13 Jul 2009

Musings of a fearful mind!

Posted by dawn in General | 4:05am

If you could let your soul float and get away from the holdings of basic life, there are places I for sure would want to go. And I have. I have come a long way from wanting to be all grown up and wanting what was impossible to having it all and now I stand still and ask myself- why did I want this? I am not the only one who feels this way- am I? First you want to be the best and then you wish you weren't- that way you wouldn't be all responsible. You want to beat all your competitors and then wish you hadn't started the race. You wish to reach the sky and then wish you hadn't jumped up! I fear being blamed, losing the game, heck, I fear falling down! Is that what I fear? Or do I fear being watched and castigated as I fall down? Whatever it is, the feeling of restlessness lives with us everyday. And today is no different.

I don't want to sound depressed because honestly I am not. I have a lot to be thankful for and I am. What I feel is restlessness- I want to get ahead five years from now and know what I felt back then was just the passing of a phase that wasn't too bad. But I fear I would stand still and ask myself this- why did I come this way? When you are a kid, you know too little to make any decision on your own. When you are growing up, you are to be careful of the decisions you make because they could, well, effect your life. And then when you are all grown up, the decisions you made in the past catch up with you.

Now, the question at hand- where would my soul want to float- to my childhood, to my past, to my future or to the other less fortunate side of the world? Or will standing still ease my restless heart? Maybe it will! I love life and everything it has to offer and it goes without saying that I very strongly dislike the flipside of this very coin. But I am going to stand still, feel the breeze and perhaps find a new perspective to my crying soul.

These are the musings of my soul and perhaps someone else's too- Whatever it is, I suggest we both find a hobby!

Peace out... 

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