. Pollution, ozone layer depletion, endangered species, deforestation etc are more than enough to take their toll on mother earth and long work hours, stress due to relationships (and the subsequent expectations), deteriorating values, insensitivity, peer pressure, petty quarrels and many others are sufficient to ruin the peace and calm in our small little worlds.

Maybe its called a small world(small being the operative word) because we never seem to get the bigger picture. Hoping indeed that mankind does get worldly-wise!

Like you all know I am a novice blogger. Never claimed to be a seasoned one. My flair for writing (leave alone creative writing) has always been pathetic. Always watched the pen fall asleep while writing any essays..felt more like penning lousy lullabys. Dont need a pen to blog Phew!

I keep reading a few blogs here and there, watch people jumper abouter on a whole lotta topics viz cribs bout broken affairs, guys with noodle straps ...er G-strings, pink slips, out n out kill-billing, hits n 'misses', bitches, special characters (&%^$(!#), personal dimensions (ones angels are often oblivious to), prevengeful insights, Self-imprisonment, miss-manazement, travelogues, Indian belles in Italy, lustful wandering, open loins, hateful treatments..... why to not blog seemed a pretty pointless question. [If I left out any of your blogs, take comfort in the fact, glory is fleeting obscurity is forever.]

Since I made up my mind to blog anyway, How not to blog seemed a more relevant qn. Oh yeah as if a novice would be some authority you might ask. But let me tell you, what seems like a shortcoming in the experience dept would be more than compensated in the enthu. Since I have joined the tribe and am commited to the cause here's my two cents:

1) Blogging is often confused for Dissing
There sure is a very thin line dividing the two. And there is a feature called Comments that's specifically created with dissing in mind. And you dont like what a blogger writes, diss him/her on his/her own site. Dont waste your precious blog space.

2) Bloggers are in no way obliged to please the readers.
Bloggers, you are free to do what you like keep it empty, add a few incoherent and unconnected lines...do your typing exercise and call it a new form of literature, your call. And readers, you dont like what a blogger writes, miff him/her and use your discretion to skip reading the next post and save precious time. And bloggers can still go about doing their own thing ...

Finally here's to *raises a toast*  Blogkind. Peace!

I dont think we can thank the guy who discovered emoticons and smiles enough. What started only with web-based communication read email and chat has now expanded its influence into more advanced forms like SMS.
And even real life. They have certainly added a personal dimension to plain-text mode of communication. Could we ever do with out it?

You get to know more expressions from the collection of emoticons displayed by Yahoo or MSN and countless other chat services(FH DB smiley are not really great. As for the blogs ... some are like ok but you could still do a lot better. :D ). Happy, Sad, crying, indifference, naughty, shock, surprised, sleepy, sheepish grin etc etc. There is a huge variety and so many to address each and every mood, situation. And then there are some you would prolly never encounter like this

}:^#})   -  Updrafted bushy-mustached pointy nosed smiley with a double-chin.

Sometimes we model our day to day expressions based on these smileys. I even know of ppl who nick name folks "See there goes colon D" or some guy say " He perpetually has a colon greater than" (thats for a side-long glance made popular by the yahoo emoticon collection). Sometimes I too am guilty of using these kinda nicknames to describe people.

Best thing about a smiley ....allows you to say whatever you want to and then conviniently get away with it by adding a few symbols like ":)" or ";)" or ":P" at the end.

Like, all you folks who are reading this are dumb and have nothing better to do :P. :))

In fond memory of someone who always asked me to is-mail. :) Been 12 long
yrs!

A smile, as we all know, is something we can wear and always look good. There is something about a smile that actually makes you want to smile along.....

Was dining with a group of friends one mid-summer evening. At the adjacent table was a family of three mother, her daughter and son and a lady who looked like she was employed as domestic help. The girl looked like she was 14 and the boy 10 or thereabouts. The lady smiled at us politely in an attempt to start a conversation.

My friends did the honors of talking to her and I was just amused by the girl, you know the regular school girl with a boy cut, buck teeeth, pale pink complexion and a charming smile that started with one ear and went all the way to the other. It was a smile that said she didnt have a care in the world. Her mother told us it was their exams-are-over-so-we-get-to-see-a-movie kinda outing. They were kinda late and the service was pretty slow. When the food actually arrived they gobbled it up in a hurry. The lady instructed the domestic help to take the girl down and she would follow with her son.

We were all surprised to see the maid carry the girl in her arms and take her down. The girl was paralysed from waist down. Maybe tells the cynic in us that in the childs heart there's a lot of joy.... inspite of the pain.

I have made up my mind to add a post to my blog, but then there seems to be a rush hour of thought traffic and my blog didnt quite get its clearance and security entourage. Even the services of a jammer wasnt available. So my poor lil blog idea was totally out of sorts...more like Micheal Schumarker in a Maruti 800 stuck in a lane at Badi Chowdi ...Sorry sight !

I am already beginning to feel sorry for you guys..Its not like I am feeling great either! Why ?? No real reason! Just one of those days.....like any other. And as the day progresses it gets to you more and more .

I happen to be an out an out morning person, up and about early on, a small morning walk, a dose of lime n honey with the morning paper, scribble an odd corssword clue, fix up some breakfast, pack lunch and rush off to work only to find your mailbox filled with more and more tasks, more meetings to be attended, more people reminding you of how better you could have carried out yesterdays tasks, powdered coffeee [yukh] in the vending machine, stale gossips from colleagues, etc etc

I really hoped drafting the blog :lol: would help make me feel better but then its just one of those days ...so normal, so routine, so mundane, so uneventful.... when I am really supposed to be relieved that we have an Indian with an impeccable record as our PM and there is at least one person (or so she claims) in Indian politics who has an inner voice and listens to it.

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