15 Apr 2005
Abyss
Skirting around
the spaces between
Smoothly surround
the void unseen
Eggshells they are
emotions displayed
Pale yellow scar
where dues were paid
Evil intent
exactly we hit
Laying torment
making the split
Foes are we now
rivals tonite
Bitter words plough
garbed polite
What was it then
what is it here
What is it when
we polish the spear
Thirsting for gore
and wanting distress
We aim, we score
gleeful finesse
Skirting around
the spaces between
Burial mound
a macabre scene
Current Mood: Vicious
Current Music: Gary A - Loving You Against My Will
Comments (5) Trackbacks (0) Permalink
By drp
15 Apr 2005, 11:57pm [ Reply ]
Welcome back.
How is it ovah there in da Twilight Zone?
By blur
17 Apr 2005, 10:28pm [ Reply ]
i think awesome wld be redundant in my comments on this blog but then again AWESOME
By Pye
17 Apr 2005, 11:40pm [ Reply ]
Thanks drp. Ahh well, it's ..well... dark in here. :p
And blur, thank you. You flatter me. :)
By Vincent
18 Apr 2005, 1:47pm [ Reply ]
Nice work pye. I read the comments on my blog, so here are some from me:
You need to punctuate the sentences. A poem is not just the name of a writing style (i.e. you cannot just center align some text to make it a poem). The sentences above are fragments, and not complete sentences. Punctuation will also help you to justify the tone and theme better. :)
By Pye
18 Apr 2005, 9:11pm [ Reply ]
Good point Vincent. Guilty as charged.