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The Art Of Getting Screwed Over

Posted by Dude of Wellington | 29/05/2005 01:43

Dudes and Dudets, there are like quintessentially two types of people in this world,

A) Those that get screwed over(the screwees)
B) Those that screw the above(the screwers)

and if ur noggin is any bigger than "George.W Bush's"(full offence intended and it is personal)
you should have no problem guessing which of those two classes "the cool one"(in short I) belongs to.

Yup ladies and gentledudes im a screwee. And not just any "run of the mill screwed once every week" type. No this dawg is way ahead of the game. If there was a nobel prize for getting screwed over, id be albert F***ing einstien of that.

Yup i know what ur thinkin, ur thinkin "this dude's yankin my chain, i can probably count his screwee score(the number of times i get screwed over) on the tip of my fingers." Well im not gonna lie to ya, u probably can, IF U WERE A FRIGGIN ALIEN WITH 2.86387 MILLION HANDS. In the odd case u happen to hangout on earth, take it from a dude who has been through his share of his chain being yanked and more - I am the undisputed champion of getting screwed over.

Now that we've established ur planet and my reign on the throne of screwville, let me tell you what it takes to be where i am today.

First off getting screwed aint like eating candy, its not like u wake up one day at 11:57 am and say to urself "dude i hope i get screwed today". No. To achieve top screwee status you have to be either
1) Born on friday the 13th.(bummer dude)
2) Have been gentically mutated to be a screwee.(through nuclear radiation preferrably)
3) Releasing fermones that attract the screwers like moths to a flame.(poor flame)
4) Be a descendant of saddam hussain or osama bin laden or "saddam hussain and osama bin laden".
and from the above
1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = me

I get screwed over in so many ways there are even genre's. Notice for old dudes and dudes with teeth problems the next section contains like really really ungood ways of being struck by lighting, so look away now.

Genre:The i'll be there by *:** screw over
Screwers: Gals enuff said
Story: Ok im the type o dude that's on time. If someone is waitin for me i dont dig it. Unfortunately not many dudes in my gang dont dig me not diggin it. And for the dudets of the gang, their biological clock is abt a 23 hrs slower than the average unversal time. So when someone(gal) decides to meet up at some dumbass bollywood mushy mushy movie and the same someone threatens to rearrange the features of my face if i dont show up on time for the morning show as everyone else would. But by some cosmic twist of fate all the rest(especially all the gals) arrive for the matinee while i was being chased around the premises by a watchman dude, a beggar dude and a dude who is trying to sell me his ticket for half the mullah, for the past 2 hrs.
Instances: a) i missed half an hour of attack of the clones when my mentally challenged yet fashionably late dude friends decided to walk to the theatre.
b) The countless times we( the dudes) ended up waiting for the non guys to arrive at mp, so that the bunch can go and start writing the latest friends episode at 11:00 in an exam that started at 10:00. Guess what they say when they finally arrive, "we have an exam today? dude i had like no idea."
Locations: cinemas, restaurants, houses, The international space station


Genre: Dont worry dude the party's on me screw over( a variant of i'll pay u later screw over)
Screwers: Dudes, exclusively dudes
Story:
Screwer: Dude what abt a party tonite
Me: Whoa, Like Where dude
Screwer: Midnight biryani buffet at the grand kakatiya
Me: Isnt it like costly
Screwer: Naah just 200 bucks per head
Me: Free biryani + midnight + buffet = yeah baby


Later that night 4 patrons and cool dude among them sit in the quite corner of
an exquisite restaurant

Me: (feeling like a kid getting his first bike) Dudes is it 12:00 yet
Screwer & accomplices: No
Me: Dudes is it 12:00 yet
Screwer & accomplices: No
Me: Dudes is it 12:00 yet
.
.
.
Me: Dudes is it 12:00 yet
Screwer & accomplices: For the 3256th time NO NO NO

Ting Ting Ting ........ 12 times

And one dead chicken and 38 cups of ice cream later the bill finally arrives.

Screwer: (looked as though he had seen rani mukherjee(nauseas))
Acomplices N me: Dude what's wrong?

63 seconds and 3 sets of empty pockets later we were 800  bucks short of the tab.

3 sets of eyes were glaring at me,anticipating my next move.

So i weighed my options
A) Pay the money and live to lament abt it
B) Be the special on tomorrow nigt's menu
C) Get mugged by my own friends

(A) seemed pretty wise at the time although now i think (B) was the winner

Result: i end up paying half the total amount.

Recent restaurants for the above genre: Ming's court, Hitech biryani center, K.S.Bakers, Grand kakatiya, Sugar Cane Juice stand.

Dudes i could go on like this for ages, so with assurances that i am the most unfortunate dude yet to be realised as a humanoid, i rest my case.

going out of hyd for a week, if any dudes out there are checkin this out comment or holler or eat pie or something.



Current Mood: Screwed
Current Music: Blind Melon - No Rain


Comments

  1. Posted by drp
    29 May 2005, 7:41pm

    ^:)^

    completely a world of your own.

    resTeCP. (Ali G style)

    Payne

  2. Posted by hihosilver
    1 Jun 2005, 10:13am

    why the recycled posts? innit easier to just post the blogspot link here? talk about stretching a joke

  3. Posted by Dude Of wellington
    1 Jun 2005, 1:15pm

    Dude I recycle these cause, i only intend to put
    some of my blogs up at FH, the more extensive(the in crowd) blogs will be at blogspot.

  4.  1 
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