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Neurotron | 25 January 2005, 9:59pm

I seem to have a serious problem pronouncing the D in ‘Madam’ – I just can NOT bring myself to say it.

Even if I absolutely have to, I feel the urge to go yackthooo after saying it that way. And if that wasn't bad enough, it has to be pronounced 'meydum'. If I don't say it, I run the risk of being thought of as ‘posh’ or ‘showing off’ or something.
Thank God for 'gaaru' (the Telugu equivalent of 'ji')

And then there's mera kaabil dost who is a major fan of mastication. Lunch time is torture. I watch/hear him eat, and its...just...Aaaarrrggghhh!! It's not like watching someone who has something stuck in their teeth - you can just look away. No, no. The sound follows you, like the eyes in a painting. There is no escape. It's always there, gnawing away silently at my brain, distorting perception, till I can almost see the pieces of cauliflower on my plate stand up and march away in orderly lines of two.

I tried correction by example. Na uh. No use. Then, others join the table. And suddenly it feels like they're ALL doing it! Just to irritate me to death! Aaarrgghh!! No No...get away from me! If I were to mention this, trying to put it as delicately as possible, or mention it in a humorous fashion, I'm dead sure the guy will say something sarcastic like 'Oh, UK mein aise karte kya? Hum gareeb log India mein aisi karte bhai...'. And I'll end up the bad guy. I mean, come on! It's not 'posh' or snobbish to have basic table manners. You can sit in your undies and fart till you're floating 3 inches above the ground when you're eating alone. I really couldn't care less. But please have the courtesy to respect other peoples' sensibilities when eating in a group.

It's not like I'm asking you to wear suits and use 4 fucking sets of cutlery is it?? I'm not even asking for intelligent conversation (I've given up on that), or discussion beyond office gossip and exchanging tips on how to screw the company over in every single teeny weeny way you can, am I?? All I beg of you is that you chew with your...frigging...mouths...shut! That's not too much to ask, is it? If I can do it, why can't you? You're always dying to pull one over me in every other department, when it comes to the job. Go ahead. Knock yerself out.

But puh-leeeeaaassee. Let me cling desperately to the remaining shreds of my sanity. And listen to the sweet sounds of NOTHING while we eat.

Thank you.

Current Mood: Angry
Current Music: Kill Em All!!

Posted in General | Next | Previous | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)


  1. 1. By blur  |  25 Jan 2005, 10:59pm

    hehheeh lol.....

    the kinda people who i would like to kill too..
    call me wen u wanna, i'll join u

  2. 2. By Yoshi Fuzakeru  |  26 Jan 2005, 6:11am

    mitcha cha cha mitcha, pach pach pach. **saunters in eating an apple**

    I dont understand what the big deal is about..... why should someone get all bent out of shape just because i chew my food well ?

    But hey, thats just me.

    I never tell people off when they pick their nose in public, or even wipe their boogers on other peoples keyboards....

    Whatever works for you.

  3. 3. By ma'am  |  26 Jan 2005, 4:12pm

    nannay munnay bachay teri chaddi mein kiya hai???

  4. 4. By Jai  |  31 Jan 2005, 7:23am

    neurotron gaaru, did u get to meet wakar bhai gaaru yet?

  5. 5. By jai  |  31 Jan 2005, 12:28pm

    the voice

    I refuse to consider myself a part of Asia. The mighty Himalayas stand testimony to my decree; I was born a wanderer, thats my destiny. I call myself paradise, they call me Bharat.
    Current Mood: Heroic
    Current Music: Ha
    Posted by Jai on Jan 30, 2005 at 8:17 pm
    ney Neurotron, from confidential sources, boy is in B lore, dont know if he has eloped though.
    Its going alright with me as of now, will probably come home in about a month s time. and we ll definitely catch up this time matey!

  6. 6. By jai  |  31 Jan 2005, 12:29pm

    hey ignore the top part of the previous comment, just copied pasted from what i replied to in my comment box

  7. 7. By freshair  |  11 Oct 2005, 1:44am


    Infact "table manners" varies geographically. In tradition syrian culture eating noiselessly is associated with a beggar's eating in a corner.

  8. 8. By purushotham  |  11 Jul 2006, 2:44pm

    hey i know how irritating it can get....creepy stuff...

    by the way u write well...some of the sentences were just too funny...n creative as well

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