My friends groups
Ariza | 23 July 2006, 7:31am
The other day a friend of mine had this to say when he got drunk and believed he was very wise.
".....and when I am with them I feel like I can let go, you know, like there I can say something stupid and get away with it. I like them then. I like that they dont know about ideas and they dont know about Israel or Lebannon. They will tell you about Pokiri and tell you about a site that has the photographs of that girl from the movie. I liked her too. They like Mahesh and I dont give a damn about him. But the girl...oof....wow! (At this he made a sign with his hands) That is when I like to be with them and as a nineteen year old I used to be with them all the time. But I cannot be with them now. Because they are almost thirty now and they still just like the girls in the movies. You need to see them Ariza, its like they are stuck to the idea of being Nineteen. Then they liked fast bikes and they still like fast bikes and still have those posters on their walls but they dont know jack-shi* about them. And its like that with everything. A strange sort of contentment I cant bear after sometime but feel superficial enough to dip into every once in a while."
"Then there is the other group. The ones who read and can talk about books and ideas. They sit under trees and they talk about the contextual basis for a film, about concentration camps in germany akin to the ones in Uganda and with them I say something and I feel important. They all like rock music and they talk about the gothic influences of rock music and they talk about the Berlin wall and rock music and pink floyd and poetry and they talk about why America shouldn't do what it is doing. I like listening to their talk and god knows I worked hard to get into that group until I realise that they all talk and talk and talk and talk. And one day I realised that the originality of their talk ran out long ago. Ofcourse they are growing, god forbid me if I mention that to them and get bulldozed upon by terms and definitions, but it is as if they are insulated within the scope of their ideas. Then I feel like I need some air to breath and something to do."
"I keep shuttling between these groups Ariza. Sometimes I am convinced that I am the one with the pretensions and that if all my cribbing about these groups is superficial? Surely there must be the other ones out there and yet I choose to stay and crib in private and feel important about it. Crib to you who know none of these groups!
Tell me to start one group of my own and tell me to try harder. But I fear how long it will be before it becomes like one of them. And then I wonder if they are all that different at all."
Then he paid the bill and we left.
Note: This post is to that nineteen year old girl who once started writing about this, got embarrassed, folded the paper and kept it in a diary buried under the old photographs of old cricketers.
Current Mood: Confused
Current Music: Pokiri
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