Like Duh!!!

Dudes and inhabitants of venus(gals), who ever digs kung-fu movies holler "Wakaaaaaaaaaw". I know most of u have a holier than thou smirk on ur face. And i too know that u dug em when u were 3 feet shorter(atleast the guys anyway).

So dudes i was 6 and in those good old days of doordarshan and 21-inch TV's, when a VCR was a whack commodity. And a VHS tape came along once in a red moon(rarer than the more common blue moon), and was played atleast 36trillion times before being returned within 24 hrs. And on one such day a tape was popped in.....

2 hrs 27 minutes later

I was kicking the shit out of my dad(well atleast trying to) while trying to mimic a dogs howl and a cat's meow at the same time.

3 minutes earlier

i had just been through the most intense 2 hrs 24 minutes span of mu life up until i was 6. It was called "Game of Death" and it
was the first time i saw brucelee.

3 days later ....

I could only use sign language to communicate(lost voice cause of shouting) and was limping(my dad kicked the shit out of me(apparently u shouldnt try kung-fu on a larger individual at a bad time)).

When ur 6 and u just find out that its possible to kick the ass of 50 guys at the same time that's the most awesome thing ever. I was hooked and i never looked back until 1996(which was when the kung-fu movie genre officially died).
Then when i was 11 i saw another movie which had the most awesome martial arts sequence ever between jackie chan and Ubi udriquetz(karate world
champion). The movie was "spanish connection" aka "Meals on Wheels" and the last fight is so fast and so intense u wont believe what ur trying to see if you could just stop laughing.
Kung fu is fun, The dailogs the fights everything. Sometimes i and my friends have fake kung fu fights with all the paraphernalia.
Ass abt to be kicked Dude: "Dude ur kungfu is not good enuff, i will crush you like a tissue paper."
Dude who is abt to kick ass(me): "dude you have crushed too many tissues and now ur dust bin is full, this is the end."
Ass abt to be kicked Dude: "My burger king tissue cursh style is way superior to your gokul pani puri crush."
Dude who is abt to kick ass(me): "Oh yeah My coke can choke will crush ur ***** ... wakaaaaaaaaaaaw."
I leave you with pearls of kung-fu movie wisdom.


True Kung fu movie genre's(good ones)
-------------------------------------
- The 5 bruce lee movies

- Vintage kung fu movies, jackie chan, samo hung and Biao Yuen

- Urban hong-kong kung fu movies until 1996


What arent kung fu movies
-------------------------
- Any movies where ppl are flying around flinging crap at each other(crouching tiger hidden asshole, Matrix(gr8 movie, but not kungfu))

- Strictly no jet lee movies

- No hollywood movies except "Enter the dragon" (rush-hour too isnt a kung fu movie).


Algorithm for a good kung fu movie(vintage one's are the best)
-------------------------------------------------------------

1) Take a young jackie chan

2) Stick jackie with an old strict dad or uncle

3) Jackie always gets into trouble

4) Dad punishes jackie

5) Any dude with a really weird hairstyle and very powerful and distinctive kung fu move will do for the bad guy

6) Bad guy kills dad.

7) Jackie wants to kill bad guy

9) Bad guy kicks the crap out of jackie

10) Jackie escapes somehow

11) Finds a new master

12) Trains in weird ways under him (like fighting for chicken with chopsticks)

13) Final show down between jackie and the bad guy.

14) Jackie breaks either the foot or hand which ever is special

15) Tata bad guy, onto the next movie jackie.

16) Between all these throw in a lot of finger waving, finger pointing(chinese style) and a couple of bowls of noodles.

Any other kung-fu fans out there that fight in their sleep leave a comment. I must go practice my kattas and Cries(hope i wake my neighbours up).....


Current Mood: Vicious
Current Music: Lady In My Life - Mj