without fail, every SINGLE time, five minutes into browsing titles at a bookstore, against my every hope, there it is, an agonisingly uncontrollable urge to pee.... having agonised and attempted to control it, i KNOW.
bookstore owners haven't yet bought into the concept of having a bathroom in there store. and dare i suggest it i am met with goggling eyes as if to say " i have one at home, why do i need one here??"
my bladder is telling me to get the hell out of there but then the brain kicks in with some perverse egomania telling me " cmon you sissy...just number 1....you can hold it in. buy the book you came for ." so, faced with the prospect of finding a random loo (you wouldn't believe how hard that is... think you should take my word for it)or staying there, i stay.
here i am in the aisle crossing my legs more times than a millipede with a bad itch, squatting and pretending to get a look at the books on the low shelf, doing my best to make my frantic changes of position somehow look normal.
the voice kicks in again " cmon buddy we can do this...just a couple more minutes. easy as 123. 1 take a book, 2 walk over to the counter and pay and 3 home free... just don't think about it.....DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. "
ok i compose myself best as i can.
deep breath
deep breath
don't think about it
DAMN IT! thought about it
cross cross squat stand tiny little pirouette
grab the first book i can lay my hands on
in english. BIG BONUS
obviously the guy who leaves his bowels at home doesn't have the appropriate change and offers me a toffee.
so i take the goddamn toffee and walk out and sure as you know .... 2 steps out of the bookstore, cannot remember why i was in such a hurry to buy a book i already had.
and i haven't even read my first copy of interpretation of dreams.
tell me i am not the only one who suffers form this terrible affliction. and all you bookstore owners send documented evidence of the existence of your bladders!!
I can't tell you for sure whether or not you are the first to endure this predicament. We'll have to match chronologies for that. But you are definitely not the only one. I suffer the same miseries. And it is invariably at The British Library or Book Selection Centre only. No other book store or library does this to me. Strange. Must be something in the air there.
dearest fellow sufferer.... glad to know i am not a friggin' x-file. but i think mine is a birth defect.
Ok, you win! Hands down. Or is it pants down?? Unless of course you came into this dreadful weird world after i did
mmmmm hot blog on fullhyd. if you guys didn't get my earlier thanks then here it is all over again.
thanks fullhyd. made my day.
i CANNOT be so excited about this.
SOMEBODY STOPPP MEE!!! whooooshhhh.
Thanks for describing all too well known feelings... No, you are not the only one!!