This Post Wont Open, Try F5 to Refresh!!
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 27 June 2005, 9:27pm
My computer is a whole lot of garbage collected and warmed into a steaming pile of shit. Seriously, it's like 60K for a flappable box, only that the box is populated with a CPU, a few shiny things, and a drunken jird...and the drunken jird runs the show. Over the years, my computer has caused me an inordinate amount of uncontrollable rage and heartache, more than any, and I'm including girls, Americans, the last half hour of "A Walk to Remember," and the current state of F1 combined. It's awful... How does it piss me off? Well let me count the ways: - The sound card just sucks: If I run too many programs, the sound will actually start skipping. So when I'm listening to "Mr.Lonely", I have to put up with "lllllonnnannananellyy I'm ssssssoooosssoooo lllllllonnnnannanananely..." It's worser than few of those DJ's at the local dance bars! - All that wireless shit: My computer has wireless everything: mouse, keyboard, internet...it's extraordinary. And I know it sounds cool. Good for all those times, when I want to check my stock stats on a day when the market touched an all-time high and my portfolio touched an all-time low, sixty feet away from my laptop. But I've finally discovered the dirty little secret of wireless. "Wireless" is Latin for "Might work, Might not." I'm not kidding, if any kids are reading, wireless is to consistent as inconsistent is to consistent. I swear! - Speaking of wireless I could not have missed mentioning the wireless router that goes with my Internet. This in my humble opinion is the technological equivalent of Marxist interpretation on trade laws and Common Minimum Program (at least I am told so). I sometimes feel that the cobbler (who has finally settled down under our apartments) could devise a better router with his set of tools and old boots!!! Seriously, I've had people take me off their address books because they are sick of me constantly being signed in and off in YAHOO. It's not fair. My Internet is costing me friendships, and that's not including those perverted-drunk-offline messages. Sorry guys. Please put me back on your buddy list... - Random websites won't open: I love this. I'm trying to access tubgirl.com so that I can have something interesting to entertain me during dinner, and all I get is that famed "Cannot reach server" nonsense, or H404 (or some shit like that), which is computer code for "You wasted 60k!" Speaking of "Cannot reach server" I love the troubleshooting tips they give you. Step 1. Try clicking refresh Step 2. That didn't work? Well, you're shit out of luck. - The freezing thing: It isn't bad enough here during the winter and the temperatures never dips into freezing levels. But my computer is intelligent; it compensates and freezes, only it's idea of freezing is to plumb stop working. Then, you try Ctrl-Alt-Delete, the Gita-Bible-Khuran of computer troubleshooting. But at times that doesn't even work, so you very calmly take out that little Lithium-Ion shit from the bottom and place it back. (Just like Business as usual!!) - Those random bugs: Actually, this is quite interesting. My Winamp currently has this weird bug where it randomly picks a song upon startup, but here's the crazy thing: it always picks a great song, and I have like 1400 songs. So, in essence, my computer has the same musical taste I do. After all I guess it's not so bad...
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Zion - Fluke
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Wear Your Attitude..Really!?!?!?
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 8 April 2005, 10:03pm
Help!! I'm all surrounded by fashion elitists!! According to them, I am to fashion what Donald Trump is to hair. I walk among these elitists, talk with them daily, eat with them, drink with them, even inhabit in the same dwellings as they do. They are my friends and I am the fashion enemy.
The elitists I speak of don't come from the high-class fashion districts of Paris or NY; not even from the brazen Bombay fashion scene. I'd like to say that they mean well, but what they mean is far from well. They stand for all that is evil and uncomfortable with their odd shaped wide-for-feet shoes and their skin-tight torn and oily t-shirts. Most of my crimes of fashion these days, like the failure to know the difference between casual jeans and dressed up jeans, are of the forgivable kind. Accordingly, the elitists insult me in a joking, friendly manner. Had they known me before; in my college days, I guess; a friendship would've been impossible.
School Days - Sweating it Out
I've got a history of bad fashion choices dating back to elementary school when I fought my Mom daily on outfit choices. I was miserably proclaimed to be the one (in the family of 8 school going kids; include my cousins here!) who refuse to wear anything that even resembled 'neat', Nothing really mattered; the color, the style, the shades, the state of the buttons...Nothing! My poor Mom never ever had a chance to get me into those unheard of things called jeans, acid-washed for whose pleasure I don't know. I also used to sport some kind of gargantuan, shade glasses that spanned my brow to the middle of my nose. I still refute the claim that these frames were my choice, mainly because the sun glasses were the root of my everlasting emotional scars. It's possible they're even the cause of my unfashionable style today. At that point, it didn't matter what I wore because all anyone noticed was the huge alien force that had landed and taken over my face. I was a hopeless wreck.
Middle School - Neon to Normal
With my glasses far behind me, I started off middle school with high hopes for a new reputation. I remember my first day of sixth grade well. I had more than enough things in my mind; forget about choosing out of brown or blue shirts . Finally some white trash that I picked up to wear had 'gone out of fashion at least 10 years ago' according to my cousin. In eighth grade I began hanging around with the "elite" clique and started dressing normal for a while. But normalcy was just the brief phase before "gangster."
College - G-Funk Era
My gangster phase came with its own line of floor-scrapping, baggy Jyncos that were always at least three sizes too big, a variety of No Fear t-shirts, and 'cool' shoes. The clothes and the attitude lasted into my Inter days when I realized that girls didn't like guys who looked and acted smarter than they did. I attempted normalcy once again but faltered occasionally as in the day when I wore two completely different shoes and failed to notice for the major part of the day. From then on I thought I had it together but the elitists continue to accuse and prosecute me for fashion crimes.
After College, at Work - Guilty as Charged
It's painful getting ready for a day out with the elitists. My first choice of any outfit is always a no-go, sealed by a disgusted look and the simple phrase, "No." A shirt change is the most frequently suggested provision, so I venture back to try again. I grab a more daring piece: To my dismay the elitists were "never a big fan of Reds" Now I'm too tired to try anymore so I go with a basic, pre-approved blue v-neck with a black jeans. The boring, predictable, and most importantly, safe choice.
If I've got any nice shoes, it invariably is because of some accident (refer the post that describes SHI for more details). I used to pry over various footwear stores day-in-day-out and finally manage to buy one that was 'decent' looking according to me, and present them proudly to prove my attempt at improving my fashion sense, only to be told that I've got a characteristic "grandpa style" to my shoe choice.
"My uncle would love those shoes. In fact, he probably has a pair of the exact same ones!" one elitist proclaimed. I couldn't argue because my uncle loved them, too; he was the one who suggested I get them. To me, "grandpa/uncle style" is better than forcing my foot into something so dangerously designed it may mould my foot into a legitimate weapon.
I also don't understand the whole matching thing. I'm forbidden to wear anything but black shoes with a black jeans. Why?! How can I be expected to constantly change shoes bcoz my jeans have started fading. And who said navy or midnight blue can't go with black? Half the time I can't even tell the difference between black and midnight blue because it's midnight, and everything's dark anyway. Belts can really get ridiculous. The whole premise of a belt is to keep your pants up, right? Not only does the belt have to match the shoes and the pants, but it needs to be exact, scientifically exact. If my belt happens to be a little darker than my shoes, the whole outfit's a joke to the elitists. But I wear it anyway.
As I continue to defy the laws of fashion I can't help but wonder if I'm really so deviant. The elitists are the ones spending all their money on clothes, constantly revamping their wardrobe. They are the ones that must stay on top of the trends, never satisfied with their current attire.
No thanks, I'll just keep the shoe on the same foot.
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: I am still alive...
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You Drive me Crazy...
Stand-Alone Dreamer | 24 March 2005, 2:54pm
Half the population can't drive.
Seriously, I even wonder whether it's an epidemic. Too many people in this country cannot drive. And yet they continue to drive. The Government keeps issuing them licenses, and insurance companies keep cleaning the mess up. When you think about it, auto insurance companies are quite brilliant. They're basically profiting from stupidity. And if there's one commodity in India that's guaranteed to be always in supply, in abundance, it's stupidity.
I don't have a problem with it, but people really show their idiot mettle on the road. Allow me an anecdote here. I was driving from my home to my work. According to human calculations and it's a 45 minute drive. To be at work by 11am, I left at 9.45am, giving me an extra 30 minutes of leeway, and taking "traffic" into account.
Now.
When I say "taking traffic into account," I mean like if a truck full of pigs tips over into another truck full of chicken, and state police has to come by to figure it all out. But real traffic often gets all too confused with idiots who have never known what an indicator is, which lane to be in, where to take turn and where not to, or have any concept of speed control.
I can't bear children. Women can't drive. Nobody's perfect. Accept it.
Anyway, I didn't get to work until 11.20am. There was traffic all the way through, all right, but no pigs, no chicken. Nothing. Just stupidity. Though I did close to 80kmph at times (and 'am considered to be an expert at hobbin' and weavin'). Regardless, I was late, and my boss didn't accept "Fucking assholes on the road" as an excuse for tardiness.
But, as always I am the one for ideas. So I've compiled a list of "main road vermin" who need to get off our city roads and highways.
Unacceptable Drivers:
1. Women. This isn't meant to be funny. And this isn't meant to be all cute and sexist. Women cannot drive. I know a lot of women. None of them, except one, can drive (I keep telling her, exceptions prove the rule!). They have no concept of speed control. No concept of moving over, picking a lane, or making it through lights without creating a havoc for people behind. I know a lot of women reading this are getting their vocabulary skill horned up. Quit Driving. I can't bear children. You can't drive. Nobody's perfect. Accept it.
2. Old people. I've had it up to here with old people. They think they run the supermarket. They cannot cannot drive. In particular those short old women who can't see over the wheel (old and female-double whammy!) l!
3. Immigrants packed in a car / jeep / truck from the adjacent village on a major sight seeing spree across the city. Don't you just hate this? 97 members of the village head family just made it across the border, have some goofy flag draped across, chickens, cows and all the households tied to the roof, and they are all doing about 7 kmph down the busy main road at 10am.
4. Anyone driving a lamberrta or a Premier Padmini. If I have to explain this, you probably can't read anyway.
5. Auto-Ricks. Self-Explanatory..The most unfortunate invention ever!
6. Seven-Seaters: Ugh, the incestual cousin of the auto-rick, equally, or may be more harmful for a normal driver!
7. Families. For the record, despite the fact Dad is probably driving, I don't blame him. You got 'Mom' in the passenger side trying to navigate with all the composure of Muhammad Ali in a Jenga competition, and you got the 2.5 children in the backseat yelling, hitting each other, throwing things. Dad's just trying to maintain speed so he doesn't lose his damn mind and veer into a wall, just for some peace. I say we should make all family vacations illegal. The poor Dad has to work 60 hours a week, and put up with this on his long weekend? How is this any worse than raping someone?
Now, some people I don't mind on the road.
Acceptable Drivers
1. Men. You knew that already.
2. Teenagers. A lot of people hate teen drivers. I've got no problem with them. They drive fast. They don't think before acting (hence making traffic move very smoothly).
3. Drunk drivers. Here we go. Cue "A drunk driver killed my best friend, boo hoo!" I love drunk drivers. I am fully supportive of getting sloshed and driving down the highway. First of all, we need a little excitement in our lives. Second, everything is made exponentially more entertaining with the inclusion of alcohol, especially driving. And driving drunk is fun anyway. Come on, who doesn't love a challenge?
That's about it, and since I don't have any grandiose way to end things, here are some lyrics you might enjoy:
"Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
Why don't they just let me live?
I don't need commission, make my own decisions
That's my prerogative...."
Current Mood: Crude
Current Music: I really really want you to see me..So baby dont trun off the lights :-)
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