The Great Hyderabadi Autowala
Dudes, any true blooded biryani eating hyderabadi worth his salt knows he/she cohabits the city with the most cunning creature of em all - "the great hyderabadi autowala". These dudes are like the hyena's of hyd that prey on the 'dumb and dumber' crowd of the twin cities and beyond.
No matter how modest and simple a dude i try to be, my philanthropic nature gets the better of me every once in a while. Hence this 'post', to document the various sub-species of "the great hyderabadi autowala" and their traits for the greater good of mankind.
The yokel trapping autowala
---------------------------
Anatomy: Almost all the auto dudes are great at trapping out of towners. I mean these dudes are so well evolved that they can pick up a country bumpkin from a crowd of millions just by sight. And when u add audio feedback to their already atuned senses u've got jaws with an autorikshaw. The poor "oh i've come to see my aunty who lives in barkathpura" dumbass never had a chance. One hour later the auto dude is long gone leaving behind one bankrupt pile of unadulteradted stupidity wondering "dude, what just happened??"
Modus Opearandi: These dudes approach victims as good natured auto walas just trying to help some poor folks out in a very polite subservient way. Then 3 trips around the city later they arrive at the precise point of their departure a couple of hours ago, only now the autowala is much more threatening with his unshaven buddies in the background. And thus the auto dude gets his hard earned dinero.
Hunting grounds: Secuderabad and nampally railway stations, imliban, all major shopping centers in hyd.
victims: country folk
what to do: Donot I mean Donot under any circumstances walk into anything that is colour coded yellow and black.
What not to do: After ur ripped off by one auto dude donot take another auto to goto where ever the hell ur going.
The city folk trapping auto wala
--------------------------------
Anatomy: This sub-species of auto dudes know their shit. They know that no slef respecting hyderabadi will fall for their dumbass attempt at a rip off, so they target dumbasses from other cities who are brave enough to approach an auto wala without knowing the city. But how do they find out who is a hyderbadi and who isnt you wonder. All shall be revealed in good time. These guys know that they wont getaway by making fools of the city folk like they did the yokel's so when they hit you, you wont feel a thing. You just get off the auto thinking wow ameerpet and punjagutta are realllly faaaar apart.
Modus Opearandi: When the victims approach these dudes they start their autos as usual and are off. Then once they are on their way the auto dude puts forth a number of very hyderabadi choices along their route that only a well versed hyderabadi will know. He'll ask stuff like "saab tankbund se jaoon ya begumpet se". And the slightest hint of hesitation on the poor blokes face is enough for the auto dude to fill 364 pages. That on second is the differnce between 20bucks and 200.
Hunting grounds: Secuderabad and nampally railway stations, imliban
Victims: city folk(excluding hyderabadi's)
What to do: Know the routes in the city, and how far apart different places are.
What not to do: Donot ask how far away ur destination is, or tell him u have a million bucks on u.
The good auto wala, bad auto wala duo
-------------------------------------
Anatomy: hunting in packs they rip off even veteran hyderbadi's with this routine.
Modus operandi: a bunch of these auto walas stand in a group and when someone approaces em, they go 'I want 20 bucks above the meter" and so on until one auto wala goes "Im urs for 15 bucks above the meter". You hug him like god put him on this earth only for you and fall for the oldest trick in the book(the good cop bad cop routine).
Hunting grounds: Hospitals, colleges....
victims: everyone including hyderabadi's
What to do: Get off ur lazy ass and take the bus
What not to do: donot go with the 20 bucks above the meter guy
The a few bucks extra auto wala
-------------------------
Anatomy: This one again is able to rip off hyd folk.
Modus Operandi: These guys either work late at night or early in the morning and try to con ppl out of their mullah by saying that its 1 and half rate at this time, so its better to know that the extra rate is from 10:00 at night to 5:00 in the morning, and no self respecting auto wala will admit this to be true. A variant of this type is one that will try to squeeze more than the agreed share of extra over the meter with a barrage of tactic ranging from "shouting till the neighbours wake up" to the "story of his sick mother, lame sister and blind brother".
Hunting grounds: at busstops in the nocturnal hour.
Victims: everyone including hyderabadi's.
What to do: Give extra only within the alotted time, and dont give more than the agreed extra sum.
What not to do: Donot wait for the bus.
The really bad autowala
-----------------------
Anatomy: True evil, these guys are bad.
Modus operandi: They pillage,molest and even kill innocent passengers. Gals are mainly at risk here and all the "oh im a hyderabadi girl no one can touch me kind" pls pay attention. These things do happen and their frequency offlate has gone up. Please be careful. They usually operate as a group when one victim gets in and is followed by a bunch of the auto wala's cohorts.
Hunting grounds: all over the city
Victims: lone men and women.
What to do: Try and avoid autos late in the night
What not to do: Never send gals alone in an auto, always try to escort them to their place. In case its unavoidable note the license plate number of the auto and keep in touch through a cell until they reach the destination safely.
The good autowala
-----------------
Anatomy: They are gr8 guys, everyone of us has met a gr8 autowala atleast once. He could either have been, ur daily autowala to shcool while u were a kid, or the auto wala with great anectodes on that one trip umpteen years ago, or the autowala that tries to shield you from any trouble, What ever it might be they do still exist.
Modus operandi: Fun and honest. These guys give the rest of the autowalas a badname.
Victims: All
What to do: Try to hold on to him.
What not to do: Donot forget to visit him every once in a while.
I would like to thank a dear friend of mine without whom all the hyderbadi autowala's would have been long gone. She literally fed the auto dudes and saw them through the tough times brought on by the "mini taxi's",or "share autos", or "Death traps" or whatever u call em. Thanks ***** dude. Pls do add anymore weird hyd autowala behaviour through comments.
Current Music: Rag doll - Aerosmith
it's half-return from 11 to 5, not 10 to 5. see how much you learn when i'm paying attention?
My info was from a trusted source in the trasnportation industry this morning at 5:00 am.(ek dum latest bhai).
MY info is from having my ass hauled 30 kms everyday in one of those yellow heaps of hateful metal. so there.
ps - the next time you travel by one of those take a look at that space behind the driver's seat, the one that urges you to chk up your belonginingings. it will most likely say half reten from 11 pm to 5 am, which our man will then have painted over to say 10 to 5. this trusted source of yours, would he happen to be an auto driver?
He happens to be a bus conductor.
the half_return is from 10 to 5. i'd know, i'm one of the biggest investors in this mode of transport. :D
to say it in yahoo_audible style >>> DUDE!
Payne
By a split decision of 2 to 1 the winner is duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude of wellington.
Fab Post !